The unlikely 2020 World Champions

Ding Alley
Ding Alley

An innocuous administrative shortcut could have enormous consequences if 2020’s entire WSL Pro Surfing season is cancelled, Ding Alley learned today.

“They’re working through the details with their legal team right now,” says our source in the Woz, “long story short the organisers of the Noosa Festival of Surfing got into hot water last year with their dog surfing event – Noosa’s a National Park and the Rangers kicked up a shitstorm about all the dogs around First Point.

“So this year they sussed out exemptions and found if they registered the dogs as legitimate competitors, then that was an easier workaround than, say, registering them as therapy animals or whatever.

“WSL went with it, waived the usual competitor joinup fees and got about a dozen dogs signed on to the WCT.

“There was a running joke about the CT being the ‘Canine Tour’. We allocated points and everything.”

And so what began as a harmless workaround has become more than a small headache for the Woz, because if no further competitions are held through 2020, the WSL Men’s and Women’s World Titles will – if the rules and regs are followed to the letter – be awarded to Spangles, a Cocker Spaniel Kelpie Cross, and a Pomeranian bitch named Chloe, who placed first and second respectively in the Noosa Novelty Dog Surfing event, and are “the only ones with legit ‘CT points on the board.”

Though we’re all keen to see ‘normal’ life resume as soon as possible, and imagine the Woz would be wanting to see more conventional recipients of surfing’s ultimate accolade, we could anticipate that the Woz’s fearless leader would be nothing if not creative if this unlikely scenario came to pass.

The Woz being, after all, primarily a media and entertainment company.

Spangles, for instance, is a rescue dog from Toowoomba, and would provide a glorious subject for an instalment of the Woz’s ‘Transformed’ series, where the elixir of Surfing makes everything magically wonderful for poor souls from disadvantaged backgrounds.

Women’s champ Chloe would be a knockout on the Woz’s ‘The Lineup’ podcast, where her handler could articulate that Chloe’s goals are to just have fun with it all, be herself, and be ‘in the moment’, because that’s when the results seem to come. This paradigm-shattering revelation would enhance the Woz-Studios reputation for stirring content.

And thanks to Spangles’ and Chloe’s gritty performances at First Point a month ago, Australian competitive surfing would be returned to its rightful place at the top of the pack. So there’s that.

// DING ALLEY

Ding Alley is cartoonist Dave McArthur @maccatoons and writer Gra Murdoch. They are Footscray TAFE’s favourite sons.

Comments

sirlot's picture
sirlot's picture
sirlot commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 1:51pm

woof

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 2:21pm

Onya Spangles and Chloe, great to see a resurgence of Aussie talent.

Shame about Rex from California testing positive for Smackos.

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seaslug's picture
seaslug's picture
seaslug commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 2:28pm

haha love it Zen

what did the Chinese dog test positive for?

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 2:37pm

Hard to say, they used puppies as a cute distraction while their top dog Sun Yelp smashed vials of his own blood using a hammer.

WADA is investigating.

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linez's picture
linez's picture
linez commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 7:54pm

Hahaha zen, gold

GONAD_MAN's picture
GONAD_MAN's picture
GONAD_MAN commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 2:39pm

Sniffing to much crack (ass).

bipola's picture
bipola's picture
bipola commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 2:56pm

paw dogs, lets just go with it.

mattlock's picture
mattlock's picture
mattlock commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 2:59pm

Looks like the WSL Season is cur-tailed.

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 3:18pm

Ha ha! It writes itself doesn't it.

Coming in to the tail end of the season and with a slight lead, Spangles could smell victory. Although a surfer of his pedigree, he couldn't afford to become complacent. This was no walk in the park and through the middle part of the season, with the other competitors barking at his door, he had to dig deep and claw his way back into the yellow Jeep leader collar...

etc.

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mattlock's picture
mattlock's picture
mattlock commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 3:20pm

I'm glad someone got my joke.

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 7:22pm

He's deep, it's chandelering, aaaaaand just sneaks out through the _ _ _ _ _ door...

mattlock's picture
mattlock's picture
mattlock commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 9:03pm

Come on Gra-bags. An experienced writer like you should be able to come up with something better than that.
BTW my wordplay was plagiarised. 64000 of Bluey's dollarbucks to anyone that can guess from whom.

Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch's picture
Gra Murdoch commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 9:19pm

for some reason I'm thinking Family Guy... just feels like something Stewie would say...

mattlock's picture
mattlock's picture
mattlock commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 9:27pm

No dollarbucks for you. Think something more literary...less lowbrow.

TobiasK's picture
TobiasK's picture
TobiasK commented Tuesday, 24 Mar 2020 at 5:11pm

Spangles literally scratched in to the wave of the day. Almost missed it by a whisker.

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Tuesday, 24 Mar 2020 at 6:03pm

Even though he was the underdog he separated himself from the pack in this dog eat dog heat proving that his bark wasn't worse than his bite.

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mr mick's picture
mr mick's picture
mr mick commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 6:01pm

.....or gone to the dogs! ....Always thought they were barking up the wrong tree!......Every dog has its day!......They’ll sit back now & lick their wounds!......Dog gone I’ve still got it!!!!

Mr mick

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 3:01pm

Overheard in the WSL change room:-

How's yer paw?

Ma left paw or ma right paw?

No, ah mean yer dear ol' daddy.

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mr mick's picture
mr mick's picture
mr mick commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 5:55pm

3 legged dog walks into a bar & says “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw”
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter, he still won’t come when you call.

Mr mick

ringmaster's picture
ringmaster's picture
ringmaster commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 3:07pm

My mutt would smash both of those 4 legged kooks!

Been busting some serious moves at Jan Juc beach almost daily since she was 8 weeks old.

truebluebasher's picture
truebluebasher's picture
truebluebasher commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 5:22pm

1st ever Challenger Series / Sydney Pro
[ Winner ] : Leonardo Fioravanti (Injured / banned Wild Card ) ...Sorry can't Compete?
[ Winner ] : Carissa Moore (On her Gap Year)...Only Competing for Fun? Shh!

2020 CT Leader Board
[Rank 293] - Oz #1 Olympian Owen Wright ...Sorry I ever competed.

No matter how hard you try to make fun of it ...WSL will always look more stupid.

Has anyone actually qualified to ride the 'new model' 2021 Olympic Cycle?

Ash's picture
Ash's picture
Ash commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 6:35pm

Spangles sports the best mug shot of the top 6.
You know he's not in it for the money, but he'll soak up all the attention he can get and any food on offer.
An all Aussie in the Russell Coit league.

Ash's picture
Ash's picture
Ash commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 7:12pm

Oh yeah and Choe's a real bitch.

avipoodle's picture
avipoodle's picture
avipoodle commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 7:37pm

I can honestly say I’ve never been more excited about pro surfing in my life.

brainiac's picture
brainiac's picture
brainiac commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 7:41pm

Why do dogs lick their balls?

coz they can.......

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 7:54pm

I was walking with my mate and he saw Spangles licking his balls.

My mate said 'i wish i could do that.'

I said 'don't you think you should pat him first?'

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brainiac's picture
brainiac's picture
brainiac commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 7:57pm

boom tish Zen , i had forgotten about that one!

dazzler's picture
dazzler's picture
dazzler commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 8:42pm

Because their paws can’t make hands

bluediamond's picture
bluediamond's picture
bluediamond commented Monday, 23 Mar 2020 at 8:18pm

This is the funniest thing i've read in a while, and the most relevant regarding the current state of how the WSL has been run pre PANDEMIC SHOCK + AWE!!

kaiser's picture
kaiser's picture
kaiser commented Tuesday, 24 Mar 2020 at 8:20am

Chloe is bitchin’. Hope she’s first past the post, and doesn’t stop to wee on it

views from the cockpit's picture
views from the cockpit's picture
views from the ... commented Tuesday, 24 Mar 2020 at 9:50am

Every dog has its day.
I'd cover myself in Good-O for Chloe to lick me.

Tim Baker's picture
Tim Baker's picture
Tim Baker commented Tuesday, 24 Mar 2020 at 10:29am

Just ... the best.

saltman's picture
saltman's picture
saltman commented Tuesday, 24 Mar 2020 at 10:59am

This could be the resurrection of the Aussie L.M.B. campaign for domination of the tour

lost's picture
lost's picture
lost commented Tuesday, 24 Mar 2020 at 3:41pm

Every dog has its day

knB

TobiasK's picture
TobiasK's picture
TobiasK commented Tuesday, 24 Mar 2020 at 5:05pm

Spangles for the Yellow Jeep Leader Jersey into 2021!!!
Yesss!!!!!
Noone more deserving than a kelpie.

Southy's picture
Southy's picture
Southy commented Wednesday, 25 Mar 2020 at 11:30am

Medina will probably still win, he's got dog moves down pat.

Mathew Colivas's picture
Mathew Colivas's picture
Mathew Colivas commented Thursday, 26 Mar 2020 at 6:17am

Was the promotional photo for the comp just the dogs sitting round a card table !

Scoota

david 24's picture
david 24's picture
david 24 commented Thursday, 26 Mar 2020 at 8:42am

That made me smile

macca24

Brad Ferrier's picture
Brad Ferrier's picture
Brad Ferrier commented Friday, 27 Mar 2020 at 1:39am

Spangles and Chloe are really ‘bummed by the scratchings’ as they ‘worm’ their way slowly up the WSL rankings and ‘take their leads and ‘run’ with it.
Both are great PALS and CHUMS hailing from the northern parts of the ‘Goldie’ around the Seaway and often find the cold winter water a little chilly, often resulting in ‘canal cough’ which leaves them both with a real ‘bark’.

Brad Ferrier's picture
Brad Ferrier's picture
Brad Ferrier commented Friday, 27 Mar 2020 at 1:43am

Spangles and Chloe’s respective owners think they have real ExelPets

jetson.rover's picture
jetson.rover's picture
jetson.rover commented Saturday, 28 Mar 2020 at 3:00am

The WSL is in real danger of ceasing to exist if this thing drags on too long.
If sports like AFL and (more so) NRL,even though they're not international but have far bigger revenues and sponsorship contracts than the WSL,are in danger of folding,then the WSL has squat didley of surviving if this ends up devouring the whole season.
Surf brands are sacking most of their workforces and are renegotiating smaller contracts for their surfers,or sacking them too.
And that's the ones that don't end up folding themselves.
The WSL was already in financial difficulties before this came along.
They'll be done game over.
If there's a tour next year it'll be a different organisation running it.
But who is going to fund and back that?

Remigogo's picture
Remigogo's picture
Remigogo commented Wednesday, 1 Apr 2020 at 9:00am

The cat is now out of the bag so just let the wsl run with this one and the competitors will follow.

Like alot of us, these athletes too have an itch to scratch. Maybe digging deep for to feed themselves and their families.

I sense Spangles and Chloe are sniffing around to compete just once more to show the world their jeep leader collar is more than just a one off run around the park.

GONAD_MAN's picture
GONAD_MAN's picture
GONAD_MAN commented Wednesday, 1 Apr 2020 at 1:13pm

The W.S.L is a dogs breakfast.