Tub Rumbling

Ding Alley
Form Guide

There are several good reasons to set your alarm for 4:45am: setting out to scale a peak in time for sunrise; taking the chitluns to swim squad training; sharing pre-dawn Superbank with 30 others instead of the usual 300 caaarrnts. 

Peeling out of bed in time for kick-off at the Woz’s Rumble At The Ranch, well that’s a different matter hey.

'Bumble' at the Ranch

Your Ding Alley reporterer will confess to a fairly pathetic addiction to watching Surf Comp webcasts. They have a strange hold over me. Maybe I’m chasing those initial highs I felt as a grom: being dropped off at Bells to watch superhero MR swoop the Bowl; being excused from dinner early on Sunday to watch ‘Surfabout’ on tele; pretending to do homework with a surf mag tucked under my folder, that kind of stuff.

So you’d think I’d bounce out of bed amping for this Rumble thing, (especially considering our last hit of webcastery was the Sydney Surf Pro back in early March) but really, this morning is more a case of mild and morbid curiosity, to see how lame it’s gonna be, along with the hope the Woz will land a few dopamine punches on this sad old addict.

Because that’s the thing with the Ranch. You DO know what you’re gonna get. What made the tank so astonishing and remarkable when it was unveiled back in 2015 – the sheer length and perfection of the wave – has drained the colour and contrast out of the competitive spectacle.

Remember the hoo-ha – around the time Sophie Goldschmitt took the helm – about how this was gonna be some kind of tipping point for pro surfing? Schedulable broadcast times! The element of luck and chance removed! A level playing field! Perhaps a Tokyo tank in time for the 2020 Olympics! Some kind of legitimacy! 

All those grand-sounding objectives, but no-one really seeming to ask why in hell you’d want to go there.

Anyway, no Tokyo tank got built, COVID came along and tore the planet a new one, the Olympics got iced, which is kind of a shame because the surf in the Chiba Prefecture was a steaming pile of shite in the window when Olympic glory would have been on the line.

So here we are, 5.00am Eastern Standard Time. Let’s rumble. The familiar tones of Joe Turpel flood through the headphones and hit the dopamine receptors on my brain and I can’t help but be a little excited - old habits and all that.

But by the time Joe opens with, “It’s a Co-Ed Format with an Incredible Heavy-Hitting Tag-Team Format”, with the enthusiasm of a proud father announcing the gender of his just-born child, I remember we’re all gonna have to suffer a little for our comp fix. 

Predictably, we have the song and dance around the Ranch’s COVID precautions, including (if I heard right) the statement that all competitors have ‘masks back on when not competing’– which is demonstrably not the case – and there’s talk of the quarantine all surfers went through etc. I’m sure the Woz ticked all the boxes here, but am a little puzzled about the length of quarantine honorary Oz gal Lakey Peterson went through, given she flew out of Oz first of this month. Perhaps exemptions from the customary fortnight were granted, given the Ambassadorial status many pro surfers have these days. 

OK, so Phil Toledo blows the first wave of the day, which sets the pattern – the rights are cursed affairs for the fellas almost all day long. It’s a good reminder of both how these guys really are surfing on the knife’s edge, and how demanding it actually is to compete at the elite level. 

My notes read that Phil looks to have enjoyed his time away from the tour, that he’s no longer the whippet-lean elasto kid, and that perhaps he’s the kind of surfer who might struggle to get back into the competitive space. Which goes to show what a shit observer of surfing I am, given that in a few hours’ time Phil singlehandedly saves the day from total mediocrity.

Ah, here’s Pete Mel, Professor of the Screaming Obvious. Nice to see him though, and here’s Strider on the ski, Professor of just Screaming. 

“Incredible to hear your voice,” says Joe Turpel to Strider. Not really the term I’d use, but Joe’s fond of the word ‘incredible’ – I count him use it 17 times through the broadcast, and dearly wish Rosy would hit him with a rolled up newspaper every time he does so.

So, the quarters: Andino and Alyssa Spencer sink to Phil and Coco. Spencer’s surfing is ‘Incredible’ according to you-know-who, again, not the term her ornery performance brings to mind. Alyssa’s surfing has appeal, but today that appeal is for help.

Slater and Sage take on Seth and Riss in quarter two and the moment Slats strokes in to his right, the feed drops out. I’m watching on the Woz site, so every time you refresh the feed you have to endure the fucking ads. If this is Chinese hackers looking to cause us despair they certainly know how to do it. The ads are either for cars the size of tanks or flasks that will save the world. Presumably this all evens out, planet-and-karma-wise. Also there’s the puzzling Quiksilver animation ads, trying to channel Captain Goodvibes and Gonad Man and landing nowhere near.

It only takes me half a dozen drop outs (anyone know what ‘Error Code 232404’ is?) for the penny to drop and switch to watching it on Facey. Never thought I’d say this but the Facey experience was an improvement – no ads, just three meditative minutes of staring at a dormant water treatment plant before coming back to the action.

So, Kelly and safety Sage get through against Hawaiians Seth (shocker) and Riss, who looks perhaps a smidge disinterested in the whole affair.

Conner Coffin – the prettiest of the entire cast with lovely iso beard and man-bun – and Kirra Pinkerton who sadly kooks it, don’t stand a chance against Adriano de Souza (rock solid) and Caz Marks, whose style is just getting better as she metronomes on the right, and gouges the left.

Indeed, seeing the little fella ADS standing erect in a Lemoore baz makes you wonder about the future of wave pools – where taller folk will no longer have to fold themselves into a wee ball.

Fourth quarter (remember this comp started at the quarters stage) is the closest heat of the day. Kanoa Igarashi (Whose rashie is misspelt ‘Igarshi’… getting ‘rashi’ wrong on a rashie is SO meta) and Weston-Webb take down Lakey and Griff Colapinto. It’s a heat that could have gone either way. After blowing her right, the highly fancied Peterson looked as if someone had skinned and eaten her cat. 

Before we roll into the semis: a few observations that hint on the state of play at the Woz. 

First up, Arse Cam. Remember the pre-Woz days? You’d get shots of gals duckdiving – cameras would linger on goosebumped arses. The Woz came in and said "No More!" I suspect now the Woz says, “Well, OK let’s show a bit of arse. No more than, say, three seconds but.”

Secondly, Big Deals. There’s a moment when Pete Mel’s conducting a post heat interview and holds up an energy bar to camera. This energy bar has got a drawing of the interview subject on the front, she’s popping an air. What a moment this represents: the convergence of all those years of hard work, dreaming, blood sweat and tears. Here’s the commercial model at work, advertising and content deftly seamlessly integrated in the hands of Professor Pete. I can imagine Dirk Ziff, watching from his lair, allowing a tear of joy and vindication to roll down his cheek, picturing the money flooding back in on his investment in the sport – The 20 or 30 thousand surfers watching globally dashing out to purchase their energy bars with the surfer on front. Riches are surely coming!

Interesting, also, to note that every surfer’s an Ambassador these days. No longer simply sponsored, they’re Ambassadors for various brands. I do love to imagine all these Ambassadors back at their respective Embassies, carrying out their International Ambassadorial Duties, before donning their dinner jackets and frocks for drinks with emissaries from NATO and the like. Ambassadors. FFS.

OK, no messing about, the semis are on!

Toledo blows his right – again – but blazes the left, partner Coco stays on point. Safety Sage goes alright but Slats goes a bit silly and tries to channel Cheyne Horan’s hail mary at the Op Pro in Huntington in 82, with a backhand 360 – (actually a second one, which fails, which also might channel Cheyne’s attempt to recreate the magic there in ’83.) But good on Slats for trying to put some sorely needed Tiger Balm on this comp’s nuts. Good work in the booth too.

Semi two, De Souza and Marks fall just short of Igarshi and TWW. Rosy reckons TWW is getting a underscored but if ya ask me her backhand style is a bit crook and those top turns are pretty whacky. That wide stance fits into the lefts brilliantly tough.

You’d have to back Caz Marks for contention if the ’21 tour gets up. People compare her to Occy, but I reckon there’s a bit of Dooma consistency in her too – it takes a lot to throw that Tyrion Lannister-centre of gravity off whack. 

Kanoa ups the ante by taking to the air in the first half of his right. He also does a lovely turn that evokes strong memories of the Taj snap, it’s a bit of a look-back judo thing. So cool to see unmistakeable echoes of style. It’s a reminder that surfing, no matter how hyped or mishandled, truly is a brilliant and beautiful thing.

In direct and stark contrast to all things beautiful and lovely, we are now being shown the trophies by Professor Pete. Truly hideous. Ding Alley illustrator Macca counsels me not to be so judgemental: “Clearly Elo made these himself out of Paddle Pop sticks, so go easy on him.” Ah Macca, always so generous. 

...but fucking hell, remember, COVID or not, this pool thing was gonna be the gamechanger. How telling is it that we’ve got trophies made from Paddle Pop sticks and what have you?

By this stage, I’m just wanting this Rumble to be over, and good on the Woz for racing through it as quickly as possible. 

And so the Final. Coco does her old-school pocket rocket on the right for a mid-six, Tati gets a generous mid-seven on her right, setting up a point’s worth of advantage for Kanoa over Fil, who hasn’t completed a right all day. 

The Poor Woz. 2020 has been a turd rolling down a hill for this organisation, but even a turd rolling down a hill occasionally finds a plateau to rest on for a moment. 

Filipe Toledo provides that moment – pulling a Filipe Told-Ya-So on his final right. Coupla whirly birds and what have youse – and just for a second, there’s something valid about the Rumble and the you-only-get-one-chance nature of competitions at the ranch. He goes one better with a bit of switch tomfoolery on the left, sets Kanoa a task he’s not up to, and mercifully the day is done and dusted. Lord knows I’m not going to stick around for the post show.

I would like to know, however, what the fark happened to the whole 'Rebate Wave' thing – the donating of waves to teammates as part of strategy to build the score? You know, the critical piece of scaffolding that the Woz had trumpeted was gonna inject drama and tactics into the affair? The omission didn’t even rate a mention.

Far out, you’d almost think the Woz was making this all up on the fly. But today was worth it just for those extraordinary trophies. They’ll add prestige to any embassy deemed secure enough to house them.

// DING ALLEY

Comments

juegasiempre's picture
juegasiempre's picture
juegasiempre commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 1:10pm

"the sheer length and perfection of the wave – has drained the colour and contrast out of the competitive spectacle."

I don't care for watching pro surfing at all, I'm more a fan of the video part format, but if the goal is to find out who the best surfer is, something like that wave removes all of the variables of the ocean and strips it down to just surfing. Isn't that what these comps are about? Crowning the "best surfer in the world"?

If it's not about that, why have surfing comps?

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 1:30pm

Well that was part of the theory: that removing the variables would make for true level-playing-field surfing combat, but turns out it's a bit dull.

dawnperiscope's picture
dawnperiscope's picture
dawnperiscope commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 1:51pm

i think there is a fair bit more to being the best surfer that happens before they stand up, which this comp deletes. So you end up with the 2 most technically correct in the final.. which is, as you say.. a bit dull

Ride on

lost's picture
lost's picture
lost commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 9:03pm

really, really dull in fact. I enjoy watching a bit of the tour but try as they might I find watching the pool so damn boring. I’ve realised the sporadic nature, uncertainty and ever changing canvas of real waves is as important as the surfing itself. Strangely the barrel is the most boring part of that wave.

knB

DudeSweetDudeSweet's picture
DudeSweetDudeSweet's picture
DudeSweetDudeSweet commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 1:26pm

“.... no ads, just three meditative minutes of staring at a dormant water treatment plant before coming back to the action.”

I love you , man.

Remigogo's picture
Remigogo's picture
Remigogo commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 4:46pm

yeah what's with that? Meditation time, that is...

lost's picture
lost's picture
lost commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 9:04pm

So so weird - I’m like is it on or off ? Waiting for the call LOL ?

knB

simba's picture
simba's picture
simba commented Wednesday, 12 Aug 2020 at 1:56pm

The Poor Woz. 2020 has been a turd rolling down a hill for this organisation, but even a turd rolling down a hill occasionally finds a plateau to rest on for a moment.

Well Gra..... you nailed that review...( sorry Stu my bad before)

simba

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 1:50pm

I wish.

I'll handball that accolade to Gra.

 

Surfalot67's picture
Surfalot67's picture
Surfalot67 commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 1:42pm

Tyrion Lannister-centre of gravity. That's some funny shit right there!!

rrr's picture
rrr's picture
rrr commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 1:50pm

fk you make me laugh !!
"the poor Woz . 2020 has been a turd rolling down a hill for this organization " line,
ahhh , one of many good laughs here .
great insights. love it !

Craig's picture
Craig's picture
Craig commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 1:51pm

"Whose rashie is misspelt ‘Igarshi’… getting ‘rashi’ wrong on a rashie is SO meta" Hahaha

bluediamond's picture
bluediamond's picture
bluediamond commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 2:44pm

haha. That one cracked me up too. Gold!

tank's picture
tank's picture
tank commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 2:16pm

if ya dont like it dont watch it

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 2:29pm

If ya don't like it don't read it.

Sprout's picture
Sprout's picture
Sprout commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 3:06pm

I didn't read it but only because any mention of that pool has me nodding off. I've no chance of making it through 2000+ words on the subject without my face hitting the keyboard.

mowgli's picture
mowgli's picture
mowgli commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 9:41am

Then you missed on some good one liners.

nah....yeah...but, nah

Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 3:09pm

I really enjoyed the contest.
I did miss half the final though.
I think some of the girls surf the pool better than the men.
Coco was a treat to watch. Kanoa and ads were the most consistent on the men's side.
Did anyone miss john john or jordy ?
Nice write up also Mr gra
Carry on !

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 6:54pm

Thanks LD!

Westofthelake's picture
Westofthelake's picture
Westofthelake commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 3:55pm

I enjoyed the write up more than what I saw of the surfing.
I did catch Toledo do that 360 to switchfoot into the barrel thing which was my only real highlight.

Oh as for the error code: Sometimes the "Error loading media: File could not be played" or "Error code 232404" error arise due to unsupported video format. When a . wmv video or mov. video is loaded on a JW player this issue is triggered as these formats don't use a H264 video codec.

If that helps....but probs not.

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 6:55pm

Thanks WotL – what's a JW player, is that what I might have?

Westofthelake's picture
Westofthelake's picture
Westofthelake commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 7:24pm

Ummmm, no idea (googles JW player) "During the early development, before it was purchased by Google, YouTube videos were streamed by JW Player.[5][6] In 2015 JW Player was rewritten to reduce size and load time."
Basically a JW player is the brand name of software for video/audio sharing.

In case you were Just Wondering, I think the abbreviation stands for Just Wont (work).

Otherwise, to summarise, I've got still got no idea.... soz.

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 6:42am

I saw the same error too.

JW player is the software used to display the live video, we used to use it for our surfcams but had similar problems (annoying for an expensive, enterprise-grade solution).

Also shows the WSL moving to yet another platform - YouTube (pre-2015), NeuLion (2015), Facebook Live (2017), and now JW Player. Though interesting to note both YouTube and Facebook are still in operation.

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 6:48am

Also don't know what happened to WSL's partnership with Bleacher report (announced in 2018).

"Turner Sports' B/R Live (Bleacher Report) will distribute extensive live WSL coverage and become the league's official destination for championship-caliber video on demand (VOD) content, replays and highlights."

They've never had any surf content on the Bleacher Report website other than embedding WSL's Twitter feed, and then misassigning non-surf content under the 'surfing' banner (see below). 

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 9:48am

Yeah it would seem the Woz have a standard policy about announcing changes of plan, cancellations etc – Don't.

tank's picture
tank's picture
tank commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 4:42pm

Dont kno if ya like it till ya read it

Hoodie's picture
Hoodie's picture
Hoodie commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 5:52pm

Thanks for giving me the two nutty professors, and Safety Sage.
Great needed laugh.

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 6:56pm

No Wukkas Hoodie!

redclement.'s picture
redclement.'s picture
redclement. commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 6:40pm

Surfabout was great viewing, even my non surfing mum and friends watched it. I would sprinkle dynamite on my porridge to surf like Larry. The ranch rumble is quite an effective sedative.

lost's picture
lost's picture
lost commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 9:09pm

Anyone else find it odd that after Kelly claiming all the green credential for the pool they have a stinking JetSki follow every single friggin wave ever surfed in the pool and then ferry ever surf in and out and back. Let em walk....more interesting than watching the flat pond.

knB

ringmaster's picture
ringmaster's picture
ringmaster commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 10:04pm

Great fun read Gra!

(Mind you, I only watched about 90 seconds of it and I'm pretty bent right now)

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 9:30am

no wukkas RM, and well played sir.

Roker's picture
Roker's picture
Roker commented Monday, 10 Aug 2020 at 10:37pm

I reckon that at least as much of what transpires at the Wozzle is ‘unbelievable’ from Ronnie Blakey‘s perspective as it is ‘incredible’ from Joe’s. I dunno. I mean these guys are there watching, observing. Why is it that what they witness, with their own eyes one presumes, is not believable, or indeed credible? I mean it is actually happening. It’s not all an illusion. Is it?

And then there’s Pottz, who often informs us that someone has ‘literally torn that wave to pieces!’ Now that sounds incredible, or unbelievable, to me. Can one tear water? I have my doubts.

Perhaps, unbelievably, Pottz is literally confusing the metaphorical with the literal. Incredible.

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 9:39am

Yeah Roker. It's strange isn't it. On the one hand, Sports Commentary is clearly a tough gig, so you have to give anyone who does a half-decent job (ie these guys) their due, but you'd also think there should be at least some kind of continual improvement and training, where serial crimes against the English language just aren't allowed. Sometimes I think we're all too hard on the commentators, but they're right at the point where Woz meets Audience, and so deserve scrutiny.

Mishad's picture
Mishad's picture
Mishad commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 1:05am

Great write up.

I shook my head and turned it off when Turpel called Coco's split second reverse rail grab not even in the barrel (like her brother does and doesn't even look good or useful) as "Awsome!" To be fair they didn't do themselves any favours with the struggling intermittent live broadcast either.

Spuddups's picture
Spuddups's picture
Spuddups commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 5:31am

The more this Covid thing goes on the more I want to see the WSL crash and burn. That report was spot on; it was a crap event. If pro-surfing’s current iteration dies and nothing replaces it I won’t be losing any sleep. My vain hope is that Jake Patterson somehow becomes a billionaire and takes over pro surfing. Now that would be worth watching.

camos's picture
camos's picture
camos commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 6:06am

I tried to watch it live, while eating my morning muesli but encountered an Error Code on the WSL site and a frozen frame of the pool on Facebook. Switched it off and went back to watching AFL.

david 24's picture
david 24's picture
david 24 commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 9:18am

Surprisingly, it was on free to air (7mate) no glitches just heaps of ads

macca24

views from the cockpit's picture
views from the cockpit's picture
views from the ... commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 6:15am

Great write up and I have no need to watch it now.
At least I had a good laugh reading the review.
Thanks Lads!

belly's picture
belly's picture
belly commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 9:39am

I ignored it. Thing I don't get is WSL send an email saying it's on, the next email I've seen is something about XXL awards. Why wouldn't they send an email summarising the outcome, some pics and short clips? They're all over the shop.

mowgli's picture
mowgli's picture
mowgli commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 10:09am

Of the lot of them, Turpel, Ronnie and Pottz are the best. Pete is awwwright most of the time I guess. Just go away Strider, you're fat that's not needed. Occy is terrible. Rosy was terrible for AGES and has only recently reached a 'C' grade. Slater is handy for the technical analysis but some times he is nerding so hard, so intensely, that the next surfer in the heat to faff their wave is gonna result in Kelly flipping his lid, stripping off down to his grundies, knocking Turpel out cold and using him as a human surfleshlightboard and getting out there to show how it's done.

I dunno what comp it was (QuikPro at Snapper I think), but the intro from Turpel or some other american announcer was something along the lines of "I'm here seven time world champ and who lost last year to Andy Irons, Kelly Slater", to with Slater responded "thanks and good morning, I'm here with Joe never-won-a-contest Turpel"....something along those lines... Either way, it was savage and you could feel how burnt Joe (or whoever it was) felt through the speakers...

nah....yeah...but, nah

rrr's picture
rrr's picture
rrr commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 11:04am

its lines like that, that make me think a wozzle sitcom on netflicks is what we should be watching

Henry's picture
Henry's picture
Henry commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 12:27pm

Loved the review – amazing how we’ve become so “blah” about the pool, given an opportunity I think we’d all like a 100 laps !!

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 12:32pm

oh for sure, there's no doubt we'd all love a go on those waves ourselves, but the comp spectacle is another matter. I think Slater kinda alluded to it when he was talking about how many people have had 'the best day of their life' at the ranch – for sure it'd be an amazing day out...!

Yendor's picture
Yendor's picture
Yendor commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 1:48pm

That was freakin awesome, I'd go so far as to say incredible! I loved that review, some of the best humour I've had in ages. I've been pretty sick lately and missing out on many good waves. It takes a lot to make me laugh out loud right now, and that had me doing it several times. The Tyrion Lanisster line was gold. I love the humanity and good humour you treat your subjects with. We all know they have a tough job but yes could they allow them to be a little less like automatons. I'm worried about what I might have to do to myself the next time Pottz calls a grown man a kid or Joe T spins off into his knifing, slicing, and dicing masterchef descriptions. Thanks Gra

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 2:38pm

Geez Yendor, you know how to make a fella feel special! Thanks for the kind words mate and hope ya coming good on the health front. Cheers cobs.

sneakerset's picture
sneakerset's picture
sneakerset commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 2:24pm

Incredible heavy-hitting review by Ding Alley ;)

Funniest instalment to date. Look forward to the next contest review!

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 2:39pm

We might have used up all our gags on that one, but Woz willing we'll give it another crack when we can. Thanks SS.

synchrodogcal's picture
synchrodogcal's picture
synchrodogcal commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 3:24pm

“Well, OK let’s show a bit of arse. No more than, say, three seconds but.”

3 seconds per but(t), or in total for the day?

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 3:26pm

Good question: Per butt. 1.5 seconds per cheek.

synchrodogcal's picture
synchrodogcal's picture
synchrodogcal commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 3:51pm

cracking!

seen's picture
seen's picture
seen commented Tuesday, 11 Aug 2020 at 9:50pm

Soulless. A circle jerk at the country club for the wozzle inner sanctum. Should not be a CT event. Flogging a dead horse - they referred to Coco getting injured at a “wave machine system” rather than just saying Waco. Welcome to corporate surfing reaching its nadir.

Great write up tho. Love ding alley, always on point!

maka2000's picture
maka2000's picture
maka2000 commented Wednesday, 12 Aug 2020 at 9:19am

Jackson Dorian is Kelly's secret son. It happens 13 years ago at Sean's place during their annual swing fest, they've shared his wife with Kelly . That's from Kelly's memories he's about to release soon.

truebluebasher's picture
truebluebasher's picture
truebluebasher commented Thursday, 13 Aug 2020 at 12:46am

Freeview (No sign in or subscription)
Comp has 4 months replay > easy cue > 3 hrs Video
A Few start ads then an odd short cheesy Surfer promo.

7+ Episode 1 ...(MA 15 +) WSL Stubbies pervcam Warning.
https://7plus.com.au/wsl-rumble-at-the-ranch

Sophie gets the sack & the cheeky bikinis are back!
WSL Pool Attire is prohibited in Oz Water Parks.
https://images.s.7news.com.au/publication/C-497471/20d0d0c38b46c01af879a...

servant's picture
servant's picture
servant commented Thursday, 13 Aug 2020 at 3:00am

Outstanding again boys. Many thanks for the big laughs.
Very clever and funny to draw Kelly as the bald mastermind Bond villain stroking the cat.
Yep, my Grandson made similar quality stuff to those trophies at kindergarten with actual paddle pop sticks.
I just watched the whole thing on the full replay with the aid of fast forward for the many dead minutes. Not allowed to surf here due to the stage 4 Victoria lockdown with 5km limit to travel, so I was drooling watching all those "incredible x17" JT, perfect waves.
God bless you

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Thursday, 13 Aug 2020 at 8:05am

Thanks servant: Yep the two best larfs were entirely Macca's doing: Bond Villian and Paddle Pop Stick Trophymaker. And agreed, for all the limitations and shortcomings, there's still something hypnotic about mindsurfing those waves. Cheers mate.

benjis babe's picture
benjis babe's picture
benjis babe commented Thursday, 13 Aug 2020 at 6:57am

hahaha, love the way u write..brillant and realistic..and very funny

spelled3's picture
spelled3's picture
spelled3 commented Thursday, 13 Aug 2020 at 10:13am

So good.

razzle.minor's picture
razzle.minor's picture
razzle.minor commented Thursday, 13 Aug 2020 at 4:42pm

And they want to put one in at Coolum. No thanks.

wiseautogas's picture
wiseautogas's picture
wiseautogas commented Friday, 14 Aug 2020 at 3:06pm

keep the vitriol coming what a cack brings a smile to my face every time

john wise

willywonty's picture
willywonty's picture
willywonty commented Sunday, 16 Aug 2020 at 12:48am

I don't enjoy watching ballet. I felt like I was watching ballet. If they could program their own individual waves for different runs ... that might add some flavour. Riding more freakish sequences of moving water that the ocean can't possibly produce. Eventually realise skimboards are the optimal craft. Lose interest. Pine for competitive surfing in real waves.

simba's picture
simba's picture
simba commented Sunday, 16 Aug 2020 at 7:57am

Carn't wait for a review of this from GraM ....
https://www.instagram.com/surf_lakes/

which if they get it right ,looks way better than the tub

simba

nasigoreng's picture
nasigoreng's picture
nasigoreng commented Sunday, 16 Aug 2020 at 10:39am

That was a really funny Sunday morning read, thanks Gra!

I might try to make a WSL trophy for myself with my 2yo daughter later today.

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Sunday, 16 Aug 2020 at 11:53am

oh man, if you do, please send a pic!

Billyw's picture
Billyw's picture
Billyw commented Sunday, 16 Aug 2020 at 6:23pm

classic. thanks for writing such truth in these sanitised times.

B Dub