The Outsider: Victorian Rhapsody
Anzac Day. Tullamarine.
In the past I've said unkind things about Victoria which have justly caused offence to the fine citizens of this state. Whilst it's never easy to say: I was wrong, and eat from the humble pie, I feel an overwhelming urge to correct the public record. It would be a travesty for it to remain so unjustly skewed.
Can I start with my hosts, Ed and Jacqui, core surfers, naturalists and proud Victorians by birth and inclination? They have guided me gently and with deep insight through the seasonal vagaries, swell patterns, vegetation, bird life and geography of their beloved Bellarine Peninsula and beyond. Ed is a man of science and art and I can't help thinking of him without recalling the tribute paid by Steinbeck to his man of science, Ed Ricketts. "Ed was interested in everything. He would listen to any kind of nonsense and change it for you to a kind of wisdom. His mind has no horizon. Everyone who knew him was indebted to him".
Ed tuned me in to the flat reefs, the tidal phases, the quality of the Autumn light. Above all the light; which glows with a soft radiance during the afternoon and infuses everything with a honeyed sweetness. Ego dissolves in this Victorian light and a feeling of vastness spreads like a benediction through the soul. This is the first and last freedom and it lies beyond the tentacles of the marketplace.
In the cauldron of competition, the relentless manufacturing of wants transposed on the culture by the commercial imperatives of industry and the anonymous hate on the internet it becomes easy to forget that the surfing experience can be a conduit to camaraderie and fellowship. A bullshit session in the carpark, a beer in the post-surf glow will always mean more than the artifice of a Title race. Lest we forget.
Hynd was in the carpark this morning, surveying a sparkling Bells line-up that was still graced by well overhead sets. He was surfing six foot Winki on a finless board when the Final was in play. Solo. He heard the shouts of joy that erupted spontaneously when Parkinson scored his perfect ten as the final seconds ebbed away in the Final. He insisted on a precise description of the ride.
The beachbreaks were sparkling in the morning sunlight and the feeling in the water was stoked out. Offshore A-frames as far as the eye could see and a wetsuit that hasn't been dry since I got here.
Gratitude is not a commonly expressed emotion over the internets, but my heart was full of it when I finagled my seven-footer onto the plane.
Thank you Victoria.
PS: We'll come back tomorrow with a detailed post mortem and interview with ASP CEO Brodie Carr.
Comments
In the immortal words of Herve Villachaize: "de plane, de plane!" And rightly so, Mr Nettle, rightly so. Would we ask Bill Shakespeare to return to Stratford via coach after writing Macbeth??
Bad analogy, come to think of it. But you get my drift...
Yeah, but this is no endorsement of that silly aerial ping pong chicken scratch of a game they play.
Hope they put you up the pointy end Mr Freeride - though Kerouac would've stuffed that seven footer into the caboose...
I like the outsider posts. I don't like people comparing the outsider to Jack Kerouac, Hunter S Thompson or William Shakespear- utter nonsense - or when the guy with the Donny Darko picture writes 20 unrelated metaphors or similes (I dont know or care which they are) in a row about nothing. It makes an alright thing seem, just like many things these days, a bit more crap.
I have to agree with Ballbagmanifesto(awesome name, btw).
Comparisons to those amateurs is weak sauce. Freeride is much more like Moses, author of the ten commandments, The Gettysburgh Address, and the Pentateuch.
And I whole-heartedly agree that that Donnie Darko rabbit taintwad should quit commenting here. He doesn't just make thing a bit more crap, he makes them downright un-surfy. He’s just like every other pretentious writer who is insecure with crediting anyone but the anciently departed for his own influences. Deep down, writers are the most wretched, self-loathing creatures on this planet.
Get thee behind us, Donnie Darko rabbit. Or should I say, SATAN!
Well fuck me sideways.
I was supposed to post that last comment under the moniker "Tournier's Uncle's Best Friend."
Fucking karma sutra coming back to bite me in the arse.
Satan .... there ain't no devil (rottmouth) just god when he is drunk!!
Nice work Freeride although you might pay heed to another waits quote.
“The public is a wild animal. It’s better not to feed them too well.â€
Careful, Steve. All these compliments could have you seconded to the ASP as the new fucking director! You would then have to give up that 7-footer for a "dumpster diver" or some such thing. But you would have to fight Kelly for the job. He IS taking on the role when he retires, right, right!?
Oh, to ride a 7-footer again. That would be soooo good. All that rail. All that drive. All those swooping lines. All that sweeeeet sweeet goodness.
Oops.
Ballbag wrote... "I like the outsider posts. I don't like people comparing the outsider to Jack Kerouac, Hunter S Thompson or William Shakespear- utter nonsense - or when the guy with the Donny Darko picture writes 20 unrelated metaphors or similes (I dont know or care which they are) in a row about nothing. It makes an alright thing seem, just like many things these days, a bit more crap."
Bet you're the life of the party... lighten up old chap.
7 footer on a plane?
That suggests a full service airline. Don't lose the common touch in your extravagance, Steve.
nah, Jetstar.....had to beg and bend the truth to get it on and in the end it didn't make the flight...don't try and take a seven footer on Jetstar
we heard you got thrown on a greyhound bus....and couldnt agree more bout that shitty, scrappy and clumsy looking game they play.....
thought it was only over on their east coast. That light is like nothing else.
Outsider
You pricks actually hit torquay at its most souless worst time of year when the reefs and pubs are clogged with preening arseholes like yourselves. And we're talkin about a town that sold out years ago anyway. And then you leave writing gushing tributes to how soulful it is. You really wouldnt fucking know what Victorian surfing is all about until youve spent some time on the Great Ocean Road or down at Phillip Island by yourself. We dont need your approval we just need you to stay the fuck away. Unless you want to come down alone no cameras no pros no stories just a few boards and some fuckin manners and respect. Until then just stay in your little surf industry surf tour bullshit bubble...and lose the picture of Eastwood until ya grow some fucking balls.
Ah, yes, manners and respect; I remember them well....
As beautifully demonstrated by the-dude.
Yep Manners and respect dickhead. As in when you rock up somewhere with a mate (only one as a maximum)and theres three or four guys out always wait until they have had their fill before you stroke. Or if youre on your own get out there and just chill out for a little while. Let your surfing do the talking mate. Old school shit!
The Dude, you're more than likely an A-grade fuckwit of the first rank but just in case you're legit: I came to Vicco alone to write about the Bells Comp.
I went surfing by myself with no cameras or pro surfers.
And I had a fucken fine time and was shown some wonderful hospitality by some really nice, genuine people.
Being grateful for that was what the article was about.
Old school shit; simple common courtesy.
Be grateful???? Who the fuck do you think you are Freeride? Be grateful that some asshole who has bagged the shit out of Vic in the past now sees the light and sees fit to write some dribble about the fuckin light??? Fuck me!!! You have changed my life mate. I can now enjoy surfing in victoria properly after thirty five years of not seein the light! Wowee we are just so lucky to have you surfing media literary giants visit us and tell us how it is. As for the comparisons to Keroac and Hemminway??? Just goes to show how how far your heads are up your arse mate. As for critisizing the best game in the world champ??? Think we all know who the A grade fuckwit is!!!!!
Anyone who calls himself the-Dude is either a few sandwiches short of a picnic or the kind of outright, dribbling loser who goes and masturbates in his backshed over his latest internet comment.
Which one are you Dude?
How bout you go crawl back down that slimey little hole you just came out of.
Is that Hemmingway or Keroac? Getting fairly personal on a grade six gutter level now mate...really showing your true colors!! tell ya what freeride next time ya down in vicco give us a yell mate and we'll catch up.....Lets just leave it at that ay
No worries The Dude.
Same goes for when your up this way.
Read the shit you posted up and you might understand why you got a reaction.
Internet tough guys are a dime a dozen.
cant wait
Yeah I bet.
In the interim try and get out a little more.
Maybe even out of Victoria.
That cold weather can really fuck with a mans perspective.
@The Dude,
Think of Shep’s work as a twelve-story concrete tilt-up edifice combining classical neo-Georgian features with the efficiency of modern techniques. The tenants arrive here and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort, past murals depicting oceanic scenes, while the uncomprehending, befuddled tenants get siphoned off onto a separate belt headed towards the rotating blades.
The last twenty feet of this corridor are heavily soundproofed. The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into buckets that resemble your comments.
Mate his writing just ain't that good and if you weren't so far up his arse you could see that. And as I sit here watching the sun set over about ten detonating six to eight foot isolated reef breaks it doesn't really seem to matter. Guess I just don't like assholes bagging my home and code of football. Not too mention thinking they bear some resemblance to great writers and Clint Eastwood. As for getting out free ride seen a bit actually mate and in terms of all time uncrowded waves why would you live anywhere else. Unless you couldnt handle the cold cos your as weak as piss??
I could give a fuck whether you like it or not The Dude.
You come in here swinging your dick like some internet hero on a piece that was written in gratitude then you're a moron in my books.....
And most people who travel around at the least learn some humility and respect..as well as a bit more grace to visitors than you seem capable of.
Anyway, if your happy down there, then good for you.
Enjoy your all-time uncrowded waves.
Gawd, I go out for a quick look around and all hell breaks loose.
@the-dude
Dickhead??? Moi???? I have never, ever been so hurt....
Truly.
Dude. I'm glad you surf uncrowded waves cause i'd hate to bear witness to your manner fouler if you were stuck fighting for waves everyday.
I have grown up in Vic (still here) too and remember reading the outsider's initial piece bagging Victoria. I didn't agree with all that much of it. Though I found some of it entertaining, I found the majority of it to be too-boldly-stated naive impressions of Vicco based on very limited exposure/experience of what the state really has to offer and is really about. That did not offend me as it is the outsiders job to honestly document his experience as he visit's the comps; not to bullshit us like most of the industry-fed shills do. He is entitled to his experience and opinion no matter how wrong you may think him.
If anything, it show's his integrity and maturity to then come back and apologise while re-writing the record via his relaying of a revelatory experience down here for the last comp. It show's an open mind and spirit to take in new experience and thus evolve one's own perspective. He was writing about being grateful for that experience, not asking YOU to be grateful as, by your comment, you seem to have understood it. Don't take his opinions so personally. They are like arsholes, everybody's got... etc etc I am sure the outsider would be the first to agree and humbly call himself out on this exact sentiment. But that is not the point. Just chill. If you're so content, then why the need to get so angry about it?
@ The Dude (camels dick)
You fit the genre of a middle-aged paranoid fuck who's lost his fight in the surf and has taken it to internet forums.
Yeah Dude, you really sound like the type of guy that would show up to a break with a couple of mates and just wait for someone to come out. What a crock of shit. You sound like the type of bloke that would rush out with said mates and try to dominate the break.
Actually The Dude.
I'm sorry I lost my rag yesterday and dropped those cheap insults on you.
it's stoops to get down in the internet gutter and brawl.
You're welcome to throw your 2 cents in here anytime you want.
Seriously.
'...
may my mind stroll about hungry
and fearless and thirsty and supple
and even if its Sunday may I be wrong
for whenever men are right they are not young."
ee cummings.
YEEEEOOOOHHH! keep it coming freeride.
You blokes from Victoria who wont stand up for yourself really are as weak as piss. You make me sick with your poems and pathetic lay down and take it up the arse attitude. Any article that starts of with " I know ive said unkind things about Victoria" is a fuckin red flag as far as Im concerned. Fuck that shit. Think about the great Victorians for fucks sake you lily livered weak kneed sons of bitches.. You trecherous scum!!!Imagine being in the trenches with you blokes. The whistle blows and as you hurtle across the killing fields you look back and there you are..in the fucken trenches writing a fuckin poem about the turkish uniform and how it glimmers in the morning dew. What would Barrassi say, Kennedy, Jeans, Norm Smith... if some peanut turned around and bagged what is clearly the most spectacular code of football in the world? No worries mate have a cup of fuckin tea?? As Kennedy would say DO SOMETHING!!!! Stand up for yourself men! For your state for your home. You got the best waves and the best capital city with the best rocknroll scene in Australia by that far its not funny. Why take any shit at all from these blokes north of the border who incidentally we dont visit and then bag out...never have. Never bothered too! I cant remember any Victorian journalist or otherwise ever coming back after a trip up north and passing judgement on our fellow Australians. Usually its just ' met some great blokes had some fun waves and drank some cold beer. Bit crowded but yeah good fun.' why would you bother? I agree Freeride enough insults. And if we ever run into each other Id be quite happy to have share a barrel and a beer with ya. Over and out and remember one thing....the dude abides
You started off so agro Dude and then finished like you had a tear in your eye. Like a come-down from a fresh batch of cookies.
One thing Dude.
Do ya have to use so many cuss words?
Ok Dude, have it your way.
.... and we wonder what happened to surfing!?!
So glad you said that freeride76.
At the end of the day you've published an article which is from your point of view so i reckon it's only fair that the public have a right to respond with their point of view. The responses may not always be to your liking but really I think you should be able to to take the criticism as well as the accolades if you're going to put yourself out there in the first place. Anyway glad to see it's all sorted.