Newcomer Laughs Too Loudly at Local’s Joke

Ding Alley
Swellnet Dispatch

FRIDAY 19th JUNE, TOONALOOK POINT – Undistinguished surfer Arthur 'Arty' Cook’s campaign to secure a mid-level foothold in the dawn patrol hierarchy suffered a critical setback this morning when he laughed too boisterously at local electrician Josh Cassidy’s quip about getting caught inside.

“I’ve seen Arty surfing round here a fair bit lately, seemed like an alright enough fella, waits his turn, sometimes gets a little lost on the rock-off, but he goes alright,” said the respected 36-year-old local.

“We popped up next to each other after a wide set came through and I said, ‘If I had a dollar for every time I've been caught inside here…’

“I didn’t even get to finish what I was saying when Arty just fucking exploded in hysterics, like he’d heard the funniest thing in the world. 

“Totally lost his shit, crying with laughter and slapping the water in agreement.

“We all like Arty, but something’s not quite right with that guy.”



Cook is currently recovering at home on the couch hugging an oversized pillow, eating Tim Tams and complaining to wife Stacy. “One chance and I’ve blown it. I knew I was overdoing it, I could hear myself carrying on like a fuckwit … I was telling myself to stop but … I just couldn’t.”

Experts agree that few indiscretions set a newcomer's campaign for acceptance back further than over-eagerness to laugh at a local's joke.

“Textbook craving for acceptance gone wrong, but that doesn’t make it any less tragic,” says noted Toonalook psychologist Dr Petra Mills, “the sad irony is it inevitably occurs right at the tipping point of acceptance – the newcomer is good as gold, he or she’s put in the hours, surfed the spot in all conditions, deferred to the locals’ right to the pick of the sets, and right at the very moment – often after years of subtle campaigning – when the local extends the olive branch of inclusion in the form of a joke, the newcomer blows it by laughing inappropriately loudly at an only mildly humorous comment.

“Generally speaking, almost all the respect that’s been earned evaporates into thin air.

“The newcomer has revealed his or herself to be an over-eager sycophant – the type of surfer you don’t want contaminating your boardriders clubroom, or representing core local values when it’s eight feet and draining off the ledge.

“No-one likes a kiss-arse.”

When learning the particulars of the incident, Dr Mills let out a low whistle, “That’s the textbook perfect storm right there. The Toona Point early shift’s as tough a crowd as you’ll get. I’d say it’s another 18 months before Mr Cook can expect to get any decent sets.

“In the meantime, the best thing he can do out there is keep himself to himself.

“Perhaps let this Arty fellow know I can fit him in for a consultation, we can work on some strategies.”

And when told this was the same fellow who’d stranded himself on the Toona Point jump-rock for four hours back in May, Mills recommended Cook visit his GP first to acquire a mental health care plan, as “this could take a number of sessions.”

//DING ALLEY

Ding Alley is artist David @maccatoons McArthur, and writerer/designerer Gra Murdoch. In the late ‘80s, along with Coogs, Corka, Doogs, Sim & Scotty, they would play mini golf on the deck of their Burleigh rental with escalating consequences of defeat – from nominated for dishes or bottlo runs to headflushes in the less-than-spotless toilet. The default penalty for losing was being rendered immobile against the patio post and spat upon by the victors from a distance of exactly 1.7 metres. There is no pressure like lining up a critical putt when mates are audibly hoiking up goobies from the depths of their oesophagus, or racing to the fridge to sling down some milk to add texture to their phlegm.

Comments

Sprout's picture
Sprout's picture
Sprout commented Friday, 19 Jun 2020 at 11:28am

Spot on.

Henry's picture
Henry's picture
Henry commented Friday, 19 Jun 2020 at 11:38am

“The newcomer has revealed his or herself to be an over-eager sycophant – the type of surfer you don’t want contaminating your boardriders clubroom, or representing core local values when it’s eight feet and draining off the ledge. “No-one likes a kiss-arse.”

Cept at Preso night at the front-bar...?

garyg1412's picture
garyg1412's picture
garyg1412 commented Friday, 19 Jun 2020 at 12:12pm

A new niche market - surf psychologist - brilliant. Might have a problem getting that metal health care plan off your GP for reasons stated!!!

chook's picture
chook's picture
chook commented Friday, 19 Jun 2020 at 12:20pm

just ride a different board for while and pretend it was someone else. always works for me.

wiseautogas's picture
wiseautogas's picture
wiseautogas commented Monday, 22 Jun 2020 at 9:27am

perfect never ride coloured boards and stick a hood over your head

john wise

Ape Anonymous's picture
Ape Anonymous's picture
Ape Anonymous commented Friday, 19 Jun 2020 at 12:58pm

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaahahahaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

peterb's picture
peterb's picture
peterb commented Friday, 19 Jun 2020 at 1:18pm

second that

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin commented Friday, 19 Jun 2020 at 1:34pm

Excellent.

Thanks very much .

PKsswellnet's picture
PKsswellnet's picture
PKsswellnet commented Friday, 19 Jun 2020 at 2:27pm

we can work on some strategies - gold

Vunerable's picture
Vunerable's picture
Vunerable commented Friday, 19 Jun 2020 at 2:31pm

I used to surf with people whose boards were too short for them in big waves.
Now my waves are getting smaller and the crowds bigger. Interestingly it always comes back to length.
Don’t discount the importance of width, thickness and experience.
Loving it..

rrr's picture
rrr's picture
rrr commented Friday, 19 Jun 2020 at 3:23pm

lookin forward to the tale of the diehard, decades of local experience, local hand shaper to the died in the wool oldest respected local's responses to young upstart computer shaper who barely lays a hand on them, and the other youngsters who think his shit doesnt stink !
and the brand new locals to toonalook and there shiny new popouts from the new surfboard warehouse thats also new in town. where also is overpriced coffee sold to coffee snobs walking there lap dogs .

Island Bay's picture
Island Bay's picture
Island Bay commented Friday, 19 Jun 2020 at 5:01pm

Wonderfully cruel and loving at the same time.

Thanks, Gra.

ken.vincent's picture
ken.vincent's picture
ken.vincent commented Friday, 19 Jun 2020 at 6:17pm

Great to see the boys getting up another great story. Also an important nod to our mental health & showing the referral path we may seriously need if we mistime a jump in other areas of life. Can't buy health promotion like that!. Thanks.

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Friday, 19 Jun 2020 at 6:56pm

Well put mate. 'The System' may have its flaws, but I know I'm not alone in being v stoked on the ol' GP-referred mental health care plan. Saves you an absolute motza talking through stuff with a pro.

Cetus's picture
Cetus's picture
Cetus commented Saturday, 20 Jun 2020 at 10:50am

Yep, as men we shouldn't be afraid to talk things through. We don't have all the answers to all the problems and it doesn't hurt to lean on someone who has the chops to see you through.

tubeshooter's picture
tubeshooter's picture
tubeshooter commented Friday, 19 Jun 2020 at 8:29pm

It won't be long until Arty is on the committee of the local boardriders club.

hairmick's picture
hairmick's picture
hairmick commented Friday, 19 Jun 2020 at 10:30pm

Next chapter in Toona- latest member of the local board riders turns from awkward but likeable larrikin (blow-in) into arrogant and aggressive localised prick in the months (or day) after being invited into 'the club'

original smith's picture
original smith's picture
original smith commented Saturday, 20 Jun 2020 at 8:24am

That was perfectly adequate.
Thank you.

*Explosive hysterics strategically withheld.

happyppl's picture
happyppl's picture
happyppl commented Saturday, 20 Jun 2020 at 10:00am

sounds like the carpark gossips have a new victim to have some male bonding over

happyppl

Cetus's picture
Cetus's picture
Cetus commented Saturday, 20 Jun 2020 at 10:53am

Plenty of guys don't mind a good chat in the lineup too. Doesn't bother me if they don't see the sets coming.

Tooold2bakook's picture
Tooold2bakook's picture
Tooold2bakook commented Saturday, 20 Jun 2020 at 10:55am

Ouch. Too close to home

Chris Tacke's picture
Chris Tacke's picture
Chris Tacke commented Sunday, 21 Jun 2020 at 1:04am

nice guy but local kiss ass, telling local legend it was the waves fault that he blew it, and came off the back, explained wave shape lack off power etc etc.. l said nah it was you immediate acceptance..with legends .. sometimes the real truth is better

liplauncher's picture
liplauncher's picture
liplauncher commented Sunday, 21 Jun 2020 at 8:26am

the truth is that there is real mental anguish for people who feel on the outside, and the consequences of rejection by peers can be seriously damaging, even dangerous for vulnerable folks.
luckily our local surf community here is mostly super friendly and inclusive, even with all the tourists and travellers, and crowds.
when someones feeling really low, it only takes a bit of friendly banter to give them a bit of a lift.
life is short and you're dead a long time.....

matt59's picture
matt59's picture
matt59 commented Sunday, 21 Jun 2020 at 10:14am

Enjoyed the article, ta, applies to a lot of things.

wax-on-danielson's picture
wax-on-danielson's picture
wax-on-danielson commented Sunday, 21 Jun 2020 at 10:17am

I've got a good idea for a story. Its about a local that thinks he is a full time sickunt and writes stories for a surfing column on the internet mocking people's minor flaws and morphing them into major social issues to prove that the way said-writer conducts their life and attitude revolving all thing surf related is the be-all and end-all of what is the correct way to conduct oneself if they to wish to be a socially accepted surfing sickunt.. said-writer's life is quite stressful in the amount of time they spend worrying about other people's perception of themselves.. Haha.

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Sunday, 21 Jun 2020 at 11:17am

It's a hall of mirrors hey wax-on-danielson! Truth be told I'm my own biggest target, taking the piss out of my own foibles most of the time. I guess the idea is that a bit of humour etc shows our concerns etc to be mostly ill-founded. It's satire and not meant to be taken literally. Anyway, sorry you're peeved. Cheers.

PrecambrianPeter's picture
PrecambrianPeter's picture
PrecambrianPeter commented Monday, 22 Jun 2020 at 12:03am

Bit of a bummer you seem have to clarify the satire in each of these pieces. If ya can't poke fun at your self you can you poke fun at?
Love seeing shades of the majority of surf mob in each of these shorts Gra!
Keep them coming

Charlie Brown's picture
Charlie Brown's picture
Charlie Brown commented Wednesday, 24 Jun 2020 at 10:01am

You been laughing a bit hard at the locals Dan?

Robwilliams's picture
Robwilliams's picture
Robwilliams commented Sunday, 21 Jun 2020 at 12:56pm

Humour, satire and a pinch of salt. Essentials in self reflection, free society and life.

69longboarder's picture
69longboarder's picture
69longboarder commented Sunday, 21 Jun 2020 at 9:22pm

You are all forgetting one thing.
The local indigenous mob are probably laughing the hardest.
At all of us for thinking WE are local. Even if you are shit hot local.
Yeah right......

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Monday, 22 Jun 2020 at 8:01am

Agreed 100 percent 69l. I've written a piece on this but it didn't quite work – well, it worked but didn't fit in with the Ding Alley schtick. I'll send it to ya if ya want. Just sling us an email gramurdochis(at)outlook.com – be interested to get your feedback.

69longboarder's picture
69longboarder's picture
69longboarder commented Sunday, 21 Jun 2020 at 9:28pm

And Waxon. Fair call.

Just delivered ever so gently too.

tubeshooter's picture
tubeshooter's picture
tubeshooter commented Sunday, 21 Jun 2020 at 9:55pm

Ease up , I'm a shit hot local ,, well ,...at least some bloke like Arty referred to me like that 20 years ago when I drew him as a partner in the boardriders annual charity event.

drodders's picture
drodders's picture
drodders commented Monday, 22 Jun 2020 at 7:54am

I think we need a story about the old “respected” dudes, who switch to SUPs and still want to pull the “I’ve been coming here for 50 years...” story while paddling in circles, falling off and snaking people. Worse still, it seems to empower everyone to get a SUP and do the same thing...

Roger Braga's picture
Roger Braga's picture
Roger Braga commented Monday, 22 Jun 2020 at 11:37am

Typical ozzie behaviour from both ends.

Standingleft's picture
Standingleft's picture
Standingleft commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 7:57am

Been a long time since I've so looked forward to a cartoon comic and yes Gra you're spot on mate, locals make the worst jokes. bahaha