The only essential apparel

Stu Nettle
Swellnet Dispatch

This is a story about the time I bought a new Brewer for $20.

It’s also, improbably, a column where I offer you, dear readers, unsolicited fashion advice.

Me! Forty-something. Grey. But suave as fuck. You should listen.

Two days ago, Rip Curl was sold to Kathmandu for $350 million. I’m sure you’ve already read about it, but the news extends beyond the business section because Rip Curl were the last of The Big Three companies to go public. 

Those industry titans, Rip Curl, Billabong, and Quiksilver, who shaped surf culture for decades, largely because the people who ran the businesses were surfers. They reflected our values, shared our aesthetic, and sold it back to us in one great big symbiotic hook up that we were happy to be a part of.

They were surf companies. We were surfers. We wore surf clothes.

The rot set in when they floated and brought Joe Public into the fold. Billabong and Quiksilver made increasingly bizarre decisions while chasing quarterly dividends for non-surfing investors: they introduced bedsheets and manchester lines, boardshorts for football teams and stadium rock acts, whacked Billabong logos on a Renault Clio - the Euro version of a Ford Fiesta, same goes for badged computers, pool toys, and then came the supermodels, the YouTubers, the Instagram Influencers.

All of a sudden it seemed like everyone was in on the symbiosis. Owning a surfboard was no longer a prerequisite for a seat at the table. Their table. No longer our table.

Once that social compact was lost, surfers had little sympathy when the GFC kicked surf companies to the kerb. Every article about bankruptcy, or sell offs, or write downs, was met with a hail of derision often ending with a rhetorical flourish: who wears surf clothes anyway?

But you see, the fundamentalist rejection of surf clothing is a put on. I know this because I can walk into a room, any room, and spot the surfer. You may reject Quiksilver and Billabong but I can see you. You’re still speaking to the tribe in subtle ways.

So here then is a suggestion. Like a queer eye sashaying in to dress the slovenly straight guy, I’ll show how it’s possible to reject the corporate turncoats while looking as sharp and recognisable as a surfer should, and in a holy triumvirate of righteousness, it even benefits the good guys.

The idea came to me during my last visit to Hawaii. I’ve always coveted Brewers and I had space in my board bag to take one home, however I didn’t have space in my bank account for the price tag. The compromise was simple, and comfortable. Size M if you must know - suave and fit.

I’ve since bolstered my quiver with wearable art from Buttonshaw and Browny, Ryan Burch, Greenough’s spitfire, and Stuart Paterson’s spiral. This summer I’m looking out for Corey Graham’s hand/foot, Maurice’s bear, and Michael Mackie’s tree. I covet much but can afford little. This is aspirational fashion at its finest.

None of it is available at SurfStitch.

Non-surfers will never know the feeling.

Get in on the ground floor, people. Stay there.

Comments

Island Bay's picture
Island Bay's picture
Island Bay commented Thursday, 3 Oct 2019 at 4:59pm

If you outgrow the t-shirt, there's a 9'4 Brewer gun at Drifter on Bali for only 40mio Rupiah. Fucken beauty.

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin commented Thursday, 3 Oct 2019 at 5:24pm

Excellent

morg's picture
morg's picture
morg commented Thursday, 3 Oct 2019 at 10:06pm

.

murphy-s-law's picture
murphy-s-law's picture
murphy-s-law commented Thursday, 3 Oct 2019 at 6:37pm

Well done.
Good luck to the little guy.

hoody's picture
hoody's picture
hoody commented Thursday, 3 Oct 2019 at 6:45pm

Ive got a Dewey Webber Surfbords T. 1968 and its even got a pocket for your durries.
Not many years left in it tho. Starting to show signs of wear like its owner.

Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean commented Sunday, 6 Oct 2019 at 4:24am

Spot on Stu net,
I have a special Da hui I shirt I bought from a yard sale for a dollar and an xcel wetsuit vest I picked up for 2 $.

freeride76's picture
freeride76's picture
freeride76 commented Thursday, 3 Oct 2019 at 8:09pm

I've got a Bylseys Surf Shop
69 Shirley St
t-eo.

wages for one of the days I worked for him.

Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 2:04pm

Gold !

Surf Ads's picture
Surf Ads's picture
Surf Ads commented Friday, 11 Oct 2019 at 10:56am

That cannot be beaten.

dandandan's picture
dandandan's picture
dandandan commented Thursday, 3 Oct 2019 at 8:47pm

Good old Mitchell Rae often sneaks an Outer Islands tee with the spirit eye on it into the box with my new boards. It's not a rare occurrence that it will be the catalyst for a very enjoyable 45 minute yarn at Ngurah Rai, and on one occasion led to the gifting of a secret spot from an old fella who reckoned he had done his last trip to the islands. God bless the magic tee.

Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 2:05pm

Awesome .
Support your local shaper people !

peterb's picture
peterb's picture
peterb commented Thursday, 3 Oct 2019 at 9:50pm

Outlaw ..

morg's picture
morg's picture
morg commented Thursday, 3 Oct 2019 at 10:04pm

Perfect. What a great idea. Support the people who are contributing to surfing, rather than just seizing another money making opportunity.

New T-shirt please . . . . living the dream all over again :)

Lammie's picture
Lammie's picture
Lammie commented Thursday, 3 Oct 2019 at 11:00pm

They lost me when they killed the Bali surf labels [Amphibia and Lost Boys] I wore the lost boys tees till they were rags.

luke.hutch's picture
luke.hutch's picture
luke.hutch commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 1:48am

Bonza! Add ...purchase hand made boards from your local shapers and we begin training the industry back to the light

Spuddups's picture
Spuddups's picture
Spuddups commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 4:13am

I don't think there's a lot of money to be made in selling stuff just to surfers. That's the problem the surf companies had and still have.

Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 2:07pm

"Surfers don't have any money"
I've heard that before.

Spuddups's picture
Spuddups's picture
Spuddups commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 2:13pm

Nah man, that's not what I meant. A lot of surfers have plenty of money. We just don't like spending it on stuff not directly related to surfing. $3000 trip to Indo? No problem. $30 Rip-Curl Teeshirt? Not so much.

Surfalot67's picture
Surfalot67's picture
Surfalot67 commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 5:18pm

$30 Rip Curl T?? Shit, you haven't been shopping for a while Spud

Spuddups's picture
Spuddups's picture
Spuddups commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 6:05pm

Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. I wouldn’t have a farken’ clue how much one of those shirts cost.

simba's picture
simba's picture
simba commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 6:01am

But isn't that the point ,it's not about the money it's about being a surfer.......that's where the big 3 went wrong ,lost touch with the soul of surfing and appealed to the masses....and I hope they rot in hell......real surfers surf for the love not the fashion trend.

simba

dangerouskook2000's picture
dangerouskook2000's picture
dangerouskook2000 commented Sunday, 13 Oct 2019 at 8:59pm

Yep

Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 7:37am

Hear hear Stu. I reckon the writing was on the wall when endless hapless petty thieves and drunken celebrities disgraced the TV news in Rip Curl, Billabong and Quiksilver shirts.
I thought to myself, every wanker is a faux surfer.

"angry online, smiley in the brine"

yocal's picture
yocal's picture
yocal commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 9:10am

I like to unashamedly boast about where i've travelled to via my terrible fashion sense, so I go to the souvenir shops and pick out a lairy fluoro singlet that says "Puerto Escondido" or "North Shore" or "Vailima" (the local beer) or "Iluka" (the fishing & tackle shop on the way up to the wall has some good T's). Then every now and then a fun & nostalgic conversation starts with someone who recognises it and has travelled there to surf too.

Go deeper Taylor, go deeper!

teaqueue's picture
teaqueue's picture
teaqueue commented Wednesday, 9 Oct 2019 at 2:55pm

Exactly. Nice Yocal. I lost my baby blue 'Seki A Seki Samoa' t-shirt years ago, but the amount of joy and cred it gave me.!!

Ape Anonymous's picture
Ape Anonymous's picture
Ape Anonymous commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 9:53am

Precision Equipment Da Claw shirt X 2 - one of which is the last one. Thanks Tom!

Needs do some low cost surf-appropriate gear as well.

velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 9:55am

I like it, a good idea.

What is everyone's take on the 'de-logo'd' surf brands of the last 10 years or so? They are made by younger crew, far less visible logos, often plain shirts/shorts. It has been associated with the Byron Bay/longboarding way, includes zipper wettie jackets etc - all free from big logos. I'd say "hipster" but there's more substance to it than that throwaway tag - it's a reaction back to basics, and these brands have got back to a visual basic. In actual real gear, you have the Need wetties, which by accounts are excellent. All this is a reaction to how the major labels listed and went hyper-commercial?

Surfalot67's picture
Surfalot67's picture
Surfalot67 commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 5:21pm

I don't disagree VJ, but the zip front vests? Pure hipster bullshit, especially when worn unzipped. Most of us worked out they were uncomfortable shit 40 years ago!

dandob's picture
dandob's picture
dandob commented Sunday, 6 Oct 2019 at 5:32pm

I'd say why would you pay $60 for a blank " hipster" brand tshirt, when you can buy the same blank shirt from target for $5. Probably out of the same sweatshop factory to!

scottishsponger's picture
scottishsponger's picture
scottishsponger commented Monday, 7 Oct 2019 at 9:41pm

They look the same but they’re not. A $60 t-shirt from Patagonia or Outerknown has definitely not been made in a sweatshop and you’re paying for the ethical supply chain. I still don’t understand how anyone can wear a $5 t-shirt (or anything from Target, K Mary, Billabong, etc) and be comfortable knowing some poor kid in a 3rd world country has worked a 70 hour week for a few bucks to make it. There’s a massive difference between a $5 t-shirt and a $60 one, from the right company.

dandob's picture
dandob's picture
dandob commented Monday, 7 Oct 2019 at 10:02pm

Yer look, I get it. I'm as social libertarian as the next teenage anarchist. I wasn't talking about ethical business like you listed, more the RVCA, Afends types that probably source there plain Ts from similar sources as target etc. 600% mark up for a small screenprinted logo. No thanks.
And as ethical as Patagonia or outerknown are, I'm not paying $60 or above for a tshirt.
I donate the money I save to the Greens to offset my exploitative guilt.
Plus it lets me track where the corporate pigs are exploiting next. Used to be China but now they have a burgeoning middle class, the shirts come out of Bangladesh. Viva la revolution!

daisy duke kahanamoku's picture
daisy duke kahanamoku's picture
daisy duke kaha... commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 10:38am

Forty-something is code for 'I'm old and cant remember my exact age' and size M means you're short, not fit.

garyg1412's picture
garyg1412's picture
garyg1412 commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 11:45am

The thing is there are truckloads of surfers on this planet so they had no problem with their client base. Problem is they got fucking greedy and their true client base shrunk exponentially with $80 price tags for boardshorts, etc.
Look at the tennis and golf brands and the cash they splash out on sponsorship, prizemoney, etc. They are able to do that because their client base is mainly rich pricks who don't blink at spending up big on their equipment and gear.
Surfing not so much - most of us are average joe tightarses and these surf companies should have recognised that and maybe adjusted their business models to suit volumes and not massive profit margins.

Nigeisblessed's picture
Nigeisblessed's picture
Nigeisblessed commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 1:05pm

when I first started surfing Piping Hot was the ducks nuts in wetties and clothing. It near broke my heart when their gear started appearing in Target! So now - I go to the Op shop and I'm gonna start my own clothing brand look out for it! Won't be made by slaves in Bangladesh either.

Sam2609's picture
Sam2609's picture
Sam2609 commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 2:07pm

my favourite shirts are as follows:
-Surf Chicama
-Samoan Surf riders
-Raglan Surf emporium
- Steele Lewis Designs

if someone gives you shit about the brand of your shirt, its instantly obvious that their opinion isn't worth giving a shit about.

support the locals when you travel.
or the neighborhood underdog having a crack.

Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 2:13pm

Tamba
That's another favorite of mine .

velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 2:17pm

mambo did a T shirt once "particularly nasty weather" where 2 high pressure systems over Oz kind of made out full frontal female parts....

crip's picture
crip's picture
crip commented Monday, 7 Oct 2019 at 11:31pm

I've still got that t. Love it, but have to be careful about where I wear it. Certainly not to work!

AndyM's picture
AndyM's picture
AndyM commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 3:41pm

Just saw a fella walking down the main street of town wearing a Centrelink t-shirt.

Could've been a shout out to his sponsor but I suspect it was an old shirt.

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 4:38pm

My lady did a screen printing course whilst we were stationed up at a dusty old North West inland town for a while . She’s not bad at art and so she printed hand drawn images of some my favourite line ups at the time with appropriate iconography such as light houses , headlands for each on the back of T Shirts . With a little version on the front left chest.

Wore them till they died and then some.

indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 5:25pm

Yeah id wear that kind of stuff, personally i haven't bought a surf brand T-shirt in 15+ years but i do have them, mates hand me downs and missus buys them for me, half the time i whinge because i really dont want them, really id prefer a no name brand from Big W with a cool design these days than a Billabong or Quicksilver tee.

Only T-shirts i actually buy myself are band T-shirts at gigs, always the wrong size either too small or too big because my size has sold out by the time i buy one, after the gig pissed.

PCS PeterPan's picture
PCS PeterPan's picture
PCS PeterPan commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 7:49pm

RIP Rip Curl , who cares . . . been buying NeedEssentials wetties for 5 years , best wetsuits ever , IMO !
How many times have you seen people wearing "BIG THREE" surf clothing just to get some 'street cred' ? makes me want to puke . VANS are being worn by office jocks who would not have a clue at any local skate park , again , just wanting to look COOL .
Buying a Tee from your local shaper is waaaay better . These jonny come lately COOL dudes wont get the significance . Great idea people !
By the by , surfed a little 'outa the way' spot with my buddy , he's wearing his $599 Ripcurl , I'm wearing my $225 Needsessential , he gets out 40 minutes before me, cause he's cold !

scottishsponger's picture
scottishsponger's picture
scottishsponger commented Monday, 7 Oct 2019 at 9:45pm

Vans are the pits now. Owned by some luxury brand (LVM) or something, not the family company they were when they first became cool. Absolutely everyone is wearing them now thinking they’re edgy.

drchris's picture
drchris's picture
drchris commented Friday, 4 Oct 2019 at 10:16pm
GuySmiley's picture
GuySmiley's picture
GuySmiley commented Saturday, 5 Oct 2019 at 12:02am

I don't think this marriage will work out. Kathmandu's business model seems to be to grossly over inflate the RRP on their clothing so their bi-monthly 30% - 50% off everything sales seem good value which it isn't. How will this sit with surfers and the clothing and wet suits they buy? These items haven't traditionally been priced/discounted like that so the new company will have a Jeckyll and Hyde personality.

I would also argue Kathmandu is only a few degrees removed from the very low end adventure / bush walking retailers so is it a good corporate fit for RC who seem to have enjoyed a high corporate image while Quik and Bong got a fully blown corporate reaming.

poo-man's picture
poo-man's picture
poo-man commented Saturday, 5 Oct 2019 at 7:34am

Yeah I tend to agree with you Guy. Kathmandu try and sell rashies for $99 retail but they only sell for half price when they have one of their big sales. But a standard price for a rashie is $49 in a surf shop anyway. Just don't know how their Kathmandu mentality is going to work for Rip Curl. You can't just double the price of everything Rip Curl in order to discount it and say it's 50% off

poo-man

lilbandit's picture
lilbandit's picture
lilbandit commented Saturday, 5 Oct 2019 at 6:37am

Slight sidestep but how’s how every random celebrity or athlete will throw a Shaka on the telly these days. Makes me cringe. That was purely surfing to me growing up. And it’s kinda like those brands these days. I don’t throw shakas any more but I sure still get boards shaped

Standingleft's picture
Standingleft's picture
Standingleft commented Saturday, 5 Oct 2019 at 7:28am

Nice one Stu, rebuilding surf culture one T at a time.

frog's picture
frog's picture
frog commented Saturday, 5 Oct 2019 at 8:24am

I walk past a surf shop everyday. Occasionally I buy .......... a block of wax.

Frogg

sandcrab's picture
sandcrab's picture
sandcrab commented Saturday, 5 Oct 2019 at 9:14am

I went into a surf shop to buy a block of wax
to find they don't sell wax
only surf clothing

Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean commented Saturday, 5 Oct 2019 at 11:34am

Surf boutiques,
There was one in my home town.
Not boards, no wetties, no wax.
Just clothes, this was in the mid to late eighties by the way.

Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean commented Saturday, 5 Oct 2019 at 11:30am

New surf order.

Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local commented Saturday, 5 Oct 2019 at 12:05pm

When Mambo was the big alternative brand, my mum did a bunch of surf shirts with cool colour prints and a silhouette of a surfer dropping down the face. They even had a little logo tag "Mumbo".
A group of professional thieves from Brisbane came into Byron one weekend and basically knocked gear off that wasn't nailed down, including my Mumbo shirt off the clothes line. Lucky for the thieves he didn't wear it around town.

"angry online, smiley in the brine"

velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno commented Saturday, 5 Oct 2019 at 7:21pm

Interesting! Make your own.... Quik was the logo to have on boardies in the early 80's, that silver reflective logo. M&D couldn't afford it for us, we got the Target 'Catchit' boardies. More than one mum at the school would find used, dead quikky boardies at Op shops and then transfer the logo to the cheaper brand for us kids.

Reg Mombassa a big fan of the postwar Australian beach shack architecture, me too, always liked his paintings of these houses. In the Mambo book, taught me the 2 minute noodles/motel kettle meal recipe lol.

Hairy Dog Trumpet was pretty good too.

Pedro1212's picture
Pedro1212's picture
Pedro1212 commented Saturday, 5 Oct 2019 at 12:56pm

So many old blokes going into Deus 'temples' to fawn over bikes and departing in a shirt/cap instead. That model is working pretty well for ol' Dare.

simba's picture
simba's picture
simba commented Sunday, 6 Oct 2019 at 4:55am

Even a shop in Milan,Italy,believe it or not,saw it the other day.

simba

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin commented Sunday, 6 Oct 2019 at 9:12am

Watching the surfing in France last night and started playing a mental game of spotting the Deus shirts in the crowd. They were everywhere.

Was like Quiksilver in the ‘90’s

AndyM's picture
AndyM's picture
AndyM commented Sunday, 6 Oct 2019 at 10:01am

They're like NY caps and anything with RVCA on it, just another handy way of spotting the bog standard.

Worn by every Tyler, Taylor, Tayla, Taylah and Gravel with their standard issue tatts.

Surf Ads's picture
Surf Ads's picture
Surf Ads commented Friday, 11 Oct 2019 at 10:58am

The Deus Dad is a whole species on its own. Well built, still attractive but otherwise balding/ageing middle management type with two kids and a late model Range Rover.

tubeshooter's picture
tubeshooter's picture
tubeshooter commented Saturday, 5 Oct 2019 at 8:57pm

.My wardrobe is full of cheap Balinese genuine fake labels and Kirra Surf seconds. screw the man

Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean commented Sunday, 6 Oct 2019 at 4:27am

Kuta lines.

Nigeisblessed's picture
Nigeisblessed's picture
Nigeisblessed commented Friday, 11 Oct 2019 at 3:13pm

Surf Ratz

wingnut2443's picture
wingnut2443's picture
wingnut2443 commented Sunday, 6 Oct 2019 at 8:07am

Hey Stu n Ben ... In line with this 'concept', what about doing a story on the old surf shop. You know, local independent, been around for years, sells boards n wax, n wetties, clothes etc and puts up prizes for the local boardriders?

Give 'em some exposure and help rewrite the vibe?

Couple come to mind:

Beachtown Surf Shop in North Haven.
Brunswick Surf in Brunswick Heads.
Cabarita Surfshop in Cabarita Beack / Bogangar.

I'm sure there's others the swellnet crew can name.

I reckon there is a story with every one of them.

Surfboard Design and Construction Kook. Evidence is here: www.ffwsurfboards.com.au
*FFW - Few Fun Waves ... that's what it's all about for me.

Terminal's picture
Terminal's picture
Terminal commented Monday, 7 Oct 2019 at 10:20am

Kent at Southern Man in Ulladulla

savanova's picture
savanova's picture
savanova commented Sunday, 6 Oct 2019 at 7:12pm

Only new surf shirt I get every year comes with boardriders rego. Even that's printed in a back shed.

surfstarved's picture
surfstarved's picture
surfstarved commented Sunday, 6 Oct 2019 at 7:31pm

I had an awesome Soul Arch Surfboards hoodie that I wore everywhere, until I left it in a boat moored at a jetty in Kent a couple of years ago. Now my only "wink-wink, nod-nod" secret handshake pieces of apparel are a holy old Campbell Bros t-shirt and a hideously overpriced On the Edge of a Dream shirt I picked up at the screening in Mullum last year. Wrong size, so I hardly ever wear it either...

Don't let the bastards grind you down

indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming commented Sunday, 6 Oct 2019 at 7:44pm

In the 80s & 90s all my local surf shops/board makers did T-shirts and hoodies etc and they were super popular, but now i dont think they do them or if they do i never see anyone wearing them.

Kind of weird how it's changed.

dandob's picture
dandob's picture
dandob commented Monday, 7 Oct 2019 at 8:00am

I've got a mate who makes coin in the " retro vintage " hipster market. Old faded mambo shirts are particular gold. Gets old surf and band ts that are worn from op shops and flogs them for $100 to young cool cats who are being ironically cool. My old mans cupboard is worth $1000's.

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin commented Monday, 7 Oct 2019 at 8:04am

That reminds me of when Rodney Rude heard that the sperm bank was paying ten dollars for a deposit and he realised he had a towel under his bed worth three grand.

Craig's picture
Craig's picture
Craig commented Monday, 7 Oct 2019 at 12:44pm

Ha, that's gold!

velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno commented Monday, 7 Oct 2019 at 10:22pm

"... and this shirt was worn to a real Def Leppard concert in '89..."

"It's so authentic."

dandob's picture
dandob's picture
dandob commented Monday, 7 Oct 2019 at 11:20pm

I'm not kidding. He told me today he go $150 for an old shirt just this week.

surfstarved's picture
surfstarved's picture
surfstarved commented Monday, 7 Oct 2019 at 12:32pm

Incidentally, where can we buy the size-M Swellnet shirt?

Don't let the bastards grind you down

see.saw's picture
see.saw's picture
see.saw commented Monday, 7 Oct 2019 at 3:22pm

Vinnies or the like is where I get my clothes mostly. (The faux surfer ditches it cause it’s out of fashion, so I get it for the next 5 years). Just to recycle and because, like everyone has said, big brands are way too pricey for the average surfer. Everything has to be scaled down and made to last if there is any hope. But I’ve lost hope. I give humans 50 maybe 100 years before chaos reigns. We’re fucked.

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin commented Monday, 7 Oct 2019 at 4:53pm

No , you’re fucked.....I’m looking forward to the apocalypse.

I’ve been spending my days digging a basement which I’ve stocked full of Heinz Big Eats and Hungry Man dinners. Thousands of them.

I’ve got a brewing kit , a monopoly board , old school porno mags ( no batteries required) and a commercial quantity of moisturiser.

A few years downstairs and I’ll re-emerge stronger than ever , just in time to pick off the few weakened remnants of mankind.

Notice I said mankind specifically ? That’s no mistake, I ain’t going all Justin Trudeau on you . I aim to eradicate every last male, then harvest all the women into a harem the likes of which the world has never seen.

Whoa , there !..... I can see Steph , Sally , Tatiana and Sage getting all misty eyed at the thought of it . Sorry , girls , I don’t plan on being out surfed on Planet Blowin. You’ll be going the way of the Kyle Sandilands, the Eddie Maguires and the Scott Morrisons of the world .

Now that I think about it , there might not be too many sexy girl surfers left if I cull them purely because they’ve got a more fluid cutback than I do. Perhaps I’ll just banish them to close out beach breaks till I desire their company ? An endless procession of hot chick rippers building up intolerable levels of shit surf frustration with myself as their only outlet for that physical desire . Where on Earth can I find a spot large enough to accommodate thousands of women yet never provide them with a hollow section, a clean face or any down the line speed ?

Looks like we might need to rename Manly.

It’s going to be good to be the King.

velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno commented Monday, 7 Oct 2019 at 10:19pm

Or France. Or Trigg.

Just remember to balance both arms with that commercial quantity of moisturiser, otherwise you will be continually falling to one side when you re-emerge.

garyg1412's picture
garyg1412's picture
garyg1412 commented Thursday, 10 Oct 2019 at 1:22pm

Blowin can I have your Anzac biscuit recipe please.

factotum's picture
factotum's picture
factotum commented Wednesday, 9 Oct 2019 at 12:04pm

...and Art to boot!

Finntim's picture
Finntim's picture
Finntim commented Wednesday, 9 Oct 2019 at 8:20pm

with you all the way see saw. bit of disso in the wash with the boardies, prevents travellers and your good.

paul.tainsh's picture
paul.tainsh's picture
paul.tainsh commented Wednesday, 16 Oct 2019 at 12:43pm

Triggerbros tracksuit pants.