Joel Eugene Slater-Burrows, 1406896997

I heard there is an ex national level basketball player who has been likened to the great Michael Jordan in his prime hiding out in Port Lincoln somewhere to escape the media attention , could anyone please shed some light onto whether this is in fact the truth or is just an urban myth? Some say he has biceps the size of basketballs and can do 100 push ups using only the hairs on his chin to power his movement! Others say that he is stronger than all the small, minute, lazy top pro surfers on the world tour combined! Is has been whispered that this truly magnificent man also taught Bruce Lee kung-fu, Muhammad Ali how to box and Ayrton Senna how to drive!!

zenagain, 1406897579

And Phil used to drive those groupies wild with his comb-over.

grog-an, 1406933169

76kg!? hilarious

sir ambrose beachfucker, 1406935073

.

gromfull, 1406937080

Did you say elite Australian basketballer in the eighties, basketball you say, did anyone actually play basketball in the eighties, that's how you become elite at something when no one else plays it

yorkessurfer, 1406960196

I saw the elite Harlem Globe Trotters when they came out here in the early 80's. I'd never heard of the Bramfield Ball Tossers till I read about them on Swellnet?

udo, 1406964518

S.M.Herald site, a nasty basketball injury.....graphic.

uplift, 1406999165

Plenty of squawkups been going on, even yorkey’s let out a squeaker from the back of the sandhiils. Here’s the question you asked chicken soufl’e. And seeing how you are all so interested in basketball.

‘Would you care to enlighten us with the names of the Elite club you played Basketball with , or perhaps the elite Coach and Olympic players that played you played alongside ( training doesn't count ) who influenced you .’

Actually good place to start too squwyorky. One of my junior coaches that I mentioned, Olympic coach Keith Miller, was a visionary, and was instrumental in bringing out possibly the first import to play in Australia, in the District, the top SA league. That was Bob Smith, who played for the team that toured with/against the Harlem Globetrotters. He came and played for West Adelaide’s men’s District side, and coached my junior team for a short while. He was really physical, very direct in his style of play, and that rubbed some parents up the wrong way. When some of their kids, the golden boys, were on the sidelines crying (zenny), the politics came in, and he was quickly replaced as coach. As I mentioned, I was coached by many other Olympians, including Alan Hughes, Glenn Marsland as a junior with West Adelaide, Doug Romain as a junior/senior with Glenelg, Mike Dancis for Adelaide Giants, plus NBL coaches Osborne for Noarlunga (formerly Glenelg, but with newly expanded boundaries), Don Shipway for South (when I played with Pearce) plus imports US Ken Edick, Adelaide Giants, (I captained them). I had a short time with Forestville Eagles, when NBL import coach Dean Donnelan, who I wanted to play under had talks with me and wanted me to transfer to them. He left though after arguments with the club, so I went with Adelaide. I played against imports like Ken Richardson, Leroy Loggins, who Hall of Fame coach Brian Kerle lists as 2 of the top players ever to play in Australia. Richardson was offered a chance with Houston in the NBA, but came here. I know Boty Nagy pretty well and as awesome as Richardson was, funny how they gloss over some fairly important concerns. I played with and against all the top players of that era, including the famous and some say best Australian ever, Werner Linde, Olympic Captain Andy Bilcavs, Al Green winner of Australian Professional Sprint events, Phil Smyth, and his brother Dave, one of the other famous Gazes, before Andrew’s time, Mark Gaze, Walt Campbell, Dwayne Nelson, Steve Wallace, Reg Biddings, Sam Krupsky, and St Kilda star, who came to Adelaide, Peter Vittols, when I captained Adelaide. I also played against visiting US colleges.

An import Dennis Curren , once toured the country, drawing packed houses, scoring around 30 pts a game. I played against them, for Adelaide, in front of a full Apollo Stadium, then the best venue in the country and was manned up against him. I held him to 4 or 5 points, anyway he was taken off towards the end of the game. Forestville Manager Jeff Coulls was interested in me playing, which eventually led to the Forestville/Donnelen thing. I was one of a few guys that weight trained, besides the imports, and I could contain guys like Green, who I held to single figures. I always felt much fitter and stronger than say Pearce, or Smythe, who as you say, brilliant skills, and was never worried about manning up on them, and was used by my coaches against them, and at training too, with Pearce. The likes of Campbell, who I also stood, and Wallace were a worry though. Although, one to bring up with Pearce, and one of the best athletes I’ve ever seen, spent a lot of time suspended though, the first guy I ever saw who could do strict, 1 arm chin-ups with ease, was Eddie Murtagh, ‘Tarz’. An absolute machine and an extremely famed bouncer across the country. It was a time when NBL was in the making, which was really SA and VIc top clubs vying for power, and the crap and politics, money and imports/visa issues that went with it. I had always put surfing first, which understandably irked people, as I often took off surfing, sometimes for long stints. Eventually as I said, leaving to live in Elliston. Weights were an issue too.

Anyway that’s a pretty comprehensive, there are others too though, answer to your question. I played with and against the very best players, the players above, of my era, some who are regarded as the best ever.

So, time to back the squawking boys. I suggest this. We get a solicitor to draw up a binding, legal document, where all your squawkups can be held accountable. We put a grand each per challenge in the solicitors account. I’ve kept it low so the squawkers can participate. Every time a squawker calls bullshit on anything above, if I’m crapping, I’ll pay a grand. Boti Nagy should be able to verify everything. If however they are just squawking away, squawking crap, they pay me. We can just give the solicitor our bank details, and he can pay the money directly into my account. The squawkers real names will obviously be signed on the contract, but can be hidden on here, but the alias’s they squawk behind will be listed as proven squawkups.

Chicken Soufl’e, you made a bit of a sly squawk re the photos of that lady I trained. So as above, I say the photos are genuine, I trained her to come 3rd in the first natural body building event she had ever entered. The photos were taken by the photographer we often use at Maisha, in the gym. I was there at the time. Same deal. Wanna back your squawk? Or anyone else? Gee, this is easy money.

Previously you challenged me to provide info re my training, one particular event, then wheedled and grovelled out on a reference surfer Todd Archer gave me, by saying it was bullshit. Same, wanna back your squawk. Or anyone else?

[URL=http://s1350.photobucket.com/user/Uplifted/media/Toddy%201/Toddy1_zpsc073b3ac.jpg.html][IMG]http://i1350.photobucket.com/albums/p775/Uplifted/Toddy%201/Toddy1_zpsc073b3ac.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

As you have tried to veer off the dodging blacks thing by constant, rampant squawking about me, I’ll post these as well.

When I moved to Elliston and coached the town kids. I have removed the lady’s personal details, as she is dead, and to protect her family from swellnuts. The reference is totally legit, and can easily be proven.

[URL=http://s1350.photobucket.com/user/Uplifted/media/EllistonBasketballReference_zps74ed22fa.jpg.html][IMG]http://i1350.photobucket.com/albums/p775/Uplifted/EllistonBasketballReference_zps74ed22fa.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

Here’s some training stuff, I have tons if you want. Again, I have edited personal details, but the reference is legit, word for word.

‘To Whom It May Concern:
Michael Bourne has had a great influence on my life over the past year.
I am the player/coach of the A grade Tasman’s football club here in Port Lincoln. Michael has helped me develop the young side I have coming from last on the ladder to getting into the grand final this year. Michael took my players through pre season with weight training work and also sprint work. He also took these guys for sessions throughout the year. I feel that if Michael hadn’t helped then we would not be as fit and successful as we were at the end of the season. The guys really enjoyed doing the sprint and weight sessions with him.
Secondly, I suffer from ankylosing spondylitis, (a form of arthritis) which is felt mostly in my back. I have suffered from this condition for about 5 years now and it gives me a lot of pain at times. Michael has helped me through the condition by showing me ways to strengthen up this area through some different techniques and also introducing me to the TRX suspension trainer. He has helped me strengthen, improve and manage this condition I have.
I have thoroughly enjoyed the training sessions with him and would recommend everyone to go and see him and his techniques with personal training.’
Regards,’

Lincoln league produces many AFL players. They won the Grand Final the year after, one of the young guys, who I also did stuff with at Maisha Fitness, is presently on the new AFL Fox TV show.

Any squawkups that you are prepared to back in the same, money where your mouth is way? Anyone?

Another, professional training reference. Again, only Id has been removed, the reference is unchanged, legit.

'To Whom It May Concern
RE: Michael Bourne
Michael is employed by TAFE SA Regional - Port Lincoln Campus as an Hourly Paid Instructor to deliver the following Unit of Competency:
• SRFGYM 001B
Michael is also employed as a Tutor for ITAS (Indigenous Tutorial Assistance Scheme) for the Certificate 3 Fitness (SRF 40206) with TAFESA Regional. Michael tutors Indigenous students with all the Units of Competencies within the SRF 40206 Training package.
Michael delivers a practical Strength Training program for students completing the Certificate 3 Outdoor Recreation.
Michael has delivered Professional Development to Sport and Recreation lecturers with Strength and Conditioning Training.
Please contact me if you require further information.
Kind Regards'

Any squawkups as above, money where mouths are?

And this one, stuffed knees, etc. Same deal, identity protected from swellnut stalker squawkers.

‘I first met Mick Bourne in June 2010 when he came to work at my community Gym. I am currently studying my cert 3 in fitness and was encouraged by my lecturer to spend some time with Mick.
I considered myself to be fairly fit but was not entirely happy with my body shape and was not seeing a lot of changes considering the amount of time I spent training.
I was doing 4-5 cardio sessions a week and no resistance training. My cardio sessions were long as I compete in sprint triathlons.
I was always trying out different “diets” and weighed myself daily. I love food and the odd wine and although I was training hard I sometimes rewarded myself with food etc and never seemed to get anywhere.
I had knee surgery 4 years ago and was experiencing pain in my knees after long running sessions, after netball and at times would be woken up at night with my knees aching.
Mick taught me the importance of diet and how it was easier to lose weight and make changes through diet rather than exercise. I started to include protein in every meal and to eat 5 smaller meals a day. I also put my scales away for the first time in many years.
Mick gave me a resistance weight training programme to start with and 2 cardio sessions a week.
I have now been working with Mick for nearly 3 months and am starting to see some changes in my shape. I have been able to cut down my training time and am seeing result s in my body shape and my cardio fitness.
My eating habits have changed and I almost feel like I am eating more and enjoy not counting calories, weighing food, counting points etc etc, all I do now is look at the size of my meal and also make sure I have protein, carbs and some fat on my plate.
I have no pain in my knees at any time and also have a lot more time as my workouts and cardio training sessions are ½ the time of what they used to be.’

Money, mouths? Squawkers?

This one is from overseas. As above, the ID has been protected.

'Let this serve as certifications for the work ethic and moral character of Michael Bourne for the purpose of employment or any other purpose as necessary.
My name is ************* a Canadian national. I live in Philippines together with my husband of 10 years and two kids. I started a non-profit organization in 2001 and have been over seeing projects on site ever since.
I have a very busy schedule and never had found a way to incorporate exercise into my daily life. I had heard of Mike’s personal training background and observed his positive effects in the local community where he visited. Michael developed a system similar to TRX training. The local surfer groups are now exercising more diligently focusing on core strength in order to better the way they surf. Michael models what he teaches and I believe because we could see how he chose to eat healthy and exercise it encouraged other men and women to make more effort in their own self-exercise.
I personally took advantage of Mike’s personal training services 2 – 3 times a week because I saw his positive influence in the municipality where I live. He adapted a routine that was easy enough for me to do by myself yet providing a small challenge to increase strength everyday. As I maintained routine in my exercise Mike had the experience to help me each step of the way informing me how my body would respond as I worked a little harder in my programme. It was obvious Mike was passionate about health but also had experience in dietary concerns because he was also able to help me focus on eating better food to achieve the results I wanted.
I am so thankful that Michael Bourne made the time for me to render his services. I would recommend him to anyone serious about getting back into shape. I would also suggest hiring him to help you truly achieve your fitness dreams if you notice a plateau in your weight loss.'

Same, if anyone wants to put their money where their squawks are, I am happy to oblige and prove the authenticity. This one I put, as along the lines of the Otis scenario, whilst remaining hidden and supported, some swellnuts like ambles, openly refer to asians as sluts, underage hoares etc. Which is typical of a squawker. My wife is Asian and runs a successful program for helping underprivileged and homeless kids, via surfing. There have been several documentaries featuring it.
Again if anyone would like to back their mouths, feel free, well, feel free to give me a grand, it will be a quick, simple, somewhat painless bank transfer.

Not that I would doubt someone who charged blacks without ever entering the water. Or who's mates got back to them with info, but then never got back to them. Minor details. And as you have experienced and point out, that Port Augusta turnoff is a real hotspot whenever blacks has a good swell. Drivers literally panic, and in their desperation to speed off in the opposite direction, to miss the turn off so to speak, shit happens. In fact, shit runs everywhere.

And yeh, I deliberately alienate myself from bullshit.

Blinkers off, 1407025358

Ok listen up this man has got your cash possible the most credentialed out of all of us. Is anyone able to top this.
Whilst uplift has got a penchant for machines perhaps in the area of rehab they have their place sounds like he does some good work.
Again Squawkers I think UPLIFT said put up or shut up.

Shatner'sBassoon, 1407025687

Allied to this, kind of, any inside word Big Lifty if 'obscene' Al Green's night-time proclivities were known before he got busted? Enquiring minds need to know.

grog-an, 1407027720

wow... one of your best.
The people around here who get true respect don't go banging on about how good they are or think they used to be or what they have done, they don't need to. You earn respect, no amount of demanding it will ever get it.
Wow, so now we're talking about solicitors and putting money up for false claims? The majority of people on here don't know who you are and don't care, but previously you have made claims and accusations about people on here that are well known to everyone and you have seemingly tried to assassinate their character out of nothing but pure jealousy. You have been found out telling stories or making up stories and then admitting that you weren't even there when the events happened, you were just told by someone else, or your best admission of lying or carelessly belittling someone's character with no proof , by your own words, "well I didn't know who it was, because I didn't recognise you, but someone told me it was you". No credibilty

zenagain, 1407028014

That is lovely cursive script.

Sorry Uppity, I played Aussie Rules and Union but I did go to a basketball match once in the late 80's and I did cry from the sidelines.

I went to see the Brisbane Bullets play the Roma Bilbys and because I actually paid for the tickets and because I was bored shitless, well needless to say, when they wouldn't give me a refund, I...I...I can't bring myself to write this. The memories are too painful.

Kudos to you though for winning the Swellnet 500 and for probably writing the longest post that nobody will more than likely ever read in it's entirety.

I love it when I get a mention too- reminds me of those under 7's newsletters where 'Mick got two kicks from the back-pocket and a nice handball, next week is an away game at Sherwood. Mrs. Smith, your turn to bring the oranges and Mrs. Jones, it's your week to wash the jerseys'.

Joel Eugene Slater-Burrows, 1407039913

I have been following and thoroughly enjoying your antics for some time now uplift and honestly find some of your post very entertaining!

But seriously your great claim to fame is playing in the 'NBL' before it was the NBL for a local Adelaide team of which there were more than 3, I cant imagine there would have been more than 100 basketball players in Adelaide at the time and I'm not sure how many in a team but to be say in the top 60 of 100 basketball players in the state in a sport that barely anyone played hardly makes you an all time great sporting hero, I think it would possibly equate to playing A grade footy in the local competition or possibly SANFL level, hardly an elite athlete.

Also you state that yourself and a chosen few crew from Pt Lincoln/Elliston are absolute hell-men for surfing your local break 'blacks' when everyone else is too scared to even drive to the carpark, while I know that it is a heavy wave, thousands of surfers surf waves just as heavy or heavier such as pipeline, cloudbreak, teahupoo etc every year, making your beloved blacks look like a ripple in the bathtub again whilst you may be a better surfer than the average weekend warrior this does not make you an 'all time' hellman.

While I think you do know your stuff and are probably a great personal trainer every personal trainer that has a website has references of clients similar to yours and many have trained athletes much more famous than todd archer (whoever he is).

Please continue with the hilarious name calling as so on and so forth, but man get a grip and look in the mirror you are not as special as you think you are and your constant self important ego boosting drivel is just embarrassing!

It is all in a bit of fun isn't it mate? You cant be serious? You don't actually believe that you are as important as you make yourself out to be here surely?

sir ambrose beachfucker, 1407040365

how dare you come on here and not know who toddy big load archer is

sir ambrose beachfucker, 1407040648

uPLifT is deadly serious of his importance

seal, 1407042454

Uplift, I'm another that finds your posts entertaining and believe you probably do know your shit when it comes to training and fitness etc but as I've said before different sports do require different body types and training programs. Surfers have been slower on the uptake of training programs compared to more mainstream sports but there are certainly quite a few of the ct men and women now doing programs set by sport scientists targeting their specific needs.
Now I know you believe that everybody else is doing it wrongly and you'd be able to set them straight but as others have said, you would be better served if you actually had some high level i.e. CT surfers under your care doing well on the tour as examples of the why your programs are the best and how you have made them elite athletes comparable to the best basketballers in the world. But here's a question for you. Do you think a 7' 105kg athlete i.e. basketballer might not be quite as suited to surf in all conditions as well as a 5'8" 78kg elite surfer might? By all conditions I mean from 1-2' beach breaks to 10-20' reef breaks. I kind of think KS would fit into that mould better than say ( just guessing at basketballers here) Micheal Jordan would. I'd also like to know if a large elite basketball type bloke might not be at a disadvantage in a sport like triathlon where they would be lucky to be 80kg wringing wet?
So uppy get some runs on the board with an athlete you've trained to the elite level in surfing, triathlon, rugby, running, soccer, pole-vault, cycling ,top level basketball, anything at all really before you call on everybody who doubt your creditability. I'm talking world's best competition here not state or district level

wellymon, 1407044421

Good fishing today.....!
Few more bites ;)

Blinkers haha, yeah thats pretty good.

uplift, 1407044828

Bassoon, I didn't mix outside of basketball with many of the guys, and wouldn't have a clue what green did in his spare time.' There were much more radical, extremely damaging things happening that were never reported, despite convictions though.

That machine thing is a huge topic in training blinkers off. There's a shitload of machines though. And for certain some will cripple you. Some are really valuable though. Again, technique is crucial.

'Surfers have been slower on the uptake of training programs compared to more mainstream sports but there are certainly quite a few of the ct men and women now doing programs set by sport scientists targeting their specific needs.'

Thats actually much, much, much slower. Even now, its really rare to find a surfing publication with comprehensive nutrition, training articles. I value my 40 plus years training experience, its not so common, and neither are my results. If you rate my opinion and experience as so low, what is yours on the same topic then, any results, references etc, and where would you rank yourself then?

Here you go seal. Nothing to do with my opinion, although I have long seen and stated the same.

'Dr. Sheppard has a PhD in Strength Sciences and a long list of accolades and experience. He's coached athletes and teams in the Olympics as well as the NRL, NFL, and AFL. Surfing Australia hired him three years ago to help develop the year and half old facility and to train their nation's top surfers. He also mentors Masters and PhD students that can coach anyone, even non-Australian citizens who want to train like the pros at the center.'

'"Everything we do is based on science and has a purpose and method behind it," said Dr. Sheppard,'

'"Almost every surfer I've ever trained lacks adequate leg strength. They are literally weak in the part of the body that provides some serious propulsion. I think traditionally people have thought strength training meant getting injured or getting heavy, or getting slow, but there's no scientific evidence for any of that. Stronger people get fewer injuries because weak things break. That's just physics.'

Funny how there hasn't been one comment about that here... thank God for boardies!

And the public has long made it clear on their opinion and interest in extremely little, and as quoted from the elite experts, 'weak', and 'inadequate' guys surfing 2 foot waves. Not my words. Just the scientists and experts.

Still squawking ambles and groges... pillars of society. Could you speak up though, or get out from behind the back seat, or at least wind the window down a tiny bit... just comes through as more no finance squawking... again.

wingnut2443, 1407050785

[quote=wellymon]... Blinkers, haha, yeah thats pretty good.[/quote]

+1, gold ...

stray-gator_2, 1407063457

I got nothing.





Care factor - zero.

southey, 1407071855

Gee Lufty .....

Its no fun winding you up anymore .... its just too easy .

As a Surfer , you make a good trainer .
But I really think you've found your calling in life . You should be a " Guidance counsellor " , impressive CV writing skills , managed to really get the " filler , going ....
If you got paid per word , you might have made as much as it took the Minus $75 / hour you took to write it .
So you trained a few times , with guys that went on to become legends , but at the Critical time . You pulled a " Parko " and quit ..... just think that hulking 6'3 x 100kg frame could of gone on and made a name for yourself . Where Basketball officianado's would have heard of your name .
I honestly think you know your shit about training , I'm just not so sure you know enough of surfing at the highest level . I agree that a few super talented surfers have lacking leg strength . Although I also agree that those that do have stronger legs or frames do better in larger surf ..... I'm just not totally in agreeance that people need to spend large amounts of time in the Gym .
Most balanced , good surfers I know grew up skateboarding , snowboarding , waterskiing etc etc , I think all these cross -overs provide a good grounding in multiple strength foundations and also complement peoples skill levels , and help people break down their techniques . ( Self aware on a biomechanics level ) .
So anyway every word you type we become richer for the hilarity it provides to our dull online experience , and you yourself become more important ( to yourself ) , and less relevant .......
So how come you didn't go on and bank coin in such an elite sport .
Phil is known to many , and surely you with your size could have made your sport such an inspiring ampetheatre for a whole generation of youngsters that would eave AFL , Rugby and even that art like pastime of Surfing ..... But you didn't and left the Spoils to go to " The General " ..... the man mountain he was .....

seal, 1407108169

Uppy, as I've said, I believe you know about training, nutrition etc but you haven't addressed my question about different body shapes and training regimes for different sports. A lot of tour surfers are training for the sport these days and doing sport specific training under the guidance of very qualified trainers but you are never going to make a champion out someone just training alone(given they can play the sport in question). You're not going to make a champion out of an overly tall person more suited to basketball, especially when it comes to surfing smaller waves no matter how fit or strong they become. They will just not be light enough on their feet and their centre of gravity will be too high but they certainly could hold their own in bigger more powerful surf. Same as you'll never make a champion basketballer out of a 5'4" man no matter how fit he is if he is trying to play against the current sized men in the sport i.e. most well over 6'.
I'm also not the one banging on all the time about how surfers have no elite fitness levels, talking myself up as a hell charger or trying to overtake every thread with my repetitive replies about how great my training is.
For what it's worth I've been involved in numerous sports over 40+ years and have been part of some very good results both nationally and on the world stage but am not about to talk myself up because of it.
If I had been myself or had coached a world champion, Olympic gold medalist or whatever, then maybe I might think that I'm on the right track but until that happens I'll keep my trap shut and listen to what others with the runs on the board have to say in that regard. So what i'm trying to say is get your runs on the board with people you have trained to the elite level, not state basketball back in the 80s, then maybe you'll have more followers rather than doubters. Hey, but keep the posts coming( at times )because they are entertaining and some informative and I usually get some good laughs from others comments to them.

alakaboo, 1407127299

Hey Stu
I was sorting through a box of stuff under mum's house and I found a certificate of participation from the Juan Cutillas soccer camp I attended in 1992.
Juan was from Spain and used to coach the Filipino national squad. He said I had potential, so I'd estimate that meant I was the 1573rd best player in the land at the time.

If I scan the certificate and send it to you can I post irrelevant facts about my junior soccer training regime in any thread I like?

I'll admit his penmanship was pretty ordinary, but he once played for Atletico Madrid.
Least that's what his Wikipedia page says, we'd never heard of him either at the time, but he brought lots of oranges and we got a t-shirt and a waterbottle.

grog-an, 1407129759

so I hear old paranoid lifty has been making calls again trying to find out some info.

Blinkers off, 1407131575

We or I, I really mean me, I am of equal importance to all, actually none of you even rate I am the best and you should only take notice of well me, Zenagain it would be Uplifting if we all didn't simply follow like a Blindboy, that said if Udo what I do you might look down Southy and see Joel Eugene Slater getting the Sir Ambrose Beachfucker treatment copping it up the Shatners Bassoon, now I've had a Gromfull of the Yorksurfer so I am going to go drop a Grog-an I hope that gets the Seal of approval. How the Wellymon am I going to fit you in, it was easy I just waved my Alakaboo it was at that moment my Wingnut was alerted to the sound of a Straygator sneaking up on me as I was about to pop my Seal and drop another momentous Grog-an

Blinkers off, 1407133206

Ahh Seal please use ur google Earl Boykins currently plays for the Denver Nuggets he is 5'5 with a vertical leap of 42'inches or over 1mtr making him more than competitive against players at 6'5 its all in the mind baby some see obstacles in front of them others leap over them

stray-gator_2, 1407134938

[quote=alakaboo]Hey Stu
I was sorting through a box of stuff under mum's house and I found a certificate of participation from the Juan Cutillas soccer camp I attended in 1992.
Juan was from Spain and used to coach the Filipino national squad. He said I had potential, so I'd estimate that meant I was the 1573rd best player in the land at the time.

If I scan the certificate and send it to you can I post irrelevant facts about my junior soccer training regime in any thread I like?

I'll admit his penmanship was pretty ordinary, but he once played for Atletico Madrid.
Least that's what his Wikipedia page says, we'd never heard of him either at the time, but he brought lots of oranges and we got a t-shirt and a waterbottle.[/quote]

LMFAO

stray-gator_2, 1407135062

Mick, maaaaaaate. Come out from under the table. Put Thomas the Tank Engine down. There's a sport.

seal, 1407140275

Thanks for the input Blinkers. Shot my argument down in flames in one go and now I'm at a loss on how to explain why a 6'10" basketballer probably won't make it on the ASP CT Tour. Farrk, back to the drawing board for my arguments in this thread!

Blinkers off, 1407148615

Ok seal sorry about that but this may help you a 6'10 basketballer will never be able to fold himself up inside a 3 foot tube and maintain speed & flow.
Imagine him trying to pump up & down on the face of the wave.
So I agree with part of your argument tall guys just arnt going to cut on the ct although the fuckers could probably out paddle everyone.
It is a sport that best suits a gymnast type body

gromfull, 1407151652

Correct me if I'm wrong lads, but wasn't the great MR over 6 FT tall, now I'm not agreeing that man mountains can rule the asp but there are some special units out there that can perform with the best of them, isn't Jordy on the large size

stray-gator_2, 1407158286

FFS!!!

Owen Wright is 6'2", but youse are all missing the point. Bourne's theories are just that - theories. No fucking proof other than his say so. Stop buying in to the bullshit!

As much as I love our little town, it's not Manhattan. Or Adelaide, even.

There's a reason why Asshat is over here instead of over there. And it ain't cos he loves Blacks.

uplift, 1407158677

Look, I won't bang on about this, and feel that I don't have to explain anything, but, for what its worth, and as i have said, many, many, many times before, I didn't ask to be the center of attention here, I never asked to, or ever wanted to dominate the website. I'm just trying to stay in the background, a big raw boned, good looking, highly trained humble kid. In fact as I have always said, give the others, give the little battlers, the little blokes a shot.

Ok, where to start. groges, its just the Elliston rumour mill, its ok, you'll be ok, turn the car around, turn the lights on, have another snort, and drive back over the border. Again. And could you pick gateless up on the way through.

No Soufl'e,

'I agree that a few super talented surfers have lacking leg strength'

Its actually,

'"Almost every surfer I've ever trained lacks adequate leg strength. They are literally weak in the part of the body that provides some serious propulsion. I think traditionally people have thought strength training meant getting injured or getting heavy, or getting slow, but there's no scientific evidence for any of that. Stronger people get fewer injuries because weak things break. That's just physics.'

Blacks, soufle. I fullfilled my dream.

ala, no you can't, and you stay under mummies house where you belong.

sealed, honestly, pitiful. You squawk for a shot at lifty from the stands, yapping on how you are humbly, nationally ready, so I give you a prelim with one of the rookies, and before I'm even on my way to the arena, you're dropped cold, get the crap publically, nationally, and internationally slapped out of you, fate sealed with one jab. But, nice shot blinkers off. As I've always said, and as has gone in one ear and straight out the other of most of the dimwits here sealed, yourself leading the way, chin first sealed, it all starts in the mind. Its all about the mind. Surfing has no rules, or stipulations, or situations that would prevent a big guy dominating, unlike some sports. Even in one foot waves. Only will and imagination are doing that. But he couldn't get one foot barrelled... gee I wonder if there is anything else he could do? Most of the powers to be in the sport can't even imagine it. A quick look at what's available equipment wise shows there is literally nothing for the big guys. Even on here, bigger, actually normal sized guys have to search high and low to get specially made equipment. Slater's greatest, most cunning triumph is that he has surrounded himself with a flock of brainwashed, quivered, perfectly malleable, sub serviant pip squeaks to rule over. And in total seriousness, who could make the equipment that a truly powerfull elite athlete could use. Especially considering this is, and has long been the unquestionable, expert, scientifically verified, uncommented, status quo. The shaper.

'"Almost every surfer I've ever trained lacks adequate leg strength. They are literally weak in the part of the body that provides some serious propulsion.'

As a trainer, its my job, sometimes an unpopular one sealed, and as you asked me, to do what I know is best... for you. Each is different, and requires a different approach. The zennies, prone to fits of blubbering, need tissues. For you, although you are too thick to understand at the moment, and have probably had a guts full of them, need a good 'spray'.

What kind of piss weak fucking crap was that sealed. You're not at fucking kindy now son. Hand your fucking singlet in, and get out of my fucking sight. Take it on the fucking chin... again, and see how a few months in B fucking grade go. Have a long hard think about what you want, and where you are going son, before you even dream of earning a shot at 'Lifty'. Shut the fuck up, end of fucking story, now fuck off home, and shut the fucking door behind you.

uplift, 1407159705

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jl5vi9ir49g

stray-gator_2, 1407161030

$1,347,673.49


If bullshit was gold, you, Mick, mate, cobber, bluey, would be called Croesus.

But it's not, so Asshat it is.

Blinkers off, 1407187929

4 world title winners since 1976 over 6 foot
MR 6.0'
Joel Parkinson 6.0'
Andy Irons 6.05'
Shaun Thompson 6.1'
An interesting stat perhaps its worth having the little guy syndrome

seal, 1407199082

In the past 30 years there has only been 4 world titles won by somebody 6ft or over. 3 of them won by Andy Irons at 6' 1/2" and Joel at 6'. Of the other title winners, 4 were 5'10" the rest 5'9" or less. So that's 26 world titles won by people 5'10" or less in 30 years
The average height of NBA basketball players since 1984, 30years also, is 6'7". (that's only the NBA not world)
What does all this mean, apart from I've got too much time my hands to research this shit?
The chance of turning a person of an elite basketballer's average height ( 6'7") into a world champion surfer (5' 10" and that's being fair on the taller side of the average) is probably next to zero but there could be an exception to the rule if trained by an elite trainer, from a young age, given he's got exceptional surfing talent and if all comps are held in waves over 3ft to give the gangly big units a fair chance.
Of course if those big units (6'7") are provided with boards of suitable size and volume they will be able to match it with the skinny, wimpy, undertrained surfers of the past 30 years if trained to an elite level by an elite trainer in theory. It's only those damned shapers are conspiring to keep the big ,highly trained, elite units of the surfing world from becoming the rightful champions that they are destined to become sometime maybe in the next 30 years ( if they are given the equipment by those pesky shapers).
Oh, and by the way, why would I want a shot at Lifty's title ?
Must have forgotten to shut the fucking door on my way out.

stray-gator_2, 1407200913

Well then, fuck me! Seal ole boy, if you're gonna use actewel, reel FACTS instead of FACTLIFts, you can take that shit elsewhere. That scientifik anallassus stuff is, well, suss, and don't belong here in banjo country.

uplift, 1407205267

Just because you have been booted back to B grade, I won't desert you sealed.

The actual real facts, that have been totally, actually really avoided, again, and again, and again, are:

'"Almost every surfer I've ever trained lacks adequate leg strength. They are literally weak in the part of the body that provides some serious propulsion. I think traditionally people have thought strength training meant getting injured or getting heavy, or getting slow, but there's no scientific evidence for any of that. Stronger people get fewer injuries because weak things break. That's just physics.'

Sealed if you really were into your sport, the mind thing would have become obvious. Plenty of truly physically gifted juniors bomb. Never underestimate the power of the mind. Even in the gym it is obvious. Different bodies should out perform others in different exercises. But the mind is the real decider of that. Then though, to the truly interested it goes much deeper, because in talking about the mind, you have to wonder about what it is. Who runs it? The who are you thing. Who thinks, who changes the thought? In any instant, the only thing you can truly have control of is your thoughts, your mind. Thoughts, and imagination are infinite. Some said a four minute mile for instance is scientifically and expertly proven to be impossible, beyond the physical capabilities of a human body, one said it isn't. The one was ridiculed, lambasted etc, but now its commonplace.

Actual facts are thoughts and imagination are infinite.

'Of course if those big units (6'7") are provided with boards of suitable size and volume'

That is a classic, a beautifully shaped, conformed, molded, a pop out, extremely limited use of thought and imagination. The design factors that could suit the truly elite athlete are in actual fact, limitless.

Money, is a huge motivator for elite athletes. As is fame, all that it is. Surfing literally has nothing to offer there at present, in the scale of things.

Its all mind sealed. You should know that.

My friend that helped Meninga, Waugh, Carroll, Cash, amongst hordes of not so famous people, when no one else could, no matter how much money they had spent, world wide, can barely even be found with an internet search. Next to nothing exists about him. Except his results, which literally flew in the face of all the money and experts. Just like this below, beautifully hidden, ignored, avoided at all costs. Never underestimate what humans will do with their minds, and how easy it is to shape others. Like Hitler did. Kamikaze gimps.

'"Almost every surfer I've ever trained lacks adequate leg strength. They are literally weak in the part of the body that provides some serious propulsion. I think traditionally people have thought strength training meant getting injured or getting heavy, or getting slow, but there's no scientific evidence for any of that. Stronger people get fewer injuries because weak things break. That's just physics.'

Actual facts.

Blinkers off, 1407205751

Unlike me upift I bet you can type with more than 1 finger on each hand

uplift, 1407207937

One finger can control a lot of people, even the big boys, ask John Hopoate.

seal, 1407209171

Yep 100% correct that the major factor contributing to professional sporting success is the mind control of those involved but also ability, fitness, correct equipment, good nutrition, body type and to some degree luck are also factors not to be forgotten. These are all scientific facts proven by sports scientists including your Dr Sheppard who is a very smart man whom is having some great input to surfers in the HPC program.
Some of those surfers are making progress in the CT ranks and will hopefully prove that sport specific training with surfers is the way to go. But of the surfers he is training none are of the size of an elite basketballer which is what your original argument was about. In fact Bede is the tallest at 6'2" so either I'm as thick as you imply or you using your elite basketball background as an example of what an elite athlete should be like is flawed.
I'm also believe surfers have lacked leg and core strength up until the likes of Fanning, Parko and now Melling , Durbridge etc started training in those areas, so it should be, by all accounts, those surfers that go on to dominate, although they are not as tall as what is required by your theory. 6'7" average NBA or 6'6 47/64" at the London Olympics. Re my question on body type more suited to some sports than others but I'm a dimwit remember. (average Olympic male gymnast 5'5 3/4" as another example)
Oh and I know for a fact that some of the surfers that have been doing serious leg and core training have had some quite serious leg injuries of late due to unlucky situations whilst surfing and some flawed technique at training, so being strong is not going to stop injuries from happening, only lessen them.

I'll shut the door on my way out.

uplift, 1407230440

'Yep 100% correct that the major factor contributing to professional sporting success is the mind control of those involved but also ability, fitness, correct equipment, good nutrition, body type and to some degree luck are also factors not to be forgotten. These are all scientific facts proven by sports scientists including your Dr Sheppard who is a very smart man whom is having some great input to surfers in the HPC program.'

Yes that has always been my original argument that you are agreeing with sealer. Although I have used my experience to reach the same conclusions.

So, increasing any of those factors, increases performance, in my experience. And strong to one person, may be, as Dr Shepherd bluntly points out, inadequate and weak to another. Again my experience also. I have also found that it is easy to confuse, or mistake skill for strength. Which can lead to many training pitfalls. Increased strength, which eventually will lead to increased size, is a bonus, not a negative. You want to deal with more force, that is, surf with more control and power, move more water, generate more power, speed, then the increased strength/size is a proven bonus. If all else is equal, the stronger, fitter man will always have the advantage, in an explosive activity like surfing. Ben Johnson wasn't rubbed out for trying to get smaller legs. Or, show me an elite flyweight weightlifter, that can deal successfully with as much force, move as much as fast as an elite heavyweight. You cant. Then all the other arguments start up, the loss of speed, skill, flexibility, blah, blah, blah. Despite, 'Dr Sheppard who is a very smart man', pointing out that, 'traditionally people have thought strength training meant getting injured or getting heavy, or getting slow, but there's no scientific evidence for any of that.' So show me a flyweight boxer that will knock out an elite heavyweight. You can't. Even in sports like judo, where the myth is the little guy will hurl the clumsy, bigger dumbos everywhere, yes, guess what, weight divisions... too much advantage for the bigger guy.

Design equipment that an elite bigger stronger athlete can use his advantage on in surfing, that is use his far greater force and speed generating capacity on, they will excell. Then of course, that means the reality that you are trying to minimise, to downplay, that 'Dr Sheppard who is a very smart man' highlighted. That is, 'stronger people get fewer injuries because weak things break. That's just physics.' Grand prix motors don't last very long.

I've never trained anyone where making them stronger was a disadvantage, including endurance athletes. Balance and injury protection effect them more than most.

Are you comparing the strength of ASP surfers to elite gymnasts? Drugs.

'Uppy, as I've said, I believe you know about training, nutrition etc.'

I know that I do, whatever you believe is irrelevant to me. My results over a far longer time period than most speak for themselves.

Sometimes you discover that the scientists and experts blew it. I ate a couple of dozen eggs a day, a cup of cream, butter, cheese, for years and years. 10 eggs is average now, because I don't train/play as much as then. If I did, I would up it considerably, to be at optimum health. Once at Sports Science Clinic in Adelaide, Mark Williams and Neil Craig asked me about how I got so lean. Life is so much fun. Doctors would tell me how amasing my health was, ask what was I doing, then tell me I was about to die. I've heard all your arguments before sealing, years ago, about all sports. I don't believe you. The guy that coached the footy team in the reference was drafted by the Adelaide Crows. They, with their expertise completely fucked his back, him up. Not me. I regularly fix problems that the experts can't. The people aren't elite athletes, or the queens corgi, so it doesn't rate, except to the people that were fucked, the ones that count. Its at great risk really because I do things that they are sometimes advised not to. But, give a klutz the best tools, and he'll fuck everything up with them. Same with a barbell.

Try opening the door before you attempt entering.

seal, 1407239029

Door was open, just had to see what was inside.
Hang on a moment, you still haven't explained how being BIGGER and stronger can hold true with all elite sportsmen/women. Stronger, more agile or flexible I can agree with but not bigger/taller unless it's a pure strength sport such as weightlifting, or a height reliant sport such as basketball maybe. Even then some positions require agility more than height.
Power to weight sports like gymnastics require smaller, strong, agile body shapes with a lower centre of gravity otherwise they can't hold their own weight for extended times or perform the quick rotations on the bars etc that big units would struggle with.
Road cyclists are another where it is a disadvantage to be a big unit especially when climbing hills compared to smaller framed, light, fit blokes. What about elite rock climbers? Don't see any big, raw boned heavily muscled units scarpering up sheer cliff faces and overhangs, their fingers couldn't hold the weight.
Same as, unless surf comps are all held in surf with a decent amount of size and power, we are not going to see your examples of basketballer sized 6'7" (average NBA player) winning a world championship anytime soon no matter how much they listen, train and eat your preferred diet with you.
To be an elite sportsman, fit enough and strong enough for a selected sport doesn't mean they have to be a big, egg and protein sucking giant of a man to be at the top of their game unless of course you're surfing at Blacks.
I'm all for sports specific training and utilising diet, training aids, science whatever but you are never going to change the fact that a lot of sports are more suited to smaller body shaped athletes than the the big units that you seem to believe will rule the world.
Oh yeah, Grand Prix motors may break but by christ they sure are a lot faster than a Mack truck, and you don't see too many people going to truck races hey! Funny thing, how many advances in motoring have been because of Grand Prix too. Just a thought.

stray-gator_2, 1407240679

Hey Asshat. Tiger Woods called. He needs you. Wants to know if you can do what surgeons who can actually, erm, surge, can't seem to manage. Mal Meninga gave him your number. Although some in the know speculate that he's actually spent too much time in the gym. But what would they know. Just cos they can read words and books n stuff.

uplift, 1407241415

You're saying ASP surfing is an endurance based sport. Mistake one.

I did, but you don't want to see it so you can't. It doesn't matter though. Your choice.

'Stronger, more agile or flexible I can agree with but not bigger/taller unless it's a pure strength sport such as weightlifting.'

Another glaring, fatal mistake, lack of experience. Elite weightlifting is extremely reliant on, 'stronger, more agile or flexible', no matter what the weight class.

'Don't see any big, raw boned heavily muscled units scarpering up sheer cliff faces and overhangs, their fingers couldn't hold the weight.'

How much money do you want to lose on that one? I'm calling your squawk.

Are you really suggesting ASP surfers are as strong and heavily muscled as elite gymnasts? Drugs.

'I'm all for sports specific training'.

I'm not, I have to fix the issues caused by that daily. Tomorrow even, while you are researching and blabbering about stuff.

Never, ever, ever looked inside at blacks and thought, fuck it, sealer's going.

Anyway, keep telling the lack of fans, it should work this year... or the next... or the next. At least you won't have trouble getting a seat.

uplift, 1407242019

Oh yeah, about that blacks thing, don't blame me, I'm innocent, its not my opinion, just another highly esteemed revelation, brought to the surface here by highly respected, expert observation.

'@uplift: I'm enjoying your tales of the carnage that is Blackfellows. It really has re-arranged a few egos over the years! Pity you don't want to reveal the tale of the legendary surfer/shaper big gun. Sounds hilarious! '

The good 'ol days.

stray-gator_2, 1407242484

D-E-L-U-S-I-O-N-A-L D-I-S-O-R-D-E-R

http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/delusional-disorder

uplift, 1407242793

What are you taking for it gateless, its not working. How far from the border are you?

stray-gator_2, 1407243899

"grandiose type (patient believes that he has some great but unrecognized talent or insight, a special identity, knowledge, power, self-worth, or special relationship with someone famous or with God)"


Or with The Fat Controller.

uplift, 1407246051

Anyway, keep slip streaming big lifty, its what I do, lift you losers to the top. I don't even want to be up here, at the top of the forums pile... again... and again... and again... an again and... I do it for you kooks. Without me, you'd all be blithering about some boring, useless pipsqueaks shit, that might pop up in a forum search if someone accidently stumbled on it. I see you all faltering, little baby legs and steps quivering away, so I just pull out, power away, and drag the whole lot of you fucking losers up here with me.

All so you can be lifty's... just for one day. Father forgive them... fuck'n idiots.

Some body come up with fucking something, take the fucking lead, I'm handing it to you geeks on a plate. I pull in a screamer, a climb up the backs, hanger at full back, single handedly explode, weave and trample my way down to the goal line, shepherd the whole opposition off, shake and bake, and unselfishly, humbly handball to you idiots... only to watch the idiotic fumbles, and ludicrous squawking explanations.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tgcc5V9Hu3g

Well, next year for sure, or the next... maybe the next, the world, the cosmos, the galaxy... the universe will once and for all see, beyond all doubt, finally...

seal, 1407287769

I saw that the door was opened, thought I'd take a look and maybe talk to whoever was spending all their time by themselves in their own little world and discuss a few things like adults but unfortunately all I found was a bitter old man who was wrapped up in his own little world and not willing to see what else was in this great big world or think about how his perception at times is distorted.
I have come to realise that some folk just can't see past what has become imbedded in their mind and then take what others have to offer only in part, turn it around, jumble it up and then cry "you don't know nothing I'm the only one who is enlightened, they're all wrong and out to get me and anyhow I'm bigger and stronger than them so I've got to be right, they're all fucking losers and idiots plus I charge blacks." (wherever the fuck that is I don't really care)
So to those who lock themselves away and don't want to listen or see others points of view I say enjoy your own company and when you are willing to be less pig-headed maybe people might warm to you and maybe even welcome you into their lives.
Then I shut the door.

mitchvg, 1407288381

Uplift re. rowing: Cheers, I've had one go since talking to you. I'd forgotten how repetitive it is, even laps seems more entertaining as I can do sprints, pull, etc. Anyway, I'll work at it over the next few weeks/months, and that'll probably just be technique. I was using a surfboat rowing technique, knee out, bowed back!

sir ambrose beachfucker, 1407296743

keep slipstreaming big lifty his backdoor is always open

uplift, 1407312820

Gidday mitchvg, good one. Yeh, perfect the technique, before you go hard. And then, work on keeping it perfect as you tire. It makes you work harder anyway, and is much safer at the same time, teaches mental control under pressure. As for the knee thing, think about those scissor jack, car jacks. When everything is lined up properly, you can lift shitloads time and time again. But get something out of alignment, and they are going to eventually croak, fold over, wear under much less load too. So that style of situation is going to happen to you in sports, ie surfing, etc anyway, but your goal training is just to give your muscles and stuctures the signal, the stimulus to get stronger, to adapt, without injury. As they get stronger, and you feel more confident, you up your skill training repertoire, range, and will deal with uncontrolled situations better anyway. Like deciding to have 4mm thick steel, instead of 2mm in the jack. So training should be to enhance, not injure. Thinking of the jack, it can be seen that if the middle (knee) is out of alignment, then the force either end is too. Right through the body. So then developmental imbalance occurs also. But, you aim to train for balance. The more you evenly beef the jack up, the more all round things it will cope with, before it breaks. Sports will throw all of that at people, in an uncontrolled fashion. But you can beef the structures up in a safe controlled, balanced way. It is the ultimate bungle to injure yourself training, whilst supposedly doing it to be better/fitter.

Then, having got the form ingrained, there are simple ways to improve fitness and recovery. Keep it really simple. All rowing machines have a bit different monitor, but set the machine monitor on manual, or you just need to see speed, usually strokes per minute, and time. Do repeats of 5 minute blocks as a starter. First minute do a speed you think that you could do for ever, say 22 s/m then second minute up it to say 23 s/m, third same, 24 s/m, fourth, 25 s/m, then fifth bit more of a jump, say 27 s/m. Then, back to start, 22 s/m, repeat for 4 - 6 blocks. Set resistance lowish at first. When that is easy, or if you under or overestimated speeds, adjust each by 1 or 2 s/m. So if it gets too easy, you would start on 23 s/m and then finish on 29 s/m. When you are comfortable at high speeds, up the resistance. It teaches you to make efforts, and actively recover, as you also get stronger. When you are really good at that, change it to sprints, followed by recovery. Start easy, maybe 20 sec all out sprint, 2 min recovery, for 20 minutes. Over time increase sprinting time/speed, drop recovery time, but pick up recovery speed slightly. All at lowish resistance, then when thats easy, start over, at increased resistance, and so on. There's heaps of stuff like that that you can do, to again, increase maximum effort whilst minimising active recovery time, improving recovery. The ultimate is then having a partner throw random sprints (resistance too), recovery times/speeds at you. Play your favourite music, make up tracks that keep you pumped. And use your imagination. Exercise it. Invent scenarios. Hope it helps. Never compromise form, perfect it. Most people let their body off the hook inadvertantly, and 'improve' by actually getting slacker, finding little tricks, skills (momentum, leverage) at getting off the hook. Coax your body, not your technique to adapt.

uplift, 1407416639

Oh dear. Open a new box zenny.

http://au.ibtimes.com/articles/561984/20140807/sports-illustrated-fittest-athletes-lebron-ronaldo-bolt.htm#.U-N2YaO_6t8

http://www.si.com/edge/photos/2014/08/05/sports-illustrated-fittest-50-athletes-sports#50

wingnut2443, 1407444787

[quote=uplift]Oh dear. Open a new box zenny.

http://au.ibtimes.com/articles/561984/20140807/sports-illustrated-fittest-athletes-lebron-ronaldo-bolt.htm#.U-N2YaO_6t8

http://www.si.com/edge/photos/2014/08/05/sports-illustrated-fittest-50-athletes-sports#50[/quote]


mmm ...

I doubt any of them are able to paddle out, catch a wave, stand up and ride it to the beach on anything other than something like this:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v251/joserouse/Surfing/97World_Record-med.jpg

Let alone make it through a heat in the local boardriders

zenagain, 1407451851

Oh, c'mon man. Totally subjective and I dare say compiled with a very flawed methodology.

Is it a strange coincidence that the majority of the worlds fittest athletes are North American?

Sorry mate, but you never address the question of body type when put to you time and time again. Put Lebron in a swimming pool, let alone on a surfboard and see how 'elite' he is.

seal, 1407453672

Funny Zen, that you can see the question of body type suitable to different sports, but others ignore, distort facts and flatly refuse that could happen in any world that they inhabit.
Put this Lebron bloke in an Olympic distance triathlon and see how he goes but then put Jonathan Brownlee on the basketball court same result, put them both out at a 1-2ft world tour beachy and I'd back the triathlete any time. (that's assuming that they both can surf hypothetically )
Different folks, different strokes

uplift, 1407466722

nut, no body cares what you think.

Again your argument is irrelevent Zenny.

The results are:

King James claimed the top spot. According to SI, no other athlete deserves the first place other than Cleveland's prodigal son. He scored a perfect 10 in all four criteria. "James has the build of Malone and the speed and agility of Iverson." For his stamina, James has played a total of 1000 games in 11 seasons averaging 40 minutes per game for his basketball career.

SI said that James is the only athlete who can get away playing other sports and excel in them.

Just in case you missed it.

SI said that James is the only athlete who can get away playing other sports and excel in them.

Or have trouble reading.

SI said that James is the only athlete who can get away playing other sports and excel in them.

What were the surfers scores again?

Control your emotions.

zenagain, 1407468981

Jeez, once again. 'SI said that James is the only athlete who can get away playing other sports and excel in them'.

It didn't say the King of Cleveland could get away with playing all other sports, just some. Bo Jackson was the same back in the eighties. Put Bo on a bike, or climb a sheer rock face or swim 1500 metres or give him a squash racket and I dare say he would flounder. LeBron the same.

LeBron is a genetic freak, of course. To say he's the fittest athlete in the world is a bit of a stretch in my opinion.

Where's the surfers you ask?

Goodness, where's the Decathletes? Where's the martial artists? Where's the gymnasts? (Well one token gymnast and surprise surprise- North American). Put Lebron on the rings, it would almost be comical.

And one more time, please address the issue of somatotype- endomorph, ectomorph and mesomorph.

wingnut2443, 1407469693

[quote=uplift] ... SI said that James is the only athlete who can get away playing other sports and excel in them.

Just in case you missed it.

SI said that James is the only athlete who can get away playing other sports and excel in them.

Or have trouble reading.

SI said that James is the only athlete who can get away playing other sports and excel in them.

What were the surfers scores again?

... [/quote]

mmm... so "SI" are the gurr's when it comes to surfing hey?

Not for my money ...

This:

"Please name an athlete — any athlete — who’s been the dominant force in their respective sport for a span of two decades? ... Mind you, I’m not talking about somebody who’s hung around the top level for 20 years with a single title or two to show for it. Sports history is rich and thick with lovable legends who’ve endured like Brett Favre, Nolan Ryan, Cal Ripken, even George Foreman. Yet there’s a large chasm between enduring and dominating — as in being the primary gravitational force that others must orbit around ..."

taken from here: http://www.grindtv.com/action-sports/surf/post/could-kelly-slater-be-the-best-athlete-ever-no-seriously/

is a tad more relevant.

While we are at it, I'd take the words of a former world champion surfer:

"I think he’s as good as any sportsman, for sure," Occhilupo said.

taken from here: http://www.foxsports.com.au/more-sports/knockout-polls/fuel-tv-presenter-mark-occhilupo-says-kelly-slater-is-the-greatest-sportsperson-of-all-time/story-fn8lh8cd-1226178026651

oh, and for good measure have a look at the stat here:

http://www.quiksilver.com.au/blog/kelly-slater-info

[quote=uplift]... no body cares what you think ... Control your emotions.[/quote]

Maybe it's time to take your own advice?

seal, 1407470689

Hmm, seems I must have hit a raw nerve, not even copping abuse anymore.
Zen, do you think all of those athletes would have been tested on the same day, same set of skills, same track, same apparatus , same everything and do you think it was only an over-site to forget to invite decathletes etc or do you think that whoever devised this list as you have said, might be from the US and have a bit of favouritism towards the NBA?
Far be it for me to say that this man is not fit, because obviously he is extremely fit, but to be fair, there would have to be at least 200 of the fittest people from a large cross section of different sports put through the same regimes on the same day to have an honest set of results. Hey, but I'm an fuckin' idiot remember.

zenagain, 1407472959

Rhetorical question Seal that we both know the answer to.

And you're not an idiot, trust me. I'm an idiot and you don't even come close;)

sir ambrose beachfucker, 1407473596

on behalf of wingnut eat shit UpLIFt

uplift, 1407483548

Please excuse me for not answering up till now, I have been rolling around the floor pissing myself... if I read that fucking somatype thing once more... I can imagine, in fact I am beautifully imagining zenelled and unsealed, slumped at the front bar, when one of them puffs up, glances around the bar with with a wisened, Kwai Chang Kane style look, adds a half sneer, and squawks out...

'Its farking somarfarkintypes eh, farkin cunts of things eh! What farkin somaltypes your old boy eh...'

I can barely stand it... stop!

With all your fitness training experience, savvy etc, You guys will no doubt know where this article/studies came from:

'Overall, studies of brothers and sisters have found that genes actually only account for about 20 per cent of the performance, while training and environment determine the other 80 per cent. Furthermore, when mothers and their children - who possess about 50 per cent of the same genes were tested for their VO2 max, only 28 per cent of the variation was attributed to genes, which means 72 per cent of the outcome came down to training and lifestyle influences.

So next time you put your lack of performance (insert here: zennlet, unsealo, ambling, whingenut, etc) down to your parents' bad genes, remeber, while they influence a certain percentage of your outcome, they certainly do not limit you. Elite runners are MADE not BORN.'

Of course, adding this to all the 'studies' and experience re fast twitch, slow twitch enhancement, means anyone can do whatever they put their mind to.

Then, you have Bruce Lipton's work.

I also use my 40 plus years of continual training experience and results.

Who ya training tonite swellnutters? The old boys will get a good flogging... again I'll bet. Powder puffs.

uplift, 1407483826

Fucking 'somatypes', stop! You's have gotta stop, your fucking killing me...

seal, 1407486134

FFS, when have I ever said anything about training not being beneficial ?
All anybody wants you to address is the fact that some body types are more suited to certain sports than others and you aren't, with any amount of training, gonna change that fact.
If you can get your supremely fit Lebron James to be competitive in say, a olympic gymnastics parallel bars comp, a olympic distance triathlon, tour de france, climbing a 100 meter rope, 1m springboard diving comp or even a surfing comp in smallish waves well then maybe then we'll all know that to be of above average height and trained to the highest standard is the only way to be successful in all sports according to the all-knowing Uplift and your theory will be proven beyond any reasonable doubt.
The other benefit of this would be that nobody under 6'5" would ever have to compete in sport again thereby saving all those short arses the embarrassment of having their short arses kicked by big units such as our lifty and be breed out of existence in the next 100,000 years.
How fucking stupid of me for not working this shit out before now. Thank you god for letting me see the light at long last.

wingnut2443, 1407487065

[quote=uplift] ... So next time you put your lack of performance (insert here: ... whingenut, etc) down to your parents' bad genes, remeber, while they influence a certain percentage of your outcome, they certainly do not limit you. Elite runners are MADE not BORN. ... [/quote]

I assume by 'whingenut' you are referring to me? Please correct me if I am wrong.

Now, uplift, where, please quote, copy and paste for us or even hyperlink to it, where, I have ever mentioned any such thing ... you are somewhat confusing comments by others and attributing them incorrectly. Are you able to see this error and admit to it?

and, while I am going ... you might remember this:

[quote=wingnut2443] ... can you please show me the results from the application of your methods to top tier competitive surfing ... [/quote]

I posted that over in the Jbay thread, which can you find here: http://www.swellnet.com/forums/wax/153186

Now, uplift, can you please show me where you have answered that? It seems you have overlooked the very core of the issue and have again resorted to a twisted reply, incorrectly attributing comments to people and overlooking the core information.

On that point, if the SI ranking is to be taken as the benchmark, I find it somewhat bemusing that the #1 person has stats's of:

"1000 games ... 11 seasons ... average 40 mins per game" ... yep, that's the blurb in the video from the 2.22 mark on the SI site, which can you can view here: http://www.si.com/edge/video/2014/08/05/fittest-50-usain-bolt-cristiano-ronaldo-lebron-james

Now, how does that compare to Kelly Slater?

Blinkers off, 1407492804

ok kerfucers does the great Muhammad Ali count he won Olympic gold in 1960 his last world title was 1978 this is for you nut of wingnuts that's 18 years of dominance.
Now uplift and you underrated idiots in this forum yes body type does and always will give you a pre determined advantage to play some sports over others but there will always be anomalies that's what makes the human race so great we have freaks that walk among us that can do the abnormal.
Now as far as surfing goes we are still a relatively under developed sport we are still evolving at the moment it is slightly tilted towards the shorter guys but what is to say that with innovation of boards and training and maybe the asp decides that no events will ever be held in under 4foot of swell the pendulum will be skewed the other way towards bigger guys.
Now fuck those idiots that announced Lebron as the fittest man on earth there based on some stupid index like the BMI what fucken stupid thing to put to print would been better to say that he is the most overpaid.
I want to see him do synchronised swimming or win the limbo dancing at the pub.
And what about mayweather he got a mention a well as if you wouldn't be fit if you had a sponge bath every morning fit for the fucken nut house I say especially if your getting that bath of ya missus everyday for god sake nurse has anyone seen the nurse I want a different nurse with a different sponge everyday.

gromfull, 1407492825

Ha ha ha blinkers off will now get bitch slapped by the biggest bitch of all and he will repeat and repeat and repeat and look in the mirror then repeat, but I do agree with you blinkers, there are some freaks among us who do things that they shouldn't be good at, because they have exceptional talent in.a given area

uplift, 1407498725

'All anybody wants you to address is the fact that some body types are more suited to certain sports than others and you aren't, with any amount of training, gonna change that fact.'

But, the facts, the 'scientific' studies say:

'So next time you put your lack of performance (insert here: zennlet, unsealo, ambling, whingenut, etc) down to your parents' bad genes, remeber, while they influence a certain percentage of your outcome, they certainly do not limit you. Elite runners are MADE not BORN.'

Training can create whatever you want. The mind is the limit, the box... head.

Just in case you missed it, or failed to grasp it, along the lines of,

'you, outside the door there in the 'B' stream, 'unsealing', what does 1 + 3 =?'

'errr FFS I fink its 17 sir?'

'No, you fucking idiot, read it again, 1 + 3 = 4, now for the last time, shut the fucking door!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'Elite runners are MADE not BORN.'

Ok, now, come back in now resealed, and whingingnut et al. Ambling, here's some colouring books, and tracing paper, go and sit over there, see if you can figure out which end of the pencil to use. Now, Is ASP surfing, explosive or endurance based? Then, seeing as how in surfing, force, power, is transfered through feet, via glutes, quads, back, hamstrings, or core, and seeing as:

'"Almost every surfer I've ever trained lacks adequate leg strength. They are literally weak in the part of the body that provides some serious propulsion. I think traditionally people have thought strength training meant getting injured or getting heavy, or getting slow, but there's no scientific evidence for any of that. Stronger people get fewer injuries because weak things break. That's just physics.'

plus

'So next time you put your lack of performance (insert here: zennlet, unsealo, ambling, whingenut, etc) down to your parents' bad genes, remeber, while they influence a certain percentage of your outcome, they certainly do not limit you. Elite runners are MADE not BORN.'

plus

'King James claimed the top spot. According to SI, no other athlete deserves the first place other than Cleveland's prodigal son. He scored a perfect 10 in all four criteria. "James has the build of Malone and the speed and agility of Iverson." For his stamina, James has played a total of 1000 games in 11 seasons averaging 40 minutes per game for his basketball career.'

plus

SI said that James is the only athlete who can get away playing other sports and excel in them.

Again,

SI said that James is the only athlete who can get away playing other sports and excel in them.

Minus, what were the surfers scores again?

Minus, for what seems like an eternity ASP surfers have been pleading, begging, imploring for fans, and their money,

Minus,

As painfull as the memory is, just grit your teeth and go there and deduct the full implications of the ludicrous, the raging 'dancing with the stars... worst ever performance' on a level playing field fiasco,

Equals... resealer?

Vat vey shouwd awl get weawy, weawy sthmawler and weak and sthtuff and be a thomatiper?

And vat big guyths cant do anyfing?

Vat vere wiwll be wots of money an thtuff.'

If there is life out there, God fucking help us.

goofyfoot, 1407499837

Have I missed something? Are the above posts saying lebron I is the fittest athlete going around? ^^^^

yorkessurfer, 1407500429

Who's Lebron? Can someone explain to me who Lebron is? Uplift? You seem to know something about him?

southey, 1407502723

Correct me if I'm wrong ....
But I believe " Lebron " was the name of the pretend " hash " baby , out of the movie.
" we're the Millers " !!! Funny movie . Not sure what it has to do with Uplift though ..
Perhaps there is parallels ?!?

stray-gator_2, 1407505582

[quote=uplift]'All anybody wants you to address is the fact that some body types are more suited to certain sports than others and you aren't, with any amount of training, gonna change that fact.'

But, the facts, the 'scientific' studies say:

'So next time you put your lack of performance (insert here: zennlet, unsealo, ambling, whingenut, etc) down to your parents' bad genes, remeber, while they influence a certain percentage of your outcome, they certainly do not limit you. Elite runners are MADE not BORN.'

Training can create whatever you want. The mind is the limit, the box... head.

Just in case you missed it, or failed to grasp it, along the lines of,

'you, outside the door there in the 'B' stream, 'unsealing', what does 1 + 3 =?'

'errr FFS I fink its 17 sir?'

'No, you fucking idiot, read it again, 1 + 3 = 4, now for the last time, shut the fucking door!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'Elite runners are MADE not BORN.'

Ok, now, come back in now resealed, and whingingnut et al. Ambling, here's some colouring books, and tracing paper, go and sit over there, see if you can figure out which end of the pencil to use. Now, Is ASP surfing, explosive or endurance based? Then, seeing as how in surfing, force, power, is transfered through feet, via glutes, quads, back, hamstrings, or core, and seeing as:

'"Almost every surfer I've ever trained lacks adequate leg strength. They are literally weak in the part of the body that provides some serious propulsion. I think traditionally people have thought strength training meant getting injured or getting heavy, or getting slow, but there's no scientific evidence for any of that. Stronger people get fewer injuries because weak things break. That's just physics.'

plus

'So next time you put your lack of performance (insert here: zennlet, unsealo, ambling, whingenut, etc) down to your parents' bad genes, remeber, while they influence a certain percentage of your outcome, they certainly do not limit you. Elite runners are MADE not BORN.'

plus

'King James claimed the top spot. According to SI, no other athlete deserves the first place other than Cleveland's prodigal son. He scored a perfect 10 in all four criteria. "James has the build of Malone and the speed and agility of Iverson." For his stamina, James has played a total of 1000 games in 11 seasons averaging 40 minutes per game for his basketball career.'

plus

SI said that James is the only athlete who can get away playing other sports and excel in them.

Again,

SI said that James is the only athlete who can get away playing other sports and excel in them.

Minus, what were the surfers scores again?

Minus, for what seems like an eternity ASP surfers have been pleading, begging, imploring for fans, and their money,

Minus,

As painfull as the memory is, just grit your teeth and go there and deduct the full implications of the ludicrous, the raging 'dancing with the stars... worst ever performance' on a level playing field fiasco,

Equals... resealer?

Vat vey shouwd awl get weawy, weawy sthmawler and weak and sthtuff and be a thomatiper?

And vat big guyths cant do anyfing?

Vat vere wiwll be wots of money an thtuff.'

If there is life out there, God fucking help us.[/quote]

What a fucking tosspot you are. Listen to yourself. You should seek professional help. Really. An embarrassment to humanity.

uplift, 1407511129

'Listen to yourself... like we all love doing again... and again... and again and again and again and...

Newsflash!!!!!

On behalf of the ASP, we the affiliated swellnuts, would like the following concerns to be promptly dealt with.

Firstly, we demand that our elite athletes, the greatest ever athletes that the world, the cosmos, the galaxy, and the universe have ever seen be placed at the top of the top 50 athletes list.

We also simultaneously request that that our elite athletes, the greatest ever athletes that the world, the cosmos, the galaxy, and the universe have ever seen be placed at the top of the worlds highest paid athletes list.

What's more we demand that you make people watch our elite athletes, the greatest ever athletes that the world, the cosmos, the galaxy, and the universe have ever seen.

Its been recently brought to our attention that the somatype of our elite athletes, the greatest ever athletes that the world, the cosmos, the galaxy, and the universe have ever seen has been ignored, and we request that this discrimination be rectified immediately.

We request that it brought to the public's attention that that our elite athletes, the greatest ever athletes that the world, the cosmos, the galaxy, and the universe have ever seen can kick Lebron James arse.

We would like it to be put on record that we are not pipsqueaks, but are elite athletes, the greatest ever athletes that the world, the cosmos, the galaxy, and the universe have ever seen.

Somebody fucking pay us!!!!

PS, could you please get a really big guy to get lifty for us.

We eagerly await your prompt reply.

Yours sincerely, zennsless, shambles, gateless, whingingnut, chicken soufl'e, squwyorky and drafty... aka swellnuts.

seal, 1407527745

So SI said, and of course that is with out doubt the only publication in the entire world that would have any idea at all.
Especially because it's all about NFL ,NBA, NHL, MBL, NASCAR to name a few which, correct me if I'm wrong, are all North American sports with the majority not played at a truly international level.
So I guess we should get an Australian, an English or maybe a Chinese publication to pick the worlds fittest athlete from their national sports and see how it stacks up against SI.
Could end up being an Aussie rules footy player, or even a fucken Chinese ping pong player if they get enough people to vote that way.
Elite runners are made not born! Good shit! That's why the majority of olympic 100m mens track runners in the past 40 years are white are they? No hang on they were of African-American heritage, so maybe white men aren't training hard enough. Should go and see lifty and he'll sort that shit out.
No body has every doubted you about training is beneficial , only the broad assumption you make that no surfer could be regarded as an elite athlete and only big guys can be elite athletes especially if of the size of a Basketballer.
Every sport has their elite level participants even fucking darts and they wouldn't be regarded as fit but I bet they'd kick your arse in a game of 501 unless you've been training for that too lifty ( what is your training regime for that sport as a matter of fact?)
So when you can come up with some truly creditable facts and figures that show that only big guys can be regarded as the fittest elite athletes in the entire world ( not just Nth America) then people might take you a little more seriously.
Oh and it's nice to see that your torrent of abuse towards me has at least been continued as I was thinking that I must have hit a nerve or something. Waiting for the next load of distorted crap to be hurled.

zenagain, 1407536752

You know why your list is flawed Uppity? Because of such notable omissions. One in particular and this should relate to you- Another man-mountain Wladimir Klitschko, totally dominates heavy weight boxing across all divisions. 6'6", 110kg, 60 odd wins and 3 losses over a decade and Olympic gold medallist.

But, that's totally irrelevent. It's just a list compiled by Americans to make Americans feel good, because they need to wrap themselves in that flag and shove it down anyones throat that 'we're number 1'.

You my big raw-boned, humble, barrell of humilty friend should be the one on Dancing with the Stars. You're so light on your feet and keep skirting around the one big elephant in the room- DIFFERENT BODY TYPES CAN AND DO EXCEL AT DIFFERENT SPORTS! And it's got very little to do with surfers, or LeBron or whoever. That's the reason there's very few world champion white sprinters, and no black world champion 1500 metre swimmers and no champion gymnasts over about 5'6" or no champion tri-athletes who weigh more than about 70kg. I wish you could at least acknowledge that. Even you great Sharman with your mystical training skills can't turn a 7' tall champion basketballer into a 5' 45kg Kenyan running machine. It's just not possible and you know it.

So I'm going to stop banging my head against a brick wall (read- your thick noggin) because it feels so good when I stop. I'll leave the others to take up this futile exercise.

PS Don't change one silver strand on that loveable little boof-head of yours, the entertainment is priceless.

brutus, 1407550632

hey uplift....who are the worlds best long distance runners...and they were born that way??

elite runners are made not born.........are there any whitefellas out there that can run?

looks like a lotta blackfellas do better than ,.....all the rest?

Blinkers off, 1407566972

You get a lot of attention lifty I aspire to be you maybe I could be LIFTBLINKERSOFF if I train hard enough
.
.
.
.
.
Just trying add some humour.
I know it was poor but I haven't started training yet.

groundswell, 1407586280

My arms are so big from elite masturbation.

stray-gator_2, 1407586783

[quote=uplift]'PS, could you please get a really big guy to get lifty for us.[/quote]

Way to miss the point, asshat. As much self-awareness as a railway sleeper. Can't understand why you failed to make it in big-time pro sport. Mystifying.

Joel Eugene Slater-Burrows, 1407649887

Uplift, I have a serious question for you, please reply in a civilized manner if possible. I am 4'11 and weigh 43 kilos and ever since I was a young boy I have always dreamed of playing footy in the AFL, I know my short stature and low weight will not be a hindrance to this dream as long as I lift heavy weights, so I was wondering how many eggs do you think I would have to eat and how many sets of bicep curls and bench press do you think I would have to do per day to be drafted by an AFL club? This is a serious question please get back to me ASAP!

Joel Eugene Slater-Burrows, 1407650320

Also Uplift my brother is 7'10, weights 250 kg and has always dreamed of being a professional jockey, he wanted me to ask you how many eggs and how many sets of dead lift and squats he should do per day so that one day he can ride a horse to consecutive Melbourne cup victories? He knows that his height and weight will not affect his chances as long as he lifts lots of weights and eats lots of eggs but he is just not quite sure of the correct egg to squat ratio to be a successful jockey!

wellymon, 1407651886

JESB, sorry there mate but I think you and brother are really pushing shit up hill.
Much advised if you could try out for the 'Imp' off 'Game of Thrones" and your brother could try for the giant that carries the young Stark boy around, much suited I think ;)
Good luck JESB, I hope you and your brother have a great future, best of luck.

Joel Eugene Slater-Burrows, 1407652946

[quote=wellymon]JESB, sorry there mate but I think you and brother are really pushing shit up hill.
Much advised if you could try out for the 'Imp' off 'Game of Thrones" and your brother could try for the giant that carries the young Stark boy around, much suited I think ;)
Good luck JESB, I hope you and your brother have a great future, best of luck.[/quote]

Welly I know your profile quote says 'nobody ever died of laughter' but I reckon I almost did after reading your comment

Blinkers off, 1407662390

Ohh JESB you should still be down south getting the sir ambrose beachfucker treatment copping it up the shatners bassoon with questions like that.
However I do note it has been sometime since you have posted a comment so that would indicate that you may have enjoyed the time down south.
Tell me is taking it up the shatners bassoon all its made out to be.
Have they turned you.
No eggs required.
If you tell your bro your going to shove your head up his arse whilst at the AFL the pair of you will become an unstoppable force on the field.
While at the races if you then tell your bro that you are going to pull your head out of his arse its a case of no horse required. He will run like hell what race cant you win with incentive like that.

uplift, 1407664420

'You get a lot of attention lifty'

Good observation blinking. Yet, all I've ever wanted, all I've ever sought and asked for, is a life of lynchy like reclusivationess. But, as you've astutely observed, and become an unwitting part of, being big comes with a price tag.

I've let the galahs settle, and have a little think about things. Even though they don't understand it, the hanging upside down, squawking and flapping and screeching their little heads off, screeching their little hearts out, uncontrolled, frantic flappings, the little hearts pulsating furiously, screeching out for support from the cages down the road does them good, relieves the pressure, trains them to recover. It has uplifted them, made them more alert. Then as they sit and wait, pondering, always attentive, wondering... where's lifty, never quite relaxed, out of no where, another power packed, controlled, athletic, raw boned swoop... just the mere shadow of big lifty triggers the terror of the unknown, the manic, auto screeching and squawkups. Would that be the case if lifty was built like a budgie, built like a pip squeak pro surfer? Of course not.

Massive subject brutuseless. Beautiful examples of the shaping power of environment and patterning, conditioning though. The very facts that the British invaders tried to twist, in order to justify the attempted annihilation of Traditional Indigenous Australians. The same arguments used to justify slavery. The 'genes' make it so. Bullshit at its worst. The same argument Hitler used to pattern his disciples into commiting and enabling mass murder.

The genes are what make all humans human, with slight differences. Its the environment, thinking, the patterning that really shapes the outcome. Endurance can be trained, or untrained, as can be strength, explosiveness, etc. Never underestimate the power of conditioning, and thus the thoughts.

If surfing had some genuine limits, like having to crawl through a piece of garden hose before entering the ocean, then there would be disadvantages in being bigger, and stronger and there would be advantages in being built like the average pro surfer. There are no limits at all like that in surfing.

Again, are you really comparing Dane Reynolds athleticism to an elite gymnast? Raw athleticism can be, and is measured. Don't confuse that with skill. Lebron James' raw athleticism is measurable, and testable. The following is glaring in pro surfing. You don't need science to prove it, although it has.

'Almost every surfer I've ever trained lacks adequate leg strength. They are literally weak in the part of the body that provides some serious propulsion. I think traditionally people have thought strength training meant getting injured or getting heavy, or getting slow, but there's no scientific evidence for any of that. Stronger people get fewer injuries because weak things break. That's just physics.'

Any truly elite athlete, on hearing that, on having that demonstrated, would be consumed to rectify it.

As awesome as Shane Dorian's recent Escondido thing was, he couldn't set his rail. If he was a stronger, heavier, more powerful, quicker, more confident version of himself, he would have done even better, even more amasing, and not fallen down the face. He would have set a rail, just like having the power of a ski enables. Or do you think if he was slower, weaker, lighter, less confident it would have been an advantage? Of course, maybe the equipment would have to be different to accomodate a more athletic Dorian.

You can win a Pipe Masters Final in 5 minutes. Out of that 5, even less is required. Pro surfing is not endurance based. Squwark and screech, and carry on, then think. Get outside of your cages. Grow expand, become big! Fly, and swoop, injury free, with lifty.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJ8eztahYRU

zenagain, 1407667266

Brought to you by the Eddie the Eagle of the surfing world.

southey, 1407667870

Unfortunately for you Lifty . " the galah " has more street cred '. and likability , even mid screech .

Joel Eugene Slater-Burrows, 1407681797

[quote=Blinkers off]Ohh JESB you should still be down south getting the sir ambrose beachfucker treatment copping it up the shatners bassoon with questions like that.
However I do note it has been sometime since you have posted a comment so that would indicate that you may have enjoyed the time down south.
Tell me is taking it up the shatners bassoon all its made out to be.
Have they turned you.
No eggs required.
If you tell your bro your going to shove your head up his arse whilst at the AFL the pair of you will become an unstoppable force on the field.
While at the races if you then tell your bro that you are going to pull your head out of his arse its a case of no horse required. He will run like hell what race cant you win with incentive like that.[/quote]

Away, you cut-purse rascal! you filthy bung, away! By this wine, I'll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps, an you play the saucy cuttle with me. Away, you bottle-ale rascal! you basket-hilt stale juggler, you!

Joel Eugene Slater-Burrows, 1407682056

Blinkers off, you sir are a knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson, glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch: one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition.

seal, 1407696635

WTF ! JESB I have nothing to add after what you've been able to share with us. We'll have to now leave it to Uppy to comment.

inzider, 1407704880

I have saved up 2 cents so now Im going to spend it on this thread.

Ulplift, please watch this link
The first link is the son of the great christian fletcher riding a skateboard. "What a skinny weed" I hear you think."how does he generate such speed with sticks like that?"I see the confused look on your face.
The second link is curren caples and greyson fletcher shredding like every top 44 pro surfer dreams about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foPgfRoFyQo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TAitZsTAy4

My point in showing you these clips is this,


"MODERN" surfing has been taking its lead from skateboarding since comp judges decided it was "ok" to do airs. Proof that a lot of modern comp surfers are sheep with no charisma, I digress.

The ONLY need for big legs in surfing is to be able to absorb bumps from chop at speed. Much like mogul skiing. yay
If you want STYLE , fine tuned board SKILLS and a personality with CHARISMA watch this clip again and then name one big muscled surfer who could possibly be on par to this kid.

One of the reasons uplift the ASP struggles to get people watching is that it is so fuckin boring most of the time to watch unless someone busts a huge air and creates a spectacle. Not many want to watch a dude take a drop on a big wave, its not a sustainable plan.
Big muscled surfers can only DREAM of the skills and style skinny dudes have.
Skinny dudes with skills are paying the ASP bills, not bulk and biceps,
The sooner you realise this the sooner you might stop banging on about muscles being the be all an end all of future pro surfing.

Horses for courses uplift.

And to finish I will give you my favourite quote you might be able to learn from as your extended essays on this site are not going to get you the recognition you crave.

" the older I get, the better I was''

wingnut2443, 1407707910

[quote=uplift] ... as they sit and wait, pondering, always attentive, wondering... where's lifty ... [/quote]

WTF? You ARE kidding, right?

[quote=uplift] ... out of no where, another power packed, controlled, athletic, raw boned swoop... just the mere shadow of big lifty triggers the terror of the unknown, the manic ... [/quote]

OMG ... WTF? Hang on ... sorry. It was said before:

[quote=stray-gator_2] D-E-L-U-S-I-O-N-A-L D-I-S-O-R-D-E-R

http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/delusional-disorder[/quote]

uplift, you seriously need help. Please seek mental health assistance immediately. Please.

Joel Eugene Slater-Burrows, 1408462055

.

Joel Eugene Slater-Burrows, 1408462163

Come on lifty, don't let wingnut get the last laugh!

southey, 1436711110

Gee uppity , waiting for summer are you .
But it looks like you've been in the tanning salon again .
Quite funny that your actually a fictional character set on the edge of the
Ocean forever looking out over it.!
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Bourne

uplift, 1436714794

Get another tatt bad boy, ya getting ya ink done, seein' ya 'accidently' showed us the uvver one.... 'accidently' wiv awl ya uvver badboy shots!!! Your posin' looks deluxe too!

'Aye you won't believe it, look, its a fucking little try hard idiot posing on the roof of his campy twaila in the middle of the fucking desert on his way to the middle of the desert campy gwound!'

What in the flying fuck, are ya thinking up there? No, spare us, we don't need to know that sick, gimpy shit.

'Nithce sthhot take unnuver one boythz, get me new inkth in vis one... thee wot it thays , get vith angwle, I'll point at vat secwet sthign... quickwy get ver cool sthot!!!!'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AltMeuPkWRs

brutus, 1436718768

now Southey that's the best post ever.....we now now know the real identity and self esteem problems being a negro American out in the Aussie desert....all is now understood

Gee uppity , waiting for summer are you .
But it looks like you've been in the tanning salon again .
Quite funny that your actually a fictional character set on the edge of the
Ocean forever looking out over it.!
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Bourne

southey, 1436749323

[quote=uplift]Get another tatt bad boy, ya getting ya ink done, seein' ya 'accidently' showed us the uvver one.... 'accidently' wiv awl ya uvver badboy shots!!! Your posin' looks deluxe too!

'Aye you won't believe it, look, its a fucking little try hard idiot posing on the roof of his campy twaila in the middle of the fucking desert on his way to the middle of the desert campy gwound!'

What in the flying fuck, are ya thinking up there? No, spare us, we don't need to know that sick, gimpy shit.

'Nithce sthhot take unnuver one boythz, get me new inkth in vis one... thee wot it thays , get vith angwle, I'll point at vat secwet sthign... quickwy get ver cool sthot!!!!'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AltMeuPkWRs[/quote]

Actually Muplift ,
That Tattoo shot was actually a fake bali one after a big night celebrating a good trip to outer islands years ago . It was actually taking the piss out of Koby and the real bad boys (bra boys weren't the only gang sporting them at the time , i believe a few of the 'Naki lads did also ) who were also on the island at the time . I've mentioned this before somewhere on here ,
anyway it read " Can't Dance ; Don't Care ! " . As for the blowhole shots , everytime i take someone new up the NW i take their obligatory shot , it was quite timely as there was another Tsunami warning at the time , he was just looking for high ground .!
Hey Brute , you have to read the whole Bio , its hilarious . I want to find the show , or a poster of it and get uppity to sign it . I didn't realise i was hanging shit on someone actually famous , well atleast a fictional character that was ............... hang on i can see the parallels here . LOL

southey, 1436948177

uppy , are you there champ ?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwDVjpLUz2Q

grog-an, 1436951227

Eddie the eagle of the surfing world!!!

sir ambrose beachfucker, 1436952086

kim amani vaginal kung fu

southey, 1437307561

Surfing ( Shithouse ) , Basketball ? Junior intermediate ......
But the real goal is Mountain Climbing .... Real dizzy heights .

Arselift forget to include one more Certificate / reference on his Lust .

His talk of Everist reminded me .

Only that his Mt Everest is a little strange different to everyone else's .

See he wants to Mount Olympia . And plant his Flag deep into her muddy soul .

[IMG]http://i1296.photobucket.com/albums/ag9/Southey/Mt%20Olymft_zps1wvmke4y.jpg[/IMG]

" On the Cliff top , drawings pictures of Mountain tops ,
with him ontop , lemon yellow sun .
Arms raised in a Vee , whilst the dead lay in a pool of Maroon Below .... ....
Shirtlifter spoke in , spoke in . Shirtlifter spoke in Class TODAY , oooh ooh oh
TRY to forget this , TRY to Erase this " ........ ( Pearl Jam )