The unlikely 2020 World Champions
An innocuous administrative shortcut could have enormous consequences if 2020’s entire WSL Pro Surfing season is cancelled, Ding Alley learned today.
“They’re working through the details with their legal team right now,” says our source in the Woz, “long story short the organisers of the Noosa Festival of Surfing got into hot water last year with their dog surfing event – Noosa’s a National Park and the Rangers kicked up a shitstorm about all the dogs around First Point.
“So this year they sussed out exemptions and found if they registered the dogs as legitimate competitors, then that was an easier workaround than, say, registering them as therapy animals or whatever.
“WSL went with it, waived the usual competitor joinup fees and got about a dozen dogs signed on to the WCT.
“There was a running joke about the CT being the ‘Canine Tour’. We allocated points and everything.”
And so what began as a harmless workaround has become more than a small headache for the Woz, because if no further competitions are held through 2020, the WSL Men’s and Women’s World Titles will – if the rules and regs are followed to the letter – be awarded to Spangles, a Cocker Spaniel Kelpie Cross, and a Pomeranian bitch named Chloe, who placed first and second respectively in the Noosa Novelty Dog Surfing event, and are “the only ones with legit ‘CT points on the board.”
Though we’re all keen to see ‘normal’ life resume as soon as possible, and imagine the Woz would be wanting to see more conventional recipients of surfing’s ultimate accolade, we could anticipate that the Woz’s fearless leader would be nothing if not creative if this unlikely scenario came to pass.
The Woz being, after all, primarily a media and entertainment company.
Spangles, for instance, is a rescue dog from Toowoomba, and would provide a glorious subject for an instalment of the Woz’s ‘Transformed’ series, where the elixir of Surfing makes everything magically wonderful for poor souls from disadvantaged backgrounds.
Women’s champ Chloe would be a knockout on the Woz’s ‘The Lineup’ podcast, where her handler could articulate that Chloe’s goals are to just have fun with it all, be herself, and be ‘in the moment’, because that’s when the results seem to come. This paradigm-shattering revelation would enhance the Woz-Studios reputation for stirring content.
And thanks to Spangles’ and Chloe’s gritty performances at First Point a month ago, Australian competitive surfing would be returned to its rightful place at the top of the pack. So there’s that.
// DING ALLEY
Ding Alley is cartoonist Dave McArthur @maccatoons and writer Gra Murdoch. They are Footscray TAFE’s favourite sons.