Submitted by blindboy on Fri, 03/22/2019 - 11:00
Well who would have thought that a boofhead old footie player like me would ever make PM, other than me I mean. I have thought of little else since daddy sat me on his knee, showed me his signed photo of Ming The Magnificent and explained how he had kept us safe from something or other, one of those colour thingies, oh yeh, the Red Menace. Then there was Winston Howard, he kept us safe from something too, I think it was another colour thingie but I can't quite remember what it was. And now the safety of the nation is in my hands, I mean just because they called me fumble fingers and stuck me in the front row doesn't mean my hands aren't safe. I know there is another challenge out there waiting for me. I just need to find the right colour.
Well what a great chat I had with young Wally on television last night! Nice chap, they told me he was a bit of a greenie but when I met him he was a brownie. No silly not one of those nice little girlies in uniform, just a bloke who looks like he spends too much time in the sun. He might be one of those surfie types, but still a nice fellow and, you know, I think if we had got him early enough he could have made a good hooker. I can just imagine him there next to me, arms around each other in the front row. Just me Wally and good old Whacko on the other side. Heads down, bums up. We need more of that in this country.
So anyway, I just needed to put the record straight with Wally about what I did and did not say, and the nation, yes the nation, everyone was watching, ratings through the roof, they really love me. I should start a Twitter account, I would have gazillions of followers not like that nasty Shorten chappie who wants my job. No-one likes him, not even Julie Bushop. So I had a little talk with my mate Jesus before my chat with Wally and he was good with me telling them that I said what I should have said, not what I actually said. A bit of lying and cheating is fine when God is on your side. Jesus said he will have a word about keeping quiet in Julie Bishop's ear for me too. Poor old Julie. She was a good team member, always handy to have a woman on the team, but Captain, not likely. Bloody sheilas think they know it all. Anyway Jesus will whisper a bit about hell and damnation in her ear for me. Bloody good mate the old Jesus. Always seems to tell me what I want to hear. Hang on he's on the line ............
Hmmm, what a coincidence, I found a copy of the Liberal Party's Pre-selection Questionnaire. (Hope Jesus approves)
ENTRANCE EXAM FOR LIBERAL CANDIDATES (TO INCLUDE A PERMISSION SLIP FROM RESIDENT PARENTS)
Time Limit: 3 WEEKS
1. What language is spoken in Australia? (English, Australian, or any combination thereof is acceptable)
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- Give the first name of Scott Morrison. (ScoMo is acceptable)
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
____ (a) build a bridge
____ (b) sail the ocean
____ (c) lead an army or
____ (d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one)
____ (a) Jewish
____ (b) CATHOLIC
____ (c) Hindu
____ (d) Polish
____ (e) Agnostic
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in Australia’s far north called?
____ (a) Westerners
____ (b) Southerners
____ (c) Northerners
9. Spell — Morrison, Turnbull and Abbott
10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from?
____ (a) Bunnings
____ (b) Kmart
____ (c) New Zealand
____ (d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein’s Theory of Relativity?
____ (a) yes
____ (b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. ‘Advance Australia Fare’ is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of Australia produces the most oranges?
____ (a) Darwin
____ (b) Hobart
____ (c) VICTORIA
____ (d) New Zealand
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?
19. What does ABC (Australian Broadcasting Corp.) stand for? (Nothing or Very Little is acceptable)
20. The Australian National University began when (approximately)?
____ (a) B.C
____ (b) A.D.
Lucky for Abbott they brought that in after he was elected.
OMG Blindboy the hypocrisy and double standards are just unbelievable.
I guess my lesson has been learnt use satire/comedy and you can pretty much say what you want.
Bring up their past personal life and name call.
Unfairly paint someone as a racist even bring skin colour into it and racial stereo types.
Accuse them of unfounded accusations of lying and cheating.
Accuse them of unfounded allegations of misogyny
Basically a complete unjustified character assassination.
And then to top it all off religious persecution to the point you actually name and mock figures of the religion the person follows.
Very much different to criticism of a religion in generally and beliefs.
Did i miss something?...maybe
Christian, middle aged and white, open slather...
Women, someone of colour or muslim wouldn't matter what they did would never have the balls to call someone out.
Such a hypocrite.
No Indo I was mocking someone who has claimed he can talk to Jesus. That's all. You really should improve your comprehension. Unfounded allegations? No, founded on contemporary news reports from three reputable journalists. Sorry but saying that stuff does not make it true and means that either you don't actually follow events or you are prepared to lie and distort the facts to support your sad view of reality, as exposed here over a long period. Either way pathetic stuff.
Someone saying something doesn't actually make it true, only pathetic thing here is your hypocrisy.
OMG Indo. Do you actually believe Tony Abbot is good person re. his political life.
Post is about Scomo not Abbott.
This is what i get from Blind boy for calling out politicians, in context in a discussion thread, not starting up a thread purely just to bag out a politician.
"Yeh, that is a new low Indo and considering the depths you dwell at that is quite an achievement. Watch out the pressure doesn't get you. It must be hard being an ignorant self-righteous prat 24/7 out there in the real world."
As i said complete hypocrite
So, just out of interest, how is it going out there in the real world ........ or do you save your shit just for us?
Good thanks, got a wave today small but fun, done a bit of work but not too much, came home early trying to finish the finally stages of a 14 x 6 m extension that I've done 100% myself, bar plumbing and electrical work, few recycled timber feature walls, mini orb ceiling, solid black butt floors, concrete kitchen benches, so real world more productive (still got to paint and finish butlers pantry). https://imgur.com/a/IBdKF6E
Don't talk politics in the real world, goes nowhere, save that shit for here.
Yeh I had some fun head high stuff this morning with only a couple of us out. Gave an old mate from WA a tour of the area and now am kicking back with a couple of beers and DoubleJ on the radio.
Indo what kitchen cupboards did you use kit or have them made up?
They are Principal brand looks like Mitre 10 sell them https://www.homehardware.com.au/shop-products/kitchen-appliances/kitchen...
But i actually got them all from Masters when it was closing down, i actually started my extension in 2016, but only finishing it now as all done with cash (taxed) plus in 2017 we ended up spending all our money helping an Indonesian friend build a big house in Indonesia.
I think the Bunnings ones are also okay, but i think the Ikea ones are lower quality.
Thanks Indo, now where were we..................that's right how could you say that you low life scumbag racist dickhead..........yeah joking, haha.
There is irony that you would actually be more connected have far greater exposure and life experiences in and around a different cultures particularity in regards to Islam etc in Indonesia.
Most here would have flown in with mates stayed western style hotels, hang out in western surf camps, surfed, drank Bintangs looking at Indo through the glass of restaurants / hotels / charter boats and claim Indo legend status.
Then there is the fact you are fluent in Bahasa Indonesian, recon you could follow Javanese (dialect) and a bit of Balinese (common) some thing few if any here could claim.
Then there is your support / generosity in regard to in laws and extended in laws support for your wife.
One of the reasons I visited this site was your posts on Indo which I related to and dream of.
Many here fail this simple insight also your lack of nuance in the way you fail to prioritise balancing big picture little picture arguments.
There are some facets of life / morals that anchor one beliefs that are not negotiable (Blinboy is a good example) from there a reasoned argument can be made that accounts for the grey (little picture) facts that are contrary against the anchor point but don't change the big picture.
ha ha thanks for the kind words. (but also a little embarrassed by them)
In regard to Indonesia and islam, yes i have lived and worked there and spent much time in Indonesia, most of which has been staying in private homes with Indonesians, and although my wife is catholic Indonesian, she has 10 aunties/uncles a few of which have married and converted to islam, one of her uncles even has a few wives.
I also have about a 50/50 split in Indonesian friends muslim and non muslim in Indonesia and OZ, although almost all of those muslim friends are really not practising (just do the Ramadan thing and not eat pork etc) but they generally come from family's that are much more religious and I've gone and stayed with a few which is interesting.
But in all honestly you don't really learn much about Islam itself from them just the way muslims in Indonesia live, even if you ask them about certain aspects of islam (that i rarely do) they generally don't know much about the details of things, i guess its no different to Christians most just go through the motions even those practising go to church sing a few songs, pray, listen to a sermon and then go about everyday life, if you ask them about aspects of the bible most cant tell you much, just the basic stories, its only the full on ones especially certain denominations or born again ones that can quote bible verses and then actually tell you what they really mean.
To be honest i think I've learnt more about islam itself from watching you tube videos from X muslims that have studied islam and questioned islam deeper and then gone fuck this shit makes no sense and have become atheist plus about how its practised in other counties which is practised quite differently to Indonesia.
In regards to Indonesia, there is election coming up very soon my wife just sent in her postal vote, its between Jokowi and Prabowo, chances are Jokowi will get in but if Prabowo gets in, imho things could change very quickly in Indonesia, he is a pretty unpredictable guy with very strong islamic beliefs, i think we have taken the last 20 years of stability in Indonesia for granted and assume it will always be the case but i think things could change and become very unstable very quickly like was seen in the early 90s. (not saying it will happen just saying it could)
I think there is also concerning signs in Indonesia in the way Islam is practised as we know its been the most moderate form in the world, but there has been a growing influence from the middle east this is not just my opinion but one I've heard talked about on ABC radio and i noticed a charter boat owner married to a muslim lady on FB talking about similar changes he has seen in Padang.
Anyway just my 2 cents worth, but could be an interesting turning point for Indonesia if Prabowo gets in, could even effect surf tourism things like trying to restrict sale of alcohol outside of Bali etc kind of hard to imagine it would be possible, but would change the whole surf trip experience if it happened.
The kids are alright...?
On The Bus With Scotty (Part 2)
Well here I am back in the Shire and no, it is not full of Hobbits, that is a different shire, probably on the north coast somewhere. No hairy feet around here, and let me assure you, we will decide the type of feet that get to touch our sacred Shire soil and hairy is out. Nice clean white feet, preferably with shoes on, though footy boots are OK. Outside. So no Hobbits, just me and Jesus watching over Sylvania Waters and Miranda Fair, protecting the good people of the Shire from the evil Orcs of the left.
Now isn't it great to be in NSW with our Glad back in power. Top Sheila the ole Glad. Good as a bloke I reckon. Whooped that Labor fellow, Weakly or Yeerly or something, silly man, imagine getting caught making racist remarks, we do it all the time and you know we hardly ever get caught. We are so clever we can actually be blatantly racist and no-one even notices. Another 22,000 people on cashless welfare cards selected on race? No problem. Did it last week. Ha ha ha, try that one Weakly!
So here I am running the country, making all these critical decisions to protect us from nasty extremists, and let me make this clear, the Greens are a real, serious threat to Australia with their climate change nonsense and their anti-coal attitudes. Coal is great technology just because we have been using it for 300 years doesn't make it old fashioned or primitive or out of date or dirty or dangerous or a really, really, really bad investment. And if they say our future is black, they are right because coal is our future.
So good on my old mate. Peter "Smiley" Dutton for letting everyone know that Ricard di Natale is just as bad as Fraser Anning, just as bad, no difference. One is a nasty racist loudmouth and the other keeps telling the truth, whoops sorry cut that bit, telling lies about climate. Does anyone really believe those silly scientists with their careful research and meticulous calculations. It's all in the Bible. And yes there was a little bit of climate change, Noah's Flood but that was only to get rid of the dinosaurs and even if it was true it wouldn't matter because …. Now come on all sing along with Tom
“ Well Jesus gonna be here, he's gonna be here soon, yeah.
He's gonna cover us up with leaves, with a blanket from the moon.
With a promise and a vow and a lullaby for my brow.
Well, Jesus gonna be here, gonna be here soon, yeah.”
“Engadine Maccas 1997”