Submitted by Blowin on Sat, 04/19/2014 - 19:30
Dear Agony Aunt
I am unsure how to deal with a wayward friend . I have known him for a long time, being acquaintances in a " surfy gang" in our late teen years. He was never a committed surfer , It was more about the social side for him. I'm sure he enjoys the ocean ,but it could have just as easily been golf if you know what I mean.
Work always came first and second, such an industrious young man ! He was always blue collar but then he began to prosper , hours and hours of toil rewarded with financial success . Unfortunately his monetary gains came at the expense of the marginal skills on the board that he had acquired. All work and no play blunts the already dull edge of the weekend warriors tools, so they say.
Then the Boom hit ! My friend was quite the opportunist and his years of application saw him in a position to purchase a fine home directly overlooking a mediocre surf break. A mediocre surf break bookended by two better quality, though infrequent reef breaks.
Though he had ignored surfing for years and never actually surfed the break previously, my friend became a local.
An instant local!
" Came with the title deeds" he told me at a BBQ in his yard perched above the reef.
That was my first observance of what was to follow...
I had another friend who had grown up across the road from the break that had to move due to being priced out of the local housing market , he was telling me about the behaviour of my recently arrived friend out in the line up.
Apparently surfing had been even harder the second time around and he had come to the conclusion that a longboard was a bit more appropriate as he was struggling to get waves from the pack at his beach on a fish.
It was a small , though very effective transition to a SUP. Now he could survey his fiefdom from a most regal , erect position as he stroked past the riff raff and into position for every wave that took his fancy .
I don't want to invoke a class war but to quote my recently arrived friend - " If you can't afford to live here , you shouldn't be allowed to surf here. " Said with a smile of course as he cracked the top off a $13 stubbie of craft beer . His palette developing commensurate with his net worth.
Surfers that had grown up familiar with every periwinkle on the reef were now mere marker boys to be paddled around by his growing fleet of nouveau riche neighbours, the originals virtually all displaced by now.
I would gently question my friend about his behaviour, asking how he could justify stealing waves from a group of surfers that had lived and breathed the surrounding breaks and whose skills dwarfed his own when the jewel waves finally shone in swell of consequence. He would laugh and say had they wasted their lives surfing and he had paid the price and so the waves were rightfully his.
It came to a head when a large swell hit , he dropped in on a developing young surfer from an inland suburb, lost control and his voluminous SUP was destroyed on the rocks. A large cheer went up from the car park.
Dear agony aunt, deep down I know he is a decent guy but his behaviour shames me and because his wife is friends with my partner I am still being stuck talking to him at after noon get togethers. Should I fein illness ? Move to another hemisphere or just knock him out after too many beers. I'm so conflicted.....
Thank you, the blowin.
Awesome post, and wow what an arrogant and selfish pr*ck.
I'd let him know as nicely as you can that just moving somewhere doesn't give you local status, and he should show restraint if using a SUP and hence, get into waves earlier than the surfers.
This following comment shows how oblivious he is to the surfing hierarchy and politics, wow!
"He would laugh and say had they wasted their lives surfing and he had paid the price and so the waves were rightfully his.
Dis regard craigs advise as it will only cause a barney with your wife. Tell him what he wants to hear, stroke that ego, pump up that arrogance gland. If he had any small doubt that his behavior is not right, you must help to erase these negative thoughts. Then sit back and let the natural nature of the line up take it's course, no need for you to make a bastard of yourself as it sound like there is 20 or 30 others plotting his downfall.
Is he on Swellnet Blowin...? If so it's all over, he won't be drinking with you now, or under any circumstances getting too pissed in your presence. haha.
Love it how his SUP got taken by karma...
Our brains are too small at the moment to comprehend the reality of what's happening in our forests . We're only just waking up so to speak . The big problem is we think we know everything, we are specks of dust on a timeline and we know nothing .
Sounds like you should, that is, the 30 or 40 heavy, core locals being daily flogged by the guy, get your mummies involved. Ring your mum's have them accompany you all to the beach and deal with him. If that fails, just say that you know me. Then, join the nearest gym.
You wouldn't be talking like that if you knew this guy Uplift.
He is a machine. Doesn't just go to the gym, but actually trains others, elite sportsmen - sometimes even basketballers , if you know what I mean.
And eggs!! He will eat upwards of a dozen a day , regardless of what the " expert scientists" have to say.
Needless to say he is as big as five men. Defined, coiled muscle mass.
Smart , fast ,strong. A formidable opponent for sure.
He is actually very reminiscent of yourself Uplift..... He's a socially dysfunctional knob as well.
Hope your getting a few at Blacks today cobber !
Uplift, you know I'm joking ya big lug.
The Blowin might be jokin, but he's in the minority. The rest of us know you for the lyin dog you really are. No joke.
I aim to give you something that you can keep for life. A bit like herpes. My techniques are not available in any book or course; what would scientists know? I have played with model trains for 40 plus years.
Slagging match in code of conduct, gotta luv that.
I'm the scab you keep picking off and is there again the next day.
Luv ya work shaun.... Classic lol
Gidday blowy, yeh, I know you were joking, but the other dimwits actually believed your story. But, who can blame them, its reasonably common in the surfee world. In fact, years ago at their peak, the roaders were under seige from a lone towny, and had their mothers storm the ramp at seaford and drive him off. The same thing has happened at Coolangatta, and its fairly common up and down the east coast.
I had a quick look at the rivetting, explosive, zomasing, earth shattering spectacle at Bells yesterday. Nothing was happening in the water, it was a 10 minute lull, followed by a layday, so they swung to an interview. That petite girl interviewing the 'elite surfee athlete' was twice the little blighter's size, and was getting shitty with his ludicrous responses. As the camera panned off, you just caught a glimpse of her slapping him to the floor in the background.
Its zomasing how rivetting and exciting and different the whole thing is compared to the previous 30 years.
As for the Bronzed Gateless Wonder, his mother turned her back on him at birth, thinking she'd just had a dump, resulting in a life of slappings, stompings and ridicule. As do others like him, when he was rejected by even the school cricket and darts teams, and was deemed too light to safetly compete as a flyweight, he found solice as a champion, pint sized 'elite athlete surfee' at the beach.
Sweet, sweet irony. Nicely spotted Shaun.
Apparently Gatesie was a fast left hand bowler, into the ribs, which shows and due to become an Aussie icon but decided to surf,,,,,,
They all say that. Most people would never admit to being sent over to the nets with the other losers.
Oh, sides don't split!
Seriously, though, you don't know who the hell I am, and are just stumbling around in the dark, trying to lay a glove.
But we all know just who and what you are, you lyin cunt.
SG 2 has got you every time Uppity .
He has clearly outed you in Public and ever since you've struggled to reply . Although to be fair you did a fair job of it yourself , being shamed from a coast . Even Jeff gets some respect .
" SA's Reserve Capacity "
Desperation. Gimps united. Brokeback Chicken soufle' the guy that self admittedly dodged blacks throughout his whole feeble, useless career. You and The Bronzed Gimp are an incredibly good fit. Chickens of a feather. To be reduced to using the bronzed gimp as backup, and to be as ludicrously stupid as to believe the bronzed gimp could back anything up, then, when it seems it couldn't get any more feeble, finally the pent up terror breaks out, publically snivelling and grovelling to Jeff, is beyond sad, but true...
Uplift , are you a Hatfield or a McCoy ? Cause you sure does love you some feudin.
Was just thinking that ^ blowin, uptight does provide for some lite entertainment I must say.
As for your post , the phenomena you speak of is quite common these days in many corners of the globe. We had one seppo buy some land at one of our famed point breaks and proceed to try and get the gravel access rd closed to non residents , that didnt work, then he proceeded to complain to the council about seeing nude bottoms every now and again in the car park. This seppo was close to having his house razed to the ground by some of the (lift dosnt go to the top floor) locals around. This phenomena is what I call the JAWL,(just add water local). As our coast is getting more and more media exposure it is getting more and more JAWL creatures moving here and trying to by pass the time honored tradition of earning your spot in the line up. I spent 20 years getting mine so be fucked if if some jonny come lately JAWL is going to sneak up my inside and not be getting an ear full of hate.
The fucktards that have bought the ASP to our back yard have just made our sandpit all the more busy, which will in turn see a new influx of JAWLS looking for the permanent lifestyle move. The sad story you speak of above is a sign of the times, which leads us to reminisce about the good old days of soul surfing and not sold surfing.
Another swing, another miss.
I'd tell you to not bother tryin again, but I like watching you make an even bigger fool of yourself than any of us can ever hope to.
No Welly , he doesn't do Swellnet. He doesn't get into the peripherals of surfing . He does have more boards than you and I put together though and I've got quite a few. The only part of Swellnet he would be into is the board swap meet thread . Can't fault his taste in boards....unridden boards.
You'd have to mind your manners around some of those kiwi locals I imagine Inzider.
I've met a few septics that rave about NZ. Romanticise it as a California of 50 years ago.
Well blowin there are pockets of coastline and line ups that definitely are not over run. And there are still places like in OZ that one must tread lightly around the joint. However places like Raglan in NZ are a prime example of what you speak of above, that being locals cannot afford to live there and JAWLS frothing over 3ft Manu bay. I experienced polar opposites over the last few years while living in OZ. One year in Toolquay , surfing with the hoards of arrogant self proclaimed legends. Dont get me wrong , there are some really top blokes in that area with good manners and great attitudes who are cursing how their slice of coastal paradise has been overun . These are the Guys who crawl out of the woodwork when its absolutely firing, cruise into the carpark in an old shitbox, off comes the flanny and into the water to deliver master classes at winki., love that shit. Unfortunately this is the exception not the rule. My second year I took off to the 90 mile washout , down in south east vicco where the locals would be fizzing at the bung when it got head high. They have one class set up down lake tyers way and the locals are so cruisy they almost lie down and surf. They are mostly old crusty sea dogs that have been there decades. There are no "rippers with stickers" trying to rule the show, just mellow vibes and good times. Two places in the same state that could not be any more different.
As I am residing back in NZ now and I notice the difference in just 2 years of being away. The wheel is turning quickly. The glory seeking fucktards who think their mediocre child is going to make the CT are rampantly promoting our coast, bringing the ASP circus and all the junk and consequences that follows that circus with it. The beach I grew up surfing at you could buy a beach front house for under a hundy , now you need 7 figs, who would have thought, a backwater coastal town. But yeah nah NZ is cold wet and flat 366 days a year.
If New Zealand lay SE/NW instead of SW/NE it would be one of the great surfing coastlines.
Thats a hard one FR76, yeah the east coast of both the Nrth and South would be more consistant with N to SE swells favourable sw winds :) But saying that the east coast would miss all the sw-sou swells..?
Thats a tricky call, very interesting as I've thought about it lots before.
Biggest thing I think, is that if NZ didn't exist we wouldn't see as much swell on the East Coast as we currently do.
The weekend's large E/SE groundswell wouldn't have come in at the size or intensity and the Tasman Low may not have even stalled for over a week just off the East Coast.
People curse it when it blocks those east swells from those tropical systems retro-grading from the Western South Pacific, but I believe if the land mass wasn't there we wouldn't see synoptic setups develop as they currently do.
Trying to do more research into this, but I believe NZ anchors system more favourably in the East Coasts swell window than if it didn't exist.
hahaha can of worms Craig.
Massive can, haha!
Pretty much everyone has wished that their coastline had a better set up, but unless you develop God like powers, you just have to accept what you've got.
Or travel more.
How good would PNG be if Australia didnt exist?
You are spot on Craig.
IMO a lot of those systems stall due to the Southern Alps, a lengthy continuous mountain range with altitude, which buffers those lows in the Tasman, from moving over the Alps...?
If NZ was not there, those lows would move away faster. If you have a look with the lows off the East coast Nrth Island, they always zoom away really quick....?
My 2 cents.
Anyways Blowins mate can't buy lows can he :)
Whats his name blowin....?
SUPs..... Hes nothing
Is it TRUE? Rumor has it the legendary TOE MAN! has nearly lost his toe in a bizarre wood chopping frenzy.
Keep him in your thoughts and prayers, its crucial!
Classic stuff Toetapa..????
You got me stumped here champ, What the fuk ;)
Just sharpened the axe, at home gloves on with the Samoan safety boots....
PPE out the door, but the First aid box has come from our friend who works in the surgery trade, pretty lucky.
Blowin is your mate still talking to ya...? Haha :)
He's blissfully unaware Welly. I'm pretty certain he thinks the whole thing is a good natured lark by the locals. He's in for a suprise one day I reckon.
I think TOEman's next FIFOFOMO should be to the west, with Caml. You could make a vid and call it Camltows!
But then again, I'm a simple man.
If NZ wasn't there the Aus East coast would be in danger of a large Tsunami , but as they are, they will take the direct hit ......for this we give thanks ....Oh, and on ANZAC day, they are our much beloved brothers......
GREGLVOV wrote: If NZ wasn't there the Aus East coast would be in danger of a large Tsunami , but as they are, they will take the direct hit
Ha, ok ....but evidence on the East Coast of NZ of a huge Tsunami ......many underwater mountains East of NZ ....I remain resting easier as a result................
Great link Greg! Here's some info relevant to Australia: http://users.tpg.com.au/horsts/tsunami_hazard.html
Even better http://wattsupwiththat.com/2010/02/27/tsunami-threat-for-hawaii/