Island Nation
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Get a fuckn job ya surfy bludger!!!!!!! ;)
Fuck working . I'm taking the whole Westerly Windina deal to the next level and I'm milking a phantom pregnancy for the paid maternal leave scheme.
I'm working on a beer/ paternal gut as we speak, working my nipples to a state of hyperextension through a series of stretches and I've got an even chance bid on a retro cabbage patch doll on E bay that I can parade around Centrelink or whatever nom de plume those useless crunts operate under these days.
How can I lose ?
Classic.
Wow, Blowin... You're gonna be livin' the high life on your $750 per fortnight!!!! If you and the baby sleep in the car, you'll be able to afford the petrol......... I just hope no one calls D.O.C.S when you leave "cabbage" in the car whilst surfing..... ;)
$622 a week before tax for 18 weeks according to the Gov website Sheepy. I'm gonna be wiping my arse with fifties.
Don't start me on dole bludgers Blowin.....?
Might even go down the coma ward of the local hospital and steal me some long term catatonia patients , throw them in the back of the car and register them for the disability pension. Between the amount of money I gouge out of the system and the minimum monetary expense required to keep them fed on a Campbell s soup drip I should see a nice little earn .
We would have a ball cruising the coast, me and my silent partners.
It would be like Weekend At Bernies , only with a faint heartbeat and a lot more lucrative .
Not the dole though Welly, that shit is for people with no conscience.
haha, yeah you're too smart for that by the sounds of it :)
Doesn't sound like you have a neurogenic motor immobility...?
No mate, just a regular key starter. Don't put much faith in those newfangled anti theft devices. *
* Denotes an attempt at humour.
What about the alcohol anti drive device. *
You'd be fucked.
Your right there Welly. I don't drive pissed, that's why my car has waist high grass growing around it.
Hang on blowin!!!!! Catatonia patients will get you in jail...... You need at least 3 bits of I.D for them, plus family consent....
But back to your pregnancy.......Let's knock it down to 500 after tax....... I'll assume you have a 6cyl.... You don't seem like a Kia rio driver...... So $110 bucks to fill the tank...... Probably get ya 500 - 600km..... So that's not even brisbane to Newcastle.... More like Port macquarie.... And thats no local driving, looking for surf etc...... So, we'll round it up to $150.....Gotta keep that car rego'd and insured.... That's $25 a week.....
We're now down to 325.....
If you are surfing, you'll need to eat well...... You haven't got a fridge, and most public bbqs now want money.... Hmmm.... Buy plastic plates, salt pepper,,,, tinned food..... takeaway....... We'll realistically go $5 per meal...... 15 per day x 7 = $105....
Now down to $220......
Now, sleeping in the back of your car during winter...... Good blanket..... surf wax..... ding repairs over the 18 week period...... Budget in a parking fine (you cant sleep here mate!!!! sorry officer!!!) or a speeding ticket...... Maybe an oil top up for the car..... sundries - say $20 per week
Now down to 200......
A man has to have a bit of fun.... Maybe 1 night at the pub, or a few beers and some durries.... $100
Now down to $100........
Ohh!!!!! loo paper..... soap..... shampoo..... razors.... washing of clothes, nappies, baby car seat, pram, ...... Unless you want to stink like a feral and definitely have your "gravy train" baby cabbage taken by docs....... $50pw.....
Now grab that last 50 and give that date hole a wipe, blowin....... ;)
No fuel costs for me mate, I'm going to be test driving a car from a car yard in every town and siphoning the tank. I'll just pinch food from pet dishes throughout the land to keep myself sustained. Have you seen what people feed their animals these days ? I'll get more nutrients doing that than eating at the Golden Arches.
No need for beer either, if you knew me Sheepy you'd know my cleaning routine isn't as thorough as it could be , so any fruit that happens to roll under the seats will be finely fermented before you can say " What the fuck is that smell ?". Wouldn't be the first time.
Plates ? Cutlery ? Your not one of those types of people are you Sheepy ?
A few months on this regimen and I will be well and truly in the black.
"A few months on this regimen and I will be well and truly in the black"
mate, the only thing in the black will be your gangrenous limbs rotting on the bone from that infected bite by the pissed off doberman that caught you scarfing his chum beef and kidney .....
I've been scrutinising the maps for a while in search of a destination.
A place of pumping surf with abundant natural beauty, a place of potential solitude and civic stability.
I think I've finally settled on a destination.
I will need a wetsuit unfortunately .
There will be fish to be caught and eaten. On campfires. On remote beaches.
There will be waves to be ridden with no one to witness any great rides or anyone to share the threat of shark attack.
There will be sharks .
There will be good times and maybe bad times. There will be adventure and fun to be had.
There will be a hangover when I wake up tomorrow.
Fuck the World ,it's crowds, pollution and inherent bullshit.... I'm cruising Oz.
See you out there boys.