semi-useless techniques

todipolo's picture
todipolo started the topic in Friday, 19 Jun 2020 at 5:02pm

Walk as far out as possible from shore while jumping whitewater to delay having to lay on the board, put pressure on the ribs, and start using your paddling muscles. Not so applicable at reef breaks.

Dial in a spot to grab any given board and throw it under you in one swift movement to the perfect paddling position. On a typical shortboard this means palming the nose and fully extending your arm, but your go to spot may vary.

Timing your paddling and duck dive to a breaking set wave so that the first lip impact detonates right in front of you. Not on you (of course) and not allowing it to roll too far, but to where the first splash just covers you (low pressure theory = Mike Stewart). The perceived benefit of less turbulence is reduced the further the whitewater rolls.

Keeping the board level or ever so slightly angled up when you bottom out a duck dive so that the nose or tail doesn't get pushed backwards by the whitewater turbulence as it rolls over you.

I regret that I'm not a good enough surfer to discuss more useful advice, but at least I know my place in it all. Flame away, or drop your own.

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 9:03am

Hang on, lemme get this straight, you're effectively using dog shit to warm your hands?

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 9:28am

Correct.

But there is a thin layer of plastic between my palms and said shit.

1173

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 9:31am

PS It gets well below zero in my part of the world.

1173

Craig's picture
Craig's picture
Craig commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 9:33am

Oh wow Zen, not a chance haha!

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 9:41am

Someone posted a while back, following the spate of car break-ins recently where surf locks were being cut with bolt cutters: instead of attaching it to your bullbar/door handle etc (as designed), take it with you and lock it to the fence. No-one's gonna bother to break it and steal the keys if they don't know what car it's for. 

GuySmiley's picture
GuySmiley's picture
GuySmiley commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 9:59am

Never shaking your hand Zen!

Jamyardy's picture
Jamyardy's picture
Jamyardy commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 11:23am

.

seaslug's picture
seaslug's picture
seaslug commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 11:26am

Especially if you see a freezer bag in his pocket or plastic gloves hehe

Jamyardy's picture
Jamyardy's picture
Jamyardy commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 11:27am

“spidermonkey commented TUESDAY, 23 JUN 2020 AT 8:34AM
Tape up the knee BEFORE surf trip and leave said tape in place to (try) avoid hole in knee from duckdiving”

I remember wearing holes in my wettie knee as a grom from duck diving using the knee. Gave that method away while I was still a grom, so much better without the knee.

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 11:49am

I'd be more concerned if you saw some cable-ties, a rag and a small bottle of chloroform Seaslug.

Mwa ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa...

1173

seaslug's picture
seaslug's picture
seaslug commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 11:57am

Valid point Zen haha

chook's picture
chook's picture
chook commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 4:46pm

where have the break-ins been occuring?

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 5:49pm

“ Does this smell like chloroform ? “

mickseq's picture
mickseq's picture
mickseq commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 6:11pm

Claim and fist pump every single wave, even if you go over the falls

Craig's picture
Craig's picture
Craig commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 6:12pm

When bogging rail and going over the handle-bars, show your prowess by bodysurfing the section you missed, only to be halted by the anchor on your leg.

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 7:42pm

When you fuck up a section , immediately flip your board over and check your fins / tail as though therein lies the reason for your abysmal technique.

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 8:51pm

Advertising to the world that you basically kooked it when all fins are visibly intact.

1173

soggydog's picture
soggydog's picture
soggydog commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 10:15pm

Don’t surf, give up. It’ll ruin your life. You’ll end up a crusty old fuck talking smack on dwellnet. Walk away. Burn your boards before it’s too late!!

Yes maybe I’ve had a few hot ones and a few cold ones. But I am the voice of reason. Get out while you still can!!

soggydog's picture
soggydog's picture
soggydog commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 10:15pm

I’m not actually that old... but I am a smack talker!!

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin commented Wednesday, 24 Jun 2020 at 7:47am

When you’re emerging from the surf onto a beach stacked with exotic babes , suck that gut in and believe , Peter Pan style , that a two hour surf has completely consumed the roll of fat which was sitting so comfortably around your middle when you paddled out.

Stride up that beach .....ripped and lean.

Gunting hardcore , yo .

Rabbits68's picture
Rabbits68's picture
Rabbits68 commented Tuesday, 23 Jun 2020 at 10:41pm

When surfing in the tropics, go to extreme lengths to paint your face, ears & neck with sunscreen & zinc, then paddle out wearing only a pair of boardies.....

Pristine

Mammoth's picture
Mammoth's picture
Mammoth commented Wednesday, 24 Jun 2020 at 12:20am

watch out for the board that comes rocketing at your head once the leggys at full stretch when doing the body surf after a blown section

MidWestMonger's picture
MidWestMonger's picture
MidWestMonger commented Wednesday, 24 Jun 2020 at 9:25am

When a section closes out or races away without you, give the wave the bird as you straighten out. That will teach it to behave next time.

Craig's picture
Craig's picture
Craig commented Wednesday, 24 Jun 2020 at 9:30am

Haha, totally Mid West Monger, though usually happens after repeated such waves and when having a shit surf.

Seabiscuit's picture
Seabiscuit's picture
Seabiscuit commented Wednesday, 24 Jun 2020 at 5:05pm

An alternate to yours above Craig re body surfing post fall.......when you blow a set wave which was relatively straightforward, stay underwater longer than you need to, basking in the shame of what you have done, and everyone and everything you have let down,

shoredump's picture
shoredump's picture
shoredump commented Wednesday, 24 Jun 2020 at 5:33pm

Look at that first set wave and the guy on your inside with obvious jealousy, half paddle for their wave even, making sure you are actually baiting them into definitely going, and leaving the better second wave just for you

Fliplid's picture
Fliplid's picture
Fliplid commented Wednesday, 24 Jun 2020 at 5:34pm

+ 1 especially when as a grom, one of the crew let you have the set wave, I wanted to swim back to shore underwater

bluediamond's picture
bluediamond's picture
bluediamond commented Wednesday, 24 Jun 2020 at 5:54pm

Winter dawnies. Work out the angle of the sun so you can get changed in blazing sunshine when you get back and your car is a nice toasty little oven...as opposed to getting changed in the freezing damp shadows of a tree....like i did this morning. Kooked it.

Island Bay's picture
Island Bay's picture
Island Bay commented Wednesday, 24 Jun 2020 at 6:00pm

Yeah, I’m struggling in that department at the moment. Steep coastal hills make for a chilly (sometimes even frosty) car park till 10am at my local.

Westofthelake's picture
Westofthelake's picture
Westofthelake commented Wednesday, 24 Jun 2020 at 6:03pm

Good one bd. I would even add that it is a good move to check the wind direction as well....

@shorey, My mates were only talking about that exact move on the weekend, and named it after the regular perpetrator within the group. E.g. "Uh oh he's been shoreyfied."

MidWestMonger's picture
MidWestMonger's picture
MidWestMonger commented Wednesday, 24 Jun 2020 at 6:39pm

Always attack close out sections coming at you with your best un-make-able disco move. Sure it looks like a throw away you were never going to make from the beach but from the water looking back hopefully all they saw was spray and maybe some fins busting out.

MidWestMonger's picture
MidWestMonger's picture
MidWestMonger commented Wednesday, 24 Jun 2020 at 6:41pm

+1 for bluediamonds seeking the sunny parking spot. even better when you realise your towel is still damp but you drape it over the seats and when you come back its warm and dry.

mickseq's picture
mickseq's picture
mickseq commented Wednesday, 24 Jun 2020 at 7:04pm

drive twice the speed limit when the morning report says 8/10

mickseq's picture
mickseq's picture
mickseq commented Wednesday, 24 Jun 2020 at 7:09pm

become delirious with excitement and sleep only 2 hours Friday night when Bens Friday 7pm surf title report says "get ready for an EPIC weekend of waves!"

surfstarved's picture
surfstarved's picture
surfstarved commented Thursday, 25 Jun 2020 at 9:39am

++1 Seabiscuit - and while you're still underwater bellow "fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckenfuckfucker!" to get it all out of your system before bobbing back to the surface.

Don't let the bastards grind you down

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Thursday, 25 Jun 2020 at 10:35am

Totally.

I'm guilty of the underwater Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrkkk!!!

1173

Ardi100's picture
Ardi100's picture
Ardi100 commented Thursday, 25 Jun 2020 at 10:57am

Arrive at the break so early for the dawnie that you can't really judge the waves, decide it looks crap and go back to bed/ to work only to find out that waves were decent and you blew it.

Repeat multiple times over winter without learning your lesson.

morg's picture
morg's picture
morg commented Thursday, 25 Jun 2020 at 2:06pm

When I run home after the early session I shave with my steamer and then take it off in the shower. For some reason it seams easier to get it off under the shower and rinses it at the same time.

mowgli's picture
mowgli's picture
mowgli commented Wednesday, 15 Jul 2020 at 3:37pm

I never look back. Whether it was a good or bad sesh/final wave. I don't wanna see that I missed the epic set that just came through. It haunts me the rest of the day.

nah....yeah...but, nah

Spuddups's picture
Spuddups's picture
Spuddups commented Wednesday, 15 Jul 2020 at 4:15pm

When you’re under water and your leg rope’s still tight, be sure to surface immediately so your board will spear you in the forehead. That way you’ll get a gnarly scar, and as we all know, chicks dig scars. Also you’ll look like a bad-ass and that dude who was planning on dropping in on you will have second thoughts.

dandandan's picture
dandandan's picture
dandandan commented Wednesday, 15 Jul 2020 at 5:04pm

Or alternatively Spuddups, be so fearful of getting a surfboard to the face again that you stay underwater probing the surface like you're sticking your hand through a portal into a very dangerous and uncertain world, emerging only once you are certain the coast is clear.

D-Rex's picture
D-Rex's picture
D-Rex commented Wednesday, 15 Jul 2020 at 6:11pm

Paddle for the best wave of the set then let it go really late so no-one else can catch it. Then immediately paddle for the next wave. Alternatively, catch best predominantly right-breaking wave from way inside then go left when everyone assumed you were going right.

Spuddups's picture
Spuddups's picture
Spuddups commented Wednesday, 15 Jul 2020 at 6:29pm

I usually alternate between the two Dandandan.