On the couch with Kelly Slater - video

Stu Nettle
Swellnet Dispatch

Volcom is calling this a "rare glimpse into the psyche' of Kelly Slater yet all the issues have been chewed over by Slater himself in past interviews. The champ has made it his life's work to 'know thyself' and he's spun that knowledge into success, first in the water, now in business. At various points along the way he's reflected on the things he talks about here, but just 'cos you've heard it before doesn't make it any less compelling, he's still the only pro surfer capable of such insight or self-reflection.

Comments

Spuddups's picture
Spuddups's picture
Spuddups commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 9:07am

"he's still the only pro surfer capable of insight or self-reflection." Big call.

Goofy4's picture
Goofy4's picture
Goofy4 commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 9:24am

"he's still the only pro surfer capable of insight or self-reflection." Big call......to the point of being totally inane....why write such dross?

Jelly Flater's picture
Jelly Flater's picture
Jelly Flater commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 8:07pm

Spudups and goofy4.... I mean no disrespect - you have both highlighted something going off a mis quote! You failed to acknowledge Stu mentioned 'such insight or self reflection'... Ignoring the 'such' is ignoring the statement really and overlooking the fact. I'm not a massive fan of Kelly as a surfer in regard to his style more than anything - yet his competitive success in the water and bearing as a person on land as a role model is undeniably the direct result of self mastery.... His ability to share this so openly and honestly, and more recently because of the fact he is past his prime is a measure of the man and Kelly's self reflection is surely one of the most powerful tools in creating his destiny and evolving and improving in ways we could only ever imagine! How lucky we are as surfers to be able to have Kelly as a voice that goes beyond who he is as a surfer - and by far the only pro surfer capable of such insight and self reflection of the current crop... Fanning yes is up there too, however, what would I know - I'm just jelly flater! It's a bold statement Stu, but it's true...

lukas's picture
lukas's picture
lukas commented Thursday, 10 Aug 2017 at 9:11pm

go easy Goofy explorer ... remind yourself that it's just a comment section within the swell net.

hynz

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 9:30am

Such dross? Well, it was written off the cuff, but even after thinking about it I can't list too many pros who can plumb their own psyche like KS can.

Reynolds in Chapter 13?

goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 10:00am

Reckon fanning has a few life experiences he could wax on about

stunet's picture
stunet's picture
stunet commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 10:09am

Maybe. Ain't no doubt he's had to overcome more adversity than most, and it's clearly been the impetus for his ambition.

Still, I'd put Slater's on screen deconstruction classes in a different category than Fanning's sport psychology.

stan1972's picture
stan1972's picture
stan1972 commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 10:11am

Except he doesn't, or he can't, and that's tje point?

goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 10:48am

Yep you're right

Spuddups's picture
Spuddups's picture
Spuddups commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 12:43pm

I like the big calls. They get us all talking.

rooftop's picture
rooftop's picture
rooftop commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 12:49pm

Ya, I'm with you, Stu. Unless they they're sharing a memorable story, listening to most surfers talk is mind-numbing. Slater is one of the very few who can offer valuable insights about himself and the sport and do so in an articulate manner.

StuMagoo's picture
StuMagoo's picture
StuMagoo commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 12:54pm

The only bummer is that it was only 3 minutes and 14 seconds long .. He's always an interesting man . APART from an athlete . and apart from being a surfer . In my view

memlasurf's picture
memlasurf's picture
memlasurf commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 2:28pm

'Get old real quick if you don't use that natural gift you have been given' to paraphrase the great man. Wish I had one.

sunlover199's picture
sunlover199's picture
sunlover199 commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 2:55pm

did Pamela Anderson give him Hep C ?

Goofy4's picture
Goofy4's picture
Goofy4 commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 6:08pm

By way of getting our parameters right - only pro surfer ever....or only pro surfer on the champ tour now....only male pro surfer.....are we including or excluding big wave pros (more than a few of that crew have experiences that have lead them to reflect and arrive at a place of very clear and interesting insight) ? Not diminishing that the interview is interesting but find global statements like the one made pretty funny.......

freerider.'s picture
freerider.'s picture
freerider. commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 7:09pm

I honestly do not understand
the infatuation with this dude

flow's picture
flow's picture
flow commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 7:43pm

Probably because most people on this site strive to understand and improve their surfing.

Jelly Flater's picture
Jelly Flater's picture
Jelly Flater commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 8:38pm

So true flow... Some people even strive to understand and improve themselves, this is possibly the most important point in the interview. The mental approach Kelly touches on is so relevant and hugely significant especially in relation to AI - pretty sure their professional rivalry and personal friendship is another example of what Kelly is alluding to other than the mention of his father. An important message to the youth! And with the evolution of the mad huey brigade we certainly have a lot to learn. It may be kind of important to consider things from a different angle, and this isn't so easy for some who are caught in the undertow. Kelly provides something we can listen to, yet how many can actually hear him? Credit where credit is due...

AndyM's picture
AndyM's picture
AndyM commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 9:03pm

Yep could be way worse role models.

And who was it who said that Kelly Slater was single-handedly responsible for stopping pro surfing from disappearing up it's own arse?

Not sure that that's necessarily a great thing but it's certainly noteworthy!

Mort's picture
Mort's picture
Mort commented Monday, 7 Aug 2017 at 11:53pm

Om buddam, Om buddam, this dude is going to turn into one of those flowers with a lot of petals. I haven't learnt from my mistakes, so he is one up on me and I am getting fat. I have a goal for my fiftieth, to get slimmer and surf again. Eight months and counting.

Sarge84's picture
Sarge84's picture
Sarge84 commented Tuesday, 8 Aug 2017 at 1:39am

I had the same goal Mort. Similar inspiration, but with extra impetus from my 7 year old daughter, who wanted to know why girls had thin tummies and boys had round ones? i.e. Daddy - I can't hug you like I can mummy. I made it my goal to be "fit at 50". Kelly was a part in this for my surfing for a few years. I wanted to surf like I could at 40, before kids.
The real driver was my daughter. I only realised how much this was true, when she told me that now her hands could now touch when she hugged me, that she could squeeze me as hard as she had always wanted.
I'm not going back. Stoked to be surf fit. Extactic to be family fit.
Wifey is pretty happy too. Happy wife, happy life!
And that means more surfing, and so the circle of life, fitness, and happiness continues.
I am 50 in 3 days. Lost 9 kg since Xmas. The only downside is I need new boards. But, is that actually a downside. Or just a first-world minor issue. Guess I will deal with it.

Mort's picture
Mort's picture
Mort commented Saturday, 12 Aug 2017 at 10:38pm

Thanks mate, I hope that you made it, unless you got killed by some indiscriminate car, plane, goat or sum such.

The Australian had this woman talking about becoming fifty, she is a good sort. Cate Blanchett is dismissive of any mid life crisis and I cower at the thought that she, if she knew me, would be dismissive of me.

But I can't help it, I am smart, of sorts, but bewildered, like my favourite character in Camelot.

Billyw's picture
Billyw's picture
Billyw commented Tuesday, 8 Aug 2017 at 2:59am

The guy is boring, always has been and shows no sign of slowing. Thinks way too much and his style shows it. Why is JJF so refreshing? Cos his style has weird kinks that make it interesting, old salty balls tries to be perfect in every movement and it looks lame, always has. Yeh of course he is the best comp surfer ever and has heaps of world titles but doesn't make his surfing the best ever.

B Dub

lukas's picture
lukas's picture
lukas commented Thursday, 10 Aug 2017 at 9:41pm

faaark... what planet do you come from ? not earth mate... not earth... faaarkin hell..... what a clown....

hynz

freerider.'s picture
freerider.'s picture
freerider. commented Tuesday, 8 Aug 2017 at 4:50pm

The best waves ever ridden on the planet-- buy a so called pro on anyone --whether it's two feet or 20--will always be the waves you catch and ride yourself....--

indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming commented Tuesday, 8 Aug 2017 at 6:13pm

If you pause it at 1:53 when he is talking about "relationships that are not good for me" with that cheeky little grin and the way his eyes light up you can almost read his mind as he thinks about Pamela.

Personally i love these interviews with Kelly he is not only the greatest surfer to ever live, but he is a very clued on intelligent open ad honest guy, i got sit through an hour or two of him talking.

Ada gula, ada semut!

Rabbits68's picture
Rabbits68's picture
Rabbits68 commented Tuesday, 8 Aug 2017 at 6:45pm

I'm always interested to hear what KS has got to say. Pretty interesting/amazing life he's had so far. It's the little gems people (like him) say along the way that are worthy IMO but if our minds are closed we don't hear anything of note.

I saw a list of the Top 10 elite sports-people/athletes of all time the other day, not sure who put it together but was surprised KS didn't feature in there somewhere......

Crystal Clear

Finntim's picture
Finntim's picture
Finntim commented Tuesday, 8 Aug 2017 at 7:45pm

I'm currently reading the bio of MP and I cant help but wonder what he would say about all those topics and more if he was as articulate as KS. But then maybe all you need to do is re-watch his section in MOTE and have your mind re-blown......

Herc's picture
Herc's picture
Herc commented Tuesday, 8 Aug 2017 at 11:04pm

'I saw a list of the Top 10 elite sports-people/athletes of all time the other day, not sure who put it together but was surprised KS didn't feature in there somewhere......'

As awesome surfer as he is, he doesn't feature in any Top Athlete lists for very obvious reasons. Even the top 100. In his own country. Emotionally distraught, shattered, uneducated surfees the world over are infuriated, by this fact. Uneducated, emotionally distraught swillnuts go next level swillnutty over this fact. The level of highly trained, measurable, universally accepted markers of athleticism, that slats has had to contend with throughout his career, in his domination of surfees, is simply, bottom rung. And lower.

Then of course you have the big picture. The overall reach, effect, and story. For instance, Jessie Owens. Muhammed Ali.

Then this sort of thing.

'As a two-time Superbowl champion, Dion Sanders is more than just a winner and Dion's abilities were more than just football specific. He spent 14 seasons playing in the NFL while also playing most of nine seasons in Major League Baseball.'

Anyone remember Jarryd Hayne?

If it truly means so much to surfees to be ranked as, and accepted as world ranked, elite athletes, the solution is ridiculously simple. Enter events comparing and measuring pure, universally accepted markers of athleticism (not specific sporting skills, but pure athleticism). Like Lebron James etc do. Simply put it on the line. Beat them. The publicity would be absolutely immeasurable. Both ways though. A double edged sword. So, surfers don't for obvious reasons. I saw a thunderous world champ do it once, years ago. OM fucking G assumed never before imagined meanings. Utter devastation.

Break down a 25/30 minute heat. I've seen it done by experts. Who burst out laughing. Sitting is by miles the dominant activity. Sitting. The rest is barely measurable.

I've seen some ridiculously skilled, hard working buskers too.

Being smaller than most jockeys, and the women running the WSL doesn't help.

I didn't say this, but a world ranked elite scientist, and athletic trainer did, and highlighted it:

"Almost every surfer I've ever trained lacks adequate leg strength. They are literally weak in the part of the body that provides some serious propulsion. I think traditionally people have thought strength training meant getting injured or getting heavy, or getting slow, but there's no scientific evidence for any of that. Stronger people get fewer injuries because weak things break. That's just physics.

http://mobile.surfline.com/#!/surf-news/inside-australia-s-surf-training...

Them's the facts. Emotionally distraught, devastated swillnuts go next level swillnutty over facts. But, they have avoided those particular, reported facts like the plague.

goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 6:44am

LeBron James throws a ball through a ring. That doesn't measure athleticism does it?

inzider's picture
inzider's picture
inzider commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 8:04am

Someone had to say the A word didn't they
I was enjoying this read until the A word popped up and uplift got his A word notification email.
Then the inevitable happens
The thread has to get hijacked into a debate on big muscles and boring crap that has been bleated and repeated on through many a forum by herc/uplift.
Please uplift enough already. Your parameters for the A word are far to narrow.

indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 8:25am

Ha ha too true :D

Ada gula, ada semut!

Gary G's picture
Gary G's picture
Gary G commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 10:28am

As the swellnet comment forum's Elitest Athlete(TM), Gary is uniquely positioned to apply some insight to this discussion.

Whilst Gary doesn't spend much time perusing listicles, Gary would assume that most of these articles refer to 'greatest sportspeople' rather than greatest athlete as Herc suggests.

Gary assumes the 'reading-athlete-everywhere-you-look-and-getting-reeeeeel-mad-about-it-itis' is symptomatic of a condition where when one thinks you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Gary, being a man of nuance, would suggest KS's achievements are best looked at from the frame of the mythical sportsperson's success being a combination of athletic ability and competitive edge. KS turned his competitive edge into a winning run that spanned generations of the sport, and for that he rates a mention when you look at sportspeople with the magic touch. Whether he makes a 'top 10 listicle' or not, the man's achievements as a competitor cannot be denied.

How's that for insight. Herc probably thought Gary was only good for double entendres but instead Gary really gave him one.

I'm high on the hill, looking over the bridge,
To the Gary-G.
And way up on high, the wave I can see,
is a sweet facey

Rabbits68's picture
Rabbits68's picture
Rabbits68 commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 10:54am

Uppity, the reason I was surprised is because the list appeared to be in relation to the achievements of elite athletes in their chosen sport, Roger Federer, Ali & so on. KS achievements over a long period of time in his chosen sport are remarkable & unrivaled. The fact that you imply that pretty much anyone could become a KS given there is nothing elite about his performance & longevity I find quite bizzare. But hey, you know more about the world of elite-ness than I do no doubt.....

Crystal Clear

Herc's picture
Herc's picture
Herc commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 12:46pm

Things are getting hot and sweaty on the couch! Boiling potatoes!

'As awesome surfer as he is, he doesn't feature in any Top Athlete lists for very obvious reasons. Even the top 100. In his own country. Emotionally distraught, shattered, uneducated surfees the world over are infuriated, by this fact. Uneducated, emotionally distraught swillnuts go next level swillnutty over this fact. The level of highly trained, measurable, universally accepted markers of athleticism, that slats has had to contend with throughout his career, in his domination of surfees, is simply, bottom rung. And lower.'

'Athletes' is the term the WSL are attempting to sell.

And that rabs and co are struggling with, emotions shattered and frayed. Shocked to the core! On the couch!

'Uppity, the reason I was surprised is because the list appeared to be in relation to the achievements of elite athletes in their chosen sport'

Earlier on slats used to voice his bitter disappointment about being left out of those lists, about being denied that recognition and confirmation. It irked him so much, that he had a go at NFL players in one interview. Now that 'branding', 'niches', 'markets' are the be all and end all, he's much quieter about it. Obviously the WSL as a business, a 'brand', who's one aim is selling 'elite athletes', would be very concerned that their greatest 'elite athlete' ever, doesn't rate.

Again, avoid these reported and highlighted facts... even more than the past, if you must.

Highlighted facts from this elite guy, a world renown specialist in elite athleticism.

http://www.surfline.com/surf-news/words-with-head-coach-and-hurley-surfi...

'Dr. Sheppard has a PhD in Strength Sciences and a long list of accolades and experience. He's coached athletes and teams in the Olympics as well as the NRL, NFL, and AFL.'

'"Almost every surfer I've ever trained lacks adequate leg strength. They are literally weak in the part of the body that provides some serious propulsion. I think traditionally people have thought strength training meant getting injured or getting heavy, or getting slow, but there's no scientific evidence for any of that. Stronger people get fewer injuries because weak things break. That's just physics."'

Elite athletes wanted! Must lack adequate leg strength! Must be weak in the part of the body that provides some serious propulsion! Enquire within!

Sale! Elite athletes on sale! The greatest athletes that the world has ever seen! Bargain prices... never to be repeated prices.. again... and again... and again... and again...
NB: Disclosure: These worlds greatest athletes come lacking adequate leg strength and are weak in the part of the body that provides some serious propulsion.

Bizzare!

So, as reported and highlighted, 'the level of highly trained, measurable, universally accepted markers of athleticism, that slats has had to contend with throughout his career, in his domination of surfees, is simply, bottom rung. And lower.' 'Weak' and 'lacking'. Simple.

Now, lucky there's lots of room on that couch!
'Watch out yous corse I'm a scaffolder!'

'Duz anywun know what colour fins, I should use on my massive craft? And what way around they go and how many and afletic stuff like vat? Should I use them to swim to ulu's... and stuff?'

'Daddy told me i aren't allowed to do weights, corse I will get too massive muscals, but I just got a broke back... plus laird said I will always just be a chicken...'

'I went to indo way to late... again... and I'm dutch! And do you mean santa anna or kikuya kelly?'

'I slunk a sly boot inta real legend and charger Joel Fitz behind the play, but they seen me... stuey and zenny made me do it but!'

'Hey, this is my couch, and I am a longevity expert, with a long time fucked back... please don't mention knees and shoulders... how much could I get for that...'

Thankfully help is available. Just sit back on the couch and relax those frayed, shattered, next level swillnutted emotions. Don't hold back now swillnuts!

inzider's picture
inzider's picture
inzider commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 12:51pm

please dont feed the animals rabbit68, they are known to devour threads and then want more.
dont tease the beast, his supreme knowedge on all things A word is axiomatic.
One uplift/herc post involving the A word per thread is usually enough to last into the next century.

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 1:15pm

Uplift didn't even paddle his hurt mate around to the bay - he drove the car and met them on the beach. Then he claimed it in the great paddle thread . I'm surprised he didn't post a photo of Margo undertaking the Molokai challenge and claim it was himself .

Why should I believe him now ?

Because he's quoted some experts ?

But experts also said that too many eggs were bad and Lifty went all red in the face telling us not to believe them.

I guess it all comes down to who you believe : Slater - 11 time world champ, globally recognised as the best surfer ever , mastered 99 percent of the planets great waves , maybe the greatest athlete of all time and who says J Bay is one of the best waves in the world .

Or

Uplift - Works at a gym in a town of 300 people , led the Lincoln Limpets D grade team to a semi final finish in the Eyre Peninsula basketball league , built an identity around a single wave that he surfed ( poorly ) and reckons J Bay is a hoax.

Who to believe indeed ?

PS Nice sting in the tail Gary G .

You're top ten also.

Gary G's picture
Gary G's picture
Gary G commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 1:03pm

Gary loves it when people quote their own posts as supporting evidence for their arguments.

Gary also loves it when the people who quote their own posts realise that the inevitable forum ban must be just over the horizon, and pre-emptively create another forum character to take-over when the primary-character is cut off. This is a new tactic.

Incredible to watch the wheels fall off, over and over again.
Low intellectual weight, but high reps.

I'm high on the hill, looking over the bridge,
To the Gary-G.
And way up on high, the wave I can see,
is a sweet facey

Herc's picture
Herc's picture
Herc commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 1:07pm

Perhaps you should try putting it on loop next level ever fraying, every more swillnutted swillnuts?

'Hi, can you help me... I get these red mists and stuff, and I tried to murder a guy corse the waves woz bad, and I talk to cows and punch them and stuff... in the mist... plus I'm the best top 10 bullshitter ever... can you help me... and stuff... in the mist...'

https://www.swellnet.com/forums/wax/12736

inzider's picture
inzider's picture
inzider commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 1:23pm

Gary for prime minister!

fitzroy-21's picture
fitzroy-21's picture
fitzroy-21 commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 1:25pm

Pretty sure he is on his 3rd or 4th user name now...............

Gary G's picture
Gary G's picture
Gary G commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 1:30pm

Gary believes that there are two 'live' usernames in play at the moment, based on some common phrases between two forum accounts (and the name of the second account has a link to a common sledge which is surely only a post or two from reappearing)

Gary is always watching, even when you can't see him

I'm high on the hill, looking over the bridge,
To the Gary-G.
And way up on high, the wave I can see,
is a sweet facey

Craig's picture
Craig's picture
Craig commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 1:43pm

Ha Gary knows all.

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 1:46pm

For example ?

Craig's picture
Craig's picture
Craig commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 1:49pm

I wish I was Gary, not that witty.

Gary G's picture
Gary G's picture
Gary G commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 1:42pm

Thanks inzider, although Gary is more of a Governor General type.

I'm high on the hill, looking over the bridge,
To the Gary-G.
And way up on high, the wave I can see,
is a sweet facey

Herc's picture
Herc's picture
Herc commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 1:52pm

Out they come! frayed, hurt, destroyed to the core! Next level swillnutted!

'I don't do stuff because I'll just charge too hard, and I always just get younger? I dominated western vic, margs, NW WA, SA... but can you make me surf blax... again... when I'm even younger... please!'

'Can you put us on a fucking list... please!!!!!'

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 2:00pm

Is Herc getting ready to be expelled again ?

https://youtu.be/Feb5D3SCdew

inzider's picture
inzider's picture
inzider commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 2:26pm

See what happens when the A word is said. It really is not worth it is it

Rabbits68's picture
Rabbits68's picture
Rabbits68 commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 5:12pm

The problem is, that it purely comes down to a definition that appears pretty grey IMO.

So tell me Herc, Shane Dorian is a pretty good "surfee" I'm sure you would agree but according to the experts he's certainly not an elite athlete. How would Le-Bron James go with a 60ft hold down at Jaws I wonder? Both Dorian & James are required to be super fit. Different sports require different/specific, dare I say it "elite" body requirements for obvious reasons. But to be in top rung of these sports is not easily achieved by just anyone. Ayrton Senna was in the Top 10 of this list. Would he of required incredible leg strength? Wouldn't of thought so.

I just find it bizarre the distinction between what is & what isn't considered an "elite athlete". I'm not in denial of your presented facts, just curious......

Crystal Clear

lostdoggy's picture
lostdoggy's picture
lostdoggy commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 5:43pm

Did you just ask Herc to elaborate?

:shudder

inzider's picture
inzider's picture
inzider commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 6:30pm

Shudder and grimace
Brace yourselves
Prepare for a PHD thesis style and length rebuttle from ............
Tadaaah..... Hercumyth

indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 7:05pm

It's going to be a long post, but it will just be a combination of the two previous post cut and pasted with a video.

Ada gula, ada semut!

goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot's picture
goofyfoot commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 7:21pm

'Watch out yous corse I'm a scaffolder!'

'Duz anywun know what colour fins, I should use on my massive craft? And what way around they go and how many and afletic stuff like vat? Should I use them to swim to ulu's... and stuff?'

'Daddy told me i aren't allowed to do weights, corse I will get too massive muscals, but I just got a broke back... plus laird said I will always just be a chicken...'

'I went to indo way to late... again... and I'm dutch! And do you mean santa anna or kikuya kelly?'

'I slunk a sly boot inta real legend and charger Joel Fitz behind the play, but they seen me... stuey and zenny made me do it but!'

'Hey, this is my couch, and I am a longevity expert, with a long time fucked back... please don't mention knees and shoulders... how much could I get for that...'

This right here is some glorious shit

inzider's picture
inzider's picture
inzider commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 7:33pm

If Jim Henson were still alive I reckon we could persuade him to create the greatest Muppet of all time
"Herclift" , he could be in a skit with Beaker or perhaps one explaining to Miss Piggy why she needs to stop chasing chicken leg frogs
It's endless
Jim where are you

AndyM's picture
AndyM's picture
AndyM commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 9:06pm

"Low intellectual weight, but high reps"

Amasing! ;)

Mort's picture
Mort's picture
Mort commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 11:23pm

Cool

Mort's picture
Mort's picture
Mort commented Wednesday, 9 Aug 2017 at 10:36pm

Om, Buddha, Om, buddham om.

Herc's picture
Herc's picture
Herc commented Thursday, 10 Aug 2017 at 12:41am

'Ayrton Senna was in the Top 10 of this list. Would he of required incredible leg strength? Wouldn't of thought so.'

Seriously rabsless, that's just so blatantly ignorant. Anyone who has a genuine fitness background, or interest knows the exact opposite to be true. Formula one drivers were training like athletes, including weight training, years and years ago.

'F1 drivers do so many different exercises in the gym... but it’s basically a lot of strength stuff, a lot of power stuff and a lot of long endurance sessions.'

' "The pedals in F1 cars are quite stiff, they're not easy like a road car, and the braking power is generated through the entire leg."

'Kovalainen builds up his leg strength by holding up 90kg weights on a press machine with his legs and then quickly releasing and returning either the left or right foot depending on Polcari's command.

"I can't let the weights fall," explains Kovalainen. "I'm pushing and holding and combining reaction with strength."'

They deal with ridiculous, extreme all round forces. Especially when applying the brakes. Glute, leg and calf strength are imperative. Seriously rabs, be brighter than that. At least do some basic investigation. Pull your finger out, unless you are just blathering typical swillnut double decker blowie drivvle.

All elite athletes understand where power is generated. Except surfers who are expertly rated as 'weak' and 'lacking' in the area. Money talks. Money that the WSL hasn't a clue about. Training is ridiculously expensive. It is bankrolled because, gee, duh?

'Hay, eye knowed whye! Itz corse itz juzzt are wayste orv munny aye!!!!???

Again, dullards keep confusing accepted measures of athleticism, with specific sporting skills. Of course they would, because they haven't a clue what they are double decker blowie swillnut blathering about. Testing accepted markers of athleticism is used to see which are the best pure athletes. Lebron James does extremely well. Slater would be destroyed. Simple. Or, enter, simple. Of course its too risky. As the rankings show, and pro surfing history show, pro surfing is already regarded lowly. Anymore similar publicity would be a death sentence.

Any sporting business, or market, trying to create the perception of elite athleticism would be extremely concerned that no one is buying it. That its best ever doesn't rate at all. Because its all about money. The money the WSL has always begged for.

Dorian? Big wave surfing?

Wake the fuck up rabs. Pull your finger out, unless you are just blathering typical swillnut double decker blowie drivvle.

'He focussed on machines B6,
B1, B7 and J1 to rehabilitation his knee
as well as A1, A3, F1, F2 and F3 to
strengthen his core and gluteals'

'At 49 years old my only regret is not starting
Kieser 20 years ago.'

http://www.kieser.com.au/media/4345402/Ross-Testimonial.pdf

Shit did he say glutes? Oh oh, don't worry swillnuts! Let it all out!

indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming's picture
indo-dreaming commented Thursday, 10 Aug 2017 at 8:33am

I win :D

"It's going to be a long post, but it will just be a combination of the two previous post cut and pasted with a video."

Ada gula, ada semut!

derra83's picture
derra83's picture
derra83 commented Thursday, 10 Aug 2017 at 11:27am

We need you back on the radio Uplift.

Herc's picture
Herc's picture
Herc commented Thursday, 10 Aug 2017 at 11:44am

Haha, wasn't that fucking epic. I had 'legends' on their hands and knees begging and pleading for mercy. The radio station used to tell me how the 'legends' would call in and beg them to to let them see what I was going to say. The girls loved it. Oh the sheer joy. There is a God.

Jelly Flater's picture
Jelly Flater's picture
Jelly Flater commented Thursday, 10 Aug 2017 at 12:08pm

Wahaha!
I, I, I... There isn't a couch big enough for you herc! What was may have been, what is... welll that is a different story;) Pretty sure no one wants to hear what you gotta say herc! Certainly nobody interviewing you for your point of view that's for sure... There is a god and it's not you ;);)

Herc's picture
Herc's picture
Herc commented Thursday, 10 Aug 2017 at 12:18pm

Haha, deluxe! I knew that you were one of those radio report topics deflatered. Useless!!! Here, this might help you get over it, away ya go... please go on deflates!!! HAHAHAAAAAAAAAARRR!!

Jelly Flater's picture
Jelly Flater's picture
Jelly Flater commented Thursday, 10 Aug 2017 at 12:37pm

Yes, take that bait and run! It goes from 'I' to 'I knew'... How much you aren't and how much you don't know - other than being a keyboard warrior of course! How brave;) Spare us the vids... As it says in the classics 'some haemorrhoids just won't go away. They are referred to as hercs!'

Rabbits68's picture
Rabbits68's picture
Rabbits68 commented Thursday, 10 Aug 2017 at 5:02pm

Thanks for going easy on me Herc. Please excuse my ignorance in this subject matter. I do feel educated having read your posts. They also make me laugh out loud sometimes.

Poor ol "surfees". So much to learn....

Crystal Clear

Herc's picture
Herc's picture
Herc commented Thursday, 10 Aug 2017 at 7:29pm

Please, for slattsey's sake, flattened, rabs and blathering, drivvling swillnuts, stop focusing your lives on me. I just presented facts. Listless slats has more than enough issues for the couch, without thinking that I am more exciting than his vid. And with you lot and all of your swillnutty issues hogging his couch, he's being left out completely.

lukas's picture
lukas's picture
lukas commented Thursday, 10 Aug 2017 at 8:40pm

blah blah blah,...holly shit..... who are you people ????? respect dick heads !!!! Kelly will always surf ring's around you type's.

hynz

Herc's picture
Herc's picture
Herc commented Thursday, 10 Aug 2017 at 10:09pm

rabs started it... again, another sly boot. Behind the couch.

Rabbits68's picture
Rabbits68's picture
Rabbits68 commented Thursday, 10 Aug 2017 at 11:00pm

"Please, for slattsey's sake, flattened, rabs and blathering, drivvling swillnuts, stop focusing your lives on me. I just presented facts."

"rabs started it....again, another sly boot. Behind the couch."

You got "feelings" all of sudden Uplift? When you write such informative, accurate & captivating posts ,surely your not surprised the focus is on you? I mean, "elite athletics" is your domain isn't it? Or is it just a passionate hobby?

No sly boot here. Genuinely ignorant maybe, but even your better than that aren't you??

Again, thanks for the facts.....

Crystal Clear

PCS PeterPan's picture
PCS PeterPan's picture
PCS PeterPan commented Friday, 11 Aug 2017 at 1:38pm

This has been fun to read , but I feel I have to instill one other possible perspective.
First off , I was once a "Slater Hater" , but by the time he got to about title number 5 , I began to realise this guy was on another level.
To have ushered in the "new school" , raised the level of professionalism and helped get some level of respectability for us surfers almost seamlessly is some achievement.
As for being on some list of Top Ten Athletes , who cares. I certainly don't . Major global corporations have tried to invent new land/snow or water based sports to challenge the
hook surfing has and failed . The old saying "ONLY A SURFER KNOWS THE FEELING" .
Wanna watch KS and the boys rip up some perfect waves or Lebron James shoot hoops ?
C'mon...

Herc's picture
Herc's picture
Herc commented Friday, 11 Aug 2017 at 3:42pm

Sounds good in theory PP, but its not going to pay the WSL's bills, Sophie Goldschmidt's bills and slattsey's bills. That's why they hired the gun for hire.

I love surfing, more than basketball, and I love basketball. I moved to the desert to surf rather than play basketball. But I'd watch Lebron James, or any NBA game over any WSL event. I've seen experts break down the action in both. It is a part of elite sports now, to scrutinize every detail, and develop training. Breaking down surfing was comical. And considered comical. Sitting is the huge, major component. The actual surfing is minuscule. The paddling now also. Even the keenest surfers I know can't stand it. The relentless sitting. Then mostly pure luck. That is what pro surfing has never been able to address.

I took some NBL players to watch some good surfing heats. Australia's best in their prime. They thought it was boring as shit. Little runts doing fuck all. Freezing cold. No action. I can understand their thinking. Some of them visited me in the desert, and though that I was crazy. As much as I love surfing, it is deluded, narrow minded to think that other people don't feel exactly the same about their love and passion.

The thing is, the WSL and slattsey want to be taken seriously as 'elite athletes' by a market that they are trying to woo. That puts them against very stiff opposition. Into a world they have no idea about. I mentioned scrutiny. A world where every minuscule detail means money. Massive pressure on all 'athletes', all coaches, all managers, all staff. To perform and make money for other ruthless people. A world where everything and everyone is just a dispensable, unbelievably scrutinized commodity. A world where heads roll regularly. Where the press want controversy and action. I don't think its what surfers want. But, if they want the same pay cheques and recognition as those other elite athletes, then that's part of the price. Those lists mean something there too, in that world. Pure, elite athleticism is measurable, and highly valued in the market. Its not a guarantee, but combined with the right mindset, its an invincible combination. As another expert pointed out, 'weak things break'. Down time is losing money. Broken is losing money. In more ways than one. Image. All elite athletes are trying to break their opponents. Their sports allow that to happen. Against others who measure up to elite levels. Present WSL surfing is just too much sitting, and too much sheer luck, with too poor overall opposition. So, no list for slats, as much as he would love it. That means dollars. The dollars soph wants.

Or, no surely not, no, surely... really?

zenagain's picture
zenagain's picture
zenagain commented Friday, 11 Aug 2017 at 3:54pm

Hard to argue with that.

Ignorance is Zen

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin commented Friday, 11 Aug 2017 at 4:09pm

Do you even surf , Herc ?

Every surfer sits and waits for sets. Short of a wavepool that will never change . No matter how many squats you'd have them do.

Surfing will never be in competition with basketball . Why the fuck would it ?

Do you like footy OR cricket ?

Is it a choice between following darts OR formula 1 ?

Of course not.

It's just a silly excuse for a person with a one track mind to bring the conversation to his OCD wet dream.

Surfing and surfers rule . Don't like it ? Don't fucken watch .

PS - You think your elite athletes never get hurt ?

Slater ruled Teahopu with a broken foot. Basket ballers break a nail and they're sidelined.....boring and weak.

Herc's picture
Herc's picture
Herc commented Friday, 11 Aug 2017 at 4:27pm

I knew it. The little double decker blowie drivvler! Top 10 bullshit artist, Top 5 blax dodger!! Surely no one thinks that volcom/slattsey made the vid because he loves you so much and wants to be your buddy? The little swillnutting double decker blowie drivvler does... his dream... in the mist...
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

Bloody surfees, ya gotta laugh!
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

You've said nothing again little double decker blowie drivvler! Top 10 bullshit artist, Top 5 blax dodger!!. Stick to what you are experienced in... besides red mist bullshitting. Nothing.

No lists, no money for the WSL. Again.Just a worthless little double decker blowie drivvler! Top 10 bullshit artist, Top 5 blax dodger!!The beat goes on.

inzider's picture
inzider's picture
inzider commented Friday, 11 Aug 2017 at 4:52pm

Oh dear
It has descended to where we knew it would.
Seriously though upclit you miss some pretty valid points and then loose the plot, recurring theme on this site.
Yes pro surfing comps can be boring as bat shit. The cookie cutter image the wsl is promoting is lame and only really appeals to a small demographic.
Watch these athletes upclit.
www.thrashermagazine.com/articles/videos/rumble-in-ramona-5-video/

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin commented Friday, 11 Aug 2017 at 5:05pm

May as well come full circle.

Eh , Herc ?

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x908u

Herc's picture
Herc's picture
Herc commented Friday, 11 Aug 2017 at 7:36pm

Seriously inzless, you bristlin' lil' scaffolde, you, even though the little double decker blowie drivvler said nothing, you actually manage to say even less, then agree with me? Then post totally irrelevant skating footage. I've trained plenty of scaffolders and FIFO workers inzless, rehabbed plenty too, you bristlin' lil' bad boy scaffolder, but they don't drivvle bullshit like you.

If you and the little double decker blowie drivvler are its financing plan, fucking hilarious, its looking grim for the WSL, and soph and her boy. No lists, no cash. Just a couple of nothings, bringing nothing.

I like watching good skating though. But I'd rather look at this surfing.

And this.

Blowin's picture
Blowin's picture
Blowin commented Friday, 11 Aug 2017 at 8:13pm

Those two surfing vids were off tap.

Slater ruling . How good are bowly waves ?

And JOB at Pipe was just crazy. I've never been there and this sounds obvious but Pipe looks HARD. Not always , sometimes it looks like an airbrushed dream . But basically every wave that JOB caught wasn't just big and throwing , they also looked shifty and technical .

I surfed a shifty , technical , throwing left today at only 4-5 ft and it was way harder than a perfect reef set up at 6-8 ft.

Full props to both surfers.

The whole surf vids filmed in crowds deal is a bit crook though.

And that is the first time I've ever actually watched basketball . Talent of the man is undeniable .

But indoor team sports involving a ball ? I'd rather unblock a toilet than endure that shit.

Billyw's picture
Billyw's picture
Billyw commented Friday, 11 Aug 2017 at 9:15pm

Love the booger that burns KS and gives the arm pump to go with it. Universally adored?

B Dub

inzider's picture
inzider's picture
inzider commented Saturday, 12 Aug 2017 at 11:35am

Upclit
Never ceases to amaze me how you know everything about everyone who contributes to these forums
You are a complete git.
You write people off who you know absolutely nothing about (I have been guilty of this too but am trying hard to not be another keyboard wanker)
Your superiority complex is concerning.
Get a grip and stop repeating yourself, is Alzheimer's setting in.
Maybe you should stop rehabing people and rehab yourself a new personality.

Herc's picture
Herc's picture
Herc commented Saturday, 12 Aug 2017 at 1:05pm

Nothing. Again. Always inzless. You obviously aren't trying hard enough. But you lack the ability to try harder. Live with your guilt. Accept it, flow with it. Love it. Its all you've got.

Meanwhile, the other, 'real' 'secret' is out in Tahiti. Nothing. Again. And again. And again... and again... and... (did I say again)

inzider's picture
inzider's picture
inzider commented Saturday, 12 Aug 2017 at 3:32pm

Upclit/Herc.Pretty sure you are one of the most self righteous pillocks I've ever come across on the internet.
Your intelligence in debate is sad bordering on pathetic. Do us a favour and fill your wettie with burly next time you paddle out.

Herc's picture
Herc's picture
Herc commented Saturday, 12 Aug 2017 at 5:18pm

Stop being such a thick headed downer inzless, you bristlin' bad boy scaffolder you! Again, try to try harder at as you highlight, making your fresh start at not being such a wanker.