Home and away

Carcharodon Dundee
Swellnet Dispatch

Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on.

I’ve had my eye on you, mate, and I’ve got you all figured out. I know the secret desire laying hidden deep inside your soul. I know exactly what it is you’ve always wanted. 

You want to watch the lineup part before you like the Red Sea before Moses as you take your rightful spot at the top of the peak. You want to see blowins scatter before you in the beachside carpark and defer to your daunting presence at the pub, their eyes wide in awed silence whilst you bestow upon them amazing tales of historic swells at the local and the heroes who dared ride them - yourself included. You want to be able to burn a travelling surfer on the wave of their lives without so much as a flicker of regret registering in a heart as black as the eye of a Great White shark. 

Of course you do. You want it all.

The nauseating entitlement, the sense of unearned exaltation and the ability to ignore the pleading look of desperation on a stranger’s face as they sit waveless whilst you cherry pick every set. 

Admit it. You want to be a local, don't you? 

Well my friend, you’re in luck. I may just be in a position to aid you in fulfilling your greatest wish. 

As it so happens, in a bizarre turn of events, the Coronavirus in conjunction with other circumstance, has found me in a situation I’d managed to avoid for a quarter of a century. After months of travel restrictions rendering me rooted to a single location, it was my shock and surprise to realise that without any desire or ambition to do so, that I myself was beginning to think, feel, and act like that strangest of beasts in the world of surfing…a local. 

Whoa there a minute! Before those dual-headed, inbreds amongst us start reaching for their pitchforks and screaming spittle-flecked diatribes regarding just who is and who isn’t a local, let's all take a moment to acknowledge that unspoken, yet widely accepted natural law best described as the Subjectivity of Localism. 

The Subjectivity of Localism allows for the fact that all presumption of localism rests within the eye of the beholder. So it is that a third generation local surfer whose great grandfather cleaved the first track to the local back beach may look upon a surfer who moved to the area thirty years ago as a blow in, while that same three decades of residency might be considered unimpeachable local credentials to a surfer who visits the break every weekend. Perspective is everything. 

Localism is indeed a many-headed beast and when you then start accounting for all the myriad factors which contribute to its convoluted hierarchy, such as ability at a break, whether someone is recognised in the lineup, ownership of local real estate in the area, or even a vague public association with a spot, you can soon comprehend such outlandish distortions of the localism concept as a surfer from Kalbarri somehow being considered local almost 600 kms away at Gnaraloo, a surfer from Adelaide vibing Queenslanders at a wave on the Eyre Peninsula, or a French national thinking they’re entitled to pole position in the lineup at Canggu. 

Once you’ve got your head around this simply confounding posit it’s just a quick jiggling of the facts to presume that you too could think of yourself as a local. 

You doubt me? I’m speaking from first-hand experience. If you just believe hard enough you can mentally transform your blighted tourist image within months, weeks, even days of arriving at a new spot into a heady swagger of proprietarianism ready to be strutted on whichever beach you’ve recently elected to call home. 

Even more appealing, as I've discovered after several months at the same postal address, is that the glorious thing about being a hard nut local is that by no means is it restricted to the surf or even to the beach. I’ve found that anywhere within the district is a great place to mark your territory with outrageous displays of intolerance. Up the shops, on the street, down the park...it’s open season to vent your overwhelming displeasure at the sight, the behaviour, and even the mere existence of tourists. No suspected transgression by a visitor to your town should go unremarked. 

Pro tip: Before you start it’s best to be able to positively identify the transient object of your derision. It could set back the establishment of your local presence by hours if you unwittingly castigate the primary school-aged daughter of the local alpha surfer for walking her dog outside of a designated dog zone, or if you noisily berate some elderly lady you assume is from interstate for her driving ability in the supermarket car park only for it to turn out to be the mother of the president of the boardriders club. Whatever happens, never retreat and never surrender. Console yourself with the fact that a true local never lets kindness or rationality get in the way of exerting their authority. 

Having said that, there is no place like the lineup for putting an out-of-towner in their place and the thrill of localism is much more than just paddling past someone patiently waiting for a wave as though they’re nothing more consequential than an insentient jellyfish. I’ve found that few things quite elevate the mood like refusing to make eye contact and passively aggressively belittling someone about their address when they dare try to engage you in pleasant conversation. Better yet is to conduct an inappropriately loud discussion with a fellow local sitting on the other side of a tourist. The key here is to talk THROUGH the stranger so they don’t just feel they are utterly excluded from the camaraderie of the surf, but that they have somehow been born an impediment to the happy life you lead as a local. A life they’ll never, ever have an opportunity to experience. 

Are you starting to get the picture ? See how easy it can be for you to carry yourself as a prince amongst men based on the happenstance of being born in a certain location or having laid your swag there for a longer duration? 

As with most other things in life, localism is as localism does.

So say 'stuff it all' and go get your share. You deserve it. 

Footnote: OK folks, summer is almost upon us and due to international borders remaining shut, we all know it’s going to be a season of crowds the likes of which we’ve never seen. The small coastal towns are going to be inundated with frothing punters all set to maximise their fun quota. Please remember that when you are whooping it up in some small holiday town that you are a guest within a community who have created and maintained the place you wish to visit. It’s the locals who build order into the lineup, the locals who cater to your whims, and the locals who will be there to pick up the pieces if your visit takes an unexpected turn for the worse. They man the hospital, the firehouse, and the bottle shop, and the best possible way for you to behave is with a generous attitude to your local hosts and a mind to how you’d like to be respected by visitors to your hometown. 

Most of all, just be sure that amongst the flurry of zinc cream, paddle pops, and ice cold schooners that you don’t unwittingly become the only thing worse than the dual-headed, inbred local - the mouth-breathing, gormless tourist.

// CARCHARODON DUNDEE

Comments

Patrick's picture
Patrick's picture
Patrick commented Friday, 25 Sep 2020 at 3:46pm

This mouth breathing surfer changed his ways: https://youtu.be/zWQxNoqKE6E

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Friday, 25 Sep 2020 at 4:51pm

The writing is good but the subject has been done to death.

1173

Michael Bourne's picture
Michael Bourne's picture
Michael Bourne commented Friday, 25 Sep 2020 at 7:49pm

'The writing is good but the subject has been done to death.'

Well, has it really Zenno? Really???!! Surfing has plummeted to such ludicrous depths that now even the swillnut club is a poignant bastion of surfee localism.

I have to come clean, I have no 'backstory' with young stupe', so am way down the pecking order. So, I'm well and truly open to commonplace, frothing dudes and blowie outbursts, such as 'cunt wrinkled, no one cunt moles' from the favourite mmmaaaayytee... that ain't no mmmmaaayyytee. Aka, the local 'blocknocker', 'twitch kickin', 'head punchin', 'scone mashin' kamikaze 'fish baton' wielder.

A favoured head local technique is the, 'He aint no mmmmaaayyyteee of mine, I don't even know him, and in fact, I'm enraged and insulted by the mere conjecture of such a stinkin' thing'... again... and again... and again... in a nutshell.

Obviously when these poignant, moving, home and away style wars of the local 'scribes' (sub?) break out, the crushed, destroyed, distraught, broken, shattered, betrayed, deeply hurt, mmmaaayyyteee that aint no mmmmaaaayyytee is forced to, and did, spill his guts. About that 'backstory', about the time he had to save and rescue lame stupe', on a 'heavy, underground surfee chargin' mission... again... in a nutshell...

Again... in the magnificent, poignant home and away style incident, nothing is more stunningly beautiful than to see this swillnut rebonding of the two mmmaaayyyteee that aint no mmmmaaayyytee, wordsmithin' scribes. When the two dude sweet dudes rebond, and are once again there for each other... forever... again and again and...in a nutshell!????!!!! And the rebond simultaneously explains stupe's new ludicrous, bleeding ,wounded, unkempt, bug in a rug look.

factotum's picture
factotum's picture
factotum commented Saturday, 26 Sep 2020 at 10:39am

Haha. Home and Away. Soap opera, Aussie style.

Oi!

rooftop's picture
rooftop's picture
rooftop commented Friday, 25 Sep 2020 at 10:32pm

And just like that he's back...

Michael Bourne's picture
Michael Bourne's picture
Michael Bourne commented Saturday, 26 Sep 2020 at 12:52am

Nah, he never went anywhere in the first place roofy. Like the sweet, wracked with pain, and unbelievable agony dude cried out, when he was forced to spill his guts... again... even though stupe' denied knowing him vehemently, and was incensed by the very suggestion, there's a back story... stupe' more than knows him, he owes him... bigtime too!!! So, the little ozzzie 'blocknocker' was never going anywhere... again and again... and again... in a nutshell.

Yep a backstory, well... more than one. And again... what a guts spiller it was!!!??? Who could forget....

'Localism is indeed a many-headed beast and when you then start accounting for all the myriad factors which contribute to its convoluted hierarchy, such as ability at a break'

Like zenny carefully said... heard it all before, been done to death... again... the lil' street fightin' limestone cowboy thespian wordsmif'... that no one's ever heard of... again...

https://www.swellnet.com/forums/wax/12736

'i saw the girls sneer as i raved about being from somewhere else, somewhere where people are judged on their merits in the surf. I recollect displeasure on their faces when they realised i wasn't from a city with inferior waves to theirs.'

In a nutshell... agin'...

factotum's picture
factotum's picture
factotum commented Saturday, 26 Sep 2020 at 10:42am

Hah! Home & Away...or Neighbours?

Hmmm, what was the name of that longstanding tragic character again?

Toady!

Apt!

Spuddups's picture
Spuddups's picture
Spuddups commented Saturday, 26 Sep 2020 at 5:35am

Good article. 8/10 on the Spuddups scale.

ben.webb's picture
ben.webb's picture
ben.webb commented Saturday, 26 Sep 2020 at 6:35am

good read

wax-on-danielson's picture
wax-on-danielson's picture
wax-on-danielson commented Saturday, 26 Sep 2020 at 7:43am

If you’re a bad ass local that acts like an arsehole to people you don’t know in the line up then:
a) You should never surf anywhere else
b) you should consider if you’re just a dick in all aspects of life
and c) if it’s just cause your spot is so crowded with tourist, stop surfing dedicate yourself to some massive money making idea working 80 hours a week and when you have made a Billion dollars and surf like a kook due to lack of time on the water buy the beach. Until then you don’t own shit.

Fraser G's picture
Fraser G's picture
Fraser G commented Saturday, 26 Sep 2020 at 8:11am

Seen a prominent supposed local legend from my state trying to send people in at Ulu's once....sad.

factotum's picture
factotum's picture
factotum commented Saturday, 26 Sep 2020 at 10:44am

The author might know him?

Unless it was Outside Corner.

Thor-Zone's picture
Thor-Zone's picture
Thor-Zone commented Saturday, 26 Sep 2020 at 10:49am

I live and surf in Noosa. Just a little decency is all we ask for here. It is my experience the travellers are the ones who display ugly attitudes, not the locals.

Michael Bourne's picture
Michael Bourne's picture
Michael Bourne commented Saturday, 26 Sep 2020 at 12:54pm

Exactly zone. Ya see unbelievable shit. Dumb fucks have a number with the locals, can’t handle it and get bent sideways. Suddenly for a few delusional minutes they’re in a walton’s style paradise, and next thing have hooked a 2 footer on the world’s worst day. Then it kicks in and now they’re a mofuckin’ ‘eavy bag twitch kicker splatterin’ blood and guts and bone all over the shop.

All this is goin’ down on their bomb slaughtering beast, a 5’6” ‘desert storm’... ‘mine’s a custom for doin’ real speshalized shite orn ver real biggies hey’.

‘Wot!!! 5’6”... desert storm ya say... no wuzza’s dundee, we’ll get that out to ya for farkin’ toooooommmbbbbeeeeeess straight away... mmmmmaaaayyytttttteee... oi... grab one of them off cuts from out the back and glass the fucker up, we’re knocking off early today... we got another one!!!’

The infamous ‘desert puff’...

Hahahahahahhaaaaaaarrrr!!!????

harrycoopr's picture
harrycoopr's picture
harrycoopr commented Saturday, 26 Sep 2020 at 1:41pm

Jokal

blowfly's picture
blowfly's picture
blowfly commented Saturday, 26 Sep 2020 at 2:49pm

Not a bad take on localism. Covers most of the issues but misses a couple of things. Here I am talking about locals as those with an on going commitment to a particular break and that is not always about having been there for a long time. People can become locals almost immediately and that probably has more to do with social skills than surfing ability. So, when an individual, or group of surfers, are dominating the line up based on their ability to take off deeper than others, that's not really localism, it's just the way things go. Then there is the issue that localism is nowhere near as aggressive now as it was in the 70s. Surfing has gone from a sport dominated by young men to one with a much more diverse spectrum of participants and that has significantly calmed things down. I really can't remember the last time I saw a hassle in the surf and those I remember over recent decades were no more than an exchange of insults.
Another important issue is that localism is a way of dividing up the available resources in a crowded surf environment. In areas like the GC and Sydney if all the surfers in the area went to the best available break everyday it would be chaos. So there is an aspect to localism that is rarely remarked upon, that is the locals at one location are quite likely to be surfing mediocre waves at their home break when there are much better waves nearby. The logic being that if we don't go to their break, they won't come to ours. This is an old system that has worked pretty well over the years and had its origins in times when transport was more difficult. It is not rigid, people from time to time will go to another break when it is cranking, but they tend to put a limit on it. These days there are a lot more surfers who are not locals anywhere but float around. In busy areas though, most of them still focus on one or two breaks. Beyond that the issue of secret spots comes up from time to time and local surfers are well within their rights to keep such locations quiet but once someone has turned up, they have the right to surf it. Threats and intimidation were once common in that situation but much less so now........though a certain number of drop ins are definitely in order if they turn up the following swell with half a dozen mates. That's not localism.......that's the consequence of bad manners!

JackStance's picture
JackStance's picture
JackStance commented Sunday, 27 Sep 2020 at 7:21pm

White locals?

never heard of them, sorry.

... oh? are speaking about those who treat the Country of Traditional Owners like they stole it?

The same ones who benefit from the impoverishment, dispossession and outrageous racism required to uphold the Australian Apartheid?

Yeah, nah...

There is no way to reason with the propagandised as facts trigger their trauma responses, which naturally arises as beneficiaries and sustainers of crimes against humanity.

However, there's a few that know what's going on', take a stand in solidarity, and put a foot down, to walk with First Nations people.

Always was, Always will be Aboriginal land.

Breathe. Murdoch's empire will one day fail to control our minds.

goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot commented Sunday, 27 Sep 2020 at 8:57pm

“ Always was, Always will be Aboriginal land.”

Tend to agree with ya there Jack.
But it’s a tricky one for me. Worked my ring out for years to buy a block, build a house, does that mean that I don’t really own the land I bought?

JackStance's picture
JackStance's picture
JackStance commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 9:17am

A man's home is his castle.

Howard era lying propaganda colonised white people's attitudes into thinking that Native Title means that your backyard is up for grabs. The opposite is true.
Actually, if you have minerals in the ground under your block, the government/Crown owns those minerals, and if you want them, you'd have to buy the licence to mine them. Point being that propaganda is a powerful mind control wand wielded by the powerful.

However, if your grandfather owned a pot of gold, and my grandfather stole it off him, then my grandfather would have possession (which is not 9/10ths of the law) of the gold, but since the gold was taken by theft, then the ownership of the gold would remain with your grandfather. Ownership and possession are 2 different things. However, now that my grandfather stole your grandfathers gold, (in our example here) your family is left in complete poverty, and even though your grandfather stills owns the gold, but my grandfather now has guns and the corrupt legal system.

So our grandfathers die and pass on there everything to their sons (our dads).

Now, the gold is stolen property. My grandfather gives my father possession of stolen property. Your Grandfather gives your father the ownership of the gold - which is a right to claim that which belongs to him.

Our dads die.

I've now got possession of the gold, you've got ownership. However my family has been lying to the community that the gold was never stolen.

But you and I both know the truth. So now not only do you need to fight me for the gold, you've got to work out how to fight the propaganda that has caught the community in a dream that is designed to hide the truth from them, and justice along with it.

No matter how many times the possession of stolen goods transfers to new hans, ownership remains with the owners, regardless of propaganda.

And incase anyone chimes in about how sovereignty was taken, read the second Mabo case beforehand- Brennan J's judgement. There's only 3 was that sovereignty can be taken, through 1) Conquest, 2) Treaty, or 3) Terra Nullius.

The British, having had their arses handed to them at various times around the globe opted for number 3. Mabo destroy's Terra Nullius, of course - it has to, because factually this is a continent of hundreds of nations, and was not no man's land.

This leaves the legality of British possession destroyed, and hence Howard's "the Blacks are gonna steal your backyard" propaganda which followed on from Mabo.

Sovereignty is both legal and political. The powers the be - the same that push propaganda onto the public- know there is no legal leg to stand on- it does not exist! So the propaganda supports the political limb of the sovereignty.

May I remind anyone who reads this that, proportionally, Aboriginal people are the most incarcerated people in the world. Our young people languish in obscene numbers in youth detention, the rate of child removal for our families surpassed that of the Stolen Generation in 2018.

So don't kid yourself that you're not living in an apartheid, or that you're whether resistant to propaganda, or that the concept that White Localism can exist without deep collaborative and consenting relationship with Traditional Owners.

It can't.

Breathe. Murdoch's empire will one day fail to control our minds.

blowfly's picture
blowfly's picture
blowfly commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 9:27am

All true Jack.

goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 9:46am

I’m gunna need a bit of time to digest that Jack!

JackStance's picture
JackStance's picture
JackStance commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 9:52am

Thank you Goofyfoot for digesting it.

solidarity brother.

Breathe. Murdoch's empire will one day fail to control our minds.

Michael Bourne's picture
Michael Bourne's picture
Michael Bourne commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 10:43am

Yeh, great stuff JS, the sooner the whole truth is talked about in the open, the better. I witnessed first hand that terror campaign in Elliston where people were up in arms, freaking over the deliberately spread Mabo victory ‘propaganda’ raving that their homes would be taken. Howard refused to say sorry, as has been the Australian Government case all along, for fear of the consequences of being seen to be actually admitting to the crimes committed, including stealing the land under false pretences.

If we just openly admit and fully examine the truth of the ‘Colonisation’ of Australia, and many other places, the country and world will be able to begin to work together, towards a truly, truth based foundation and outcome where the goal is the very best outcome for everyone. Whilst fully taking into account the reality of why Indigenous people world wide, and our planet are in the present, way, way less than ideal situation.

If you think of even a couple trying to have a really good, honest, prosperous relationship, and one is hiding the truth, spreading and propagating lies, living a lie, wanting inequality, the relationship is doomed from the start. We can do infinitely better, if we really choose to.

JackStance's picture
JackStance's picture
JackStance commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 12:53pm

Hi Michael,

Great to hear, and too true!

Truth Commissions have a successful track record in South Africa and Canada, The public benefits greatly from the healing that arises from truth telling.

The call for a Truth Commission by the Uluru Statement from the Heart would be a good thing for our Country.

But the corporate representative that flood the floor of federal and state governments ultimately serve one thing: greed.

On the whole, any benefits they may bring to the community are only done to serve them to stay in power to continue the long game.

Divided we are conquered.

I look forward to a day where community members serve in decision making roles that exist to empower our communities.

Until then, the corruption that runs rife will continue as our punishment for not being organised- and thereby acquiescing our governing to the Elites.

Breathe. Murdoch's empire will one day fail to control our minds.

sypkan's picture
sypkan's picture
sypkan commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 12:07pm

thanks for spelling that all out jackstance

always felt like the big fella and friends were hiding something whenever they attenpted to 'state their case'

appreciate the transparency, I like transparency

JackStance's picture
JackStance's picture
JackStance commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 1:21pm

Hi Sypkan,

How good is transparency. fully agree.

I can't even start to form an opinion if all the facts aren't on the table- whether that be between friends or which political theory might best suit society.

But what we've go now is zero transparency for those with all the power who make the most important decisions that effect our lives, compared with total transparency of every individual in society because the 'Right to Privacy' has been propagandised into the "If you've got nothing to hide.." argument.

The 99% need privacy for many reasons, from family secrets like financials and other private matters, through to exploring political ideas safely in small groups..

The Right to Privacy is essential to democracy on that level.

In our society, in my opinion, as an individuals level of power goes up, say by becoming an elected representative of the people, so should their level of transparency.

So that becoming powerful means losing the right to privacy.

We should be able to read every single email and text and phone call of Alexander Downer for example, so shit like this can not happen:

From https://redflag.org.au/node/6482 :

In 2004, then foreign minister Alexander Downer presided over an Australian Secret Intelligence Service (ASIS) operation to install listening devices in the offices of the government of the newly independent, and desperately poor, nation of East Timor.

The operation, which was carried out under the cover of an aid project, aimed to give Australia an advantage in negotiations over a new maritime border between the two countries.

Among the main stakeholders in these negotiations was Australian oil and gas giant Woodside Petroleum. Woodside leads a consortium of companies with rights to exploit gigantic reserves in the Greater Sunrise oil and gas fields, which lie in the Timor Sea around 150km from East Timor and 450km from Darwin.

The fields were first discovered in 1974. They’re estimated to hold around 5.13 trillion cubic feet of gas and 225.9 million barrels of condensate (an ultra-light form of crude oil) – worth a combined $65 billion at today’s prices. East Timor’s GDP is around $4 billion.

In 1975, Indonesia invaded and occupied East Timor after the latter declared independence from previous coloniser Portugal. Australia was among the strongest backers of the occupation. The Australian government was, in 1979, the world’s first to formally recognise East Timor as part of Indonesia.

Greater Sunrise was the prize that successive Australian governments hoped to win in exchange for their unwavering support for the brutal Indonesian occupation, under which at least 102,000 Timorese are estimated to have been killed.

According to international standards, the maritime border between Australia and East Timor should lie midway between them. If this standard was applied, it would mean the Greater Sunrise field would lie on East Timor’s side of the border. This is something that Woodside, and the Australian government, wanted to avoid at all costs.

During Indonesia’s occupation, an agreement was struck on very favourable terms to Australia, with oil and gas revenue from the disputed fields to be shared on a 50-50 basis. When the Indonesians were forced out of East Timor in 1999, however, the agreement had to be renegotiated.

East Timor had been devastated by a 25-year occupation that Australia backed to the hilt. You might think there was merit to the Timorese government’s claim that a new agreement should give them the lion’s share of benefit from the development of the Greater Sunrise field.

The Australian government saw things differently. From the start, it played hardball. At one point in the negotiations, Alexander Downer reportedly shouted across the table “Your claims go almost to Alice Springs. You can demand that forever for all I care. We are very tough … Let me give you a tutorial in politics – not a chance”.

Perhaps part of the reason why Downer could be so “tough” was that, thanks to ASIS, he knew exactly what the Timorese negotiating strategy would be.

The ASIS bugging of the Timorese government’s offices was brought to light by the agent responsible for the operation. Known only as “Witness K”, he grew angry about the operation when Alexander Downer, upon his retirement from politics in 2008, took up a highly paid role as a consultant with – you guessed it – Woodside Petroleum.

To say Woodside has a lot of influence in politics puts it too mildly. During Downer’s time as foreign minister, the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade was very much at its beck and call. The secretary of the department under Downer, Dr Ashton Calvert, took a place on the Woodside board immediately following his retirement in 2005.

Downer and Calvert aren’t alone. The revolving door between Woodside and the upper echelons of the Australian government is a busy one indeed.

Labor MP Gary Gray, in office from 2007 to 2016 and minister for resources and energy under Julia Gillard, worked for Woodside as director of corporate affairs from 2000 to 2007. Ian Macfarlane, Liberal minister for industry, tourism and resources under John Howard and minister for industry and science under Tony Abbott, has served on Woodside’s board since his retirement from politics in 2015.

As if these kinds of “inside Canberra” connections weren’t enough, Woodside was, in the decade to 2017, among Australia’s biggest political donors – giving more than $1.4 million to the major parties.

The ASIS bugging operation was part of an organised conspiracy, led from the very top of the Australian government, to fleece some of the world’s poorest people for the benefit of some its richest. The government’s hardball approach on Greater Sunrise has prevented East Timor from gaining much-needed revenue to fund the infrastructure, health care, education and other services its people desperately need.

The real sting in the tail of this story is, however, what’s happened to the major players in the 14 years since.

Downer, of course, has done very well – strutting the world stage as a diplomat and consultant and, most recently, trying to secure the federal parliamentary seat of Mayo in South Australia as a family heirloom for his neoliberal culture warrior daughter Georgina. We can, at least, thank the good people of Mayo for ensuring he failed in this endeavour.

Woodside is riding a wave of bumper profits – $1.3 billion in 2017. In light of this you might think they’d be grateful for all the taxpayer dollars that have been poured into defending their interests on the world stage. You’d be wrong.

In a speech earlier this year at the Woodside AGM, outgoing chairman Michael Chaney railed against the “populist” turn in politics that, he argued, was making it hard for the government to cut corporate taxes: “The erosion of public trust in the role of businesses is, I think, quite alarming, particularly if it is fuelled by populist politicians, who seek to impose a greater regulatory burden on corporations”.

What about Witness K and his lawyer Bernard Collaery, the people who brought the ASIS bugging scandal to light and the only people in this story with any vestige of basic human decency?

They’re facing criminal charges for allegedly breaching the Intelligence Services Act, which prohibits any current or former ASIS employees from revealing anything about the agency’s operations. This, according to the government, is an urgent matter of national security, and Witness K and Collaery may end up being jailed for up to 10 years for their “crime”.

Breathe. Murdoch's empire will one day fail to control our minds.

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 2:17pm

Sobering reading Jack.

Your other posts too.

1173

Steve Hansen's picture
Steve Hansen's picture
Steve Hansen commented Wednesday, 30 Sep 2020 at 2:21pm

Thanks for the write-up about Alexander Downer mate, I can use that. I've always hated that bastard.

JackStance's picture
JackStance's picture
JackStance commented Wednesday, 30 Sep 2020 at 6:12pm

We should always be outraged by the outrageous.

MLK: "There are some things in our society that I'm proud to be maladjusted.. I never intend to adjusted myself to racial discrimination. I never intend to adjusted myself to economic conditions that take necessities from the many to give luxuries to the few .... " ... corruption

Breathe. Murdoch's empire will one day fail to control our minds.

Steve Hansen's picture
Steve Hansen's picture
Steve Hansen commented Thursday, 1 Oct 2020 at 12:29pm

That's exactly right mate. Maintain your rage, and never give up.

ringmaster's picture
ringmaster's picture
ringmaster commented Thursday, 1 Oct 2020 at 10:27pm

I'll 2nd that, Steve.

I prefer the adjective CUNT.

(As in A. Downer)

OHBILLY's picture
OHBILLY's picture
OHBILLY commented Tuesday, 29 Sep 2020 at 1:58pm

Cool. Now what? (I'm not being a d!$k about this either)

That's the issue here, many people that read and understand the history of Australia SHOULD agree with what you've said above. But I'm really waiting for someone to come out with the 'Well here's where we go from here'. But I guess maybe we really try to take a leaf out of Canada or even NZ's book and look to integrate and appreciate the culture more fully into our society and see where that takes us?
I dunno man, these issues are far greater than I can intellectually handle.

Yea, I get barrel

JackStance's picture
JackStance's picture
JackStance commented Tuesday, 29 Sep 2020 at 3:46pm

Hi Ohbilly,

so good to hear your thoughts and key question.

The answer, as I understand, was put to the broad Australian community through the Uluru Statement From the Heart https://ulurustatement.org

Interestingly it was not delivered to the government as the government, through continued bad faith conduct, was considered to not be deserving, yet, of the Statement from the Heart.

So it was delivered to the people of Australia.

Also vitally important is Prof Megan Davis rebuttal of then Prime Minister Turnballs' outright "elaborately dishonest" lie to the Australian public that the Statement from the Heart is calling for another chamber of parliament with the power to veto: https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2017/dec/12/indigenous-voice-...

Breathe. Murdoch's empire will one day fail to control our minds.

Steve Hansen's picture
Steve Hansen's picture
Steve Hansen commented Wednesday, 30 Sep 2020 at 2:13pm

Good on ya Jack. These things don't get said enough, mate.

Numbatt's picture
Numbatt's picture
Numbatt commented Tuesday, 29 Sep 2020 at 8:32am

You are talking my language.

Agitator's picture
Agitator's picture
Agitator commented Saturday, 26 Sep 2020 at 4:41pm

We are merely travelers in this material dimension, only temporarily in this particular time and space. The concept of localism is no more than a delusion. Only those in ignorance embrace the notion.

Cetus's picture
Cetus's picture
Cetus commented Saturday, 26 Sep 2020 at 5:25pm

Could have shortened it to the footnote

groovie's picture
groovie's picture
groovie commented Sunday, 27 Sep 2020 at 5:47am

The best surfer in the line up is the one having the most FUN! No one owns the ocean!!!

Spuddups's picture
Spuddups's picture
Spuddups commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 12:38pm

Potentially the guy having the most fun is a sociopathic guy on a SUP riding every single set wave. I don’t think this necessarily makes him the best surfer. Probably just makes him a fuck-wit truth be told.

PCS PeterPan's picture
PCS PeterPan's picture
PCS PeterPan commented Sunday, 27 Sep 2020 at 8:31am

paddle harder or buy one of those longboard things , or give up !

simba's picture
simba's picture
simba commented Sunday, 27 Sep 2020 at 10:36am

goat boats rule ........

said no one

simba

jacksprat's picture
jacksprat's picture
jacksprat commented Sunday, 27 Sep 2020 at 11:27am

Goats rule, says everyone...

onetimeonly

jacksprat's picture
jacksprat's picture
jacksprat commented Sunday, 27 Sep 2020 at 11:28am

Ah yes, sports version of the Ugly American, 'the local'. It's the 21st Century and humans are still stuck in a mindset of petty provincialism and small minded rhetoric. Generally speaking, in the surf world, the biggest fuckwit will get the most waves. After that, the most violent will. Skill means little in the modern era; before legropes yes - deeper was better and a long swim was part of the game. Now, no price to pay - and anyway, if someone's deeper, just burn them. Then there's jet skis, foils, sups...

onetimeonly

Ray Shirlaw's picture
Ray Shirlaw's picture
Ray Shirlaw commented Sunday, 27 Sep 2020 at 1:25pm

Er, Groovy,some peoples idea of FUN is constantly snaking people. No matter how good they surf(or how much fun they're having),that won't make them 'the best surfer'. Do we concurr,Sir?

Finnbob the terror's picture
Finnbob the terror's picture
Finnbob the terror commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 6:14am

I find it amusing when there is localism within locals.
On The Mornington Peninsula we mainly rely on banks for our surf.
Some guys get territorial over the discovery of a bank and think they have some sort of preference over the waves than the next guy. A classic example is someone paddling up the inside of you, taking wave after wave, you make a comment, and their reply is, mate i've been surfing this bank for the last 3 days get fucked. I must admit I have been guilty of the same thing. Maybe not to that extreme.
It must be self preservation, a survival instinct, we as surfers feel it is our life blood, most people are territorial, the surf on a particular day will be gone or at least not the same the next time you paddle out, the waves you are going to get is limited to that surf, instinctively we want them for our selves, our family and friends.
If you realise localism is instinctual you can change the way you behave and share the waves.
But you can always pull the local card to put people back inline if they are acting like a fuck wit in the water.

OHBILLY's picture
OHBILLY's picture
OHBILLY commented Tuesday, 29 Sep 2020 at 2:02pm

"I find it amusing when there is localism within locals."
Nowhere is that more prevalent than at an un-named left hander that is akin to Restaurants....

Yea, I get barrel

Chris Tacke's picture
Chris Tacke's picture
Chris Tacke commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 9:04am

Buy a Large SUP then proceed to take every set wave with no thought of sharing.. say sorry a few times, while calling sets are coming to the poor souls laying about on there tiny pieces of foam ,while you survey the scene from your lofty perch, cutting a swath through the line up as you travel in a straight line through the line up taking out all and sundry, paddle your wave catching machine straight back out and do it again that will sort out the pesky locals.

Brian from Brissy's picture
Brian from Brissy's picture
Brian from Brissy commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 10:57am

Well said.. by way of example I had a white bloke the other day ask me if I was local at an unnamed surf spot next to an aboriginal village (while the real locals were surfing).. "Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel" (or in this case localism)..

Surfalot67's picture
Surfalot67's picture
Surfalot67 commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 11:27am

Who was it that said a local is anyone who's been there one day longer than you?

sypkan's picture
sypkan's picture
sypkan commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 12:08pm

a blowin?

dazzler's picture
dazzler's picture
dazzler commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 3:17pm

Phil Jarrett did a great Dictionary of Surfing back in the 80s. A local was someone who had been their 1/2 hr longer than you. A "westie" (also known as Brisso) was someone who lived more than a km from beach. Very funny book.

Lanejc's picture
Lanejc's picture
Lanejc commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 2:00pm

Local one day, out of towner the next, it's the eternal question, once an area becomes gentrified and you get priced out of living in an area, are you still a local or just another out of towner?

Lane

Oceanbeach's picture
Oceanbeach's picture
Oceanbeach commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 2:31pm

Maybe I'm off topic but I think its related.occasionally when working on foreshore reserves I have met with both local aboriginal groups and local 'friends of' groups. Its interesting different takes on what it is to be local to an area. The idea of 'local' to the typically white 'friends of' groups tends to be very narrow minded, individually site specific with tight boundaries whereas the aboriginal groups tend to have much more open minded, local to a wider landscape network, regional notion. I prefer the second idea of local...less restrictive

simsurf's picture
simsurf's picture
simsurf commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 3:15pm

You want to know how Mick always gets the bomb sets at Snapper? He sits deeper behind the rock than anyone. Then you got the muppets at Burleigh who just drop in and ruin the wave for everyone.

theblacksheep's picture
theblacksheep's picture
theblacksheep commented Monday, 28 Sep 2020 at 6:21pm

Gold article
I’m the early local
The first guy out in the dark who gets angrier and angrier at every cxxt that paddles out and surfs next to me.
Don’t they know I chose this bank first?
That it’s MY bank and they should piss off over to next peak?
Then by the time 40 more pricks show up I’m so angry I’m paddling around like an angry frothing tool. DONT YOU ALL KNOW THIS IS MY BANK?! I saw it first dammit and you should respect my local wisdom.
Then it all gets too much so I head from Snapper for a coffee and reminisce about what a local legend I am and that secret bank a little further down the line I’ll hit up after lunch when no one will know about it. Fuckin blow ins.

Finnbob the terror's picture
Finnbob the terror's picture
Finnbob the terror commented Tuesday, 29 Sep 2020 at 6:36am

Localism is not just confined to the surf,
Went camping up in the bush a while ago with some mates and their kids, did the big shop and forgot to get some apples.
We were going to go back to the shop but Pete remembered seeing an apple tree out the front of a someones house on a reserve.
We stopped there and started to take all the apples off it. This old local prick came out of his house and looked pretty pissed off saying him and his family wait all year for those apple, they look after the tree, recons his old man use to get apples from it years ago. We told him to fuck off, its not his tree, its on a reserve, so suck it up you old inbred local fuck wit.
He asked if we could just take few and leave some for him, we told him to get fucked its not even his tree. We took most of the good apples and left a couple of the shit ones for him. Mark is a bit of a soft cock, he let the old bloke have one of the good ones.
We made a bit of a mess with rubbish and the kids were jumping all over some of the blokes plants on his nature strip, we were in a hurry so we left it like that, i'm sure the old bloke would've cleaned it up.
Couldn't believe the old prick got a little pissed off when we first turned up.
Fucken localism.

belly's picture
belly's picture
belly commented Tuesday, 29 Sep 2020 at 9:23am

At least the kids now know it's cool to terrorise old blokes and leave rubbish in the bush....

happyppl's picture
happyppl's picture
happyppl commented Wednesday, 30 Sep 2020 at 7:02pm

JS, spot on about downer "etall"
and our troops were deliberately held back at darwin wharf while militia butchered ppl voteing for independance, after being warned weeks prior this would happen and lil johnny promised a safe election and transition to the UN! ozzyozzy shame shame!
no disrespect to our armed forces, they were held back.
never hear zilch about etimor on media.

happyppl