Uluwatu to Padang swim
darn hollywood
Right on Clam. I always thought that film had a whiff about it worse than the fetid pool they bathe in. Seppos indeed!
Worse thing is they probably constructed a lifetime reputation for that bullshit. Hardcore, my arse
Did the paddle back to PP from Ulus last Sept, having missed the cave on high tide. Very easy on a nice sunny day but noahs entered the mind occasionally!
On a big board theween?
No sharks left in Bali is there? All been eaten me thinks
Just the normal 6'8" goofy. Took about 20-30 mins (stopped to get a couple at PP on the way in!)
Perhaps time to get a specially designed craft for the event goofer? A tropical storm perhaps? And create an event around the event? Or better still, a thread, an article, teasing out the events, and your eventual mindset? Or perhaps a quiver of water crafts, depending on the distance that you attempt on the day? The crafts would probably be best with five, perhaps even 6 fins, although no doubt, some fucking dickhead will remember some smart arse, fucking idiot doing it with 2 fucking fins! The craft could, no, due to its overall bulk, would have built in epirb, safety lights, and flare launching facilities, as well as self sealing chambers, and automatically inflating buoyancy devices. You yourself would obviously need self inflating armour, and hand tied, quick releasing leg rope(s).
Drones could track your progress... or lack of. Instantly. Instant... grammy... ? Jetskis, piloted by elite, if possible athletic, regional jetski, championship jet ski champions, would need to be on standby.
Everything would obviously be spray coated in sugar free, zebra like coatings... you see, sharks are terrified of being attacked and inflamed by zebras...
Just go for it goofer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You only live once!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lift your head high, and paddle that stinking fucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can't fail goofer. Because, yet again, when the whole show is falling apart and sinking, shats, and I, will literally pick up the humongous, gigantic pieces, glue things back together, make it like new, and save you. Again.
And of course, you can't have an event, without an even more auspicious event, magnificently crafted to especially capture the event. A crafty event! Think of the event capturer or specialist event crafter, as the 'elite, if possible athletic, regional jetski, championship jet ski champion, although, in this case, piloting the keyboard to magnificent glory!
For instance...allow me... to shine some brilliant light, a word fest perhaps...
'Today, I would ride the zebra, and battle the circling sharks, the relentless, marauding sharks, tearing at my mind, feeding on my soul, devouring my very being! For the anaconda was guiding me, embracing me. The anaconda, like a trail of liquid glass, emerging from my glistening brow, slowly gliding down my face, wrapping its coils around my neck, down my back, sending shivers up my spine, as it descended down my leg, dripping, dripping, tying me to the ground. Would this be the last time I felt the ground? Padang to Ulus! Ulus to Padang! A sound that has terrified mortals throughout the ages! The untouchable, that forbidden realm of Gods!
Still the anaconda spoke to me, silently, it needed no words... drip, drip, drip... drip! You are goofer! You are a God! Drip, drip, drip... drip. Listen! Feel! Be. Goofer! Lift yourself up high! Mount your mighty steed, mount the mighty zebra, and use the fear of zebras to drive the sharks away! For you are goofer! Paddle strong, paddle hard, paddle free. Strike like a zebra and conquer the realm of Gods! Conquer the Gods themselves! Just watch out for all the other people dong it! Listen to the anaconda... drip, drip, drip... drip... rip!
Whew! Or something along those lines.
One too many scoops of Mesomorph last night you big raw boned life-savin, heart-breakin, blax bossin, shoulder hoppin, barrel dodgin, ball of muscle and fecal matter?
"Just watch out for all the other people doing it!"
That's my favourite part!
Yes it was exhausting, goofer, great works always are, and I can see why you would feel a boost was necessary to craft such a magnificently communicated event, or experience. And again, yes, no doubt my words have moved thousands to attempt the seemingly impossible feat. I am surprised that you aren't already in transit? Stones and shats were seen flying out late last night, but, I have a horrible feeling that shats will end up being steered of course by stones, probably ending up in Italy.
Sound like you need a job to write legislation for surfboard requirements herc - indo's wont give a shit...dont forget mandatory life jackets for surfers. Gunna (now there is a newy bloke gunna....) call stones now or shat's will pass thru and see ya one day herc BTW do ya know a lunatic called fiji?
Fuckin Fiji! Classic, I'd forgotten all about him! Faaaark! Talk about doing it hard!
I reckon stones will still be parked out the front getting yelled at. Or else, like I said, he's always had a thing for Italians. Maybe you can smooth things over purp? Shats is a brave man going round for round with stones. Plus, stones will send him the tab.
Yeh, but I think goofer's gonna need more than life jackets. I'm thinking tandem storms lashed together, with outriggers fitted instead of fins too. And a real zebra on board instead of just a paint job, to really give the sharks a floggin! There's every possibility of a movie in that. Or the swillnut club could document and articulate it? The indo's will love it.
Stop high jacking my all time thread you peanut
I locked the friggin' keys in my car out the front of the Sea-Gull's yesterday.
How do you even do that with cars these days??
With the buck wine in ya system and a self locking car.
The maderia princess away or you allowed in house?
'The maderia princess away or you allowed in house?'
Purp and shats, I reckon she'll be at the airport searching every flight going any where near Italy.
And, on the contrary goofer! I have faith that you too will storm the clan of legends! When you graduate and finally make that life and death paddle, on your specifically designed behemoth of a water craft, you too will be ready for the next, legendary stage of legendariness!
Then you will have graduated to a specifically designed, aerodynamically crafted craft, crafted to just hurl about, to chuck and toss with gay abandon, anytime you see anything remotely resembling a wave! Then you will truly be a legendary surfee dude team member waterman! Awesome! Go Goofer Dude!
The coast is clear, Purps. You on the shit-list?
Actually, that'd be a good nickname for the man. Forget 'Stones'. Purple pills! Bruised n confused, tortured n unused.
Apologies :
Accidentally deleted the story i had half written already , about 5 days at panaitan island during a 3 metre swell with travis getting shacked past red buckets !
One day i will get it together..
Herc, no water craft involved ok shagga, it's just about swimming to PP. back on track big dog, back on track
I asked ween if he was on a big board as doing that paddle on a 6'0 would be no bueno. But feel free to write a 830 word reply anyway ya big spunk
Should start a thread on the old Gaul"Stones" just for our own enjoyment.Have heard/ seen the madness but fuck what a surfer. Get back in the water on a regular basis ya freak for all our sake's would give Camster a run for his money no wukkas.
"Should start a thread on the old Gaul"Stones" just for our own enjoyment.Have heard/ seen the madness but fuck what a surfer."
Tell us ya gaulman stories snuffysmith ?
Back to fiji he had a girls bra and undies in his shoes i was there and i dont believe it ask stones he was riding shotgun that day bahhhhhwahhhhh.
2nd that snuffstar come on gunna tell us
2nd that snuffstar come on gunna tell us
Confusion say: turd in hand, worth two in mush.
Or some crap.
What doe's that mean Shat's ?Crap on your hand and rub it in your mush haha G.G style
Or someone else's mush. Shit-slap! Core!
"Back to fiji he had a girls bra and undies in his shoes"
The mind boggles. Please explain.
Danger gang with "Stones"http://imgur.com/a/whnl1
Hah! Breakfast of champions, Sept. 11, 2000. The first 9/11 event!
Hey Purps, re: Fiji. NCC? No Cunt Cares? Chard Rd., Brookvale? Ringin' bells??
S11! Allied to that, and that other peanut's terror thread on here lately, some linkage!
Supplied by Miranda Devine!
As Van Badham said about the article:
"This is an extraordinary piece that the SMH published in 2001 that a.) reveals the neocon terror at the liveliness of the social justice movement at that time and b.) is great for a laugh. It’s Miranda Devine posturing that the WTC September 11 terrorists had picked the date due to resonances with the protests in Melbourne a year before. No, I am not joking. Actually the best piece of published mainstream right-wing nuttery since Gerard Henderson compared playwright Stephen Sewell to Pol Pot."
A taster of the Divine Ms. Devine's work:
Protesters find any army will do as they embrace terror
(Sydney Morning Herald – Thursday, November 15, 2001)
‘CONSIDER this. An American Airlines jet falls out of the sky and crashes into a New York suburb on November 12, in the middle of a five-day biennial meeting of the World Trade Organisation in Qatar.
The terrorist attack on the World Trade Centre in New York occurs on September 11, a symbolic date on the anti-globalisation movement’s calendar. September 11, 2000, or S11 as it became known, marked a successful protest against the World Economic Forum in Melbourne.
The beginning of the war against globalisation was in 1999 when protesters managed to disrupt the last WTO ministerial meeting in Seattle, the home of Boeing and Microsoft, which embody the corporate power they despise and which WTO rules protect and expand.
Coincidence? Probably. We don’t know if Monday’s crash was an accident or another terrorist attack. Authorities have said it was caused by mechanical failure but have not ruled out sabotage. Officials have told reporters they do not know what ripped the tail fin off the fuselage so cleanly, as if sliced by a knife. But we do know that there are disturbing similarities between the anti-globalisation/anti-capitalism forces and Osama bin Laden’s terrorists. They have a shared aim, similar diffuse, global structure, similar methods and a shared vocabulary of extreme violence and holy war.
It is enough for some to wonder about the possibility of an alliance between the terrorists who brought down the WTC and anti-globalisationists’.
ha ha been awol today, chardy spot on you speak with chuck what was even funnier was getting the money...over a beer that one - NCC classic.
Jeepers! What's going on here? I log-on expecting to read some more tales of victory at sea, and I've stumbled into a cryptic private convo between an 'in-crowd' of social deviants.
I don't know if I can get this thing back on track, but here goes...
Last year I did an AC joint (reliving the football glory days...that never were). Apart from the officially sanctioned rehab program from my physio, I decided I would do some swimming in the sea. During Winter. In boardies. I thought the cold water would aid in recovery, footy style. I did cheat a bit as I wore a wettie top too. And I also used flippers and took a hand-plane. My local beach has got waves, see. Might as well enjoy myself in the bargain.
Anyway, I would go down whatever the weather/waves and will myself in. Now this particular beach has some big arse rocks and a sort of mini island that shelters the first part of the bay in a lagoon type arrangement. Oh yeah, this beach has also killed a fair few people through drowning.
Anyway, I would jump in the lagoon and then swim out to the beach proper and catch a wave or two and come in and run back to the comfort of my car.
One particular time, the sea was breaking over the island/big arse rocks (Winter can get pretty radical round here), so when I jumped in, before I knew it, I was sucked into the beach, and way out to sea near where the old ship-wreck lies. I then obviously had to battle all the elements to get in. Which I eventually did at the other end of the bay near the other big rock.
Not much of a story really. But it's all I've got.
Oh yeah, all this was before sun-up.
Had to get to work, of course.
Had to laugh at the absurdity of it. After having a read through the tales on Friday night, I snapped a leash at OC on Saturday after getting caught inside on a big set. Padang2 seems a long way from Ulus when you don't have a board and the sea seemed to be boiling with sea life all day. I really wasn't looking forward to floating around in the blue by myself for too long. Thankfully I managed to crawl up the reef on the last stretch of Ulus cliff with the sweep in full swing.
Some of these stories though... Ordinary surfers seem to put themselves into some pretty bloody sketchy situations.
Back in the day I was on my last day at G-Land and a massive swell swept through, it was breaking like second or third reef, way offshore. We jumped into the boat back to the river then overlanded it back to Bali, I got out to Ulu's late arvo and it was pretty big with just one guy at outside corner, Bombie looked really good. I managed to get out there, it was pretty solid, I paddled straight passed OC and onto Bombie and watched a few sets roll in from close range ... out of my league that day (you could drive a truck through the barrels haha maybe a bemo), I caught a couple at OC, the other guy went in and the sun set, I scrambled to get one last one and rode it down to RT, barely able to see, I dry docked it at the bottom of the cliff and found an old goat track, very steep to make my way up in the dark. The consolation was Padang was cranking the next two days albeit with 20 guys out, but some good double overhead barrels.
Jeez Turks, sounds like the Gate was shut, ya nut!
This one was hardly life and death but it's kinda funny in hindsight.
Three of us went out in a boat to some offshore rocks for a bit of spearfishing, maybe half a k offshore.
The deal was that old mate would stay in the boat and we would do a drift dive - he'd just drift along with us for about 500/600m till we cleared the offshore rocks, then he'd pick us up.
Simple.
Me and the other guy jump in the water and off we go. We're cruising along pretty steadily, poking around in some bouldery ground and then drifting past the first little island - the current was running at maybe a knot and a half, a tall order to swim against for any length of time, even with big free-diving fins.
We then cruise past the second island - the current is taking us out to sea but that's ok, that's normal on this tide.
At about this stage I lift my head up to check the position of the boat.
No-where within cooee.
I kick myself up out of the water to have a look and there's old mate, at anchor where we first jumped in the water.
He was stark naked, sunning himself on the foredeck of the boat. I think this was pre Russell Coight but the scenario could have been used for a skit.
By this stage me and my buddy had lost a bit of faith and go into damage control mode. My dive partner gets in an eddy behind the third and final rock and climbs up on it.
For whatever reason, I'm already gone past the third rock and I'm heading out to sea on about a 45 degree angle to shore.
All I can do is start kicking towards shore.
The swim in ends up being pretty easy. After I get away from the rocks the current gradually fades and I swim about a k to shore.
I walk along the beach, climb up on some rocks on shore and flag down old mate, who I think had just pulled up the anchor.
He picks up my buddy and comes to get me, looking pretty sheepish.
Fark Andy, never rely on a mate! :-)
Last trip to Indonesia I witnessed a few unlucky Punters lose their boards due to broken leg ropes while surfing Outside Corner.
Because of the savage sweep heading to Padang I watched as they began the long swim, rather than battling the sweep and heading back up the line through Ulu's to try and get through the cave.
Maybe they came in at the little beach half way along?
Not sure if they ever got their boards back...
Has anyone here had to do it? And was it a struggle or could you just kick back in the nice tropical water and let the current deliver you to safety?