INDONESIA SURF TRIP, no one surfing -

& oh the food and beverage package for the alfwedo calhoun expwess
…sumsing to sing about for z fwencho spano exploratory missionaries ;)

“ The Swellent constituency had me halfway to believing I was some sort of random Seppo dickhead wanker with no surfing qualifications, knowledge or experience whatsoever”

…welllll
- ummmmm

…

& AW may well be the capitan of calhoun’s expwess
…with guarantees of birds like this faaaaaaark

-$end z muneeeee ;)

Amazing that people that we're kinda relevant in the surf world 30+ years ago still try use that to con everyday people today.
Tom Carrol and his "wellness camps" for $3500 per weekend are no different.

Before you get too excited JC, no way am i comparing you to TC, you're his chewed toe nails

^^^

same goes for the gatekeepers of yore

amazing that some of the biggest vigilante gatekeepers of yore lose their significance in the line up, and suddenly are willing to sell out once quiet spots all in the name of 'sharing'

the bastardisation of techo and social media language is incredibly nauseating

tearymasseuse wrote:

“ The Swellent constituency had me halfway to believing I was some sort of random Seppo dickhead wanker with no surfing qualifications, knowledge or experience whatsoever”

…welllll
- ummmmm

youtube.com/watch?v=I_flfnu_78s

…

& AW may well be the capitan of calhoun’s expwess
…with guarantees of birds like this faaaaaaark

-$end z muneeeee ;)

youtu.be/mZ5kVFmDU9c?si=_kfzsgTtJCmGUxuw

Tearymasseuse. Hi mate, keep that humdrum rolling.

Superb Lyrebird, we all know, incredible ‘mimicry’ skills.

John Calhoun is hoping for last minute ‘monetary kills’.
I’m sure his favourite bird in the world is the DollarBird.

The gap of intelligence between those two species is as wide as the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
A lyrebird would never reveal the exact location of its performance dance floor. Just saying. AW

“ The gap of intelligence between those two species is as wide as the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
A lyrebird would never reveal the exact location of its performance dance floor. Just saying. AW “

^ haha, this is true ;)

& most ppl understand no one needs to make a motza
- just salt ya meaty balls and make a motz instead

(sometimes the ketchup isn’t needed / keep it simple)

& by now you’ve surely realised we don’t give a fark ;)

- worth a mention

john.callahan wrote:

Today's conditions at the target area - 2.2 meters of SW swell at 15 seconds period, wind light NW at 3kts - the Righthander will be good!

Did I mention there is no one surfing in this area?

Can you show us some pics please of the right & left ?

john.callahan wrote:

Today's conditions at the target area - 2.2 meters of SW swell at 15 seconds period, wind light NW at 3kts - the Righthander will be good!

Did I mention there is no one surfing in this area?

JC. Devine explorer, isn’t it just a jump to the left and then a step to the right ?
Or, first look left, then right, then left again.

I’ve gotta give it to you, you’re persistent, just like haemorrhoids, a real pain in the arse.
May I recommend this cream to you, Anusol. Try it, rubbing it in for the first time, well it’s quite an enjoyable feeling, the more you dig around the better you will feel erogenously. All the best with that. AW

john.callahan wrote:

Today's conditions at the target area - 2.2 meters of SW swell at 15 seconds period, wind light NW at 3kts - the Righthander will be good!

Did I mention there is no one surfing in this area?

Trust me. I’m a photographer from the 90s with no other qualifications. I now want to be your surf guide for a small sum of $3000 USD

Time must be running out to lock in that third punter for an August trip.

Calhoun must have mentioned it but how many days spent in the location?

JC, how about drip feeding us a few free details.
So, its $3000 for your services + return airfares to Jakarta.
How long is the adventure and is accommodation, all meals and booze included in the 3k?
How much spending money needed?
Do we have to pay for the photos you take of us surfing empty perfection?
What if 20 punters send you $1500, how do you choose the 3 lucky winners?
Is there medical help nearby?
What if the surf is crap, do you say sorry?
Hard to take you seriously with so few details pal.

It's for 14 days apparently, that's all I know.
The clock is ticking.

I wonder what his refund policy is?

goofies have let him down with his left point break, he's talking it up for regulars now..

seeds wrote:

I wonder what his refund policy is?

haha, tempted @seeds? go for it, mate, I'd kick in $$ if you take the asym Tiger made for you, cos calhoun loves and asym, and hear how he tells you it's not the right asym for you, and he's seen much better asyms and knows all there is to know on asyms. seriously, who wouldn't pore over an article by @seeds about his time in the jungle with @john.calhoun..??

Gawd no as Syp says

Nah

I couldn’t stand this carrot cake

I'm makin a George Motz burger as soon as, Teary. That looked GOOD. (insert hearts in eyes emoji here)

john.callahan wrote:

Today's conditions at the target area - 2.2 meters of SW swell at 15 seconds period, wind light NW at 3kts - the Righthander will be good!

Did I mention there is no one surfing in this area?

Not even you without someone else’s $3000. Pan handling for a loose promise.

Gotta remember fellas, this is $3K USD, which is $4.6K AUD........Bargain.

…been there, done that ;)

tearymasseuse wrote:

…been there, done that ;)

youtube.com/watch?v=tmQNqc0GAdM

These types of vlogs are just so painful to watch

^ yep, nice boat tho

…some things don’t need to be filmed or documented
- or shamelessly self promoted under the guise of imagined explorative virtue ;)

Let’s go!

https://m.youtube.com/shorts/CBlaPPb2cfA

…go hard or go home

;);)

Aiyeeeeee! Sum gon be don for we take a lot meat and em HOOOOLD OFF, AIYEEEE?! And den den sumpin gon be gon loose.
(or something like that. I dated a girl who moved to Louisiana. Naturally I followed. (she was THAT)
Tried to keep up with the natives and the language. Was hard.
Good times.

Trust me, i'm a washed up bitter surf photographer from the 90's

john.callahan wrote:

fitzroy-21 wrote:

Gotta remember fellas, this is $3K USD, which is $4.6K AUD........Bargain.

There are people, many people in fact, who pay MORE than USD $3k to sit on a boat in North Malé atoll or the Mentawai Islands while 60 plus surfers are in the water from the OTHER ten boats nearby at locations like Sultans and Lance's Right - or they pay a similar amount to stay on land at Laki Peak, Weligama or Tagazhout Village with HUNDREDS of other surfers, sent to these popular locations by surf travel companies who have no priority other than to cram as many punters into already overcrowded locations as possible -

I know, I have solicited several of them (not gonna name names here) and they had NO INTEREST in funding any surfEXPLORE research projects to find new locations for their customers in Indonesia or elsewhere, to ease overcrowding at popular surf travel destinations - no interest at all.

If any of these hundreds of surfers signed up from one of my surfEXPLORE trips, they would be surfing alone.

So when you say one of my surfEXPLORE trips is a bargain, that is absolutely accurate.

If you are just another sheeple, then go ahead - sign up with ___________ and pay USD $3k to surf in heavy crowds at well-known surf travel locations. Be my guest!

If you would rather spend your USD $3k to surf in high-quality conditions with just a few people, get in touch -

Photos please

john.callahan wrote:

fitzroy-21 wrote:

Gotta remember fellas, this is $3K USD, which is $4.6K AUD........Bargain.

There are people, many people in fact, who pay MORE than USD $3k to sit on a boat in North Malé atoll or the Mentawai Islands while 60 plus surfers are in the water from the OTHER ten boats nearby at locations like Sultans and Lance's Right - or they pay a similar amount to stay on land at Laki Peak, Weligama or Tagazhout Village with HUNDREDS of other surfers, sent to these popular locations by surf travel companies who have no priority other than to cram as many punters into already overcrowded locations as possible -

I know, I have solicited several of them (not gonna name names here) and they had NO INTEREST in funding any surfEXPLORE research projects to find new locations for their customers in Indonesia or elsewhere, to ease overcrowding at popular surf travel destinations - no interest at all.

If any of these hundreds of surfers signed up from one of my surfEXPLORE trips, they would be surfing alone.

So when you say one of my surfEXPLORE trips is a bargain, that is absolutely accurate.

If you are just another sheeple, then go ahead - sign up with ___________ and pay USD $3k to surf in heavy crowds at well-known surf travel locations. Be my guest!

If you would rather spend your USD $3k to surf in high-quality conditions with just a few people, get in touch -

Fake news.

Next on ....
Jsc circumnavigates the globe on a life raft
Identifying rare and extinct surfspots for yall to plunder
Old man with onions on his belt up next.....

Jesus.
Just go and surf it yourself FFS.

Have spent (wasted) the entire afternoon checking out John Calhouns background, his three other comrades who collectively call themselves surfEXPLORE.
From what I can glean about all this push push bravado surf secret waves shit, it’s all about the money, it always is.
It’s mostly about merchandise. All kind of surf products emblazoned with the word surfEXPLORE.
I don’t believe it’s about secret surf spots at all.

With a pardon me to a few of our good Yankee friends ,, Wax24 and Mick66 who I love chatting with, what is it with folks from the US, it’s always about the money.
Can’t they just enjoy places they visit without it always being about marketing and cashola.
The Florence brothers epitomise that, especially Nathan, constantly banging on about all the products all the time.
Recently at Lances Right and in particular Hollow Trees Resort, who had a visit a couple of years ago from Nathan, since his departure the joints now loaded with. incredibly expensive Florence products, especially boardshorts, average punter is not going to buy them.
I’m not paying $130 for a bit of fabric with a shoelace around ya waist and a couple of punched holes in fabric. Fair dinkum. AW

@AW can I interest you in a custom impact suit for $1400 plus $20 members fee ? It’s funny seeing all the dudes wearing the hooded long sleeve rashies , one guy in particular was the spitting image of anonymous with his moustache, goatie & white zinc face .

I really don't get it.. if it's so cranking, @john.calhoun, you could go there, take along a few corelords to impress, and get all to keep it secret. And go back each year with a different/expanded crew. And do the same with two other 'surfEXPLORE discovered' spots for end to end trips. Do the whole season for a few years before word gets out about the location. Maybe handball it to guides after a few years under the surfEXPLORE banner.. Build a few positive enviro and health basics with the locals. The myths about @john.calhoun's good works and discoveries would build through the insta machine, rumours, reddit threads. Anyone says 'jsc is full of it' - someone else will reply, 'na, he took camel and herring last year pro bono, they said it's the real deal..' Problem solved. Then reveal what you want after four years and explain what the local-community (in its full definition) has explained they want from any burgeoning boutique surf tourism scene, if anything at all (maybe they become increasingly unwelcoming); full disclosure and responsibility and accountability. Publish a proper book with Bleakly contributing ethno insights and deep social context. You'd be a role model with a best seller, John, and with the responsible global-citizen angle, maybe get some of that sweet, sweet nike / netflix money, haha.. they'd get behind a doco.

(I'm not condoning anything, just trying my absolute darndest to embrace that all-time steve albini adage, much posted on swellnet, "so I am against what you're into, and an enemy of where you come from but I have no problem with what you're doing...")

Supafreak wrote:

@AW can I interest you in a custom impact suit for $1400 plus $20 members fee ? It’s funny seeing all the dudes wearing the hooded long sleeve rashies , one guy in particular was the spitting image of anonymous with his moustache, goatie & white zinc face .

Hi mate. Hope you’re walking on two legs still.

Not a chance would I pay or wear that stuff. And what about the copy cat tubular leg rashies, again originally plugged by Nathan.
Any more Lycra on ya body in the surf, well you’d probably end up looking like “Priscilla Queen of The Desert” but in an ocean context. What’s next, streamers and flowers in ya hair. What’s the surf fraternity coming to ? Golly miss molly. AW

john.callahan wrote:

Supafreak wrote:

Can you show us some pics please of the right & left ?

No.

That's the whole point of going to a location not already crowded with punters just like yourself - you have to make the deposit to show positive intent.

Then, you will know as ALL WILL BE REVEALED in text postings, images, satellite images, etc in the private Facebook group.

If you want to surf uncrowded waves in PEAK SEASON for Indian Ocean Indonesia you need to go with someone who knows - that is moi.

Ready to sign up?

You’re on the nose, like a bag of prawns in the sun.
No one here, let alone broader Australia, is looking at this as a good idea.

why does everything you post involve commerce rather than conversation, @calhoun..?
I better pay better attention to what for what reason?

geez, it's a shame if the book is awesome, many here now couldn't bring themselves to get it even if they would have prior to your 'marketing'.. (a signed 'calhoun' copy notwithstanding).. you've fucked it, friend, at least for the crowd here that likes exploring..

Australians have been surfing Indo (my mates early 70's) for fu(king ever.

My mates speak fluent Indo, have traveled over land all areas and islands facing the Indian ocean.

Seriously who the fu(k thinks they have know the unknown in Indo.

BTW the breaks facing the Pacific have long been surfed as well.

“ You’re on the nose, like a bag of prawns in the sun.
No one here, let alone broader Australia, is looking at this as a good idea. “

Plant a seed, grow a tree ;)

Hahahaha

…all will be revealed ;);)
- you’ve revealed enough & shown you’re an A grade fucknuckle

It’s ‘surfers’ like you calhoun who’ve fucked it for everyone.
You can keep pretending you’re some fancy shmancy pioneer with some perceived stand alone credentials - but come on now… you come across as the last person most people on this planet would ever want to share empty waves with… fuckn odd bod

- you just (secretly, all alone) enjoy being a bit of a carrot cake ;)

Enjoy the waves in Singapore …hahahaha

john.callahan wrote:

Supafreak wrote:

Can you show us some pics please of the right & left ?

No.

That's the whole point of going to a location not already crowded with punters just like yourself - you have to make the deposit to show positive intent.

Then, you will know as ALL WILL BE REVEALED in text postings, images, satellite images, etc in the private Facebook group.

If you want to surf uncrowded waves in PEAK SEASON for Indian Ocean Indonesia you need to go with someone who knows - that is moi.

Ready to sign up?

JC I’m asking for photos as proof of this mystery location, a photo won’t disclose the location . I have been surfing a left for the last 3 years that has a handful of people, this year there was 8 of us in camp at the peak , last year 4 year before was 6 . I’ve uploaded plenty of photos on this site and the place hasn’t been overrun with people . There are other locations I go to without many people that have been known about for 30 years. The marquee spots get crowded but there are plenty of quality waves that don’t cost $5000 AUD for 2 weeks. I laugh at your belief that only you know where uncrowded waves exist . A well known spot east of where I live had 6 people on it this last swell, 8-10 ft with 6 people getting barrels of their lives , cost them about $20 AUD a day for food & accommodation . $3000 USD would last them months . Good luck with your dream.

Well said Supa. I haven't been able to take many international surf trips in my life but on my one trip to Indo, me and a mate were away for 17 days in May/June. Surfed 15 of those days at three different waves and twice we shared the lineup with one other surfer. Every other surf was empty.

We just spent some time on google earth, picked out the region and hit the road. That was 2017. Did the same in PNG in 2010. And Fiji in 2020 (right before the world stopped). Not that hard.

“ If you want to surf uncrowded waves in PEAK SEASON for Indian Ocean Indonesia you need to go with someone who knows - that is moi.

Ready to sign up? …………..no thanks JC , not without any photo evidence , this is a few months ago , can you count how many punters in the line up ? Give you a hint , it’s less than 3 . This is yesterday, peak season different location. Want to guess how many are out there ?

I understand why you’re reluctant to post any pictures JC , you probably don’t have any as you are really just flying by the seat of your pants and haven’t actually been there , just believe you may be onto something by looking at satellite images etc . Or possibly you don’t want anyone on this site that may have been there letting the cat outa the bag and naming said mystery location. The real mystery is why you’re bothering to do this at all . I know we are living in tough times but surely you could just ask for an advance on upcoming book .

john.callahan wrote:

basesix wrote:

I really don't get it.. if it's so cranking, @john.calhoun, you could go there, take along a few corelords to impress, and get all to keep it secret. And go back each year with a different/expanded crew. And do the same with two other 'surfEXPLORE discovered' spots for end to end trips. Do the whole season for a few years before word gets out about the location. Maybe handball it to guides after a few years under the surfEXPLORE banner.. Build a few positive enviro and health basics with the locals. The myths about @john.calhoun's good works and discoveries would build through the insta machine, rumours, reddit threads. Anyone says 'jsc is full of it' - someone else will reply, 'na, he took camel and herring last year pro bono, they said it's the real deal..' Problem solved. Then reveal what you want after four years and explain what the local-community (in its full definition) has explained they want from any burgeoning boutique surf tourism scene, if anything at all (maybe they become increasingly unwelcoming); full disclosure and responsibility and accountability. Publish a proper book with Bleakly contributing ethno insights and deep social context. You'd be a role model with a best seller, John, and with the responsible global-citizen angle, maybe get some of that sweet, sweet nike / netflix money, haha.. they'd get behind a doco.

(I'm not condoning anything, just trying my absolute darndest to embrace that all-time steve albini adage, much posted on swellnet, "so I am against what you're into, and an enemy of where you come from but I have no problem with what you're doing...")

Actually I have already DONE ALL THAT, ha ha.

and, btw, no you fuckin haven't

JC is the worst snake oil salesman of all time.

This thread is hilarious!

Isn’t it.
Great entertainment.