Things left unsaid

Vincent Vega
Swellnet Dispatch

There’s not many better places to enjoy a well-earned afternoon beer than watching the sun make it’s way to the horizon from a vantage point overlooking the bay near my house. There’s often a few fun little rollers for crew to enjoy on the low tide, as was the case recently as I sat and relished the cold bubbles on my tongue and tried to think about anything except house renovations on a 40 degree day.  

At first it was a giggle when a preteen boy lost his leash-less foamie on a small bit of whitewash and the board careened through his mates who proceeded to put on a great show of feigning terror and injury arising from the wayward board. Then I was struck with a memory which seems to keep recurring from time to time.

The memory takes place a couple of years ago on a small surf day at a mellow point break. The waves were not too crowded and there was a happy vibe in the air. This particular wave is popular with longboards and this day was no exception. Amongst the throng was a group of perhaps a dozen young crew who appeared to be together. Guys and girls hooting each other and having a fat time sharing waves.  

I’d just caught a wave and straddled my board to paddle back out when one of the girls rode towards me. Trying to avoid ruining her wave, I paddled towards the foam and away from her path down the line. She slipped and fell just as she was about to pass me but luckily there was no collision. We exchanged a quick smile and she mounted her board and turned to paddle out directly in front of me. She got over the next wave no problems but the wave after was slightly bigger and had already broken so approached as a line of whitewash about thigh high. Somehow - probably through experience - I predicted that she wouldn’t try to duckdive and so I preemptively rolled off my board and dived just in time to see her do the same without any regard for me whatsoever.

The whitewash passed and I rose carefully to the surface with my hands guarding my way. Our boards were tangled and her heavy longboard was pummeling my own fish. She was still smiling yet I was fuming. It was all I could do to not tell her in no uncertain fashion what a selfish idiot I thought she was, but quickly realised that this could easily devolve into an unpleasant scenario in front of a crowd with myself cast as the angry, middle-aged Frankenstein bullying the sweet and innocent young surfer girl.

I’ve seen this happen before and have no desire to ever be subject to the very vocal derision of the happy-go-lucky hipsters if they morph into a righteous mob when they feel one of their number has been slightled - justly or not.

Instead I swore under my breath, swallowed my frustration like a lead ball and headed to the safety of the beach. Blaming myself for being fool enough to think I could safely navigate the notorious hazards of the point in the first place.

On the way home I started to see the positives. Mainly the fact that I’d only suffered a few dings to an old board and my body had escaped unscathed. Then I started to get angry again as I realised that this had been only because I’d had the foresight and ability to avoid injury by my own powers. If it wasn’t for my fortune and experience the outcome could have been very different indeed. 

This is not the first time I’d been in this situation and it probably won’t be the last. There’s always going to be someone too selfish or lazy or reckless to take responsibility for their board but to this day I still wish I’d said something to the girl in question. Nothing angry, just something to convey the seriousness of what she’d done and hopefully make her aware enough to not try the same stunt again. 

This is what I wished I said:

“Hey mate,

"Mind if I have a word about what just happened back there? Yeah, I’m OK. A couple of dings but the old girl has seen better days anyway.  

"Are you aware of how badly that could’ve ended? Your board looks like it works nicely and you surf it quite well but it becomes nothing but a big, heavy weapon when you abandon it to luck and fate by throwing it behind you without looking when there’s energy from the ocean about to throw it into someone’s face.  

"Firstly, thanks for wearing a legrope as not too many other longboarders show this courtesy to their fellow surfers.  Unfortunately, a leg rope is no protection if there are other surfers within range and when you add an eight foot board to a seven foot leggie attached to a few feet of leg you’ve still got a decent scope for carnage if you abandon your board for convenience.

"That’s the thing. You didn’t have to risk my safety. If you can’t duckdive you could just sit up on the board and hold on which would only see you pushed back a couple of feet by such meagre whitewash. Or you could’ve turned and caught the wave and proned at an angle so that I’d never been in jeopardy. You had plenty of time to do so. Then it would’ve been a simple matter of paddling out around the break. Sure it might’ve taken a couple of minutes and a bit of energy but it would have ensured I didn’t get my skull caved in by your wayward log. 

"You basically risked my life because you were lazy. Yes, because you were lazy.

"Of course claiming that my life was in peril may sound overly dramatic but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. A young bloke who lived up the end of my street when I was growing up copped a bloke’s loose board to the head, went home, went to bed and never woke up again. He died when he was twelve because someone didn’t take responsibility for their board in the surf.

"It’s not just kids in danger either. A few years ago at one of Australia’s best lefthanders there was a German tourist who was the partner of a respected surfer. She was only a beginner surfer but she was fearless and everyone was stoked to see her having a go at this difficult wave even though she didn’t have much success. Unfortunately she had the same bad habit as yourself and she’d routinely bail her board without checking behind her when she’d get caught inside. One time she did this and a fella was streaking through a tube only to have her loose board spear him in the face and put him out of action for weeks. The bloke was lucky that his misfortune only extended to ending his dream season of surfing and an extensive scar across his already rough head.

"This happened again at the same spot when another beginner surfer did the same thing except the victim that time required being flown to hospital and his poor wife having to pack up their camp and drive their caravan and family hundreds of kilometres to be by his side .

"The list of people losing eyes, suffering massive head trauma, and other life-altering injuries due to recklessly discarded boards is long and unpleasant.  

"The surf is a dangerous place to be. Unavoidable accidents can happen at any time. Everyone loses their board at some point in the game irrespective of ability and experience and every surfer in the history of surfing has at some point bailed their board to escape a heavy situation. The difference in culpability and potential harm is whether you check behind you first. This is beyond common courtesy. It’s an unspoken duty of care to your fellow surfers and if you’re not willing to live by this duty then you’ve got no right to share a lineup with others.

"If you can’t duckdive your board then stick to waves where it's avoidable. Paddle around the break or learn to turn turtle. Catch a wave to shore and jump off the rocks or catch the rip out the back. Worst comes to worst and you’ve no options then at least check first before you relinquish control over your board.

"So please, pretty please, in future just take that split second to check that your board isn’t going to brain the hapless individual who just happens to find themselves shoreward from yourself, and please tell your mates and anyone who you think needs to be told what I’ve just  told you. 

"That’ll make the lineup a safer place for everyone and save me looking like a neck-bolted Frankenstein when I finally lose control of myself and start braying at people in the lineup over their poor behaviour.

"Cheers, mate."

// VINCENT VEGA

Comments

jayet-010's picture
jayet-010's picture
jayet-010 commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 1:46pm

Geez mate, you'd need a bit of a lull between sets to say all that to the poor girl

Gowsa's picture
Gowsa's picture
Gowsa commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 1:59pm

If she was an ADHD millennial there's no way she could maintain interest for that long

Garryh's picture
Garryh's picture
Garryh commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 2:38pm

well said

WinterSwells

neiltreg's picture
neiltreg's picture
neiltreg commented Thursday, 11 Feb 2021 at 7:27pm

So true. Great article. Sad reality is so many have NO concern for others it is so clear we should all not exist at all. Be a bit lonely wouldn't they?

boxright's picture
boxright's picture
boxright commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 2:10pm

With all those lines prepared, god help the next person who ditches a board in front of you.

Poindexter74's picture
Poindexter74's picture
Poindexter74 commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 2:20pm

Surfing a nice point break somewhere south of Byron many years ago with a one other. We swapped 200m rides in 3ft peelers with the odd bigger one. A Byron crew of around 8 arrived mid morning. Was a nice vibe although a few less waves which was fine by me. But then it all went sideways. One of the early 20s ladies starting dropping in on me and the other dude who was there. First time = mistake. OK all good. Second time = she saw me, no mistake. No apology. I politely said "just be careful next time about the dropping in, there are plenty of waves to be had". Third time = Did not even look, then realised I was on the wave and bailed (no leash on the board). The longboard flew up in the offshore wind and cracked me in the shin (I could also hear the rail on her board crack on impact and I actually thought it was my shin cracking). If you have ever been hit in the shin before you will know this hurts and swells up like a potato. I swallowed my anger, paddled in, packed up...............because I did not want to be the old grumpy prick. As I drove out, the partner of the lady (who unbeknown to me watched it all unfold) came to apologise which was nice. I still fondly remember those long 3+ft faces with one other dude as one of the nicer days of surfing I have had (and try to put the "shin incident" out of my mind).

ndjen's picture
ndjen's picture
ndjen commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 2:36pm

I find that a lot of drop ins happen in marginal surf where there is no real take off zone and different boards and different paddlers differ in the capacity to get the wave. Hence a bunch of people all paddle at once since they have seen a few attempts fail and the wave goes to the beach. In those circumstances those who fail to get the wave should s bail. A lot of the time they don't bail fast enough and now 2 people are on the face. A lot of the time the guy with the wave falls while the others are still thinking of bailing.

It would be nice to think we all took a number like at the deli counter and that can happen in good surf but the marginal stuff will always see people blowing the takeoff and indeed there are a number of takeoff points which adds to the confusion.

Not an excuse. Just an explanation.

Garryh's picture
Garryh's picture
Garryh commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 2:41pm

This problem (lack of surf etiquette) is getting worse, all over the world and especially in "easier waves which seem to attract a crowd of not very experienced surfers". Swellnet would be nice if you took some leadership in this space. Can anyone else think of a solution

WinterSwells

regydogy's picture
regydogy's picture
regydogy commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 9:20am

spot on mate , i live down south , not saying where , but even our bomies and reefs are getting full blowen out by blow ins with no etiqutte and fuck all experinence , , this has happend just over the last 3 years or so . think we getting the spill over from byron and a like , bring back the biff .

Vunerable's picture
Vunerable's picture
Vunerable commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 2:48pm

Good onya VV .Some good info floating around on this..”Tribal law” from Margaret River...Worth a look.
All surfers on L plates should be aware of basics when they paddle into a shared lineup. Basic surfboard handling safety,Call of left or right paddling into a peaks...
This site lays out some basics.
https://www.stokedsurfschool.com/blog/2012/06/02/surfers-code-conduct

Sprout's picture
Sprout's picture
Sprout commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 3:59pm

Surf schools have a lot to answer for. They always seem to forget if someone's on a bank, or it's busy, try and find another spot first.
Gotta love it when you have a spot to yourself, there's at least 4 other empty spots in sight and inevitably some dickhead swims out and sits oddly close to you without even saying hello, just being a weird, annoying c*nt.

Average's picture
Average's picture
Average commented Thursday, 11 Feb 2021 at 2:15pm

How do we influence surf schools to include more etiquette as part of the lessons? Don't go if someone else is on the wave... hang on to your board if others are around... etc. Watching a lesson, it looks like they're taught the opposite.

vbaaccess's picture
vbaaccess's picture
vbaaccess commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 3:30pm

My observation from surfing for many years is todays hipsters could not care at all about anyone in the surf but themselves. If they lose their board and it hits someone they will blame the person who got struck for being in the way. A large number of girls are now riding logs without leashes and don't know how to duck dive or roll over under a wave. Basic water safety is no longer a priority in their minds. BTW, I always paddle out wide to avoid this situation. I expect the worst from other surfers so I take precautions to lessen the risk of getting hit by stray log.

Denyer's picture
Denyer's picture
Denyer commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 2:49pm

You cannot control how others are going to manage their boards. But if you have the experience, you will be able to foresee potential collisions and give wide berths when needed. If you don't have the ability to foresee these collisions, wide berths should always be taken.

bipola's picture
bipola's picture
bipola commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 2:59pm

my beef is with those dick heads that dont look where there going when taking off.
the other day i caught a wave and was paddling back out when this guy on a foil was paddling to catch a set wave, he was looking left and right but never looked straight ahead. when i yelled out he put the brakes on and stopped saying if i had not warned him he would have run me over.

Dx3's picture
Dx3's picture
Dx3 commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 3:25pm

I had two incidents in one session the other week, where I paddled out with my log for a cruisy few waves.

First one, I'm up and cruising down the line and see a bloke slowly paddling towards the face, with enough distance for him to head for the whitewater or at least pull back and let me glide on past. Instead he does neither and keeps going until we reach the point where there's no way for me to get past him - I have to bail off the wave or I'll knock his teeth out. I jump up out of the water and he goes "watch where ya going.." I just shook my head and said "mate, get out of the way next time"

2nd incident, I catch one and get dropped in on, it's a mellow wave so I go fuck it party wave or maybe she'll pull off. She yells at ME! to get off the wave. We both end up finishing our ride and I wasn't going to bother saying anything, then she says to me "you should have jumped off, I couldn't do a cut-back with you on my inside"

Fuck me.

ringmaster's picture
ringmaster's picture
ringmaster commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 3:52pm

if the dumb bitch (or a bloke for that matter) was stupid enough to try that shit on me I can guarantee it would only happen once.

tango's picture
tango's picture
tango commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 10:06pm

That's priceless. And gives me a warm inner glow knowing that log riders also get dropped in on.

Craig's picture
Craig's picture
Craig commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 3:28pm

It is getting worse and I feel we just have to let them know. Most I talk to take it well.

Amazing seeing some of the board ditching on the softest white wash last week. I tell them if they can't hold on, duck dive or turtle roll then they shouldn't be out.

simba's picture
simba's picture
simba commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 3:43pm

Had an incident a while ago with a moron on a mal who i thought was going to go left as the rights were closing out and the lefts peeling......but no he decides hes going to trim across the closeout straight at me and then as i yell out he falls off the back of his 9ft mal propelling it into my lower back as i tried to cover up in a ball.......bangs me right on the spine putting me out of action for 10 days.....cunt couldn't give a fuk either...so beware of mal riders... even at a distance.

simba

Westofthelake's picture
Westofthelake's picture
Westofthelake commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 3:52pm

It's like I tell my kids when I'm driving, "it's everyone else you've got to be aware of".

As for kooks in the lineup, I just give them a wide berth and never ever paddle out behind them.

Craig's picture
Craig's picture
Craig commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 3:58pm

Yep defensive driving attitude is the go, it's kept me injury free from collisions and otherwise bad injuries at crowded Manly.

Also avoiding those afternoons when it's pumping and busy but the sun is right in everyone's eyes. Kooks just taking off into the sun and not looking.

Being fully aware and seeing bad situations before they occur is the key. I feel for the beginners though who have no idea what's coming at them or about to hit them. In that respect learning at a crowded beach is very dangerous.

sheep shagger's picture
sheep shagger's picture
sheep shagger commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 5:28pm

Hipster, mal riders and boomers... all selfish by default.

Thegrowingtrend.com's picture
Thegrowingtrend.com's picture
Thegrowingtrend.com commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 5:29pm

rip in

Nicko

Spuddups's picture
Spuddups's picture
Spuddups commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 5:47pm

Smiling longboarding hipsters who are too conceited to appreciate the consequences of their selfish actions are total scum in my book. I say load up all their boards and throw them into a giant wood chipper. Then make them ride surf mats with a bright yellow "L" sign on them for a couple of years till they learn some manners. Surfing with unbuttoned Hawaiian shirts and straw hats and the like should also be banned. That sort of thing sends me into a fit of seething rage.
Fortunately the waves round here are like sex in a quarry: fucking close to the rocks, so longboarding hipsters are fairly thin on the ground.

toncie's picture
toncie's picture
toncie commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 9:30am

Sometimes the smiling (if it looks genuine and is sent your way) is like having someone put a band-aid on your owwie, just makes you feel a little better that someone seems to care.
Even if that someone, on another level, might deserve to surf right into the glorious, hollow, sucking tube of a wood chipper (nah, just a nice cartoonish image).
And yeah, sometimes you just don't see it coming, even when you think you're being careful.
Thanks SwellNet for serving up a favorite with this topic, good timing as the swell drops off and we're feeling a little empty without it.

Sandro gia's picture
Sandro gia's picture
Sandro gia commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 6:05pm

could be wrong,but I'm sure there's a big percentage of young guys and girls who would have no clue what a turtle roll is.

seaslug's picture
seaslug's picture
seaslug commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 6:56pm

you could also delete the last 5 words to your sentence Sandro Gia

batfink's picture
batfink's picture
batfink commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 7:08pm

“The difference in culpability and potential harm is whether you check behind you first.”

Rule number one, always. I ranted exactly about this on the story about the German big wave guy who got rumbled by the guys ditched board.

Rule number two, if you can’t hold on to your board, don’t go out there. Learn where others aren’t so you can acquire the skills.

Have pretty much always surfed crowded beaches. Even so, I really learned this lesson most at a mechanical left in Bali, where nonces from, ahem, other countries, were notorious for not looking around. Last visit one guy put huge fin gashes across two guys boards because he didn’t look around, and couldn’t hold onto his board anyway. Later that day I watched from the bar on the hill as his leg rope broke and he nearly drowned on the rip near the shore. Did everything wrong. There were half a dozen of us watching him, giving each other shifty looks wondering who was going to go and save him, and working out exactly when was the moment we’d have to commit. Everyone knew he was the guy who sent two gashed boards in that day. Nobody was jumping out of their skin to get him in.

He eventually got in, and got a bit of a slam on the shore break. We all thought that was apt. He was unapologetic, even a bit stroppy when those guys had a go at him after gashing their boards. They were spewing actually.

I decided to never let a surfer paddle out in front of me, especially when it is obvious they are a beginner, and they are on a mal.

sypkan's picture
sypkan's picture
sypkan commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 7:26pm

I hate to be that angry middle aged grumpster too...

but what is it with chicks on longboards with their undies up their arse?

...they seem to have more attitude and sense of entitlement than the grumpy middle aged 80's - 90's dudes and the 'local' thinking I had to deal with when growing up...

shit gone full circle?

one fuckwit fills the vacant space of another?

strange world we are living in

toncie's picture
toncie's picture
toncie commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 9:30am

Can someone at SwellNet please write an article about undies up the bum, I feel like it should get some traction, there's so much to consider.

tango's picture
tango's picture
tango commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 10:12pm

I'll support a request being submitted to Gary G.

velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 7:54pm

I love the glide. It's sold-out to the point of ridiculous parody now, sigh

100 people go through a surf lesson and maybe it clicks, really clicks, for between 1 and 5 of them. With certainty, nearly all will go the longboard route these days. 1000 beer adverts shot on a peeling point in the afternoon sun have made it inevitable.

Perhaps to end some of the bailing injuries: in my youth the local old timers (surfers of the 1950s-early 60's) taught me the trick of sitting on your log, facing shore, and pulling it back into the white water as you wear the white water on your back, when you are caught inside. They said this gets a bit harder to do if the waves are over shoulder height. You then spin back around and keep paddling out. This way your board stays with you, doesn't collect anyone else and injure them badly, and you stay roughly in the same spot (wave might push you back in a little). You also get to have a look at who is behind you and this helps awareness of the situation. I prefer this one to the eskimo roll tbh

tango's picture
tango's picture
tango commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 10:13pm

Yep 100%. It also helps avoid snapping a mal.

Numbatt's picture
Numbatt's picture
Numbatt commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 10:48pm

At West Aus main break there are longboards disguised as big wave boards.

I was checking the surf once and the limp body of a bloke was dragged up the steps onto the lawn. Instinctually jumped out and began rendering first aid. Pumped his chest for what seemed like hours, until the ambos arrived, unable to get him back. Devastated.
Later found out he had bled out after suffering a board nose to the groin. I probably just pumped all the blood out that remained. Did not even think to check his groin, should have ripped his wetty off. Shoulda coulda woulda, its done. Leashes save lives in the water and on land as turniquets. RIP.

Pops's picture
Pops's picture
Pops commented Thursday, 11 Feb 2021 at 12:28pm

Heavy.
Must have f*ked you up a bit.

He who hesitates is lost

rooftop's picture
rooftop's picture
rooftop commented Tuesday, 9 Feb 2021 at 10:55pm

I feel we're preaching to the choir here, guys. It's the wider world and the newbies entering ours that need to hear our message.

Some of the signs up at local beaches are good, such as those in the SW, but most of them say nothing about using a legrope or not ditching your board, only mentioning the guidelines around who gets priority.

Surf schools have a role to play, but I'm always disappointed that clubbies don't make more of an effort. Loose boards are more of a danger than an experienced rider on a bodyboard or foamie between the flags. And don't get me started on those massive, leashless, fibreglass surf rescue deathtraps. Why aren't they soft tops already?

Anyway, some better signage would go a long way I reckon.

How about a slogan competition? I'll throw my hat in the ring with a couple of starters.

Loose boards hurt kids.

Only losers lose boards.

Loose board? Finders keepers.

No legrope? Wanker.

Wilbur-Wild's picture
Wilbur-Wild's picture
Wilbur-Wild commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 1:26am

On the topic of hipsters that cant afford a $20 leash to keep everyone including themselves safe.

What is the difference between them making a stupid decision not to wear a leash and hurting some one badly or worse, which does happen and anyone else making the stupid decision to drink drive and hurting people?

And I cant agree more with sypkan's comments

lilas's picture
lilas's picture
lilas commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 5:17am

Is it such a stupid idea that we all get wetshirts printed up with some surfing Rules & etiquette? The bozos and kooks can read it while they wait for the next set & an opportunity to be a hazard.
It's one thing to be an asshole and a snake in the water but when they become a serious safety hazard, they cross a line that we as a community should not tolerate it. Over 40 years of surfing has shown me how easy it is for shit to go wrong in the ocean, so I do not hesitate to call someone out for endangering my or anyone's life..... as should everyone else!
This shit doesn't really happen in Hawaii because the locals strictly enforce "Safety Rules"
Same old thing in the end. If we all say it together, it may actually get through to these idiots. One person will never make a difference as idiots by definition are unaware of what's going on and need a LOT of help & repetition to get it through their thick skulls :)

Island Bay's picture
Island Bay's picture
Island Bay commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 5:31am

Careful what you wish for (leash/no leash). I find gumbies bailing their boards because of poor duckdiving skills and general cluelessness to be a much bigger issue than a stray longboard.

Dannon's picture
Dannon's picture
Dannon commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 6:47am

I have no problem being a grumpy middle aged prick...
Fire up.
Give em a spray.
Through ya wieght around.
Grow a sack.

brownie48's picture
brownie48's picture
brownie48 commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 9:27am

Some very good comments here and anyone who has surfed for more than 20 years will have injuries and stories of kooks letting go of their boards, paddling into your line to avoid a 3ft wave, etc

Everyone has a right to be in the ocean but with that right comes responsibilities such as:
Being able and willing to control your board at all times in all situations
If you cant deal with a clean up or close out without letting go of your board then you should not be out there
Understand the hierarchy and how a lineup works as you are not entitled to be in the main peak just cause your helicopter parents said you can do anything you want
If you are a visitor no matter what your surfing ability then show respect to the local crew
Do not drop in or snake

Surf schools I have seen actually teach these things to anyone that comes through their doors unfortunately the covid surfers and most of the idiots I am seeing in the line up now have not come through the local surf schools and are too egotistical to get a lesson, lets buy a longboard/foamie/big fish and paddle out and take off

There are dickheads in all stages of life but I do agree with the sentiment that it is time for words to be said in a respectful way by the locals in the lineup to those who are being a dick or have no clue

FIFO - Fit in or fuck off

Jono's picture
Jono's picture
Jono commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 10:43am

Not sure where to begin with this one...

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

A post shared by Kookslams (@kookslams)

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 11:04am

Wow, just wow.

Almost like a small film production company got together to create an accompanying clip for this article.

velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 1:41pm

That clip has so much to give
Foil + log'ndog on a wave - BINGO!
Foil sees bystander and jumps on them
Cow noises

Pops's picture
Pops's picture
Pops commented Thursday, 11 Feb 2021 at 12:35pm

Foil on a sup? The end is nigh...

He who hesitates is lost

udo's picture
udo's picture
udo commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 1:59pm

That pooch got tubed in Slaters pool
https://www.instagram.com/p/CIozKIxB-jG/

Redmond Clement's picture
Redmond Clement's picture
Redmond Clement commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 2:07pm

I have a surf trauma therapist and I apologize when I accidentally drop in on someone not accuse them of snaking me!! Narcissistic shoulder hoppers!!

Smorto's picture
Smorto's picture
Smorto commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 4:17pm

This happened to me twice recently teaching my son to surf (he's 6) and both times we had to duck for cover. First time on a 1ft day at Kirra and another on a similar sized day at Johnsons, Noosa.

Both times they were hipsters on 9ft planks with one responding to my spray with a "we're just having fun mate" and the other said nothing. If I wasn't with my son I would have gone a lot harder at them, but still told them they almost took my son's head off.

Its complete selfish wanker bullsh*t! As a grommie our family were members of a well known mal club from the early 90s to early 00s and everyone wore a leggie, including those who competed seriously and those guys normally just attached it below the knee so they could still walk.

So this no leggie crap is a new thing that's come along with hipsters and needs to be called out whenever its seen.

udo's picture
udo's picture
udo commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 5:32pm
ringmaster's picture
ringmaster's picture
ringmaster commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 5:52pm

Don't remember the poor grom but thanks for the bonus smokin spadge!

Charlie Brown's picture
Charlie Brown's picture
Charlie Brown commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 5:48pm

"Vega, gimme 1500 words on the time a girl ditched her longboard!"
"You got it boss!"

PCS PeterPan's picture
PCS PeterPan's picture
PCS PeterPan commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 7:29pm

The best thing is all these kooks who started surfing in the last 10 years think they're cool . Sorry people , you have made surfing . . . . UGLY !
I have thought long and hard after watching my buddies get run over and abused by these sub-humans . I have a solution but it would take too long to explain .
So its game ON !
No excuses , paddle fu#king hard , surf as hard as you can for 40 minutes. Dont drop in , yell at the top of your lungs if your inside and GO .
Set an example . I reckon we've become too soft .

tango's picture
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tango commented Wednesday, 10 Feb 2021 at 10:36pm

Where to start?

I've had a few kook-fuelled accidents, had more near misses than I care to remember, seen collisions - horrible, can't watch/must watch collisions - and witnessed good, bad and ugly crowds. I've surfed for over 40 years on all manner of craft all over the place, but the last five years went next level before Huey hit the nitro and 2020's iso-kooks hit the water. The danger factor is now so full-on at a couple of fun waves around here that I simply won't take my daughter out for a paddle most of the time.

It's the danger of it that won't let me let things go in the water, and I actually think the right thing to do is point out the stupidity of what Danger Mouse did, regardless of whether it happened to you. You might be next, or it might be your kids. Or your other half, or your mate. If muppets are OK with endangering anyone else recklessly (we all make mistakes despite our good intentions) then they deserve to be put in their place. I agree that having a bit of a blue in the water can ruin your surf, but it pales in comparison to your skull split open or your kids teeth getting caved in. If everyone just shuts up, people will keep being irresponsible. Most learners appreciate a bit of advice. Some don't. Hipsters certainly hate it. You can do it politely and firmly, but sometimes it might need to be a bit more serious.

It's a grey area sometimes, of course. Probably a PhD thesis in there.

bbbird's picture
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bbbird commented Thursday, 11 Feb 2021 at 8:40pm

Crowded surf spots and beginners are a recepe for disaster.
Hazard: East Oz coast is awash with surf learners.... like lemmings from the carpark to the surf seeking nirvana.
Doesnt matter if theyre learning on a pointy razer sharp fin board, lid, fatfoamfish or mal.
Give them a space; a flagged area for beginners recommended please ... experienced lifeguards could agree.
or accept the risk...
avoid disaster; get up early, search for uncrowded waves or...
wear a helmet and be prepared.. ..
Edja-makaitem tu
Perhaps we could align with the UN
eg. UNITED NATIONS CONVENTION ON THE LAW OF THE SEA
"Prompted by the desire to settle, in a spirit of mutual understanding and cooperation, all issues relating to the law of the sea and aware of the historic significance of this Convention as an important contribution to the maintenance of peace, justice and progress for all peoples of the world,..."
"Conscious that the problems of ocean space are closely interrelated and need to be considered as a whole,"
Ref: https://www.un.org/Depts/los/convention_agreements/texts/unclos/closindx...

bbbird

servant's picture
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servant commented Thursday, 11 Feb 2021 at 3:27am

Thanks V V.
If I may, as a nobody, surfing for about 50 years....This "old" stuff isn't popular, but true wisdom is priceless:
"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it".
Hebrews 12:11, NIV.
and
"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger".
Proverbs 15, NKJV

It's self evident (to me), that when some one get's away with a wrong doing (of any kind in life, or the line up), it's one of the next poor buggers they do it to, that eventually get's the injury. Perhaps speak up to save that next person from getting hurt.
By the way, it's not my Wisdom, but His.
God Bless you and all those offenders too.

PAG's picture
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PAG commented Thursday, 11 Feb 2021 at 9:43am

yes we all agree, so how can it be communicated to all those who are selfish, greedy and dont care?

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velocityjohnno commented Thursday, 11 Feb 2021 at 11:48am

Big signs with the rules, like Rosco did them back in WA, in front of the waves. Tribal law.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tribal_Law:_Surfriders_Code_of_Ethics

This one is similar to the pic of rules you see in a Surfgroms booklet:

https://totalsurfcamp.com/en/blog/surfers-code-15-basic-rules-surfing

velocityjohnno's picture
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velocityjohnno commented Thursday, 11 Feb 2021 at 12:04pm

The more I think about it: Adult Surfgroms. Not so much on the games played on the beach, but more about the rules and how to behave in lineups. "No one will want to do this," you say, but in teaching it respectfully and clearly, they will be able to read a lineup quicker and benefit in their own improvement in catching waves (and technique!) and so will want to.

WarriSymbol's picture
WarriSymbol's picture
WarriSymbol commented Thursday, 11 Feb 2021 at 11:02am

Anyone know what/if any legal trouble one may be in should they find themselves harpooning a hipster log rider who continuously drops in?

ringmaster's picture
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ringmaster commented Thursday, 11 Feb 2021 at 11:41am

None!

Apparently you'll even be in line for Australia Day honours the following year under the "outstanding services to the community" category.

servant's picture
servant's picture
servant commented Thursday, 11 Feb 2021 at 2:49pm

Good question WarriSymbol,
all jokes aside, assault in the surf is the same, under Law as any where else. Remember nearly everyone (people on shore) carries a camera(phone) these days, CCT cameras are everywhere and of course surf cam footage can be enhanced.
A firm word of warning about their dangerous behaviour should always be said for their good, yours and all others around.
God Bless you

factotum's picture
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factotum commented Friday, 12 Feb 2021 at 2:35am

Surely a "shut the fuck up, mole*" would've sufficed.

Perhaps some waggling of a fish killing baton in a quite threatening manner towards the female in question in the carpark later?

*sic. I believe the correct term is 'moll'. Happy to be corrected. Yew!