Self fellating aided and abetted by Bintang Besar

Blowin's picture
Blowin started the topic in Friday, 11 Sep 2015 at 6:19pm

So your name ?


Is that Blowin as in "with the wind" or as in the transitory pest that assumes local status after a fortnight of peak season surf ?

Jesus wept, Not you too ....?

Ok ,ok. Next question - where did you surf today ?

Kuta beach break .

Excuse me ? Kuta beachie ? What the fuck were you thinking ? An island full of perfect reefs and you're surfing a literally, shitty beach break ....that cops very little swell ! What's that about ?

I know. But that's what it's come to. Dry season on Bali does my head in if I'm feeling lazy or I'm just here to recharge. Crowds do my head in , full stop. But Bali crowds .....fuck me. Talk about Heaven and Hell. So after a couple of days of battling the crowd I'll just hire a fun board and catch a couple of high tide shoulders so I'm surfing for fun and not the Ego war of the reefs. Keeps me off the piss , gives me a bit of exercise and allows me to remember why I'm here and why I surf...for fun.

Fair enough, sounds sorta queer but there you, you seem to like Indonesia . Best waves in the world ?

It would be so easy to say yes. Because it's true. But I reckon Australia gives it a run for it's money.

Australia over Indo ? You're tripping.

Nah , your right. It's Indo all the way. The reefs just have that truly perfect foil, the winds are often light or at least they're often complimentary of those same reefs and the waters warm. What's not to love ? But.....there's just something about Oz. The space, the's home. And it's pretty fucking good on its day. I'd have to say that the best individual waves I've caught were in Australia. Indo for dreamy sessions, Oz for waves that blow your mind.

Where the fuck are you talking about ?

Holy shit - river mouths for a start. Some of the best waves I've ever surfed have been river mouths . Offshore reefs, some of the East coast points. Waves everywhere.

So Australia. The good , the bad and the ugly. Name 'em.

The good ? Got to be the natural environment. Still pristine mostly. Expansive. Beautiful. It's got the lot...deserts, jungles and the prettiest beaches you'll lay eyes on.
The people, it's safe and stable.
The bad ? The expense. I realise that the cost of living enables others to enjoy a decent standard of living as well as yourself, but sweet Jesus, it's dear.
The ugly ? The politicians. I suppose it's the same the world over, but I'm so sick of the sight , sound and mention of individual politicians. You're a public servant ! Pull your head in and just do your job. There's no need for me to see or hear from you on a daily basis. The new celebrity ....with even less talent than the Big Brother retards. Just go away and make sure that rubbish doesn't pile up on street corners and ensure the trains run on time.

You honestly think that's ugly compared to say - North Korea ?

Probably not, I'm just venting. It's your shout mate and this bottles feeling very light....

Yeah, yeah, keep your shirt on. ( Permisi , dua lagi Bintang Besar terimah kasih ). There you go missy. So , what's with this interview and commenting on Swellnet ?

Mate, why not ? Some people like to paint , some like to bat off....I enjoy both and I also enjoy adding my two cents worth on the forums. I don't do Facebook, or Instagram or any of that dross so it's a great way to stay social whilst I'm in some other prick's home town. It's great to hear the opinions of others and there's some clued in bastards on Swellnet. Some are educated, some are good at what they do. Some just understand what's what. I like the to and fro.

Why the anonymity ?

It allows certain liberties. I can say what I want without the consequences. Does that make me a fuckwit ? Probably. But it's not all bad. Sometimes I like to play devils advocate. Is that the same as trolling ?

I think it is.

Yeah, well, there you go. I only try to rev up the sanctimonious, the wankers and the deluded.

Doesn't that make you a deluded wanker ?

Honestly mate, a deluded wanker worth his salt ain't going to face up to that rap. Especially not with a few Binnies under the belt. Next question .

Ok...the state of modern surfing . Opinions ?

Modern surfing ? It's incredible. Crew are ripping. Everywhere. All kinds of people. A couple of days ago I surfed with an Italian fella that surfed rings around me. Not that that's such an amazing achievement , but Italian ? Proper ripping. And he's not alone, everyone is into it. From all over the globe.
Boards ! Got to be the best time to be a board buyer in the history of the world. Any style, mode, method, whatever you want to call it, your next best board is a mere internet stroll away. So much variety in physical board shops and most shapers are open to your requirements as opposed to punching out your dimensions of their greatest idea.
Travel is so easy...for better or worse.
But....and it's a big but. Those crowds I was talking about. They're full on in a lot of places. Most A grade waves that are known are prohibitively over crowded. There are still plenty of empties out there though. You've just got to put in the effort.
I like the availability of media such as Swellnet too.
So many interpretations of the same good time in the surf world these days.

Such as ?

Mate, there's a world full of interesting stories out there. Here's a couple that span the Aussie experience - Coral Durant and Marsupial . One's a young girl with a heart full of surfing that rides the North West reefs with a smile that could raise an army with its happiness. Surfs with sharks over sharp limestone, often alone . Rips.
The other is a fella from Ulladulla that is surfing on borrowed time as the medics would have you see it. Great surfer, charges, respected near and far for his ocean knowledge. Nice guy. He could and often does , put people onto the waves of their lives.

Nice. How's your beer ?


Let's make a move then. You up for another paddle ?

Can't see why not.

Before we go , let us know a little something about yourself that no one could know.

Cool. 1. I once sat in a caravan for weeks and manicured over a hundred pounds of marijuana.
2. For a brief time in my youth I was famous nationally and widely recognised as the star of a series of television commercials.
3. I tested in the top percentile of IQ in the state I was educated in and attended a school for talented and gifted students.
4. One of my eyes is pale blue whilst the other is a dull brown.
5. I see dead people.
6. I can read Braille .

Are you trying to be clever ?

A couple of those things are actually true.

Which couple ?

That's for you to guess.

You are a fuckwit.

Did you only just realise this ? You're not real bright are ya ....

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin Friday, 11 Sep 2015 at 6:39pm

I'm heading , I'm heading on the right track.

My watch is digital, my disc is compact.

I'm upwardly mobile , my life is truly blessed.

I'm a moderately depressive, gold American Express.'s such a wonderful life, it's no fools paradise, it's such a wonderful life.

Celibate Rifles - It's such a wonderful life.

Balance's picture
Balance's picture
Balance Friday, 11 Sep 2015 at 6:53pm

It appears Bob Dylan was right after all...who'd have thought

wellymon's picture
wellymon's picture
wellymon Friday, 11 Sep 2015 at 7:58pm

Cool stuff Blowin, I enjoyed that off-centre read.
Theres many a truth in there, which goes with your character. :)

manbat's picture
manbat's picture
manbat Friday, 11 Sep 2015 at 9:40pm

Thanks for the writing. I like the Aussie flavour.

100 pounds in weeks? Youre a machine!!

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain Friday, 11 Sep 2015 at 11:13pm

I knew it!

You're that precocious little blonde kid that was in the Milo ads?

Rabbits68's picture
Rabbits68's picture
Rabbits68 Saturday, 12 Sep 2015 at 12:17am

Nice work Blowin. You're a tripper that paints some bloody great pictures. Cheers....

southey's picture
southey's picture
southey Saturday, 12 Sep 2015 at 12:26am

The eyes , I tell ya .

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet Saturday, 12 Sep 2015 at 7:03am

mikehunt207's picture
mikehunt207's picture
mikehunt207 Saturday, 12 Sep 2015 at 9:39am

I always thought that milky bar kid was Kevin Rudd as a youth? Blowin didnt mention a failed prime ministership in his cv, kev never mentioned his surfing either, what a revelation! Fair shake of the sauce bottle

southey's picture
southey's picture
southey Saturday, 12 Sep 2015 at 9:42am

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain Saturday, 12 Sep 2015 at 9:56am

Blowins the one in red but he's put a bit more weight on since:)

indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming Saturday, 12 Sep 2015 at 10:39am

ha ha...dude if thats the kinda shit that goes through your head when your in Bali I'm scared to think what your thoughts would be after a month or two on a remote outer island with no TV, no phone, no internet,I think they call it island fever….Interesting read though.

BTW. I like the Riffles quote.

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet Saturday, 12 Sep 2015 at 11:14am

Blokes I'd be happy to get on the turps with:

1) Blowin

udo's picture
udo's picture
udo Saturday, 12 Sep 2015 at 11:28am


Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin Saturday, 12 Sep 2015 at 4:48pm

I'd love to have a few beers with yourself and the Swellnet crew , Stu.

I'd have to turn up in disguise though, to perpetuate the whole anonymity thing.

And I'd have to put in a better effort than the last fancy dress party I went to, that's for sure.

Feeling lazy, I wore nothing but a pair of old jeans and told everyone I was a premature ejaculation.

Cause I just came in my pants.

nochaser's picture
nochaser's picture
nochaser Saturday, 12 Sep 2015 at 5:24pm

Why not in the nude with your dick in a carton of custard [FN disgusted] OR ya dick in a pear [in despair]?