Expat 101

Blowin's picture
Blowin started the topic in Sunday, 26 Apr 2015 at 5:59pm

If you've been to Indonesia - particularly Bali - in the last few years , you may have noticed the noxious weed gaining intractable hold on these sweet isles.

As Lantana in Australia, so the Expat in Bali....sweet and attractive from a distance yet thorny and invasive upon further inspection, the expat speaks a language all their own.

As someone that has become accustomed to surfing amongst crowds that are regularly 80 percent expat, I've been granted a particular insight and knowledge that many may find enlightening.

So here are a few phrases commonly used by the expat surfer , rendered into plain Surfie :

" I lived here for a while now, because I'm a surfer.... "Translation - I was in Thailand a year ago when my friend, who is also Russian, told me about a place called Bali, he said that wave sliding was a good way to get a tan ....even better than parasailing ! So here I am.

"It's so much more crowded than last wet season" - Translation - Last wet season I was surfing Uluwatu in the South Westerly and Keramas at low tide, and now I've begun surfing spots at the appropriate times I've realised that heaps of people are on the same program.

I'm going to go to xxxxx xxxx on the island of xxxxxxx, but I'm waiting for a friend to arrive as he's never been and I'm going to show him the ropes. - Translation - I've never been to xxxxx xxxx and I'm afraid I'll get raped , robbed and murdered if I don't take a posse of homeboys with me , so I've got a dozen hermanos in on their way.

"Fuck Bali is built out now - the Aussies have ruined it" - Translation - I'm staying at the Mulia at Nusa Dua, a 1500 room luxury resort on a previously empty coconut grove and these Aussie surfers that managed to come for forty years with little resultant coastal development still seem to get all the waves !

" Fuck this , I'm looking at moving to Sumba" - Translation - As soon as Sumba has a McDonalds, High speed internet , good coffee and predictable crowds so I'm not surfing alone, I'm there.

"I'm a surf instructor"- Translation - I'm currently involved in an Amway style pyramid scheme whereby I teach the next plane load of punters to surf , just like my instructor who had never seen a breaking wave previous to his arrival in Bali taught me to surf 3 weeks ago.

"I mostly surf around Changgu" - Translation - I mostly surf in putrid , brown, crowded surf because that's where the expats are building their exclusive Blowin ghetto.

" I've got this sweet , little Indo thing on the boil back at my villa " -Translation - As I'm speaking to you right now, I'm being robbed blind by the Javanese hooker that I've unadvisedly left unsupervised amongst all my possessions at my villa.

" I got a sick deal on a place at Jimbaran " - Translation - I just put down 100 grand on a place I'll never own.

" Yeah, I know a fair bit of Bahasa ."- Translation - That Javo Hooker ? Yeah ,she was my interpreter before she stole everything I owned.

I hope this provides assistance when you inevitably encounter the two year local.

Happy hunting.

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin Sunday, 26 Apr 2015 at 6:02pm

Satu lagi Bintang Besar terimah kasih.