Cast announced for Reality TV competition 'The Ultimate Surfer'

Swellnet Dispatch

American television broadcaster ABC has announced the cast of their new surfing competition series The Ultimate Surfer.

Former NFL quarterback Jesse Palmer and season 5 star of The Bachelor is set to host the surf competition series. Sports anchor Erin Coscarelli and the iconic voice of professional surfing Joe Turpel will serve as commentators. Eleven-time surfing world champion Kelly Slater is the lead consultant and also serves as a special correspondent.

Jesse Palmer, Erin Coscarelli, and Joe Turpel - Photo: Kelsey McNeal/ABC

The surfers competing for the title of "the Ultimate Surfer" include:

  • Anastasia Ashley, 33, Miami Beach, Florida
  • Kai Barger, 30, Haiku, Hawaii
  • Mason Barnes, 26, Venice, California
  • Tia Blanco, 23, Oceanside, California
  • Austin Clouse, 26, Jacksonville Beach, Florida
  • Brianna Cope, 25, Koloa, Hawaii
  • Luke Davis, 27, Los Angeles, California
  • Kayla Durden, 27, Jacksonville Beach, Florida
  • Juli Hernandez, 22, Costa Mesa, California
  • Zeke Lau, 26, Honolulu, Hawaii
  • Alejandro Moreda, 34, San Juan, Puerto Rico
  • Koa Smith, 25, Sunset Beach, Hawaii
  • Malia Ward, 22, San Clemente, California
  • Bruna Zaun, 30, Redondo Beach, California

Photo: Kelsey McNeal/ABC

Throughout the series, the competitors will take each other on in both individual and team challenges, which will be centered around specific aspects of the water sport.

"The Ultimate Surfer" will gather some of the world's greatest up-and-coming surfers to train and live together as they battle it out at the World Surf League's (WSL) state-of-the-art Surf Ranch in Lemoore, California, powered by Kelly Slater's human-made wave technology, in the hope of competing amongst the best athletes in the world's fastest-growing sport.

Alliances and rivalries will be front and center in "The Ultimate Surfer" as men and women compete in individual and team challenges focused on specific surfing disciplines. Weekly eliminations will leave two men and two women as finalists who will vie for the male and female titles of the The Ultimate Surfer and the opportunity to compete on the elite WSL Championship Tour, the pinnacle of professional surfing.

Slater's remarkable, one-of-a-kind, human-made wave—the most even playing field for measuring surf mastery—is at the heart of the series.

The two-hour premiere will air on Monday, Aug. 23, and Tuesday, Aug. 24 (10:00 - 11:00 p.m. ET), following new episodes of Bachelor in Paradise.

Comments

Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:16am

This show might have that rare characteristic where it's soooooooo bad, it's actually watchable due to the cringe factor. There could be plenty of LOLs and no jokes.
I reckon it may even surpass the Bay Watch episode where Kelly Slater's board gets washed into a cave and gets eaten by a giant squid.

rothmanisatool's picture
rothmanisatool's picture
rothmanisatool Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:09am

yep this is a fair call. these "athletes"' are all instagram stars and never was/junior washups. i definitely want to watch for the cringe. WSL has missed a big opportunity again. unlike UFC show where you get a fight contract and its real athletes, this is a farce and another poor attempt to force surfing into the mainstream. i dont know how this organisation can continue to incinerate dollars the way it does (well actually i do its a billionaires tax write off, but i digress)

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:16am

Impressed with how much staging went into that 'cast' photo.. worthy of a behind-the-scenes docco. Every muscle flex, wisp of hair, variety of facial expressions, placement of surfboards etc. No attention to detail too small to enhance.

Also love how they got the high tech wave pool into the pic, though it looks like a miniature highway overpass.

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:30am

Yep. Isn’t it amazing the precision the producers seek when trying to hit their target. Shame they lack the self awareness to realise just how shitful the target is in the first place.

rothmanisatool's picture
rothmanisatool's picture
rothmanisatool Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:10am

bahahahha

Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 12:09pm

The best bit is the pointed toe on black bikini girl on the right. That looks so natural!!

seaslug's picture
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seaslug Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 12:52pm

Haha VL, I thought the same, trying to get that calf definition

calk's picture
calk's picture
calk Wednesday, 12 May 2021 at 6:25pm

Hanging five, catering to the long boarder market.

.cylinders's picture
.cylinders's picture
.cylinders Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 2:44pm

Zeke's got the nicest tits out of all of them by quite a margin

rrr's picture
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rrr Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:19am

how about 'married at first sight- the surfie edition dude '

rrr's picture
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rrr Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:21am

and on the first day they get to clean the pool .

seaslug's picture
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seaslug Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 4:32pm

and the misses

Blowin's picture
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Blowin Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:26am

The Ultimate Abomination. I heard they smear peanut butter on their teeth to make it look like they can talk.

Chick on the far right looks like she’s trying to lever out a recalcitrant fart.

R00ney's picture
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R00ney Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 11:51am

Yeah, i couldn't quite work it out...but you got it in one Blowin

Blowin's picture
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Blowin Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:27am

Peak Seppo.

Fckers just cannot help themselves.

rothmanisatool's picture
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rothmanisatool Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:11am

yesssssss. hardcore hawaiians like me would punch these c*nts out in a jiffy.

criso's picture
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criso Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:58am

Im surprised zeke went on it i thought he was smarter or maybe he needs the money

Jono's picture
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Jono Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 11:48am

Probably better chance of winning this and getting on the CT than doing the whole QS. Easy backoor onto the tour.

Pato_'s picture
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Pato_ Monday, 10 May 2021 at 3:55pm

How much easier would that be then the QS, besides no idea how the QS operates with covid and travel restrictions anyway.

Fliplid's picture
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Fliplid Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:27am

Very clever of the WSL, more media content.

And next step, Turpel action dolls with changeable outfits and pull chord vocals

Yendor's picture
Yendor's picture
Yendor Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 2:18pm

All orifices included...

Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 2:22pm

"that score's going to go into the excellent range"

McQuartzie's picture
McQuartzie's picture
McQuartzie Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:28am

Seriously. This encapsulates everything that is wrong with the surfing culture. The most disturbing thing is that it is actually surfers in the show.

DBEARINDARE's picture
DBEARINDARE's picture
DBEARINDARE Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:28am

Get set to have your local, not only get busier.
But jam packed with beautiful looking Sheeple who want to be like this lot.

Wow.

Hall of Lame's picture
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Hall of Lame Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 10:52am

Freshwater Beach Sydney - it's already happened.

fitzroy-21's picture
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fitzroy-21 Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:39am

OMG, I just cannot believe what we are becoming as a species. I am truly lost for words.

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:43am

Fingers crossed it’s an extremely localised outbreak. Originated in the ground zero of superficially- California- and has limited spreading to provincial production houses around the world.

I’m hoping most people don’t think like this.

simba's picture
simba's picture
simba Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:48am

well baywatch was a bad joke and the only thing good that came out of that was Pam.....hehehe.........

But this is another kick in the guts to surfing ...humiliating .......

dastasha's picture
dastasha's picture
dastasha Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:49am

Progression ay?!

simba's picture
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simba Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:56am

anyway this is descrimination! wheres my invite why arn't the old surfers represented...i mean ma and pa could be in it riding their 12ft mals .......no one wants to see the over 50s .....imagine the close ups ,wrinkle vision.....going in for the big tongue kiss and the false teeth fall out all caught on camera .....or the old ped perving on the young chicks (women).......behind the tractor at Lemore.....etc

campbell's picture
campbell's picture
campbell Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:57am

Is it April 1st?
Some out and out wankers on the list too what could go wrong?

ringmaster's picture
ringmaster's picture
ringmaster Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:06am

Shiny white teeth!

You don't get a gig unless you've got shiny white teeth.

Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 2:30pm

What about a shiny white bald spot ringmaster? Does that make up for non-bleached teeth?**

** Asking for a friend.

seaslug's picture
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seaslug Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 4:34pm

FUK YOU VL, I've been promised that role

Island Bay's picture
Island Bay's picture
Island Bay Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:10am

And these people run professional surfing. We're all doomed!

(That lady next to Joe Turdpail looks a little uneasy.)

rothmanisatool's picture
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rothmanisatool Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:12am

turpel looks like he just jammed his finger up her bumhole.

Island Bay's picture
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Island Bay Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:21am

You never know.

The rest of him looks squeaky clean, through.

seaslug's picture
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seaslug Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 4:37pm

I've heard on the quite that it was a fist

AndyM's picture
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AndyM Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 4:42pm

Is it because Turpel's wearing lippy or because he looks somewhat like Paul Reubens?

indo-dreaming's picture
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indo-dreaming Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:14am

Im a reality TV fan but really it is depressing to see what surfing and the world has become, i think I'm now officially old.

Rooting for team yellow though.

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:23am

"I'm a reality TV fan".

Really? Never heard anyone publicly divulge that kinda info before.

zenagain's picture
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zenagain Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 10:00am

Indo has form in that regard.

GuySmiley's picture
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GuySmiley Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 12:07pm

you're doing what for team yellow info? moved on from dandy markets?

indo-dreaming's picture
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indo-dreaming Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 12:14pm

Thats what you do in the USA Guy you root for your team.

GuySmiley's picture
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GuySmiley Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 1:13pm

You get the use of plausible deniability off Scotty info?

indo-dreaming's picture
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indo-dreaming Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 12:07pm

ha ha i probably came across a bit enthusiastic i don't want to paint a picture of me watching love island or whatever, i only watch a few and a lot i can't stand , especially those dating type ones that are obviously half scripted and im not into those ones where they lose weight or cooking challenges or dancing with the stars & talent star ones etc they drive me crazy.

But i do like the movement that hit in the early 2000's think more in the vein of Survivor, Race around the world, the Mole, even dare i say the original Big brother series (although i have to admit im still watching the current ones, but more because my daughter and wife are, its a shadow of the original series though.)

And then there is all those smaller reality type docco ones, like surviving in the wild, or fishing, adventure shows, or pawn shop, oh and all the renovation and realestate ones, i dig some of those.

Standingleft's picture
Standingleft's picture
Standingleft Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:17am

In a swimming pool? Do they even go in the ocean? Ultimate surfer, they can't be serious.
Have these people watched a comp at the pool? Surely there's enough repetitive, predictable, boring crap on TV already

kookfactor's picture
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kookfactor Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:39am

I really dislike judgemental people, I can tell just by looking at them........[tongue in cheek]

wally's picture
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wally Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:40am

Average age = 26.86.
I’m not sure these are “the world's greatest up-and-coming surfers”.

Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:43am

I've seen Joey close up on a few occasions and can safely inform everyone his teeth aren't that white. I suspect photoshop at best, or teeth bleaching that would never be allowed in the first world at worst.

fitzroy-21's picture
fitzroy-21's picture
fitzroy-21 Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 10:23am

Bloody hell you are switched on VL. Not in a million years would I have suspected photoshop on that picture...Thanks for pointing it out to us all...

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 12:24pm

Thankfully they only had the photoshop machine turned up to half power. They must surely have been tempted to crank it to 10....

Goofy4's picture
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Goofy4 Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:49am

Musing over what consultative advice Slater is going to provide and trying hard to understand what has motivated him to be involved in this farce - other than easy money i.e........

Chocalatte's picture
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Chocalatte Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 10:25am

"...other than easy money" says it all! Kelly is renowned for his short arms & deep pockets, this is just adding to his pocket stash! Plus it'll remind the American public he's still alive, given he hasn't been competing in Oz & likely won't make the Olympics, unless he pays JJF or Kolohe for their five-ring circus tickets...

jshe35's picture
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jshe35 Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 10:03am

At least physical appearance wasn’t a factor in the casting, what a bunch of munters!!!

crg's picture
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crg Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 10:14am

This is where you need to accept emoji’s in the comments section Ben...so we can all type in that vomit face a thousand times.

scrotina's picture
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scrotina Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 10:25am

oh no.

zenagain's picture
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zenagain Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 10:27am

Liz Cambage would be having conniptions over that pic- y'all.

truebluebasher's picture
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truebluebasher Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 6:04pm

Most sportsmanlike for zenagain to allow Liz draw another breath.

zenagain's picture
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zenagain Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 6:34pm

Cheers TB. But it wasn't a compliment.

seaslug's picture
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seaslug Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 10:41am

I'll bet anyone that Anastasia Ashley wears shit splitters

Blowin's picture
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Blowin Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 12:28pm

She’ll have to go Full Borat to stand out in this crowd.

AndyM's picture
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AndyM Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 4:57pm

She's having some real trouble getting something out.

More fibre.

zenagain's picture
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zenagain Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 6:36pm

Tightly cropped.

If you squint really hard you can see the pole and the oversized champagne glass.

Fliplid's picture
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Fliplid Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:49pm

I’ve never heard of Anastasia Ashley (or any of the others ) so after seeing that vid I thought I’d see if she can surf.

Might be more chance of finding footage of her pole dancing because there’s fuck all of her surfing

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 7:08pm

Look at me! Look at me!

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 7:10pm

Now, this is a better kind of warm up routine. No stone left unturned.

Westofthelake's picture
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Westofthelake Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 7:53pm

Hahaha...you'd think with that sound track he coulda done some air boxing.

Jono's picture
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Jono Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:00pm

The competitor in the blue rashy at 0:30 seconds - her face says it all. Bit of Baz Cornell coming out there.

AndyM's picture
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AndyM Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:07pm

Maybe something like "Faaark orf ya narcissistic caaaarnt".

Jono's picture
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Jono Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:13pm

"Stop faarking flapping around like a galah wearing headphones, faarrrrrkkk me"

seaslug's picture
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seaslug Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 10:43am

I'm absolutely mortified that KS missed the group photo opportunity

criso's picture
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criso Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 11:16am

What i see so far is Tia Blanco is the winner

criso's picture
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criso Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 11:21am

Oh they are all so pritty, perfect reality

seaslug's picture
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seaslug Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 11:22am

KS will be in high demand to make adjustments to some of the contestants and crews fin boxes, lucky bugger haha

views from the cockpit's picture
views from the cockpit's picture
views from the ... Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 12:18pm

I do plenty of perving/observing nubile flesh anywhere/everywhere but don't consider myself a ped.
Just a healthy appetite.
Slurp

velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 12:38pm

In the reality TV hall of fame, this will not hold a candle to 'There's Something About Miriam".

Gra Murdoch's picture
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Gra Murdoch Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 1:16pm

what a fucken joke

GuySmiley's picture
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GuySmiley Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 1:21pm

3-C6-BD44-D-DD40-4-CFF-B469-8-C32-DEEFF8-CC

rooftop's picture
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rooftop Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 1:21pm

This is awesome. I've got that light-headed, refreshed, ready to take on the world feeling you get just after you puke.

Roker's picture
Roker's picture
Roker Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 3:11pm

Jeez. Why? What for? Who cares?

On ABC at 10pm. Network TV is rooted. The execs must know they'll make a nice return through advertising.

The producer/exec producers appear to be a serious lot. Elo ensuring the future of the League?

Dirk to recoup some losses too?

Wonder how much the contestants get paid? Half their luck. Who could blame them?

Does the winner get a slot for the entire tour? How much does this enhance the credibility of the League?

Why isn't Kelly a cast member? Can he come in at some point as one of those interloper or gatecrasher like characters?

Does this make satire redundant? Or at least almost impossible to pull off?

Bnkref's picture
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Bnkref Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 3:38pm

A couple of years ago in Bali I saw a girl prancing around the reef at Bingin in a bikini and a pair of brand new Converse high-tops.

Attention seeking and/or promo at its worst. But then it went another level! Paddled out to the lineup with the shoes on.

Turns out it was Malia Ward. Pink bikini in the photo above.

views from the cockpit's picture
views from the cockpit's picture
views from the ... Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 3:52pm

Hope the black shorts sort out Zeke

adam12's picture
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adam12 Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 4:04pm

When North Shore the movie was released everyone laughed, how stupid, wave pool to world tour/pipe. I also remember the pros banding together to bitch about Christian Fletcher getting covers in a letter saying 'the world title isn't decided at Trestles'. Worlds turn.

simba's picture
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simba Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 4:39pm

They could have Pam and Kellys love child in it with a separated Pam and Kelly reuniting and Kels gets to coach his kid thru to the gripping finale at the ranch............

tubeshooter's picture
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tubeshooter Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 4:58pm

haha ,, Calling this shit ' Reality tv ' is a bit of an insult to anyone who actually lives in the real world , I think the title of the show is bit of a stretch. And Joey getting called up for commentary is the icing on one fucked up cake. His co-commentator should be Kim Kardashian.
But the fact the WSL is giving two of these muppets a shot at the CT is absolutely bullshit in my view. ffs

seaslug's picture
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seaslug Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 5:21pm

+1 TS, you could be onto something KK might make a guest appearance, not outside the realms of possibility given its seppo land, wonder if the production could afford it

AndyM's picture
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AndyM Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 7:28pm

For a moment there I thought you said that the title of the show is a bit of a stench.

I wouldn't have disagreed.

Surfalot67's picture
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Surfalot67 Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 4:59pm

Well, now we're really fucked. As if this last year's influx if Covid kooks with nothing but time and a Chinese SW special wasn't bad enough, now we have this. I bet those fucking idiots from the Groove Girls are getting all moist already at the prospect of a day full of flailing on the shoulder at Greeny followed a round of prosecco watching this at night....

AndyM's picture
AndyM's picture
AndyM Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 5:02pm

You bastard Surfalot.

I went and Googled Groove Girls

"The most inclusive surf gang to hit Australia’s east coastline. Groove Girls is an all-female surf group based on the Gold Coast, Australia. Stephanie Teixeira, the founder of Groove Girls says, “We’re all about challenging gender stereotypes, facing our fears and creating a safe environment for women to come together".

Fuggin bewdy.

Instagram account essential, legrope optional I assume.

Surfalot67's picture
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Surfalot67 Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 5:17pm

Yeah sorry mate - it's real, check 'em out on facey. All about connecting for a surf, 30-40 at a time. The Alley crew spent a whole day burning them on every wave and explaining this will happen EVERY time they show up, now they've moved to Greeny. I've already had a thrown away no-legrope pink mal smash both my shins as I tried to surf around the shoulder hopping kook. Thought I'd broken my legs, black and blue for weeks after....but you know, its all about facing their fears right?

velocityjohnno's picture
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velocityjohnno Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:18pm

I thought it was Surf Witches up that way?

brandonrooney14's picture
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brandonrooney14 Tuesday, 11 May 2021 at 9:47am

Yup, I had my precious 8'11" long-twin lose essentially half the tail block due to a ghostied surfboard warehouse offering doing the shoulder hop on a speed run through greeny. I do absolutely love it that there's so many more girls having a crack but I would say that surfschools and sideline parenting has a lot to answer for in terms of etiquette. I do forget that it IS the Goldy and that anything fucking goes sometimes.

AndyM's picture
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AndyM Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 5:28pm

Fuck me that's crook Surfalot.

simba's picture
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simba Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 6:45pm

rumour is that lenno is on their radar

AndyM's picture
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AndyM Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 7:05pm

Stop it.

Actually I was thinking about that before - wouldn't it put the cat amongst the pigeons if the Groovy Girls got buddy buddy with the local concreter's daughter and turned up en masse?

Mayhem.

backyard's picture
backyard's picture
backyard Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 5:39pm

Hopefully this will prove to be excellent surf aversion therapy for youngsters and there will be no one surfing in ten years. Is the chipmunk there as a fluffer?

tango's picture
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tango Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 6:06pm

This is so shithouse I just don't know where to start.

Is there nothing about surfing that these promoslurries won't sell out?

The only thing I really want is a thumbs up capability on the comments here - some of the ones above had me laughing out loud.

Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 6:07pm

I hope at least one two hour episode consists entirely of Pottz recounting tales from the World Tour in the 80s. Just a monologue with ad breaks for various hair care and yoga products. You could have the young surf stars in the background listening to all those epic stories.

AndyM's picture
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AndyM Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 6:43pm

His name isn't "Pottz", his name is "'89 World Champ", thank you very much.

Roker's picture
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Roker Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 6:13pm

Be great to see the Woz pivot and become leaders in the mindfulness and wellness space.

Vic Local's picture
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Vic Local Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 6:34pm

Classic Roker. When someone says they are "a mindfulness and wellness guru", I just see a person too fucking lazy or stupid to go to uni to get proper qualifications, but happy to flog off "medical" treatments with a massive markup. So it's perfect for the Woz.

Roker's picture
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Roker Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 6:55pm

Yeah right - on second thoughts - careful what you wish for VL!

zenagain's picture
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zenagain Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 6:58pm

Who are the stupid ones though Vic? The 'mindfullness swami' with no student debt or the morons that buy into it?

velocityjohnno's picture
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velocityjohnno Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:20pm

Touche.

GuySmiley's picture
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GuySmiley Monday, 10 May 2021 at 1:27pm

... or real estate (c***s) agents

Westofthelake's picture
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Westofthelake Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 6:15pm

One of those 8 girls really could do with a hair cut...

ringmaster's picture
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ringmaster Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 6:22pm

Fuck!

This topic sure ramped up since I last looked at it!

Thanks for the entertainment lads and can't wait for it to begin.

Can Swellnet please do a live stream when it starts (like the CT comps) with comments section of course.

Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 6:50pm

I reckon the PGA should do something similar. Get like 8 young topless male golfers and 8 female golfers in bikinis, and add Bernhard Langer and Greg Norman. Shoot a 10 part TV series and the winner gets to play in The Masters. End this lowest score wins bullshit once and for all.
That would put golf on the map.

velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:22pm

A political version of the show - winner gets to govern the country.

modelsandsurf's picture
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modelsandsurf Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 7:02pm

Well, at least we know we're going in the right direction with Models and Surf jajaj!

gsco's picture
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gsco Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 7:03pm

Is the WSL really going to go all-in with producing limitless fake junk trash American SoCal insta lifestyle "content"? Is that their only business strategy?

Sheep go to heaven's picture
Sheep go to heaven's picture
Sheep go to heaven Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 7:34pm

I wonder if Zeke will paddle round and round one of the other competitors , a la Bells with John John a few years ago ?
He could start with that girl in the yellow bikini ......
ps ; good call ringmaster , lets have a livestream Stu and open slather on the comments :)

seaslug's picture
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seaslug Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 7:46pm

Netflix reality TV show Byron Baes, could WA’s ‘Down South’ be next

AndyM's picture
AndyM's picture
AndyM Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 7:48pm

Sheep if she keeps pushing her tits out like that she's going to get scoliosis.

tubeshooter's picture
tubeshooter's picture
tubeshooter Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 7:47pm

hmmm ,,,time for an add break.

Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:19pm

Thanks for the heads up tube shooter. My manscaper 7000 gets delivered in 10 days and the wedding tackle is going to be super smooth 15 minutes later. All the cool young surfers are doing it.

velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:24pm
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:36pm

I'm in tears VJ.

Fireblade's picture
Fireblade's picture
Fireblade Monday, 10 May 2021 at 7:42am

Chutney channel... my brain hurts from laughing so hard.

Bob Sacamano's picture
Bob Sacamano's picture
Bob Sacamano Monday, 10 May 2021 at 8:43am

That is the funniest review I've ever read..... I lost it.

seaslug's picture
seaslug's picture
seaslug Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:02pm

Petrol or diesel version VL, turbo charged?

rrr's picture
rrr's picture
rrr Monday, 10 May 2021 at 9:29am

hahaha and again hahahaa im havin a fit

bonza's picture
bonza's picture
bonza Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 7:53pm

This is going to be huge. On our shores soon.

simba's picture
simba's picture
simba Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:13pm

its obvious that ashley chick has had a knee replacement ,thats why she cant straighten her leg in the photo......should have done the rehab.

Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 8:32pm

But in all seriousness, competitive surfing needs a World Series Cricket moment where someone comes in with a breakaway league and the WSL gets what is deserves.
This reality TV BULLSHIT gives the winner an opportunity to compete on the CT Tour. Having an alternative entry way into a CT event is a complete fucking joke. Was this TV show even open to non-american surfers? What's the judging criteria? If it's some public vote that makes the entire shit show a popularity contest.
And what happens to the poor sod on the QS who would get a wildcard entry into a CT event only to get bumped by a surfer who won a farcical and American only reality TV selection process.
Fuck off WSL, you're a pack of absolute dogs turning surfing into a clown show for $$$.

ringmaster's picture
ringmaster's picture
ringmaster Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:02pm

But you'll watch it VL.

......and the WSL will be the winner!

Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:09pm

I'd rather chop off my freshly shaved genitals and chuck them in a lake than watch a WSL reality TV show. I'm also losing interest in watching the actual comps although did enjoy the big day at margs. I can only take so much "Harvey normal recaps" and "shit product scoreboard" mentions before turning off. Especially in shitty East Coast waves.

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 9:51pm

You won't be saying that when Trestles rolls around.

tubeshooter's picture
tubeshooter's picture
tubeshooter Sunday, 9 May 2021 at 10:43pm

It is a bullshit way to get a wildcard let alone 3. And I'm betting the " ...challenges , which will be centered around certain aspects of the sport." will probably have nothing to do with surfing ability.

theblacksheep's picture
theblacksheep's picture
theblacksheep Monday, 10 May 2021 at 7:50am

The winner will get destroyed on the tour.

frog's picture
frog's picture
frog Monday, 10 May 2021 at 7:57am

Put a live bull shark in the pool - they don't mind freshwater. Add some spice to it all. Then Kelly can turn up and do an air and jump the shark to join the Fonz in the trailer park of formerly cool dudes.

jasper99's picture
jasper99's picture
jasper99 Monday, 10 May 2021 at 8:00am

Think I just vomited in my mouth a little

D-Rex's picture
D-Rex's picture
D-Rex Monday, 10 May 2021 at 9:08am

Now come on fellas, I know you're all just a little peeved you didn't get the call-up...

Stephen Allen's picture
Stephen Allen's picture
Stephen Allen Monday, 10 May 2021 at 9:34am

How many freakin "specific aspects" of the sport are there? This is an embarrassment to surfing.

rrr's picture
rrr's picture
rrr Monday, 10 May 2021 at 9:38am

episode one .
how to apply stickers correctly , and fast . how to choose the correct wax for the conditions .
or youre into the bottom 2 .
where you have to arm wrestle to save yourself .
girls get to jelly wrestle .
unless you have the most followers ' then you go straight to the top .
safe for another week .
whew !

NDC's picture
NDC's picture
NDC Monday, 10 May 2021 at 10:21am

Oh fuck - what a bunch of posers in that group shot... and is Joe turpell wearing lipstick in the host portrait... thank christ when you paddle out on a crisp morning on a lonely beach the act of surfing is pretty much the same as it ever was ... perhaps better thanks to advances in equipment ...coz from the look of those photos this shit show will have NOTHING in common with the beautiful pastime of surfing and why I still love it - please fuck off with your perception of 'reality' surf

Trentslatterphoto's picture
Trentslatterphoto's picture
Trentslatterphoto Monday, 10 May 2021 at 10:28am

this is going to be that bad its great frothing

frog's picture
frog's picture
frog Monday, 10 May 2021 at 12:53pm

It might be the first thing WSL has ever done that will actually turn a profit - some of these shows can be nice little earners.

Ziff will be frothing. Imagine..... his ROI will shift from negative 40% on tens of millions to date to maybe negative 35%!

Turps has even cut his curly locks for the big time.

But they will need drama, tears, bitchiness, dinner party fights, drunken escapades, behind the scenes secret affairs, shower scenes, mud wrestling, nude surfing (at night so its sort of PG?) and sessions in spider filled dive masks to really crack the big time. Two minute trims on the perfect wave will bore everyone.

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben Monday, 10 May 2021 at 1:04pm

"Some of these shows can be nice little earners."

And, some of them can flop badly, never to be seen after the first series.

There's a big list of Australian reality TV shows here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Australian_reality_television_series

I mean, for starters, here's the TV shows starting with a "B":

The Bachelor
Bachelor in Paradise
The Bachelorette
Back with the Ex
Backpackers
Balls of Steel Australia
Battle of the Choirs
Beauty and the Geek Australia
Being Lara Bingle
The Big Adventure
The Biggest Loser
The Block
Bogan Hunters
Bondi Ink Tattoo
The Boss Is Coming to Dinner
The Briefcase
Bringing Sexy Back
Brynne: My Bedazzled Life
Buying Blind

Roker's picture
Roker's picture
Roker Monday, 10 May 2021 at 7:38pm

Swellnet being a credible organisation committed to upholding the best of journalistic standards - I trust you watched every episode of every show in this list before arriving at your conclusion Ben,

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben Monday, 10 May 2021 at 7:45pm

Twice in fact, just to be sure.

garyg1412's picture
garyg1412's picture
garyg1412 Tuesday, 11 May 2021 at 9:55am

When you look at that list you think thank fuck for the ABC and SBS where you can still watch TV shows targeted towards human beings with more than half a brain cell.

simba's picture
simba's picture
simba Monday, 10 May 2021 at 1:26pm

being lara bingle ? really .....that would be a mind warp

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben Monday, 10 May 2021 at 1:36pm

You should check out "Brynne: My Bedazzled Life".

Doesn't get much more bottom-of-the-celebrity-barrel than that.

Shaun Hanson's picture
Shaun Hanson's picture
Shaun Hanson Monday, 10 May 2021 at 1:46pm

Fuk i dont think im from this planet ...
....when is the rocket ship leaving to take me back to where ever it is i came from ...

gm14's picture
gm14's picture
gm14 Monday, 10 May 2021 at 2:38pm

"the iconic voice of professional surfing Joe Turpel"

**insert awkward Joe laugh when someone says something slightly off wossle brand**

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch Monday, 10 May 2021 at 3:42pm

There's a certain island community that are in uproar about this farce of the travesty of a show. I suspect we'll be hearing from them soon enough.

ringmaster's picture
ringmaster's picture
ringmaster Monday, 10 May 2021 at 7:39pm

Would that be the 'Love Island' community Gra?

Santosha's picture
Santosha's picture
Santosha Monday, 10 May 2021 at 6:39pm

‘ competing amongst the best athletes in the WORLD’S FASTEST GROWING SPORT ‘.... well fuck me, with 8 billion people on the planet there should be 5000 surfers at every surf break in no time. Yay

andy-mac's picture
andy-mac's picture
andy-mac Monday, 10 May 2021 at 7:26pm

No words, all been said. Farken joke.

tubeshooter's picture
tubeshooter's picture
tubeshooter Monday, 10 May 2021 at 9:48pm
Johan Wohlleben's picture
Johan Wohlleben's picture
Johan Wohlleben Monday, 10 May 2021 at 10:02pm

What a fucken joke!! How has the ‘surfing lifestyle’ come to this? I guess it’s all about fake me, me me. And I used to admire Slater for his surfing (still do I guess) but he must be a greedy fucker to do this for Covid manufactured wannabes. Zeke shame.

D-Rex's picture
D-Rex's picture
D-Rex Monday, 10 May 2021 at 10:24pm

Outrage for outrage's sake - more pressing concerns exist methinks eg. Dan's mystery tumble.

Trentslatterphoto's picture
Trentslatterphoto's picture
Trentslatterphoto Tuesday, 11 May 2021 at 2:21pm

time for a fans only page Anastasia Ashley clocks ticking

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin Tuesday, 11 May 2021 at 3:04pm

Nice article by Malcolm Knox. Unfortunately the crew running the WSL are basically , in spirit and mentality, the same crew who made Point Break. Too much Jazz Hands is never enough.

https://www.smh.com.au/culture/movies/the-only-thing-worse-than-point-br...

AndyM's picture
AndyM's picture
AndyM Wednesday, 12 May 2021 at 12:13am

I'm just pleased that he used the term 'chuck a browneye'.

An Aussie classic that deserves to live on.

Halfscousehalfcockneyfullaussie's picture
Halfscousehalfcockneyfullaussie's picture
Halfscousehalfc... Tuesday, 11 May 2021 at 3:19pm

What a steaming load of shite

dean maddison's picture
dean maddison's picture
dean maddison Tuesday, 11 May 2021 at 4:48pm

Roughly 160 comments so far = 160 viewers ( inc. myself ). The winners probably give the Aussies a good run on the CT. The whole thing is none the less disgusting. How devastated would Zeke be if he didnt win.

Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local Tuesday, 11 May 2021 at 5:37pm

This reality TV farce, is to surfing what Hillsong is to Christianity. Just a bunch of rich old fucks using instagram cookie cutter wannabes to make a buck. It's about as authentic as a $3 note.
Bring back the days when the Aussie team for the world titles marched down the Lorne Main Street absolutely shit faced. At least there was a sense of authenticity about that drunken rabble.

DBEARINDARE's picture
DBEARINDARE's picture
DBEARINDARE Tuesday, 11 May 2021 at 10:02pm

Bring back the days when if you walked around like a show pony. Someone would beat that out of you.
So people had more respect for everyone else, because it hurt less than a punch in the face.

DBEARINDARE's picture
DBEARINDARE's picture
DBEARINDARE Tuesday, 11 May 2021 at 10:09pm

Also. If you were strutting your stuff. It was because you actually achieved something most others hadn't, and the word got around by others who respected it.
Not by you posting it.
And it was "cool, man"
Ahhh yeah. Take me back noooow!
Ha.

Halfscousehalfcockneyfullaussie's picture
Halfscousehalfcockneyfullaussie's picture
Halfscousehalfc... Wednesday, 12 May 2021 at 6:20pm

Personally I think as Aussie’s we shun this dribble so this it doesn’t creep into our identity as Aussie surfers

theolderIgetthebetterIwas's picture
theolderIgetthebetterIwas's picture
theolderIgetthe... Wednesday, 12 May 2021 at 9:22pm

what will Turpsy's biography/memoir be called? Any ideas?

fcalmon's picture
fcalmon's picture
fcalmon Thursday, 13 May 2021 at 8:11am

The polished turd

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain Thursday, 13 May 2021 at 9:20am

Big night on the Turps?

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain Thursday, 13 May 2021 at 9:29am

Topsy Turpy?

mattlock's picture
mattlock's picture
mattlock Thursday, 13 May 2021 at 9:44am

Turp's Brain Burps.

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain Thursday, 13 May 2021 at 10:05am

Smokin' Pottz- How I fellated the '89 World Champ.

tman's picture
tman's picture
tman Thursday, 13 May 2021 at 10:11am

Did anyone else vomit in their mouth a little when reading this?

D-Rex's picture
D-Rex's picture
D-Rex Thursday, 13 May 2021 at 3:56pm

One thing's for sure - every single swellnet contributor will be tuning in to Ep 1!

goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot Saturday, 15 May 2021 at 8:48pm

Don’t count on that d-rex. This is a hideous sounding show

dusty's picture
dusty's picture
dusty Saturday, 15 May 2021 at 8:20am

As the Celibate Rifles once mused " Thank you America".....

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin Saturday, 15 May 2021 at 2:46pm
Timmy5656's picture
Timmy5656's picture
Timmy5656 Sunday, 16 May 2021 at 9:51pm

Good tune reminds me of the hoodoo gurus circa Stone Age Romeos.

el Sid's picture
el Sid's picture
el Sid Sunday, 16 May 2021 at 8:18pm

Payment must be after the show. The poor kiddies have got to sleep with newspapers to keep them warm.

Spuddups's picture
Spuddups's picture
Spuddups Wednesday, 19 May 2021 at 5:43am

There's comedy gold in this thread. Needs to be archived in the Swellnet hall of fame.

dpc's picture
dpc's picture
dpc Wednesday, 26 May 2021 at 10:27pm

turpell and slater should have a love child with some big wave wana be action hero
who constantly takes photos of himself.
then the winner of this tv show has to breed with that kid and there is the sick future of surfing.