Crows in the veggie patch

uncle_leroy's picture
uncle_leroy started the topic in Sunday, 17 Aug 2014 at 10:40am

My next door neighbours veggie patch was being raider by the crows and she needed a way to get rid of them.
After trying a few different techniques and none of them working, we came up with the idea of using a scare crow.

The 1st scare crow was the standard friendly straw hat, flannel wearing type. The crows barely noticed it was even there.

The 2nd attempt worked a little better. We dressed the scare crow up with a leather coat and a few bikie patches, got out some texta and drawed on a few tribal tatts. Seemed to scare the crows off a bit but they became use to it were still in the garden. We were going to have to try a different technique to scare off these bloody crows.

It all came to me on a sunny day down at Maroubra, but realistically it could of happened anywhere around the country. As I stared out to sea sipping on my warm VB, the eastern rising sun silhouetted a ghostly shadow riding a lonely swell, one of the most fear full shadows one has ever witnessed. This not only scared all the other humans on the beach, but the seagulls fleed the scene in shreeks of horror. It was then that I realised this was what we had been waiting for all these years to scare all those crows away.

The mythical creature made its way to the beach, my feet trembling as I stood on another discarded syringe.
As I moved closer I could see a full length steamer, even thought the water temperature called for a springsuit, the comb over fringe being flicked back and forth, the attempted beard that only grew in patches, the NSP logo on the surfboard, the two patches of wax on the board with a 3ft gap of bare board in between both feet, this creature had all the potential to scare anything, any creature, any beast away from the veggie patch.......it was the POO MAN!!!!!!

I couldn't believe it, seeing one in the flesh was quite possibly the scariest day of my life.
I even tested the theory and threw $3 worth of chips on the ground around the Poo Man, nothing!!!!!!! Not a single seagull, pelican, pigeon or fairy penguin entered within a 30m radius.
This was going to be the most perfect scare crow ever!!

I convinced the Poo Man to come back for some brekkie at my nextdoor neighbours house, on the promise of scrambelled eggs mixed with crow chewed greens from the garden and all the chai latte you could drink.
I staged it perfectly, detoured via Bunnings to grab a snag roll as I'm not a fan of eating my greens and also colleced a big star picket.

Back at the neighbours house, they ate scrambelled eggs, rabbit food and drank all the chai in the world. All that chai was putting the Poo Man into a food/liquid coma. As soon as he slipped into the coma with the help of my neighbour we cable tied the Poo Man to the star picket. In doing so several crows called out in protest, eyes turning bloodshot red as this horrible creature was placed on display. They took to the air, turned west and headed out to Katoomba to never return ever again. The mighty Poo Man had done it, he had scared off all the crows, saved the veggie garden, little grommets no longer pinched the strawberrys on the thought that the cable ties would come loose and the Poo Man will run them over with his NSP.

It has been a perfect win/win for everyone involved. My nextdoor has a crow free veggie patch, another Poo Man has been taken out of the line up and he can no longer encourage potential Poo Men to enter the ocean.

Amen

mitchvg's picture
mitchvg's picture
mitchvg commented Tuesday, 19 Aug 2014 at 3:38pm

Hahaha, I feel sorry for poo man. I feel like the NSP longboarders are fairly harmless; I've been more put off me lunch by 'fun' shaped boarders haha