Jokes

puff-n-fluff_2's picture
puff-n-fluff_2 started the topic in Wednesday, 2 Mar 2011 at 8:35pm

They say 1 in 5 people are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family. It could be my mum or dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Chan-Chi Ying. But I reckon it's Colin.

AndyM's picture
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AndyM commented Tuesday, 31 Jul 2018 at 8:47pm

It's all about context and intent, they tell me.

CryptoKnight's picture
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CryptoKnight commented Tuesday, 31 Jul 2018 at 8:54pm

You really can't understand or see why can you, and really don't want to do you? Your blinkered, selective definition is very child like, brutish, and unsophisticated.

'It is also clear that there is no one form or manifestation of racism. While racism exists in every country in the world, the way that it is reflected is different across countries, cultures and history. Racism can be explicit or it can be more indirect, infiltrating the core values that underpin a society and its structures.'

'One of the main variants of racism is denialism'

'denialism may take the form of denial of moral responsibility - through indifference; by focusing purely on formal equality (which ignores the existence of inequalities in fact); or by shooting the messenger and denigrating their message (such as by dismissing those who challenge racism by describing them as 'politically correct'). Racism may also be reflected in the selective remembrance of the history of a nation.'

https://www.humanrights.gov.au/hreoc-website-racial-discrimination-natio...

Still, in your case, doesn't surprise me at all.

AndyM's picture
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AndyM commented Tuesday, 31 Jul 2018 at 9:01pm

Go the ad-homs!

And logic fails...

CryptoKnight's picture
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CryptoKnight commented Tuesday, 31 Jul 2018 at 9:05pm

'denialism may take the form of denial of moral responsibility - through indifference; by focusing purely on formal equality (which ignores the existence of inequalities in fact); or by shooting the messenger and denigrating their message (such as by dismissing those who challenge racism by describing them as 'politically correct').

AndyM's picture
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AndyM commented Tuesday, 31 Jul 2018 at 9:21pm

I'm challenging accusations of racism by using definitions, including one provided by you!

"Your blinkered, selective definition is very child like, brutish, and unsophisticated."
Talk to the people who write dictionaries, encyclopaedias and academic text books.

Your logic fail of "anyone who denies is therefore a racist" is primary school stuff.

And of course, you're the last person who would shoot the messenger and denigrate them, right?

AndyM's picture
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AndyM commented Tuesday, 31 Jul 2018 at 9:34pm

There's no implication of biological or genetic difference, and there's no talk of cultural, intellectual or moral differences.

The "joke" is a sexist and misogynist one but not racist, neither in an explicit or indirect way.

We all know you've got issues with racism and good for you for fighting the good fight, but when you tilt at every windmill, you're sometimes off the mark.

CryptoKnight's picture
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CryptoKnight commented Tuesday, 31 Jul 2018 at 9:49pm

Now, now andrew, think back to what you said.

'Highly offensive to a Croation, yes, especially seeing as it's a play on words of the name of a war criminal'

You understand that you said that, don't you... andrew. Take a while if you need... andrew... again...

Offensive, because of ethnicity, is what you highlighted... andrew... remember andrew... Croatian to be specific... andrew...

Now, andrew,

'The international definition of racial discrimination is contained in Article 1 of the 'International Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Racial Discrimination (ICERD). It states that 'the term 'racial discrimination' shall mean any distinction,'

'based on race, colour, or national or ethnic origin'

'which has the purpose of nullifying or impairing the recognition, enjoyment'

'of human rights'

'in the social, cultural or any other field of public life'

You are saying that the comment specifically aimed at the ethnic group, Croatians, in the context of war crimes and war criminals, and sex, was made, with the purpose of making Croatians of all sex's feel happy, at ease, and a protected, safe part of society?

In light of the world wide accepted view and definition of racism,

https://www.humanrights.gov.au/hreoc-website-racial-discrimination-natio...

'There are no universally accepted definitions of racism, racial discrimination, xenophobia and related intolerance. The definitions provided here draw on current international debates and legal interpretations.'

'It is also clear that there is no one form or manifestation of racism. While racism exists in every country in the world, the way that it is reflected is different across countries, cultures and history. Racism can be explicit or it can be more indirect, infiltrating the core values that underpin a society and its structures.'

And again, your highlight, your words andrew... that the comment was aimed specifically at Croatians, specifically utilizing horrific war crimes, known war criminals and sexism, highlights that the comment is undeniably racist.

You of course can and most likely will deny that andrew...

'denialism can range from denial in good faith ('I didn't know') through to outright lies, where the truth is deliberately denied using falsehoods, misinformation or evasion.'

Again. andrew...

AndyM's picture
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AndyM commented Tuesday, 31 Jul 2018 at 9:59pm

Haha, keep em coming big fella!

Rabbits68's picture
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Rabbits68 commented Tuesday, 31 Jul 2018 at 11:24pm

In a nutshell.....

https://youtu.be/NUEG-O8AL64

P.S. Nice one Zen :-)

Crystal Clear

happyasS's picture
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happyasS commented Tuesday, 31 Jul 2018 at 11:41pm

Lol. Here. Arguing about whether something is racist or not in a void of any discussion about the context and the setting.

Suddenly 'Fuckoffovich' is now racist too by standards and definitions that mean nothing without context.

AndyM's picture
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AndyM commented Wednesday, 1 Aug 2018 at 12:23am

Happy, that sort of language is mocking a specific ethnicity's language and as such, is clearly racist.
It's exactly like when I was in Germany and this kraut fucker said "Gday, how's it going mate", taking the piss out of me.
Racist bastard.

happyasS's picture
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happyasS commented Wednesday, 1 Aug 2018 at 8:25am

Sure andy. I totally get your point. But for me it's not that simple. Context matters. If this were a forum thread negative towards Croatians or had even a wiff of that flavour then it's racist without doubt. But this is a generic joke forum on a surfing website. I don't want to argue about the definitions of racism because it's grey. Purpose and effect matter Imo.

BTW I'm a half kraut. It's ok. I give you the benefit of the doubt because this is an anonymous forum about jokes.

Certainly a discussion that could go on forever.

truebluebasher's picture
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truebluebasher commented Wednesday, 1 Aug 2018 at 8:45am

$5,000 for a Musk STICK!... Proof beyond doubt that 'Musk' is a real Joke!

indo-dreaming's picture
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indo-dreaming commented Wednesday, 1 Aug 2018 at 9:34am

Andy i think your joke was bad taste and possibly racist and not suitable for a public forum in 2018.

But i agree this shit is also getting ridiculous and I've even honestly found my self turning into a snow flake, I'm honestly kinda offended at being labeled white and it gives me the shits when smart arse little Indo kids are obviously shit stirring sometimes with lines like "howya going mate", its just annoying.

It's funny though you can be racist towards your own race, my wife is Asian so can make jokes about asian drivers and complain about their driving, if you are Afro American you can say fuck that nigger or use the word nigger in anyway you like, or if your a white fella you can talk bad about anglo saxons and call them old whitey and imply they are a stupid race and responsible for anything your race has every done etc.

Yeah for sure its all a double standard and like most things gone way to far these days, and like i said I've honestly turning into a snowflake myself (not sure why, but its honestly how i feel) so i have to accept everyone else has too.

I think like us all you just have to total avoid the area where possible.

Oh and when it comes to other things like religion etc there is different rules, you can make jokes or talk as bad as you like about Christianty, but Islam and Jews are no go zones, not sure on Hindu and Buddhist though.

AndyM's picture
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AndyM commented Wednesday, 1 Aug 2018 at 10:48am

Remember ID, it wasn't my joke.

I heard it over 10 years ago and it wasn't funny then.

garyg1412's picture
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garyg1412 commented Wednesday, 1 Aug 2018 at 11:51am

In the interest of not offending anyone further with my racist, sexist, mysoginistic joke I have now deleted the content. Any further complaints take it up with Rodney Rude.
Maybe something a bit cleaner:
Hear about the guy with 3 eyes one leg and no arms hitchiking.
Bloke stops and says eye, eye, eye you look armless hop in.
Let's not over analyze that one.

Blowin's picture
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Blowin commented Wednesday, 1 Aug 2018 at 12:01pm

I guess no ones interested in hearing why Frankenstein started shaving his legs then ?

AndyM's picture
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AndyM commented Wednesday, 1 Aug 2018 at 12:17pm

Go on, be a devil...

truebluebasher's picture
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truebluebasher commented Wednesday, 1 Aug 2018 at 2:14pm

What did the Troll say to the Racist ?
"Your deleted Swellnet Joke is still making waves!"

tubeshooter's picture
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tubeshooter commented Wednesday, 1 Aug 2018 at 5:38pm

I think most Croats can take and give the piss as good as anyone. They are known for it , especially when it comes to things like soccer and nationality etc.. I can't believe the attention that joke was given. It is very old and I would think most of us pretty much ignored it.

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truebluebasher commented Thursday, 2 Aug 2018 at 2:17pm

Gold Coast Croatian Club (World Cup Final dinner ball).
(We entertain a strict traditional costume policy) - [No Flares...No Disco]

Disclaimer:
As a trepidatious wine taster for my Croatian in-laws...
My 'racey' joke could easily see me banished from the Family!
Failing to mention banished brothers in law only gets my glass topped up some more.

CryptoKnight's picture
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CryptoKnight commented Thursday, 2 Aug 2018 at 2:30pm

Ajme!!!

Rakija shot!!!

Ralph's picture
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Ralph commented Friday, 3 Aug 2018 at 8:38am

Oxford English Dictionary definition of racism:

"Prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior."

"The belief that all members of each race possess characteristics, abilities, or qualities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races."

tubeshooter's picture
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tubeshooter commented Friday, 3 Aug 2018 at 3:50pm

Ziveli !!!

indo-dreaming's picture
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indo-dreaming commented Friday, 3 Aug 2018 at 4:48pm

Oxford English Dictionary definition of racism:

"Prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior."

"The belief that all members of each race possess characteristics, abilities, or qualities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races."

Weird definitions...

As i think you can be racist towards your own race, its rare but I've seen those of a certain race who reject their race and say the most racist things ever, and it gets even more fuzzy when you can identify as a race, probably the most racist guy I've ever met(worked on a job site with) could legally identify as Aboriginal but choose not too and said the most racist things about aboriginal people.

And like it or not some races of people do have "characteristics, abilities, or qualities specific to that race" or at least more predominate, you can generalise for instance an African person is more likely not to get as sunburnt as a Scottish person, or an African person is more likely to be taller than an Indonesian person, or a Chinese person is more likely to need glasses than most races..just a few examples.

All that said apparently there is no such things as races anymore anyway.

tubeshooter's picture
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tubeshooter commented Friday, 3 Aug 2018 at 6:37pm

For a jokes thread this is getting boring.
What's the difference between the Croatian soccer team and a tea bag .??
The tea bag stays in the cup.

mattlock's picture
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mattlock commented Friday, 3 Aug 2018 at 9:27pm

I went to see a fortune teller the other week. He said to me"Matt,I can tell you are very gullible, that will be $50 thanks.

mikehunt207's picture
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mikehunt207 commented Friday, 3 Aug 2018 at 9:41pm

Its not a matter of superiority its a matter of comedy.
How High is a Chinaman?

mattlock's picture
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mattlock commented Saturday, 4 Aug 2018 at 8:57pm

That depends what he has been smoking.

rooftop's picture
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rooftop commented Sunday, 5 Aug 2018 at 3:42pm

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

----

You can roast beef but you can't pee soup.

grog-an's picture
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grog-an commented Sunday, 5 Aug 2018 at 8:53pm

So I heard this story 1st hand... From areal local... It was years and years and years and years ago... Did I mention along time ago?? At Elliston hotel... Cryptoknight comes in and and orders 6 shots of tequilas. Jono the bartender apparently says "mick, 6 tequilas?? What's the occasion?"
"My 1st head job"
Jono says "oh, good work mick, here have a seventh on the house!"
When mick replies "no offence Jono, but if 6 doesn't get rid of this taste, nothing will!!"

WORDY SAID IT, SO BAD LUCK!!

grog-an's picture
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grog-an commented Sunday, 5 Aug 2018 at 8:54pm

Get it??? A long long time ago, because he's old

WORDY SAID IT, SO BAD LUCK!!

CryptoKnight's picture
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CryptoKnight commented Sunday, 5 Aug 2018 at 11:12pm
Westofthelake's picture
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Westofthelake commented Wednesday, 15 Aug 2018 at 12:36pm

A guy is sitting up in bed with his wife having some pillow talk.
Wife asks if the husband would in the event of her death go to bed with another woman.
He pauses for a while and says "mmmm...maybe"
The wife then asks if he would possibly re-marry.
Husband thinks and carefully replies " Dunno, I probably would"
Along similar lines the wife asks if the husband would let the new woman use her golf clubs.
"Naa" he says.... "she's left-handed".

Westofthelake's picture
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Westofthelake commented Wednesday, 15 Aug 2018 at 3:45pm
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Westofthelake commented Thursday, 27 Sep 2018 at 1:24pm

Have you heard that all those bales of hay that have been sent out to drought affected farmers are being recalled.
Someone out there found a needle in a haystack.

Blowin's picture
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Blowin commented Thursday, 27 Sep 2018 at 2:13pm

Do you know anything about clocks ?

Westofthelake's picture
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Westofthelake commented Thursday, 27 Sep 2018 at 7:21pm

Not sure if that's some kind of joke I'm not getting B, or whether it's simply a question.
What I do know is there always time for questions, and there ain't no time like the right time. (unless you're a "leftie" that is)

What do I know about clocks?

There's only one type that a surfer will ever need.
Whenever you find it you must be ready to heed,
A clock that's always accurate but rarely on time.
That gives hope and expectation of surfing divine.

It's called;

The "Frotho"

Blowin's picture
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Blowin commented Thursday, 27 Sep 2018 at 8:05pm

Yeah , sorry mate. It’s an old and very well known Rodney Ride joke . Sometimes jokes are so well known that they’ll elicit a nostalgia chuckle merely through the setup or just the punch line on its own.

The “ Two dogs “ joke for example.

Obviously, This might not be one of those jokes :

Q - Do you know anything about clocks ?

A - Yes

Q- Good , Can I get you to whack two hands and a face on this ....boom tish.

Sound of silence.

Slow clap.

I think I might have just killed the vibe on the jokes thread.

Blowin's picture
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Blowin commented Thursday, 27 Sep 2018 at 8:24pm

Redemption joke :

An old lady can’t remember the last time she had sex with her husband . She realises that all the heat has left their romance and so she decides to spice it back up a bit . Knowing that her husband has a thing for the women in the new comic book movies, she decides to add a bit of flair by dressing up in a cape and some crotchless knickers , then hides in the bedroom till he comes home for a surprise.

Hearing his car in the drive , then his slow footsteps in the hall , she climbs up on the bed and waits till he opens the door. Throwing her legs in the air she shouts “ It’s Superpussy ! “

The old man takes one look at her and replies “ I think I’ll take the soup. “

Westofthelake's picture
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Westofthelake commented Thursday, 27 Sep 2018 at 8:28pm

Haha B very Rodney Rudeish.

Humour can never die.

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

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GuySmiley commented Friday, 25 Jan 2019 at 8:58am