WSL Announces Reality TV Show 'Ultimate Surfer'

Swellnet Dispatch

LOS ANGELES, CA/USA (Wednesday, November 13, 2019): ABC today announced the network pickup of new competition series “Ultimate Surfer.” The eight-episode series will gather some of the world’s greatest up-and-coming surfers to train and live together as they battle it out at the World Surf League’s (WSL) state-of-the-art Surf Ranch in Lemoore, California, powered by Kelly Slater’s man-made wave technology, in the hope of competing amongst the best athletes in the world’s fastest-growing sport. Production will begin in 2020 and an airdate will be announced later this season. Slater will serve as on-air talent and special correspondent for the show.
 
Alliances and rivalries will be front and center in “Ultimate Surfer” as men and women compete in individual and team challenges focused on specific surfing disciplines. Weekly eliminations will leave two men and two women as finalists who will vie for the male and female titles of the Ultimate Surfer and the opportunity to compete on the WSL World Tour, the pinnacle of professional surfing. Slater’s remarkable, one-of-a-kind, man-made wave – the most even playing field for measuring surf mastery – is at the heart of the series. 

“In addition to being a globally recognized sport, surfing is also a lifestyle; and ‘Ultimate Surfer’ will give viewers a uniquely personal look at what goes into becoming a world-class champion. We’re ecstatic about the opportunity to utilize Kelly’s world-class surf facility and his expertise in showcasing these incredibly talented on-the-rise athletes,” said Rob Mills, senior vice president, Alternative Series, Specials and Late Night, ABC Entertainment.
 
“This is an unprecedented opportunity for two surfers (one man, one woman) to win an opportunity to compete against the best surfers in the world on the WSL Tour,” said Slater, who will be the lead consultant for the series. “This will put some of the best up-and-comers against each other in a more direct way to see who stands above the rest, and Surf Ranch is obviously a great venue to use for ‘Ultimate Surfer.’ I’m excited to watch how they step up to the challenge.”

Kelly Slater will serve as on-air talent and special consultant for the show. Photo: WSL / Poullenot

The series comes out of the multiplatform co-development partnership between Pilgrim Media Group and WSL Studios, announced earlier this year. 
 
“Ultimate Surfer” is produced by Lionsgate’s Pilgrim Media Group and WSL Studios. Pilgrim CEO and President Craig Piligian, WSL Studios President of Content and Media Erik Logan, and UFC President Dana White serve as executive producers. Surfers interested in being a contestant on the show must be 21 or older and can apply at UltimateSurferCasting.com, where more details are available.

Comments

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 6:35am

So, the casting page says:

"On this exciting new competition show, the most promising surfers in the country will battle it out at World Surf League’s state-of-the-art Surf Ranch Wave System Facility in California for a grand prize to include two spots on the WSL World Tour, the pinnacle of profession surfing."

Is this intended as a method to circumvent the WQS to get on the WCT?

Sam2609's picture
Sam2609's picture
Sam2609 commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:11pm

the key worlds here are " in the country" and "california".
Can they really circumvent the WQS with a spot thats only open to seppo's?

lost's picture
lost's picture
lost commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:39pm

They can do what ever the hell they like. They own the show.

knB

stoner's picture
stoner's picture
stoner commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 2:21pm

Surely the winner will get a wildcard into Michelob Ultra Pure Gold Freshwater Pro rather than a true CT spot. They gave 3 spots to Californian kids this season, plus the show s being based out of the Surf Ranch so makes sense.

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 2:28pm

I've emailed them to clear that up but I'm yet to get a response.

You'd think it just has to be a wildcard for the nocean contest, but then pro surfing is heading into Trumpian territory so anything is possible.

Sam2609's picture
Sam2609's picture
Sam2609 commented Sunday, 17 Nov 2019 at 10:54am

we better speak up now before scomo makes it illegal to protest.

benjis babe's picture
benjis babe's picture
benjis babe commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 6:37am

nooo....

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 6:38am

Who needs grassroots surfing when you've got reality television?

OHV500's picture
OHV500's picture
OHV500 commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 7:08am

FFS - there goes the sport. Never liked Slater and this just shows how he will do anything for his ego, don't care how many world titles he's won, that is just fucked.
The crew battling on the QS would be rightly pissed off.

Maybe, finally after all this is over we can get back to what surfing is all about - having fun.

hangingtomatoes's picture
hangingtomatoes's picture
hangingtomatoes commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:13pm

fkinoath

Maloney's picture
Maloney's picture
Maloney commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 7:08am

Slater is cooked

Maloneyxwing5

KookDeVille's picture
KookDeVille's picture
KookDeVille commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 7:27am

Surely the “chance to compete against the best surfers in the world on the WSL tour” couldn’t be anything more than a wildcard spot at next year’s tub event? Even the WSL couldn’t be cooked enough to undermine their own qualification process.

dastasha's picture
dastasha's picture
dastasha commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 7:27am

I think I just threw up in my own mouth a little bit

icandig's picture
icandig's picture
icandig commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:21am

Drouin's dream of a tooth and nail battle in the waves finally coming to fruition? WSL grasping at straws to bring surfing to the masses. They've got some heavy hitters behind them (literally). It's being produced by UFC bigwigs - including Dana White....could be interesting. Two men on a wave...last one standing etc...
Your next WCT surfer?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lb44A_x6joc

https://deadline.com/2019/11/abc-ultimate-surfer-competition-series-star...

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 7:34am

The Dana White connection/involvement (as executive producer) is fascinating. I don't know much about UFC, but a quick search finds:

"Faced with the prospect of folding, the UFC stepped outside the bounds of pay-per-view and made a foray into television. After being featured in a reality television series, American Casino, and seeing how well the series worked as a promotion vehicle, the Fertitta brothers developed the idea of the UFC having its own reality series."

So, that was early 00's. A decade and a half later:

"On July 9, 2016, it was officially announced that the UFC would be sold to a group led by WME–IMG, its owner Silver Lake Partners, Kohlberg Kravis Roberts, and MSD Capital, for $4.025 billion."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ultimate_Fighting_Championship

"The Ultimate Fighter is an American reality television series and mixed martial arts (MMA) competition produced by Fox Sports 1 and the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC). The first season of The Ultimate Fighter was the last attempt by the UFC to capture public interest in the sport. The Stephan Bonnar and Forrest Griffin bout saved the sport according to many journalists and Dana White."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ultimate_Fighter

"Dana White said that when he and the Fertittas acquired the UFC, all they received was the brand name "UFC" and an old octagon. The previous owners had stripped the company's assets to avoid bankruptcy, so much so that the UFC.com website had been sold to a company named User Friendly Computers."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dana_White

icandig's picture
icandig's picture
icandig commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:02am

The Ultimate Fighter series (TUF) saved the UFC. Through reality TV, they introduced the personalities to the world and that's what the public connected with. The WCT, dare I say it lacks personality. Sure there's the odd flare up (Medina) but for the most part, the sports stars are a pretty bland lot - perhaps perpetuated by the wossles aversion to controversy. The final fight of the first TUF series was a barnstormer - got them plenty of attention and relaunched the business. Following a similar format for surfing is an interesting (appalling?) strategy. Is this the Wossle finally jumping the shark?

offshoreozzie's picture
offshoreozzie's picture
offshoreozzie commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 11:28am

Dana loves surfing (watching) and is Insta buddies with Kelly. They are friends in real life apparently and Kelly is an avid jui jitsu/MMA fan so it makes sense...

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 11:52am

Kelly is Insta buddies with lotsa high profile people, and everyone seems to love surfing these days. Doesn't mean there's any viability in an associated Reality TV show.

Happy to be proven wrong though. Maybe this is what's been missing from Pro Surfing all these years. 

icandig's picture
icandig's picture
icandig commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 1:05pm

After unveiling personalities; which is what TUF did successfully, then what? How do they manufacture drama in a wave pool? With MMA fighters living together in close quarters, there's already tension and drama and then the peak is the fight. There is usually a clear winner and loser. One person gets punched in the face less or chokes someone out and wins. With surfing, they can perhaps do all the prelim stuff and build drama, but the conclusion is a fizzer. Unless your a surfer, it's much harder to pick a winner. The normal Joe on the street can't understand the difference or intricacies of one maneuver to another. The format (moving from the story to personal commentary) is cringe worthy and it's been done to death. I'll probably still watch it though.

thermalben's picture
thermalben's picture
thermalben commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 1:10pm

Haven't you ever been humiliated by a mate's re-entry spray?

The buildup! The tension! The payback! It's white-knuckle stuff, I tells ya. 

icandig's picture
icandig's picture
icandig commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 2:09pm

I'm continually humiliated by my own lack of prowess, let alone copping spray in the face.

garyg1412's picture
garyg1412's picture
garyg1412 commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 7:37am

Love Island Australia or Ultimate Surfer. F#%k me I have a big decision to make.

Pops's picture
Pops's picture
Pops commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 7:58am

So this is it. We've finally reached the point where reality is indistinguishable from satire.

ojackojacko's picture
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ojackojacko commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 11:17am
Pops's picture
Pops's picture
Pops commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 11:57am

Long before my time, then!

ojackojacko's picture
ojackojacko's picture
ojackojacko commented Saturday, 16 Nov 2019 at 12:49am

you need a name change young’un

yahabo's picture
yahabo's picture
yahabo commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 8:05am

Surfed at first sight
Surf Island
Keeping up with the surfers
Dancing with the surfers
RuPaul's Drag Surfer
Surf Tank
The Real Surfers of Beverly Hills
America's Got Surfers
If you are the Surfer
So you think you can Surf
Strictly come Surfing
Surfer Swap
Surfer and the Geek
Ramsay's Surfer Nightmares
Surfer wants a wife
Queer eye for the Surfer guy

Craig's picture
Craig's picture
Craig commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 8:07am

Haha and..

Surfivor..

Sprout's picture
Sprout's picture
Sprout commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:32am

Champagne.

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 12:28pm

Big Surfer?

Watashi wa metabo oyagi desu.

Bustard's picture
Bustard's picture
Bustard commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 8:13am

Surfivor I would have thought most appropriate

backyard's picture
backyard's picture
backyard commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 11:39am

That would be them living in tents at Shippies and foraging for their food.
Not this drinking chlorine and piss.

backyard

Bustard's picture
Bustard's picture
Bustard commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 8:19am

Got me thinking of a concept... whereby the 4 judges in big red chairs have their backs turned to the waves......

Sprout's picture
Sprout's picture
Sprout commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:32am

Probably the best way to watch a pool event to be fair.

freddieffer's picture
freddieffer's picture
freddieffer commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 11:27am

And the 4 judges are complete morons with nfi.

freddieffer's picture
freddieffer's picture
freddieffer commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:01am

Farmer Wants a Surfer

factotum's picture
factotum's picture
factotum commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:19am

Farmer wants his lunch.

fuhrious's picture
fuhrious's picture
fuhrious commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 10:17am

What about “ Days of our Surfers”

freddieffer's picture
freddieffer's picture
freddieffer commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 11:26am

WSL Days are Numbered!

surfstarved's picture
surfstarved's picture
surfstarved commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 10:21am

I'm a surfer, get me out of here!

Don't let the bastards grind you down

Bustard's picture
Bustard's picture
Bustard commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 11:01am

Ice Road Surfers......wait...I think Ive already seen some of those episodes at my local

fuhrious's picture
fuhrious's picture
fuhrious commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 11:27am

Surfstarved that’s gold!

Reefeater's picture
Reefeater's picture
Reefeater commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 6:37am

Surfivor........hahaha.

factotum's picture
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factotum commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 10:31am

Speaking of Survivor, and with a tenuous RCJ connection, who remembers when the ASP as it was then offered a promotional prize where the winner who got drawn out of the barrel got to surf in a comp. I seem to remember the lucky punter surfed against RCJ. He also brought along some prize prawns to share as he was from North Queensland as I recall. Happy daze.

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:07am

Coke masterminded another PR masterstroke when in 1991 they launched the Classic Wave Competition, the winner of which received a wildcard entry into the main event of the Coca-Cola Surf Classic at North Narrabeen. The winner was Allan Willis, a 32-year old brickie from Bundaberg who’d surfed twice in the last six months and was recovering from haemorrhoids.

Unsurprisngly, Willis lost his first round heat to Ross Clarke-Jones then retired to the VIP area for schooners. According to Tim Baker, Willis had “arrived with an esky full of fresh Bundaberg prawns as a gesture of gratitude to dispense to his hosts.”

When his hosts then gave him a new surfboard and cheque for $1,750, Willis couldn’t hide his glee. “I’m just stoked off my tits,” said Willis.

factotum's picture
factotum's picture
factotum commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:15am

Hahaha. Gold.

And good to see my brain has at least a coupla synapses still firing.

factotum's picture
factotum's picture
factotum commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:02am

Richie Vas on the Oz version of UFC Ultimate Fighter. Occy on Dancing With The Stars. And who can forget Koby Abberton on the sadly short-lived Celebrity Splash?

Ah, reality.

Keep an eye out for Mick Fanno on The Masked Singer. Or was that Wilko and Taj on The Block?

indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 12:26pm

.

belly's picture
belly's picture
belly commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:10am

I'm suspecting the target market is women.

Sprout's picture
Sprout's picture
Sprout commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:28am

Wait, what?

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:29am

“I know there were a lot of people calling me a sell out (and it was) totally understandable because it was commercialising and bastardising what our (surf) culture was,” Slater told Vice Sports regarding his appearance on Baywatch.

ashleigh's picture
ashleigh's picture
ashleigh commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:32am

Seriously, what next? When will these idiots realize that their over commercialization of surfing is completely detrimental to the lifestyle of the "sport". And how many people these days are connected to surfing purely for the monetary aspect of the it and have no interest in what it represents or is really about?

wax-on-danielson's picture
wax-on-danielson's picture
wax-on-danielson commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:49am

It’s like good old Rusty said about the bunnies, “I didn’t buy them to lose money”.
WSL is trying everything they can to get a high quality expensive tour profitable. Maybe it’s just not the right sport for about 10 different reasons. Look at what happened to the retail surf industry in the GFC. The marketing potential is limited, the ability to monetise attendance is limited, viewing live comes with all types of issues like if the surf will be on or not and at the end of the day I surf and I shop at K-Mart, fuck paying $30 for a t-shirt. The only thing the tour sells is surfboards which only make shapers money.

campbell's picture
campbell's picture
campbell commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 9:57am

Is it April 1st?

...

sanded's picture
sanded's picture
sanded commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 10:25am

Calling Rick Kane..... really.... Wow

Gary G's picture
Gary G's picture
Gary G commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 11:24am

At first, Gary was despondent at seeing this. What role for Gary in this dystopian universe where reality is so absurd that reflecting it back to demonstrate its absurdity is redundant

*thinks

*applies for ultimate surfer

Geeves: Get me my competition Mankini.

I’ve created a monster. Cause nobody wants to ride faceys no more, they want Gary; I’m chopped liver.

But if ya want Gary this is what I’ll give ya: a little creatine kiss from a hard licker

indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 12:33pm

If people will watch other people cook, then i guess there is a market for anything, it will probably just go straight to on demand TV though, there is already reality tv shows for all kinds of things on on demand TV so why not.

Surfing sold out long ago, i mean got to be some irony here, seeing we are commenting on a commercial driven site that helps people find best surf conditions.

You want grass roots surfing, great i get it i love it, go down the coast even leave your phone at home, walk around to that next bay you have never been and camp out and surf with just yourself and a mate

prothero's picture
prothero's picture
prothero commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 12:29pm

.....I remember when my Granny was disappointed that I surfed......those were the days......Waves are still fun though

Prothero

frog's picture
frog's picture
frog commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 12:39pm

Oh the drama. Imagine how exciting it will be when surfer X mistimes his 15th near identical bunny hop air reverse and catches a rail and gets eliminated.

Now if they put them out in 50 foot Nazarre with no jet ski assist or put a big saltwater crocodile in the wave pool - that would be interesting.

Frogg

frog's picture
frog's picture
frog commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 12:43pm

As Indo dreaming said the real thing is out there waiting just a drive or boat trip away. Just need to not watch too much perfection online so your dopamine responses still kick in when you see a half decent wave.

Frogg

bluediamond's picture
bluediamond's picture
bluediamond commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 12:51pm

Put Bobby Martinez in there and i'll watch it!

velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 12:53pm

You just wait - next up young surfing talent will renovate the buildings at Kelly's ranch and cook and host competitive dinners there.

Miki Dora was right.

velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 1:00pm

The Greatest Moment in Reality TV in the Universe:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNPI1Zbd-nk

ojackojacko's picture
ojackojacko's picture
ojackojacko commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 11:33am

classic

rooftop's picture
rooftop's picture
rooftop commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 1:47pm

I commented the other day about how the WSL coverage lacks a storytelling element and here it is.

Fighting sports have always known the value of the personal story - think Mike Tyson's rise from poverty, the Gracie family and their secret BJJ superpower etc. - and this then becomes embedded in the overall competition narrative.

As much as this format seems to be an exploitative, cynical drive for eyeballs, it's likely to work.

Not to take anything away from the man but look what the Occumentary did for Occy's career and image. He went from lovely bloke and one-time world champ to heroic underdog with a fairytale story of redemption that we could all buy in to.

Solitude's picture
Solitude's picture
Solitude commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 7:27am

I’m sure there’s a few stories out there but modern day up and comers? I dunno. Demographic is changing.
I’d hazard a guess to say that >80% of sponsored teenagers come from upper middle class. Often not the rough and tumble story of ultimate fighters.

rooftop's picture
rooftop's picture
rooftop commented Saturday, 16 Nov 2019 at 3:08am

Yeah, fair call. But my point is mainly that the cult of the personality is largely missing from modern competition surfing and its squeaky clean image. Oh, one well-mannered middle-class young family man did a slightly better turn than another one? Thrilling.

Without characters there's no story, and as we all know, in so-called reality tv, if there ain't one there, theyre happy to make one up.

I'm not into it, it makes me gag, but I bet we'll all end up knowing more about the winner than most of the guys on the CT. Let's not pretend we're not going to secretly follow it. ;)

JackStance's picture
JackStance's picture
JackStance commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 8:53am

The Occumentary is the epitome of never letting the truth get in the way of a good story. Total bullshit.

Breath. Murdoch's empire will one day fail to control our minds.

Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean's picture
Lanky Dean commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 1:48pm

W S L.
Legacy of Brutality..........

Wakebsa's picture
Wakebsa's picture
Wakebsa commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 2:26pm

Vomit. Diarrhea. Give the tele death for all of our sake.

Island Bay's picture
Island Bay's picture
Island Bay commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 6:21pm

I have no words for how awful this is.

Shame on you Slater and your massive ego and tiny little skerrick of integrity.

truebluebasher's picture
truebluebasher's picture
truebluebasher commented Thursday, 14 Nov 2019 at 10:11pm

14th April 2019 Today Willy Wonka shut the gates to the Dream Wave Pool.
Kelly farewelled the last Olympians from his lonely Olympic Pool.

Today on otherside of the world...
The Aussie Team escaped the Ranch & will now train at Oz Melbourne URBNSURF.
Princess Sally & Prince Julian broke their master's heart...Pools Up! We gotta go boss!
Queen Steph will be the last christened in the rival's deluxe tropical wave pool.

Every WSL Surfer & Olympian now turned their back on the world's greatest Wave.
Never again will any Surf team of any shape ever dare dream in Kelly's Compound.
How can WSL justify Sunny 2032 Olympic WavePool...dead before these Olympics.

2020 April 22nd-May 2nd Margaret River flows > May ISA Games (Olympic 10-QF)
April / May 2020...Kelly is puppeteering his troupe of Ultimate Ken & Barbie Surfers.
USA Team rider Kelly can still train for ISA during Ultimate AD Breaks...such a ham!

Right to ask if US President stamped Kelly's Olympic Ticket before Olympic Bid?
Who orders Ranch dressing on the eve of Ultimate ISA-Olympic Games countdown.
As luck should have it the rusty pool timer is a perfect match for TV Ad breaks.

[Olympic News] WSL Ultimate Surfer rates higher than Olympic Surfing Final.

Wavepool Poll...[ VOTE NOW ]

Would Barbie's Dream Doll-House look better with an Olympic wavepool.

You'd love to end it there, but no sooner Willy Wonka lets loose his Texas twister.
And all those naughty wayward WSL children must play in their new compound.

Coops70's picture
Coops70's picture
Coops70 commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 5:53am

So this is the result of trying to commercialize a life style by throwing it into the blender of cabalistic greed so a minority can make a quick buck. Slater really pushing his pool as other technology (and cheaper) passes him by. It stinks of desperation.

The MIDdleman.'s picture
The MIDdleman.'s picture
The MIDdleman. commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 8:11am

I've been ok with benign (though energy hungry) "wave pools" till now.

How would you feel slugging it out on he QS only to miss out to someone who wins this shit show.....to far.

What is a surfer?
Does the word ocean get out in the paragraph.

Whats even real anymore man....

Signature.

truebluebasher's picture
truebluebasher's picture
truebluebasher commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 1:53pm

The MIDleman is on the trail...

Olympics banned Wave Pools.
WSL sanction an 'Olympic Wave Pool QF '@ The Ranch
Not in Olympic Spirit & breaches Olympic guidelines.

Ranch freely trains only Oz Olympians in Olympic QF Arena.
WSL Olympic sized Breach could scrap any OZ medals.
Qualifiers stated unfair Olympic WSL venue access pre Comp.
Surfers sought Waco training for WSL Ranch Olympic QF
All surfers left in disgust & will never train at WSL/Olympic Pool

WSL Olympic Pro Training Base or 'Tennis Brat Resorts'
Free WSR events sold out to ticketed WSL Wavepool Resorts
QS: WSR Snapper > Pay to view WSL Sunny Coast Pool .
Sunny pool site is subject of bribes to upzone Flood Land.

Only WSL US comp is in Ultimate Surfer's condom filled Jacuzzi.
Only the rich can attend US CT Event.(Surfing USA is dead)

Only photogenic US surfers over 21- can Qualify for Ultimate WCT.
The MIDdleman hints at expense of flat broke hacks on QS circuit.
Perhaps 2 US Wildcards are dumped (Corrupt as WSL Olympics).
All agree the wording implies 'Tour' & not just Ranch Event only?

Consider WSL already signalled extra injury Wild Cards this year.
Can't ya just smell another dead round, now a lay week in Paradise.

Note (White Star Line) WSL Santa Monica Jewish Democracy
WSL are only in it for themselves, rarely if ever democratic.

Eugene Green's picture
Eugene Green's picture
Eugene Green commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 8:51am

In the movie Idiocracy, which character is Kelly Slater?

velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 5:49pm

Beef Supreme

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 10:30am

The concept has legs but they’re focusing on the wrong end of the puppet strings . The show should be about the war of attrition between the Bros repping the surf companies instead of the interchangeable surfer puppets they put forward to ride the boards carrying their stickers.

I’m thinking of a surfing version of Glengarry Glen Ross , where the careers of the surf brand reps are on the razors edge and the ensuing levels of desperation reached as they attempt to covertly bribe , high five and socially implicate themselves deep into the WSL hierarchy in order to get their particular branded surfboard ridden at the Farcewater Pro.

I’m thinking of the slow motion, train wreck drama of the brand rep for Hurley proudly delivering Brett Simpson to a sports day at the high school which is attended by one of the WSL big wig’s children , dreaming of the accolades that will flow from incrementally raising the school peer status of a WSL princeling. Only to shift to a closeup on his slumping shoulders and crestfallen expression when he watches the Rip Curl rep stroll into the hall accompanied by that ultimate surf celebrity trump card - a shambling Tom Curren. The Hurley rep’s body language telling a story about how heavily he feels the financial burden of the borrowed money he owes on his wife’s new Prius now that he’s facing an afternoon of blame and recriminations back at the Hurley offices. The dark mood in the war room put aside for positioning a Hurley rider into the wildcard at the wave pool comp.

I want to see the empty Mexican restaurant and the Billabong rep passed out on the floor, after drinking herself to unconsciousness upon realising that the WSL decision makers aren’t ever arriving, now they’ve been whisked down to Baja on a private jet by Quiksilver for a sneaky South swell.

Tears in the xerox room . Poorly thrown punches between rival reps at the Surfer bar when the tensions get too powerful to contain.

Forget the manufactured stoush between a couple of home-schooled adolescents who already own a few investment properties bought on the unrealised potential of their athletic abilities and their instagram following , I want the hard scrabble , grim faced corporate war and espionage that only a brand rep looking at a huge mortgage overhang and consistently declining KPI’s is capable of.

https://youtu.be/wVQPY4LlbJ4

zenagain's picture
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zenagain commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 9:21am

I love your writing sometimes Blowy, brings a smile to my dial.

Keep 'em coming.

Watashi wa metabo oyagi desu.

Blowin's picture
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Blowin commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 10:08am

Zen - Sometimes?

I take it you appreciate the elevated mood now that impending firestorm catastrophe has been granted a temporary reprieve due to kindly winds ?

Can’t promise I won’t be that guy again tomorrow.

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 10:18am

I think you can really string a sentence together and when you get on a roll, your writing can be brilliant sometimes.

A lot of people can write well here, this is why I enjoy the forums.

I like Mr. Nettles turn of phrase. It's good to have a solid anchor.

Watashi wa metabo oyagi desu.

truebluebasher's picture
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truebluebasher commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 11:35am

tbb agrees with zenagainagain & salutes blowin for ripsnorta.
Dedicated team spirit earns a xmas bonus
One Ultimate Surfer Wave Gym under yer Xmas tree.
https://amp.flipboard.com/article/beverly-hills-high-school---where-vars...
blowin showed how easy it is team...let's go for gold!

Pops's picture
Pops's picture
Pops commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 12:06pm

Brilliant! I'd watch that...

factotum's picture
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factotum commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 9:36am

Hmmm, David Mamet is a genius. His play Glengarry Glen Ross is a masterwork.

Interesting idea but who in surfdom now could write this, let alone would try and do it?

Someone like Chas Smith??

Him and his ilk are more like snivelling side characters in the whole fiasco.

Surf kultur!

factotum's picture
factotum's picture
factotum commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 11:42am

Actually Freeride, step up to the plate. Forsake that tour guff/shtuff, and get real!

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factotum commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 3:02pm

Stu?

Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 10:48am

The only way this will be even remotely watchable is if they make it like those Japanese game shows from the 80s. You know the ones where they drag contestants across gravel on their arses, and make them drink a six pack of beer, dunk them in an ice bath and the person who pisses last is the winner.

"angry online, smiley in the brine"

zenagain's picture
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zenagain commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 11:02am

They're still doing them Vic.

Watashi wa metabo oyagi desu.

Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 11:08am

Awesome. How good would it be if the contestants were Brazzos with enormous egos and mouthy groms from the Gold Coast?

"angry online, smiley in the brine"

factotum's picture
factotum's picture
factotum commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 11:38am

I like your thinking Vic

garyg1412's picture
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garyg1412 commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 11:07am

Vic Local the one I remember was Takeshi's Castle where those American blokes did a voice over of all the action. Absolute pisser of a show. Kenny Blankenship & Vic Romano were their names.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlvGc8wXr2A

velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno's picture
velocityjohnno commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 6:08pm

Massive thank you to Japan for being Japan.

As Zen probably well knows, here is the famous Funashi explosion prank:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQPQDdEnvWs

Feralkook's picture
Feralkook's picture
Feralkook commented Monday, 18 Nov 2019 at 6:57pm

BWahahaha! That is some funny shit, "The rectal shaver, goes where tweezers wont go" Gold!

GOBS1979's picture
GOBS1979's picture
GOBS1979 commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 1:39pm

Game of Surfers!!

Shit sells

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 2:59pm

America's next top surfer?

Watashi wa metabo oyagi desu.

Vic Local's picture
Vic Local's picture
Vic Local commented Friday, 15 Nov 2019 at 5:08pm

Does anyone else remember the Baywatch episode when Slater got washed into a cave and his board got eaten by a giant squid? Looks like that episode will soon become the second most embarrassing piece of surf-related TV soon.

"angry online, smiley in the brine"

truebluebasher's picture
truebluebasher's picture
truebluebasher commented Saturday, 16 Nov 2019 at 10:55am

Just so swellnet Gromz (21+) don't get led astray...
Vic Local is giving that talk about the Birds & the Bees.
Tale of a Goat that got trapped by the Beach Bunny's giant Octopussy.
Of course it's too frightful to imagine.. it's a fairytale...as if! Durr

Is it OK to show the Gromz the instructional xxx diagram for that....nuthin' suss!
https://cdn-s3.si.com/s3fs-public/2013/02/slater-anderson.jpg

.cylinders's picture
.cylinders's picture
.cylinders commented Monday, 18 Nov 2019 at 3:45am

This is without a doubt the worst news I've ever read in surf related media.

Feralkook's picture
Feralkook's picture
Feralkook commented Monday, 18 Nov 2019 at 6:53pm

I sense this will end up being no different to Ultimate MMA, Worlds Greatest Truckers and all the other shit reality shows that come out of the US. Full of self entitled loud mouthed wannbe's with zero substance, on the other hand it could be the exact opposite. Watch this space. At the end of they day the audience is the US not Australia, it will be on pay TV for those who are silly enough to pay for their viewing and advertising, and in two years will turn up on free to air.

tubeshooter's picture
tubeshooter's picture
tubeshooter commented Tuesday, 19 Nov 2019 at 1:12pm

Maybe they should throw a few large aggro Hawaiins in the mix and cage the pool off. The contestants could earn extra points for mouthing off , snaking and dropping in on them.

truebluebasher's picture
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truebluebasher commented Tuesday, 19 Nov 2019 at 11:28pm

Golden ticket wins a Ranch test tour...Willy Wonka touched Kelly's heart & what else?

If Team Waco USA even remotely consider dunking, flushing & dumping Kelly...
Then WSL Ultimate Surfer will wipeout Olympic Surfing in a 3rd rate ratings WAR.
WSL wave pool party decides which Olympics they crash...(RSVP)