First Surf Back
Regular Swellnet readers might vaguely remember the largely forgettable article written back in October last year – A Non-Surfer’s Surf Trip – where I detailed the weirdness of attending a mates’ surf getaway while recovering from injury and unable to actually ride a wave myself. The article ended on this bravura note: “I’ll give ya the word, though. I’m rehabbing like a demon right now...” which turned out to be not only undignified and boastful, but also largely untrue.
Rehab was a thing, but there was very little demonic about it. Rather, amazing Ashby-based physio Veronica 'Ronnie' Barker (and, no, I’ve never asked her how often she gets the Two Ronnies quip from idiots of a certain age, though I’m tempted every visit) led the way slowly and surely. A solid tear of the Supraspinatus tendon will never really heal, so basically it’s a matter of making everything else about the shoulder as well supported, strengthened, and positioned as possible – so the compromised tendon doesn’t compromise further. And over a space of half a year, ever so gradually, it came good.
Thank God for those hundreds of bodybashes is all I can say.
Royalty-free feelgood imagery courtesy of the author
I was probably ready to surf a month before I actually did venture back out. But the waves have been mostly summertime crapulence, and to be honest, I didn’t have the guts to confront the reality of the shoulder. What if it just snap crackle and popped stroking into a wave and I was back to square one? Should I just have had surgery? Were the last six months a waste of time?
Curiosity won out, of course, so the other day, with a one-foot windswell, a grotty easterly blowing, and a stinking high tide, I hoofed down to the corner in the National Park where only the roos and a mob of Yellowtail Blacks could witness my foray back to this fine pursuit.
It wasn’t really a surf, as such. I’ve seen better waves at St. Kilda, but that wasn’t the point. Could I paddle OK? Tick. Could I catch a wave and ride prone the five or six metres to the beach? Tick. Could I…get to my feet? Not exactly a tick straight away, the first two attempts were like a newborn foal trying and failing to stand – kind of…collapsing off to the side. But third time lucky, stood in the whitewater! Trimmed to the sand and stepped off, proof of concept on the whole rehab thing satisfactorily secured. The sense of relief tempered with the sobering realisation that, given how difficult it was to ride that single wave, had I not worked and exercised moderately hard the last few years, and especially the last six months, I dunno, this injury could have lost surfing to me forever.
With 60 just a few short years off, previously unthinkable concepts such as these start to enter the equation. Framed the right way, though, there’s no better motivator.
Also free, also makes you go 'ooooh'
The surf the next morning was ornery again, so I just walked, exercised, stretched and jumped in for a swim. But one of those occasional midsummer miracles was occurring the whole time. A subtle south-west wind shift was all it took, and in a parallel universe, April or May decided to send a gorgeous Autumn morning forward or back through time and overlay it on this December day. Only two foot, but smooth, gently folding wedges were horseshoeing their way happily into the cove. By the time I was back in the carpark there was only one thing to do: drive home and grab the shooter.
Waves! Surfing!
What a joy it was to wax up and trot down the stairs, board underarm. I floated out through the keyhole with mate Nav who was down for a swim, we chatted for a bit then I headed for the left breaking halfway down to the coffee rock.
Tell ya…those first few waves. I may not have covered myself in performance glory, but, Glory Be! I was surfing again! The water was clear as a bell, all aquas and blues and fizzing whites, under a cloudless indigo sky. A few dolphins turned up. Fun peaks came through, just for me. It was all so wonderful I would not have been surprised if a cartoon bird had landed on my shoulder and whistled sublime, happy melodies.
I’m equal parts horrified and fascinated about what happened next.
I can’t tell you exactly when it occurred, but I’m thinking between 20 and 25 minutes in to the session, some switch in my brain was flicked, one that took me from an almost teary state of bliss and gratitude to…god I can barely stand to type this…
Cranky and annoyed.
Not swear-out-loud cranky: just quietly, mildly pissed off.
A hint of onshore ruffle had settled in, I wasn’t getting my feet in exactly the right spot, the outgoing tide wasn’t doing the wave shape any favours and, bloody hell, here come a few other surfers down the path…
How long I sat there in that graceless state – might have been ten or so minutes – but I’m happy to say I pissed myself laughing at myself when I caught myself out.
Like, seriously, mate? Really? Here you are, washing around in this gorgeous, fizzing zone between the mighty Pacific and a Pandanus-fringed beach, in this luminous pause between two great mysteries (as Richard Rohr memorably wrote about our brief human lives), and you’re, what, actually annoyed right now?
And so, temporarily enlightened, and with the fragile ceasefire between ego and perspective momentarily restored, I caught a whitewater in with a smile on my face.
Fuck me. This surfing caper. Never ceases.
// GRA MURDOCH
(Homepage image Adam Wolfenden)
Comments
Haha nice work Gra! You made the right call by not having surgery! Far too many people tell me if they had their time again they would NOT have had surgery on a torn supra, the body will throw the equivalent of putty (scar tissue) in the hole in your tendon and you will get full function and strength back!
As a stroke recoverer (10 mths ago) I can totally empathise with every bit of your story Gra I just don't have it in me to describe it so succinctly or beautifully....thanks man
Good work mate, may your eyebrows forever remain salty.
Great piece Gra. The next stage of the healing process...
Ha ha! Nicely written.
That's surfing.
FWIW with this run of shit house surf I've gotten back into weightlifting and swimming. One thing that's interesting, to me at least, is how weak my shoulders were when I got back into it. I thought if any part of my body was strong from surfing, it would've been my shoulders. Also when I do surf now, I'm equally surprised how well I'm paddling, given how little I'm doing of it.
Maybe instead of racing back to the surf, strengthen those shoulders, eat your steak and some fish oil! The surfing will take care of itself given the decades of practice.
Wishing you all the best on your recovery.
Nothing like those first surfs back from an injury lay-off.
Nice piece Gra.
I remember the October article Gra and loved this one as well, always enjoy your pieces. Had a reality check convo in the car with some mates the other day, realising in a decade we will be 50s and 60s. Motivator to keep moving, paddle back out and enjoy every day.
That's a very humbling moment , I've been there
Most of my surf buddies now days are senior citizens.
Crikey what happened to the time ....?
It's very sweet if you have come back from a long, possible surf ending injury. Can bring tears of joy. Well done.
Good to hear you're back ( although slightly more wobbly ) Gra. Catch you when you come to Vicco and we'll wobble to the shore at one of the old spots
A great piece which I could totally relate to, although I had surgery on both shoulders as no amount of physio would fix the tears on both of them. Can relate to how much strength has been lost in each shoulder (mind you at 76 it's inevitable) but determined to keep at it.
76? I dips me hat to you Spencie.
I can so relate to that indescibable feeling of returning to the water after an extended break.
To this day, even though it was near 20years ago, I remember what it felt like, all that sensory overload of entering the water, paddling out over clean swell lines, sitting in wait for that first wave. Words cannot descibe that feeling, it is etched into my brain.
Welcome back Gra!
I have been lucky enough to avoid any injury that has kept me out of the water for a significant amount of time however I think I can relate.
My first surf after a Melbourne lockdown is right up there as one of the best I’ve had over 38 years. The very sight of the distant ocean through the gums had me welling up.
Like you, I had a fair bit of rust but it didn’t matter one bit.
It was like being reborn.
Had me smiling from the first para GM.
I've also had Supraspinatus tears, left and right. Didn't get surgery but have been doing strength training ever since (15 yrs). My experience has been as per first post by @Peter Reynolds.
Your story reminded me of my return after 10 mths out of water following ACL reconstruction last year. I'm shamed to say my return was laced with more arrogance and hubris than yours. Rather than a quite first surf, I paddled out to crowded 4-5' 13th Beach. Half way through the paddle out I feared I'd have to return to shore from exhaustion. I persevered, made it out the back only to go over the falls on my first two waves - for first time in 30 years I had to concentrate hard on the popup and panicked that muscle memory had evaporated over the prior 10 months.
As @Juegasiempre opined, muscle memory did indeed eventually kick in. I got the odd good one, my confidence built over the session and I entered a joyous state of celebration similar to what you described. Then things switched. For those unfamiliar with 13th, once in a blue moon a seemingly random peak straight from the pages of a 90's magazine comes straight at you. As anxiety 'OMG, don't fuck this up' clouded my head, I swung, made a reasonable attempt at knifing the drop and as I prepared to pull in my spirits plummeted as I watched Xavier Huxtable drop in and do what I had intended. Unfortunately I'm no JOB and pulled through the back.
To be fair to Xavier, he'd probably seen my earlier attempts and considered me not worthy. Nonetheless, I lack your wisdom and my graceless state lingered somewhat longer than your ten minutes only being amplified a few months later when seeing Xavier's 10 point Nias barrel - all whilst I was putting in the requisite 12 hr shift in a Melb office.
Now where did I put that Voodoo Doll?
Haha classic. We all have our Xaviers
Epic!
Welcome back....
Nice one Gra and good to hear you are back in the water!
Great write up and well done on the positive outcome.
I had the supra Op - my surgeon sewed in a donor tendon that joined the two ends back together. I was out for 4 months, the worst part was the right angle brace I had to wear for 6 weeks.
I have had no problems at all since and all the pain is totally gone.
I had the operation because;
A. the supraspinatus never heals by itself, and
B. If its left and deteriorates the next step is full shoulder replacement. Yes, replacement, not reconstruction.
The B scenario means no more surfing for life. I wish you all the best mate and may the "B" scenario never happen to you!
Seems like a pretty common injury can I ask how it happened ?
Welcome back Gra!
I have been lucky enough to avoid any injury that has kept me out of the water for a significant amount of time however I think I can relate.
My first surf after a Melbourne lockdown is right up there as one of the best I’ve had over 38 years. The very sight of the distant ocean through the gums had me welling up.
Like you, I had a fair bit of rust but it didn’t matter one bit.
It was like being reborn.
Unfortunately been down this path three times before with knee reconstructions (9-12 months each time) and now again for the fourth (4 weeks into a 6 month layoff - meniscus repair)…not bad for 42!
Luckily the SC has been playing ball and haven’t really missed anything of note since the injury in November. I’m just waiting for the run of pumping swell that will inevitably happen, as it did when I missed the entire 2022
Good article Gra. Happy healing and, yeah, such bliss being back in the briny after injury. Wait to you get to a few years short of 70, you'll appreciate this surfing caper even more so. Every session, no such thing as a bad surf.
Lovely read, Gra. Those bloody 'other surfers' should respect your need for solitude in your time of recovery. Maybe wear a sign suggesting such?
Like …
CAUTION: Running in.
Any chance of White Horses being resurrected? It made surfing better.
Good read :) Totally identify and the scrambling like a new born foul is spot on.
Nice piece, Gra. And welcome back to joy.
Getting old is not easy, but at the same time brings incredible rewards. Obvious, yes, but worth meditating on at times.
I believe time out with injuries also has its rewards, as you are forced to slow down, think, actively heal yourself, and find joy and satisfaction in other places - and for god's sake not descend into misery.
I hope your shoulder treats you well, and vice versa.
Edit - two minutes after posting the above, I came across this from Reinhold Messner:
What an epic human he is.
Hero of mine since forever.
Another gem from RM:
Another ripper IB
That's a good quote IB.
can totally relate to the getting pissed off….. i have felt the same in very similar circumstances to the path you have been on — but how good is a bit of self reflection to get one’s perspective sorted and balanced- we could all show a lot more gratitude to ourselves and the world we live in- congrats on your recovery and getting back out there
I hear you 3Vickers slightly different circumstances but same feeling - lost the old man suddenly to a cardiac arrest this year :(
I was mainly angry at first and to be honest didn’t know how to reconcile his passing in any way shape & form at the time. After that angry period all I now feel is gratitude, towards everything and anything. I am still grieving for my Dad. It’s strange it sort hit more in the last 1-2 months and the lead into Christmas. I don’t think I have had a single day where I haven’t cried or been emotional.. but still every day full of gratitude
Another great write up Gra, keep em coming. Also keep keeping the salt and sea between your toes (a Glen Casey saying). If the sea can’t be - keep the salt - it’s our place of connection
I don't think I've ever been as dedicated to something as I was to my physio programme when I was rehabbing my knee a few years back. Like IB said, being forced out of the water due to an injury is a good opportunity to reset. When you finally get back in the water you can hopefully appreciate some of the things we normally take for granted... like just being out there amongst it.
Nice one Gra, great to hear you are back in the water and enjoying the buzz again.
As to getting old, my last surf a few days ago in small but clean and shapely beaches was with a bunch of old farts like myself, in our late 50's through to late 60's. The small posse of teenagers who came out had no chance and paddled down the beach pretty quickly.
Great to read you are back in the water Gra. Appreciate all you have contributed to surfing. I turned 70 in the middle of last year and have literally experienced the up and downs of the surfing life causing time out of the water. My mantra as a result is “You don’t stop surfing when you get old. You get old when you stop surfing! Keep going and stay young.
Great read I’m 10 weeks post op for Supra full tear and other bits I’m looking forward to that feeling once again At 62 i can enjoy all the memories surfing has given me and will savior every wave from now on 2:3 months from now
Seems like a common old boy injury how did it happen?
no, LD, it's a shoulder injury.
Weak, rubber band rotations. Soft so you feel like it's hardly doing anything but it builds up all the tiny muscles and strengthens the joint rather than relying on the big muscles. Got me back in the water and shoulder stronger than ever!
moment in a journey captured, loved it..
(+ a metaphor for those fool enough to get back with an ex..)
Speaking of injuries - Gabe's out.
Gra, Thanks for your eloquent motivational writing.
Watched a beginner standing up for the first time yesterday with a huge smile on their dial.
I wish everyones surf could be a revelation of glass half full moments.
Hey Gra, thank you for the story of your getting back. Must've done the same injury about the same time as you did.
Initially misdiagnosed - that made it worse. It's been all year but strength in paddling is returning, physio and osteo have been a great help. My son's alia was the key to the pathway back, lying on tummy in whitewater during the cold winter, probably too soon, awkward and uncomfotable but the sliding feeling was so good! There was a moment around March/April I could see how it might end surfing, and this led to some questioning and decisions on what I would do in this situation. I was blessed to meet the husband of one of my medical helpers, he was in the place where he had the major shoulder injury and had made the decision it was time to stop surfing, he was so full of appreciation for what he had experienced and gave me a sense of calm. It's OK if it ends, there are other things to do! And it's such a blessing to be able to continue for now. On that last hot weekend here I brought back in a fella in trouble in a rip. There are good days to learn to surf and deceptively hard days and it turned out to be the latter for him - nice fella and glad I could help.
For the surf itself, on the way back I sought out the small clean beachbreaks for quite a while and rediscovered a thrill of chasing new and different waves. The ego of 'keeping up at size' and the tunnel vision of where to go, got me into the situation where I was exhausted, chasing it, and ultimately pitched upside down on my shoulder on an overhead wave, wrenching it. So going back to the baby food has been cathartic; I see the stoke of the beginners and feel joy that those who truly develop the love will have decades in the water from now on. There's also the demographic shift locally, the older faces I knew and looked up to in the lineup are fewer and new invincible youth takes the mantle. The other big thing to occur was the question 'what would I like to design and build if I can not surf?' got answered, was begun, and I'm looking forward to that!
I take note of those recommending further ways to strengthen micro muscles with rotational bands, and those who say that the supra spinatus never really heals - it's all a gift and a second or third or fourth chance here. Osteo has been the way and under this guidance I am now building strength back up. It was surprising how the muscles got smaller and the ability to hold weight reduced and distance covered per paddle stroke reduced. On the way back now. Hope you are too Gra. Cheers for all the writing over the years, still have my treasured White Horses mag :)
Based on my experiences and observing other long-term surfers with similar issues, I'd say exercise caution with chosing surgery too; which is not to say that it isn't appropriate for some. In 2024 I was diagnosed with "multiple tears from 9oclock to 2am" and "SLAP lesions" after a trip to G'land. This led to competing advice on surgery vs. physio. I went the latter; with an additional self-prescribed focus on subtle shoulder stretching via my yoga practice and modification to my freestyle stroke. So far (touch wood) my referred pain from surfing hasn't gotten any worse. The surgeon said "50 years out to sea, it's time for the 150,000 km overhaul". For now, this "overhaul" has been slight mod's to the way the wearing occurs..not surgery...fingers crossed..that's all that's required ad infinitum
Great article , i can so relate. In 50+ years surfing i reckon 4-5 years cumulative out of the water with surgeries/injuries.
2 shoulder ops, 2 ear drills, surgery on cervical spine , cancer, eye surgery, knee.,., you just gotta keep surfing. Nowadays a nice paddle, a few waves , a couple of turns and soak it up.
Lower the expectations & enjoy the stoke.
That's a terrific read. Thanks Gra.
11+ weeks post hip replacement surgery. I’m down the coast on the annual family holiday and haven’t done a single surf check. It’s like the monkey’s off my back …for now.
When I do get back in the water, like Gra, my euphoria will probably be short-lived and quickly replaced by the many and varied frustrations that surfing has on offer. I often think that the much maligned kook is having way more fun than long-time surfers as they don’t carry the expectations of surfing like their younger selves. I’m hoping for a change of perspective once I get back in!
Been out of the water for the best part of 6 months due to shoulder issues and other life stuff.
Got back into the water in the last few of weeks and didn't even bother with the board to start with
Just swam and body surfed (which is fun) before getting on the board and have started paddling 1km each morning just to slowly get the paddling strength back. That's the thing I noticed most as soon as I got on the board. And yes you have to lower your expectations. I'm in my late sixties been surfing on and off for 50 years and it ain't ever gonna be like it used to be in terms of ability but hey it's still shitloads of fun. There's plenty of people in my age group that can't surf anymore due to ailments. So every day in the surf is a good day......