Aotearoa: A Blowin’s Perspective
After two years of border closures, 2022 promises to be the year surfers can again travel OS for waves. What follows is a quick little refresher about our neighbour to the east, written by a boogie-loving expat.
Just over two years ago, I was living on Queensland’s Sunshine Coast. The surf had been flat for a month, it seemed that the whole country was on fire, and I was looking straight down the barrel at the standard three months of living hell that typifies a waveless Queensland summer.
So when the opportunity to take off across the ditch presented itself, I didn’t hesitate. I bought a one-way ticket and made a beeline for the airport without looking back. I figured on being away for anything between two weeks and six months.
Then the world got real weird, real quick, and international travel came to a screeching halt. I decided to stay put, and with most borders still closed and things a little strange globally I’ll likely be here a while yet. There’s much worse places in which to find oneself stranded.
Being somewhat of a freewheeling idiot with too much time on his hands, I’ve had the opportunity to wander around a bit and make a few observations, some of which are presented below.
Before I launch in, keep in mind that this is written from a bodyboarder's POV. The bodyboarding scene here is inextricably woven into the land, the sea, the people, and the culture, as it is everywhere. Us happy little boogieboarders, we’re all just tiny little players in a much bigger picture, and I personally think it’s super frickin’ cool.
So, anyway:
The Land
It’s young. It’s forged in fire, so much so that it’s still got steam rising from it. It’s largely hilly. The distances aren’t vast like home but the roads are twisty. Pay attention driving or you’ll die in a gorge. It’s spectacularly beautiful. Every second turn brings you to a panorama that makes you pull over and stare in wonder. It’s like living in a postcard. The geographical isolation over geological time has left some places looking as they did in the late Cretaceous. Bring your camera and keep an eye out for dinosaurs. I do.
The Waves
Being so young, there doesn’t seem to be the abundance of flat, platform-style reefs that abound on the largely sedimentary-based East Coast of Australia. There are a couple flat shallow slabs, but they’re few and far between. Instead there are an abundance of stupidly-long left-hand points (you know the names of the known spots but rest assured there are a heap more under the radar places reeling off right now), a bunch of rivermouth sandbar and/or shinglebank setups that get crazy good and can rival anything you’ve seen in Indonesia, one or two hidden wedges, and beachbreaks that can range from complete dogshit to mind-melting perfection - often on the same day.
Above and below, two images swiped from the author's phone
The west and east coasts are relatively close, so you’re never more than a couple hours drive from offshore conditions. With no large landmass to stabilise things, weather patterns are infuriatingly complex and changeable. If you want to score, ya gotta be prepared to drive, and petrol’s expensive. Lots of coastal area is in private ownership with restricted access, which can be heartbreaking when you’re chasing a river to the sea only to be stopped by a locked gate and a 'Keep Out' sign.
Local knowledge counts for a lot. And it gets cold! Bring rubber. Bring more rubber.
The People and Culture
To my eyes, there are a lot of similarities to Hawaii. Not so much the waves, but more the people, the culture, the place-names, the general underlying vibe. I put it down to the thread of Polynesian commonality that pervades the entire Pacific. There is a shared similarity of language, tradition, and culture that spread across most of the islands in this whole ocean, with each area having its own unique flavours. The Polynesian seafarers were undoubtably among the finest navigators the world has ever known. I read somewhere that the more experienced Polynesian explorers on open ocean voyages would dip their testicles into the sea* and then be able to calculate swell size and direction, prevailing current, tidal pull, where they were and where they were going, which I find frankly amazing.
The Maori, as with all Polynesians, have an affinity for and a connection with the ocean that runs pretty deep. Like Hawaii, if you show up to places with a low-key and respectful attitude, you’ll generally be welcome. Show up with five of your loudest mates, speeding down farmland roads kicking up dust, pull up in the carpark with a handbrake-slide then paddle out in a rabid pack and you may be politely yet firmly asked to leave, especially in the more rural areas. Some of the better waves are out in the country, so mind your manners, like you would anywhere away from home. In general, don’t act like a dick and you won’t be treated like one. I’ve met plenty of happy rippers in my travels and never had any hassles. Aloha is to Hawaii, what Aroha is to Aotearoa.
Being a relatively isolated country, where replacement parts are sometimes difficult to access, the Kiwis developed something called the 'Number 8 Wire' mentality. Basically, they can fix anything, and I mean anything, with a deft application of fencing wire. This trait of inventive resourcefulness is something I greatly admire.
The Bodyboarding Scene
Like most bodyboarding hotspots, the boogie scene here has had several cycles of boom and bust since the heady days of the early-90s when us gut-grovellers were seemingly everywhere, in our billions, and is now at the stage where it is staffed by a small and dedicated crew of experts who surf for little more than the joy and stoke that the humble bodyboard can bring. It sounds cliched but it’s true. I’m yet to meet a Kiwi bodyboarder I didn’t immediately like. I love surfing alone but I also really dig surfing with other bodyboarders, something I seem to be doing more and more lately. Shortly after I arrived here I started receiving a couple messages here and there from local legends (many of whom I’d not personally yet met) dropping quiet hints on the best places and conditions to score good waves, generally with the words “happy to help out, Bro, we don’t get many boogers visiting here, hope ya score”, or something similar.
You know it and I know it, bodyboarding is currently at a stage where it’s largely underground. None of us do it for the money or the accolades, or to be cool. It’s like a secret society of legends and legendesses, scattered thinly across the globe, with slightly higher concentrations of us at the spots with better waves. It’s a similar thing here, with small enclaves of rippers centered around the areas with waves more conducive to performance bodyboarding.
There is a small yet thriving contest scene with no shortage of talent on the Opens, Masters, and Dropknee divisions, but one thing I’ve noticed (and discussed with a few local crew) there is definitely a shortage of grommets bodyboarding. Possibly it’s a side-effect of the current popularity of softboards, maybe the kids are too busy playing X-Box, maybe it’s something else entirely. Hopefully the pendulum will swing back again and bodyboarding will again have one of its little boom-times.
I have faith that it will, it’s too much fun not to.
I’d like to offer a sincere and heartfelt thank you to every bodyboarder in this epic little country that I have met, surfed with, competed against, been offered surf tips or boat rides, or just shared a laugh with. You’re all a bunch of complete legends, thanks for the hospitality, I owe you all a huge debt of gratitude, and I look forward to sharing some barrels with ya soon.
//JAY SPENCE
*The Editor was chuckling at Jay's gullibility only to find out testicular navigation was real.
Comments
I thought aroha was the Japanese version of aloha?
Cool story bro.
I mean it, just thought is sounded pithy to use that line for the En Zed reference.
When you say really cold , what wetties are you rocking?
Hey Blowin, it varies greatly according to the season and how far North you are. From Raglan north it's spring suits or boardies in summer and a 4/3 in winter. In the Deep South it's hooded 5/3s with gloves, booties and a hood and a 4/3 in summer. So the water can vary between about 23' to 9'.
I'm Kiwi Spuddups and a 3/2 is plenty in summer
Aroha
I pretty much always enjoy surfing with lid riders. Like the author said they most certainly aren't doing it to look cool. Most of them are by definition hard core. They generally try to seek out waves of a hollow nature, which I respect.
The author's advice RE how to behave in isolated spots in NZ is spot on. My advice is to rock up to the meanest looking local and say gidday. You'll generally find that once the ice has been broken you'll be afforded a friendly welcome. Offers of places to stay, parties to attend and secret spots to be shown are a distinct possibility. I had a couple of Aussie mates come over here a while back. They visited the most notoriously localised area in NZ and came back six weeks later with tales of life long friends and epic waves. Of course if you act like a fuckwit then you'll probably have a bad time.
Interestingly enough I have spent a lot of time surfing in Australia as a visitor, and have always found local surfers to be friendly to visiting Kiwis, which is surprising as there are half a million of us in Australia. I think one thing both countries have in common is the idea that anyone behaving in a respectful manner should be given a fair go.
New Zealanders may be the only nationality of surfers that I would go out of my way to surf with. Never met a bad one, always pleasant, respectful and calling you into waves when it’s your turn.
Hey Jay
Nice tale, thanks for penning it
with my lifelong enthusiasm for surf (standup) in a periodic downturn, I've been skateboarding as a late-in-life-novice and loved the non-competitve and firendly aspects of it's culture.
There seems to be enough skate bowls and ramps and sufficiently few peeps that u can turn up and wait ur turn in peace... and complete novice or shredder you get your turn, generally you're encouraged (even a clunky old dude - and by young rippers and all and sundry) and when u fall, everyone knows it fucken hurts so there's a genuine helping hand and 'u good?' extended
I'm wondering... when a buch of lids are out on a wave and for wahtever reason it's a standup free zone - hows the vibe, compared with surf spots generally... I mean, unlike skaiting there is still a limited number of waves that are going to get distributed, and who deosn't want the best ones... but does your underground and 'where not doing this coz its's cool' shctick translate into a ntoiceable difference in freindlininess, encouragmeent, more generous sharing etc.
Just curious
Pretty sure it’s just like regular surfing….only with more glitter, amyl and lubricant.
Jokes!
Well that's A LOT more friendly... wondering if ur speaking from experience
... your tag name is 'Blowin' after all (also jokes)
hahahaha
lol. that was gold. and im a lidder
That explains everything scrotum
NZ pies after a surf, are better than anything. There is no comparison. Raglan has the best Paua, Steak and Guiness pies.
Good stuff JS That smoking left made my day.Theres something special about the freedom of being a ‘freewheeling idiot’.
Roadside bags of feijoas and hot springs after surfing bro.
No waves over there, just wind chop...
NZ is epic and the article is spot-on imo.
Only tripped a little around the north island but we got amazing waves and met the nicest people. The locals were cool as. Great food everywhere too.
Also, I can't remember the name but I think a drink called 'Lemon and P-something' is popular and there's a big bottle somewhere sort of like the big prawn as a minor tourist attraction?
Finally, true about breaking the ice- I said to big Maori fella about his Moku (?) 'scuse mate, but if you don't mind me asking, did that hurt?'. He said 'what do you reckon bro?' After that he was cool as and we had a great chat chilling on the grass watching the waves.
Double thumbs up for NZ, love the place.
It's Lemon and Paeroa. World famous in New Zealand.
I have massive respect for anyone who gets a Tā Moko. It is a centuries old tradition that tells of a person's history, family, homelands and their upbringing. It is a deeply personal thing. Imagine taking everything that is important in your life and then tattooing it on your face for all the world to see. The guy was possibly slightly taken aback by your question, but ultimately was happy that you had taken an interest.
I lived in Queenstown for a few years when I was younger, some of the best years of my life, not sure what its like now.
It's great at the moment cause it's not full of rich overseas tourists, just the diehard adrenaline fiends doing their things . Still a fucking expensive place to live though unless you go feral and go bush like we did in the early nineties.
New Zealand is awesome. Just dont tell anyone :)
karekau he ngaru i konei, e koro
NZ is a not all its cut out to be. Don't get me wrong, it's been a great place to grow up (sort of) and as a child, if you're in a mid/upper class family you'll likely have a pretty good youth.
But this country is founded on two things; Farming and rugby.
It is strongly anti-intellectual, close minded and all round shit. The amount of people who move here chasing the "Kiwi dream", only to turn around after 6 months and get as far away as possible is mind boggling.
It is geographically stunning, but there are only so many mountains and beaches you can stare at before you start to develop a twitch. The waves can be amazing (note "can be"), but most towns with good, consistent surf tend to be full of hillbillies and gang members. There are a couple of exceptions to that rule, but you'll generally find after spending time living in small town NZ, that there is a heavy energy lurking.
The level of surfing in NZ is generally really low - And for somewhere with a "warrior" culture, the idea of etiquette, respect and localism generally tends to be lacking. If you live in one of the main surf towns/cities, you'll find that 90% of the people in the water are JJ Florence wannabes who have no idea of what a bottom turn is. It is kook central. And due to the passive aggressive nature of kiwis, no one calls anyone out, EVER! (expect for in Taranaki).. They all just death stare one another and never say a word.
I have lived in the gold coast, and with waves aside, I can tell you with absolute certainty that it is a way better time surfing the Superbank/D'bah/Burleigh/ than surfing any of the crowded spots in NZ.
Socially and economically retarded, its a great place for a holiday but unless you want to live in the bush in a 10m2 cabin away from other humans, I'd not be immigrating here.
Lucky those passive aggressive chaps just stared at you or you would have got a good hiding, Classic comment though
@TIMBERTOPS Thanks heaps for the local knowledge. Really interesting thoughts you posted. You obviously won't find that info in a pretty surfing brochure. I had no idea NZ was like that and I'd presumed it was more chilled. [Out in the surf anyway]
Every place has a dark-side and I think that knowledge is almost more important than what's good about a place.
I did notice that dark-side of NZ on a couple of Snowboarding trips. Some of the things I saw on the TV news were really quite disturbing [Violence and abuse] I guess the "Once Were Warriors" mindset still lives on in many people. So sad.
Child abuse and child murders inside the home is one of the worst things about NZ. Not often talked about but is very real.
Born and bred in Taranaki and your wrong. Turn up with good manners and you will be fine. Turn up trying to snake locals there is every chance it's going to be more than stares from some crew. Fair bit of OTT stereotyping in your comment but some truth to it. NZ is largely pretty welcoming. Hardly ever have Ozzie's in the line up. Rare as hen's teeth compared to euros and lately brazzos
I lived in NZ almost 3 years and loved it. Got good waves regularly, never had anything but welcome everywhere and would probably still be there if I wasn’t such a softcock about the cold. I stayed away from the more popular spots but did spend a classic Easter weekend sleeping in the back of my PV in Raglan. Dave Dobbyn and the Herbs played the pub on the Sat night and the whole town was out on it. I ducked out early and got the dawn patrol on Easter Sunday morning at 3-5ft indicators by myself for 2 hours before the crowd turned up.
Don’t mind a cold Speight’s too.
NZ is an amazing place and a smile and a bit of friendly banter go a long way in any line up. The comments regarding the economic situation are unfortunately accurate with the cost of living creating a larger struggling class than Aus.
The tall poppy syndrome in small towns is alive and well but being a surfer helps.
Wetsuit technology is a godsend in godzone. Dunners is the best surf city by a mile but a hooded 4:3 is essential outside summer.
It's great to travel a place where you often wish there were a few more people in the water!!
Jay, a nice piece. I still haven’t been but will be spending some time there in future, when the world rights itself.
Always enjoy a surf with kiwis, usually don’t know they’re kiwis as they’re quiet as, eh bru. ;-)
Have to have a drink with them afterwards to find out (meeting them in Bali). They seem like they might be Australians but you struggle to find the chip on their shoulder. You know they aren’t poncing euros, and clearly they aren’t the scourge of all surfers, brazzos. Maybe they’re from South Australia or some other part of Oz I haven’t surfed yet. Nup, NZ’ers.
Ah, stereotypes, what would we do without ‘em.
Definitely going for the scenery, definitely respectful too. The warnings in the comments that the euros and brazzos have found them is sad, but I’m sure I can avoid them.
The ‘Once Were Warriors’ underbelly has some truth to it apparently. But not surprising among colonised lands, although the Māori were ultimately given greater respect than indigenous here in my beloved country of Oz.
Will definitely find my way there, probs a bit of campervan life intermingled with hotels/caravan parks and the like. Will hit up some of our esteemed NZ posters on here when I do.
Oh yeah….I’m sure you would have had a much more pleasant visit pre-colonisation.
Lol
Do you even history Bro?
I find the aggro and ahole drop ins / snaking more intense in AUS...worst at burleigh when burleigh boardriders are in the water.
Snaking in tight take off spots just shows you don't give a damn about anyone but your self. You deserve what comes your way ripper or not. Can't belive how many surfers snake when in good waves or with only a few out . It just destroys the experience for others that follow the unspoken rules of basic respect. if your lucky enough to surf well you should know better. Board riders club, ripper or mum and dads surf star. No one respects that shit. You look like a chop and are just putting a target on your head. Once ok but all the time fuck you. You don't deserve shit with an attitude that everyone hates. As for the safety in numbers approach, well it just speaks for it's self.
Crowded surf spots have just escalated this attitude to the point it's the norm.
This is anecdotal and based on my experience but prior to coming here I was directly responsible for hiring seasonal labour to work in my industry which was the operational aspect of event management. In my experience, Kiwi's without a doubt make the best workers. They will work like trojans hour after hour, never complain, never whinge about pay, go out after work and get raucously smashed and front up the next day, bleary and cheery and work all day again and again. Next hardest workers- Fillipino's. Hard working, honest and always with a smile. Worst? I'll probs get excoriated for saying this but hate to say it- Poms. Not all mind you but enough to stand out. If a Kiwi and a Pom were interviewing side by side- I'd hire the Kiwi any day.
Yes Zen, very hard to beat the Fillipino's. I meet one PH rigger when I worked offshore construction, leading hand top guy, he had been offshore for 11 months not once set foot on the beach in that time, 7 days a week, 12hr days........
Had a crackin' half dozen Maylay's on the farm here one year supplied by trusty labour hire mob.
Went hard unlike most other nations just as said. Fillipino's still reliable, as always.
Back in '00 I headed to Oktoberfest in Munich and I thought bogan Aussies were bad but fuck me the Kiwi's took it to a new level of bogan, seriously bad behaviour that went beyond a joke.
Still looking to visit the shaky isles and sample some of their waves as I've heard they have some pretty good setups.
I hear what you're saying brother: The behaviour of New Zealanders at Octoberfest is a national disgrace.
That said, I'll see your "Kiwis in Octoberfest" and raise you an "Aussies in Kuta at 2am". Fark me dead I've seen some crazy shit there over the years.
Yep good call...now that would be a boganoff of all proportions, Kiwi's at Oktoberfest v Aussies in Kuta...who'd win that
Even money from Sportsbet, I just phoned Chris Brown
Don’t go bro, they’ll steal your go pro.
Get fucked...only in Nzud
How bloody classic is that
This is why I subscribe. Yeew.
My youngest son went to the South Island snow boarding in the winter of 2019. He loved the people & some of the vistas that he captured were breathtaking. He enjoyed the vibe & even said he would live there if he could! I'm waiting for my turn to visit when things open up again soon???
I have a Kiwi passport ( was'nt born there), I always tell people NZ it's a wonderful place to visit for 2 weeks and capture wonderful mountain vistas and maybe do a bit of hiking, skiing. Living there though is a whole other story.
There's a reason why the countryside is so green and lush and that'd because it rains, alot!
It's cold for 3/4 of the year, you get paid peanuts, there's a legit housing crisis and accessing surf usually involves a mission.
There is also tall-poppy syndrome and general passive-aggressiveness, kiwis hate confrontation and never tell you what they really think.
Great write up Jay. Timbertops, sadly I agree with nearly all you things you mentioned. My wife and I and our little son at the time are from Oz. Spent 3-4 weeks in 2005 travelling around in a van, beautiful scenery, waves were ok, didn’t always find people helpful or happy, but that can be the same wherever you visit. Especially notable was there appeared to be a serious gap between how men treated women.
It really disheartened the both of us to personally see, hear and read about the poor treatment of females in general . Again, this was our observation and may not be a generalisation. Most disenchantment appeared to arise out of the lack of income. Some told us it’s very hard living in a country you love that has poor low pay rates. One fellow remarked, the only two jobs in this country that make you a decent living is either being an accountant or a builder. Very sad to also see right upfront was the huge exotic/feral introduced faunal and floral species, not just present but basically overrunning remnant species, 10:1. We have the same issues here but it was in my face daily, very sad indeed. Of those we spent time with, nice people, thanks.